Kyan adjusted the mixer to warm. Little point in freezing his stones. The cold water hadn’t made his erection any easier to bear.
In truth, he knew why those three little words would have to be torn from his throat. Because secretly, in his innermost heart of hearts, Kyan did not believe he was worthy of being loved. His handsome face, his superbly honed physique, his physical prowess—they meant nothing. He hid behind them, used them to his advantage, and despised himself for doing so… just as he despised those who were taken in by such superficial qualities. What was inside a person mattered. And inside, he felt ugly, sullied.
He always had.
His first memory as a child was his mother’s shame that her son had been mistaken for a girl. She had dragged him to their tent, held him down, and shorn his hair with the sharp blade his father used to shave his face. That hadn’t been the worst of it. She’d then shaved Kyan’s head, and she hadn’t been gentle or careful about it. She’d cut him. The blood had run into his eyes. He’d swiped his hands across his face, seen the blood on his skin, and believed himself mortally wounded. Unsurprisingly, he’d began to howl with terror and fear.
“Be silent!” she told him, her fury so great that she’d sprayed spittle into his face. “I will scar your face and rub ashes into the wounds. Then no one think you pretty enough to mistake you for a girl. You will thank me for this one day.”
Only the fortunate timing of his father’s return had saved Kyan from that particular fate.
“Any scars the boy bears will be earned in skirmishes and battle!” his father had roared—after disarming his mate, of course. He knew how lethal she could be with a blade.
Kyan’s mother eschewed any form of weakness. She used her beauty and her sly intelligence to get her way, and then sneered at those she’d manipulated. She despised her mate for giving in to her demands, provoked him until he lost his temper, and then, only then would she find him worthy of her intimate attentions. She stayed with him because she knew he was enthralled by her fierce beauty, and because, in her way, she loved him.
Not so, her son. What little love she was capable of giving to another human being was lavished on her mate. She despised her son for being pale and sickly. For being clumsy and un-athletic. For his face that was too fine-featured for a male—even if he did strongly resemble her in looks. She belittled him and slapped him down until he cringed whenever she glanced his way. And that only made her despise him more.
Kyan had learned to use his face and body and silver-tongued charm to cajole women into giving him what he wanted. But getting what he wanted didn’t guarantee happiness. He often wished he’d been born an ordinary male—nothing special—a man who didn’t set female hearts aflutter. Life would have been far easier if his peers had not continually prejudged him on his looks alone. And he did not believe Ruby would be so reluctant to embark on a deeper, more meaningful relationship, if he had been ordinary. She would not feel so threatened by him. She might see him for what he truly was—a man who believed himself in love with her but was too afraid of rejection to tell her three simple words to her face.
“I love you.” That would be all he needed to say to prove to Ruby that she was not a means to an end, a woman he’d settled for because he had no choice in the matter. Three little words that would change everything… and yet, he could not bring himself to utter them.
He wanted her to bare her soul to him because he believed—hoped—that if he could hear those words on her lips, gaze into her eyes and know she told the truth, he would find the courage to tell her that he loved her. Then, and only then, they would finalize the bond and be ready to face the Crystal Guardian’s Test.
And once the Guardian had thrown his worst at them and they had prevailed, Kyan would show Ruby just how much she meant to him. He would get down on his knees beg her to be his forever. And pray that she did not reject him.
Begging a woman to stay with him, to love him?
Giving a woman that degree of power over his future happiness?
This is what Garnet Ruby Roberts had reduced him to.
To borrow one of Mike’s favorite sayings: He was screwed.
~~~
Chapter Fifteen
Ruby perched on a spindly-legged, indescribably uncomfortable excuse for a chair and sipped her chardonnay. God. Right now she craved a lovely drunken state of semi-oblivion. Unfortunately, drunkenness wasn’t an option because she was the designated driver. She’d figured it would hardly be fair to insist Mike limit what he drank on his last night in Auckland. Plus, she was watching what she spent because she’d offered to pay for Mike and Kyan’s meal and drinks. It was the very least she could do after the money her brother had spent buying Kyan clothes. And a freaking bike.
Speaking of Kyan and money, she might have to find him a part-time job so he could help out with expenses. Yeah. That would be interesting.
The evening was warm and a little too humid for comfort. They’d opted to sit outside in the pub’s courtyard. She wished the heavens would suddenly open and teem with rain. Thunder and lightning would be a bonus. Or perhaps hail.
Then they could all go home.
Then she wouldn’t have to watch Caroline’s immaculately lipsticked mouth performing oral sex on her cocktail garnish. Or her beautifully buffed French-tipped talons brushing up and down Kyan’s arm. And his thigh. In fact, any part of his anatomy she could reach.
Ruby also wished Caroline would shut the fuck up so she wouldn’t have to listen to her oh-so-terribly-witty tales of her exploits with men.
It was a mystery to Ruby that instead of Caroline coming across like a total slapper, her dating stories only appeared to make her audience-of-one more sympathetic to her current man-less plight. Poor Caroline, so wronged by men who continually got the “wrong impression”. Poor Caroline, who was only looking for the right man to settle down with. Or a no-strings-attached fuck with the wrong man. Take your pick.
Ruby hid a yawn at yet another of Caroline’s “funny” little stories. As she watched Caroline beneath her lashes, she mulled Caroline’s back-handed compliment. She’d made such a fuss about Ruby’s outfit, then ended by marveling that it could be, “Sooo flattering. Considering.”
Ruby had always thought of Caroline as a friend—not a particularly close one, but a friend all the same. But what sort of a friend took such great delight in putting others down? Like the time they went shopping and Ruby had worn jeans, and Caroline had loudly proclaimed, “I’d love to be able to wear jeans like you do, Ruby. If only they didn’t make my bum look so big.” This from a woman with a practically non-existent bum. Of course Ruby became totally self-conscious, imagining her bum imitating the rear end of a bus, and passersby snickering and wondering how on earth a woman like her had found a brand of jeans with sizes big enough to fit her.
Why had she ever believed Caroline was her friend? Was she completely brain dead? Or merely so desperate for friends she’d completely overlooked the sad fact that Caroline made herself feel good by putting Ruby down. Not only that, but if all her stories about her past experiences with men were the least bit true, she really was a slut. Or at least extremely promiscuous. Either way, it wasn’t something to boast about.
Alex and Mike were no help. They fed their faces with beer-battered fish and chunky chips, and ignored Caroline wherever possible. If a response was demanded, they muttered some platitude to keep the conversation rolling and went back to their beers.
At least Jules had forgiven her for inviting Caroline along. Unfortunately, forgiveness didn’t extend to Jules slapping Caroline down a few rungs for Ruby’s entertainment.
Jules, replete with squid rings and a large helping of potato wedges, seemed content to sit back and roll her eyes as Caroline continued with the most blatant come-ons Ruby had ever had the misfortune to witness.
It was all Ruby’s own fault, of course. She should have laid public claim to Kyan instead of insisting they were old school friends. Now she’d backe
d herself into a corner, while Ms Stick Insect With No Soul made a play for her guy.
Caroline made cow eyes at Ruby’s guy while she toyed with her cocktail glass in a suggestive manner. Worse, Kyan seemed enraptured by Caroline—especially the aforementioned oral foreplay with the skewered fruit hanging off the side of her cocktail. The atmosphere about them snapped with sexual attraction
What was it Caroline was drinking again? Oh yeah. A Slutty Temple. How appropriate. It was enough to make Ruby want to puke.
Definitely time to stop drinking. Besides, her wine hadn’t tasted that great. Perhaps the bottle was corked.
“I’m okay to drive if you want another one, Rubes.” Mike broke off his “discussion” with Alex about whether the Aussies would give the Kiwis yet another drubbing in the cricket. Alex was a staunch Black Caps supporter. He had faith they’d win the test match regardless of how badly they’d performed lately.
“Nah. I’m right, thanks. Tomorrow may be a rest day but I don’t want to be nursing a hangover.”
“How’s your training going, Rubes?” Alex asked. “From what Jules tells me you’ve set yourself a pretty rigorous routine. I’m surprised you’re still upright.”
“Funny you should say that, ’cause first thing in the morning I’m in flaming agony.” She rolled her eyes and gave a mock laugh. “Have to crawl out of bed and pull myself up on the door handle and sorta hang out until I can convince my muscles and ligaments to let my heels touch the ground.”
“Ouch!” Alex winced in sympathy. “Bet that’s a sight for sore eyes.”
“It certainly is,” Kyan said, cutting Caroline off mid-compliment. He reached across the table to squeeze Ruby’s hand. “But even though she is in considerable pain, it does not stop her from continuing her punishing training regimen. She is very determined, my Ruby.”
“And isn’t it sooo nice of you to get up early and drag Ruby out of bed each morning.” Caroline all but purred the words. “You’re such a sweetie, Kyan. I’m sure she’d never be able to stick to an early morning routine on her own without you to encourage her.”
Ruby buried her nose in her empty wine glass. “Would be a damn sight easier to get up early if Kyan’s raging hard-ons didn’t keep me awake.” Ooops. She hadn’t meant to say that aloud. Maybe no one had heard. Maybe. Please?
When she couldn’t wring another drop from her glass, she glanced up.
Alex and Jules tore their gazes from Kyan’s face and gave her twin knowing looks. Jules even gave her a thumbs up. And Mike was unsuccessfully attempting to smother a grin.
Crap. She dared a glance at Caroline. And got the distinct impression that if Caroline had been a cat, she’d be coughing up a fur ball right about now.
Caroline’s gaze dropped to Kyan’s hand, still resting on Ruby’s—a gesture that spoke of intimacy. Her nostrils flared, scenting a victim to be belittled. Ruby hunched in her chair. Wait for it—
“You naughty girl, Ruby!” Caroline’s laughter was sharp as broken glass. “You should have told me you and Kyan were that sort of friends.”
“Huh? What sort of friends do you mean?” Too late, Ruby caught Jules shaking her head, warning her not to fall into the trap.
“Comfy-fuckers.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh you know what I mean. Friends who indulge in comfy-fucks because one of them feels sorry for the other one. It’s so sweet of Kyan to indulge you. And I’m sure you’re so very grateful since it’s been so dreadfully long since you’ve had a boyfriend. Isn’t it?”
Ruby felt the heat that flushed her cheeks crawling down her neck. She tried to pull her hand from Kyan’s grasp but he refused to release it.
“Christ Almighty, Caroline.” Jules stared at Caroline like she was something Jules had scraped off her shoe. “You really are a nasty bitch. I don’t know why Ruby puts up with you.”
“That’s a bit harsh, Jules. I’m merely telling the truth. Kyan can have his pick of girls, so why else would someone like him be interested in someone like… Ruby?”
“Let’s go home.” Mike stood so abruptly he rocked the table .
“Alex and I have had enough, too. Haven’t we, babe?” Jules grabbed her purse from under her chair and stood.
“Sure have,” Alex agreed. “Caroline, thank you for living down to my extremely low expectations of you. I’d like to say it’s been a pleasure but I’d be lying.”
Ruby stood, awkwardly, since Kyan still refused to relinquish her hand. “Uh. Yeah. I think it’s time to call it a night.” Before she bitch-slapped Caroline into orbit.
Caroline latched on to Kyan’s arm. “You don’t need to rush off, do you? I can drive you home.”
Ruby stared down at him. “Stay with Caroline if you want, Kyan. It’s up to you.”
Caroline leaned over to whisper something in his ear. It didn’t seem have the effect she’d hoped, for she sat back, pouting.
“You are wrong, my Ruby. It is up to you. It always has been.”
Under any other circumstance, Ruby would have been thrilled to itty bitty pieces that Kyan’s attention was wholly directed toward her. And if she hadn’t been certain the bonding process was as yet incomplete, she’d might have believed this evening’s debacle was the Testing come early.
Jules and Alex shifted uneasily in their chairs, aware that something big was going down but not sure what the deal was. Mike cleared his throat as if willing Ruby to say the right thing, do the right thing. But what the hell was the right thing? What was right for Kyan, wasn’t necessarily right thing for her.
Or was it?
She didn’t know.
“I— I—” A huge lump formed in her throat. Her chest felt so tight and achy it was a struggle to catch her breath. So she stood there, paralyzed with indecision, gasping like landed fish.
Her gaze flicked to Caroline.
Caroline met her gaze with a triumphant smirk.
Ruby’s stomach plummeted to her toes. Here she was, publicly embarrassing herself over a man. Again. She couldn’t compete with someone like Caroline. She couldn’t hold onto a man like Kyan. She was a fool to even try.
She yanked her hand from Kyan’s grip and fled.
Her heart pounded in her ears as she ran. And even though she knew she should stop running, go back and confess the truth to Kyan, her fears prodded her onward.
She was a coward. If he stayed with Caroline tonight it’d be her own fault. Because if she couldn’t bring herself to tell Kyan how she truly felt about him, how would he ever figure out how he truly felt about her?
The despair that engulfed her was like a body blow—so painful that she couldn’t cry because the tears choked off before they could form. Just like all those important things she wanted—needed—to say to Kyan choked off before she could voice them.
She stumbled across the road to her car, then realized she’d left her purse—and her car keys—back at the pub. Shit. Shit. Shit!
She swiveled mid-step, caught the heel of her sandal in a pothole, and fell to her already grazed hands and knees. The pain was excruciating. But it was physical pain, and that she could deal with. Unlike the anguish of knowing she’d screwed up, and ruined everything.
If Kyan slept with Caroline, she wouldn’t blame him, but she’d never forgive him. Or herself, for not fighting to keep him.
She heard someone call her name. She glanced up, squinting in the headlights of an oncoming car that had just rounded the corner.
“Ruby!”
Mike’s voice. He sounded panicked. Silly. Nothing to worry about. Of course the driver of the car barreling toward her had seen her. No way was his car going to hit her.
Oh. Shit….
~~~
Chapter Sixteen
Ruby’s throat felt desert-dry and scratchy. It didn’t seem to be working properly because she couldn’t speak. She worked up enough saliva to swallow. Ugh. Bad move. Tasted like something nasty had crawled into her mouth and died.
She tried to p
ry open her eyelids but they were glued shut. Gawd. Must have been one helluva night. And she must have gone to sleep on her left arm, because it just didn’t want to do what she was telling it to do. She tried her right arm, managed to get it up to her face and rub her eyelids until at last she could blink.
She stifled a gasp as the figure looming over her swam into focus.
Mike. Her pulse-rate calmed.
“Hey, sis.” Mike looked rough—really rough. His eyes sported dark rings and bags he could cart a kitchen sink round in.
“You look like something the cat dragged in,” she croaked. Speaking was another bad move because it made her cough—dry hacking coughs that knifed her chest and built up pressure in her skull until she thought her head might explode. She closed her eyes, willing the coughing to cease.
Mike muttered something about getting someone.
“Sorry, what?” She opened her eyes again to squint at him.
“Here.” He did something out of her line of sight. The back of her bed began to rise.
Clue number one. However cool it might seem, a bed that raises its back at the flick of a switch is not normal.
Then he handed her a cup with a straw in it, which she had to grasp with her right hand because her preferred left hand was encumbered by a bunch of tubes and stuff.
Clue number two. Tubes and stuff dangling from one’s arm is definitely not normal. Or pleasant. The instant she noticed all the tubes, her arm started to ache and throb like it’d been fed through a wringer.
She sipped her water, sighing as it soothed her raw throat.
And then, when the door to her room opened and a nurse entered the room, clue number three smacked her upside the head.
She opened her mouth to ask what the hell had happened to land her in a hospital bed, but the nurse was too quick, and stuck the thermometer into her already opened mouth. After a minute or so, she removed the thermometer and noted the temperature on Ruby’s chart.
The Crystal Warriors Series Bundle Page 50
