by Webb, Carole
She heard her father’s voice out her bedroom window drifting from the front porch. “Come out and join us, Chris. Finish your cigar. Don’t worry, son.” She visualized her father putting an arm around his shoulder. “Once she is married, she’ll settle down. I am sure she just has a lot to consider and we both know she can be temperamental at times. It’s a big adjustment.” She knew her father really did like Christopher and considered him almost as a son and she never liked disappointing him. “Sit down and tell me about the house you purchased. I understand it is the Hanford estate.”
Overhearing her father’s gentle words, tears began to sting her eyes while she felt her cheeks burn. A knock on the door brought her upright and hearing her brother’s voice at the door, she cringed.
Seeing Tom when the door slowly opened, she hid her face in the pillow, hearing his muffled footsteps over the thick Persian carpet as he neared the bed.
“What’s the matter, Rae?” He knelt by her bed and stroked her hair gently. “Tell me what’s wrong.” He had always been a kind brother, protective when she allowed.
Wiping her eyes on the kerchief he offered, she sat to face him. Her face felt swollen and hot from sobbing out of control. Tom reached for her and she went into his arms for comfort and solace. He had always been there for her.
Tears rolled slowly down her warm cheeks. “Oh, Tom, I don’t know what’s happening to me. I just feel empty inside”
“Well, it’s understandable, Rae. You will be leaving the family and I’m sure you will miss them. I had a little adjusting to do myself. However, you will have your own family now and you’ll be happy. It’s the way things should be, you know.” He released her and peered into her watery eyes.
“You’re probably right. I just feel like something is missing, something vital. Do you understand what I mean?” She dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief as she spoke.
“Not exactly.” He drew away with a frown. “Tell me, do you love Chris?”
“Well...I think I do. He is really a good man and will be a great provider for his family. Oh, I don’t know, maybe I’m just crazy.” Her hands formed small fists and she dropped them into her lap.
“I don’t know, sweetheart.” A look of concern crossed his face. “If you don’t feel like you love him as a wife should then maybe you should reconsider.”
“Oh, God, Tom, I could not embarrass the family, and Christopher would never forgive me. I’m going through with this. I made a promise.” She stood and began pacing, wringing the handkerchief in her hands while he continued to stare directly at her.
“Of course, it’s up to you. Nevertheless, you know I will love you no matter what happens. I certainly don’t want to see you unhappy for the rest of your life.” He stood to leave and she rose to give him a hug.
“Thanks, Thomas. I just needed someone to talk with. I feel much better now, really.” Hoping she hid her ambivalence, they walked arm in arm to her door.
“Okay, I’ll see you soon and dressed in my finest.” His smile warmed her and she watched him walk down the hall toward the staircase.
On tiptoes, she crept to the end of the hall to listen to the conversation below. “Raeden is fine. She just needs some sleep. Maybe it would be best to leave her alone until morning. I’m sure she will feel better tomorrow.”
Grateful Tom had postponed any further confrontations, she listened quietly while they discussed her. She heard Tom’s voice while he talked to Margaret. “I think Raeden has a problem with this marriage,” he confided as he assisted her through the doorway. “I sure hope she’s not making a mistake.”
When footsteps echoed across the floor below, she hurried to her room and quietly closed the door.
She began to feel faint and breath came short. Her room felt stifling. Discarding her clothing, she pulled on a loose-fitting, blue silk nightgown. It would be a long night. With all this on her mind, how could she possibly sleep? A full moon shown brightly through her window, a round silver orb casting shadows around the room, giving her a sense of warmth as she sank into the softness of her thick featherbed. The sounds of cicadas in the trees outside her window temporarily relieved her mind of the emerging dilemma. It did not take long however, for the thoughts to reemerge and she cried herself to sleep.
Two
The next morning she awoke early, climbed out of bed and noticed a puffy complexion staring at her from the reflection in the vanity mirror. She observed the dark circles under her eyes and a thick mass of curls rumpled from the restless night. “What a sorry bride you will make.” Bride, what a joke. I look more like a corpse.
Diane called her name as she rapped on her bedroom door and swept inside after Raeden invited her to enter. A lovely woman in her forties, she still had the figure of a young girl with long blonde hair and eyes the color of sapphires. When she entered, elegance and self-assurance showed in her confident walk and to Raeden’s surprise, her riding outfit consisted of a plaid flannel shirt tucked in boys riding beeches and black riding boots. She had pulled her flaxen hair back in a ribbon and held a hat in her hands. A radiant smile showed straight white teeth.
Her youthful stride carried her across the room. “I thought I would see about the ride you promised.”
At the reminder of the morning ride, a smile spread across her lips. She hurried to get dressed and brushed her hair.
Diane peered at the dark circles under her eyes. “You look like you had a restive night.”
“Yes, you could say so.” She reached for a dress from her armoire, restlessness building up inside.
“I think I had too much to drink last night. I guess I made quite a fool of myself.”
A look of compassion crossed Diane’s face. “Well, maybe a little. Perhaps we can talk about it, if you feel it will help.”
Raeden slipped behind the triple-fold white wooden screen placed around the bathtub beside the fireplace. While donning her summer dress, she said. “That would be nice. I wanted to discuss something with you. I have my riding clothes in the barn. It upsets mother when I wear breeches. I like to ride the same way.”
“Well, where I live this is the only way to ride.” Diane’s mouth curved in an impish grin.
Raeden brushed her hands down the folds of her lavender day dress and walked toward the basin atop a washstand next to her chest of drawers.
Raeden cleaned her teeth, splashed some water over her face and brushed out her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders. She tied her hair at the base of her neck with a ribbon and proceeded out of the room with energetic strides.
“I had the groom saddle our horses, so we will be able to leave right away.”
“Great. Let’s get out of here.” They bolted to the front door like children on Christmas mornings, lifting her spirits, and Raeden began to feel an urge to laugh aloud.
As they sprinted to the stable, Raeden glanced at the blue sky, and a warm breeze caressed her face. Brilliant red birds raced through the trees. What a perfect morning for a ride.
When the two women entered the stable, Raeden moved to the trunk and pulled out her riding garb then dressed in the tack room, elation glowing in the pit of her stomach when she re-entered and stood next to her aunt. Diane smiled her approval and winked at Raeden. They walked outside to mount their rides.
Feeling free from her worries for the moment, Raeden bounded toward Arte running a hand over his soft black muzzle and kissing the soft spot between his nostrils. As the horse stamped his feet in anticipation, she climbed with ease into the saddle. She felt his power beneath her while he bobbed his head and snored in expectation. Instant relief fell over her as the worries of the previous day drained.
Diane’s bronze colored mount, a long-legged hunter, had no difficulty keeping up with Arte. Raeden thought Diane appeared almost regal as she sat straight and sure in the saddle. She admired Diane and it had grown over the years. They rode out at a moderate pace, taking in the sight of fluffy clouds resembling cotton boles spread over a clear blue s
ky.
Once they entered the green fields on the edge of town, they quickened their pace, galloping toward the edge of the woods outside of town. Their superb riding skills showed as they raced the fence line until it ended in lush open fields, sprinkled with wild flowers glistening with morning dew.
After some time, they approached a gentle stream meandering through a stand of dogwoods flowering with white petaled blossoms. The jade green meadow grass rose two feet high. Along the edge of the stream, wildflowers grew in abundance and white fairy-like seeds swirled in a vortex giving the air a magical sensation. All the fragrances mingling with the warming air gave Raeden a sense of euphoria as she inhaled the late summer air deeply into her lungs.
They slowed their pace near the stream and dismounted walking toward the clear rippling water, taking in the peaceful splendor all around. Diane motioned Raeden toward a small clearing located under one of the tall flowering trees adjacent to the water, spreading boughs over moss-covered rocks lining the creek.
They picked a spot to bask in the sweet bouquet and watch the trees swaying in the breeze, tying the horses in a nearby pasture.
Raeden walked alongside Diane, her feet sinking slightly in the loam. “It seems like a dream, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it is very lovely. Let’s sit and talk.” Diane said pointing to a spot near the water’s edge.
They pulled off their boots and stockings then dangled their feet in the pristine water. The sedating effect brought a sigh of relief. Raeden pulled her knees to her chest taking off her hat and setting it beside her. Diane moved near, touching her softly on the shoulder while they sat down close to each other.
“Okay, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Something is troubling you. Why are you so tense and anxious? I’m sure it will help to discuss this and you know it will remain just between us. No one else has to know.”
Raeden knew Diane would keep their conversation in confidence and she drew her eyes upward to meet her gaze.
“I don’t exactly know where to start.” Her cheeks burned with embarrassment and she suddenly felt imprudent.
“Just begin anywhere. It doesn’t matter.” A look of concern settled on Diane’s soft features as she twirled a blade of bright green grass between her fingers.
“Okay. I guess I have always been looking for something just out of reach and I could never understand why. When I grew older and you would visit, I watched you and Uncle Mike, how you behave with each other. You seemed so much in love.”
Shifting her weight, she turned raising her hand to make a point. “He is always kind and considerate and you with him. You don’t mind displaying your affection to each other when people are around and discussing important matters between you like equals. I want the same for myself.” Letting out a sigh, she replaced her hand and increased the grip, lowering her chin to her knees.
Diane’s eyebrows rose, a sly grin touched her lips. “Don’t think we didn’t have rough times in the beginning.” Raeden’s brows lifted, eyes fixed waiting for her to continue. “He saw me as a pampered city girl and our whirlwind romance did not allow us the chance to fully understand the basic needs of the other.” She brushed a pale golden strand away from her eye, Raeden the captive audience.
She could not imagine at one time they had problems in their marriage.
Diane lifted a hand, palm forward fingers spread. “I desired freedom allowing me to be my own person and he felt threatened when I would not let him make all my decisions.” Her face tightened slightly showing a dimple in her cheek.
Raeden nodded, curling a lip between her teeth. “So, how did you work it out?”
Diane released a slow breath and her eyes squinted from amusement. “At first we argued constantly. A couple of times we came close to separating but our love and admiration for each other brought an effort to compromise.” She shifted her weight to curl her knees and sit on one hip, her hand a brace. “We began to communicate instead of quarrelling. Once we exposed our fears and desires, trust grew enabling us to express ourselves without the threat of reprisal.” Diane chuckled. “It took some time of course, but in the end we became friends as well as lovers.”
“Christopher would never be able to do that. He is too vain to ever swallow his pride and compromise.” She would never admit her pride would not allow her to permit a man to order her about like a child.
“Well, maybe you’re right. Now why don’t you continue? I indeed find this quite interesting”
“I saw men socially and expected to get a feeling to let me know when the right man came along. It never happened. Then I began to feel juvenile in my position and thought maybe people could get close gradually and eventually those feelings would alter.” She stood and started pacing in bare feet, while continuing to look into Diane’s clear blue eyes.
“After meeting Christopher, I knew it pleased my parents. In addition, I hoped those feelings would eventually arise and everything would be perfect between us. It didn’t happen.” Her apprehension began to subside as she unloaded her burden.
“When he proposed, I began to believe being married would make the difference. You know, the feelings would come in time with the close bond. I started becoming edgy and nervous around him and he didn’t seem to notice. I know it would never be that way with you and Uncle Mike.” She again sat next to Diane, wringing her hands and a long sigh escaped.
Watching the ascent of a gray squirrel scurrying up an adjacent tree, she paused to watch its progress before coming back to the moment and settling to the ground once again. Oh, to be free like that. “And now, I have this wedding coming up tomorrow and I’m scared.” Her eyes flared in panic. “I want more, but I have made a promise to Christopher. Both of our families are so happy about this marriage. My family loves Christopher and his parents are so fond of me.” She dropped her head in her hands. “I don’t want to humiliate everyone and cause a scandal. I’m miserable.” Tears flooded her eyes and she began to sob quietly in her hands.
Diane reached to put her arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer. She stroked her hair and in a soothing voice replied. “Well, looks like we have a little problem, don’t we?”
“Oh, Aunt Diane, what can I do?” She drew in closer to her aunt in an effort to dispel the fears seeming to grow and spread like wildfire.
“Well, to start with, do you love Chris?” She lifted Raeden’s face with her hand and forced eye contact.
Raeden stumbled for words. “Well… I think so. At least, oh I don’t know, I want to.”
“Wanting to and actually being in love are two completely different things. If you don’t love him, you owe it to yourself and to Chris to stop pretending. It will only make both of you miserable in the long run.” Her brows drew together and the blue of her eyes became intense. “Don’t you understand? Of course, there will be an interval of awkwardness and hard feelings from your family and his. He will be hurt, for sure. Those things just take time. We are talking about the rest of your life, Raeden.”
Raeden pulled the handkerchief from her pocket and wiped her eyes then blew her nose. “Well, you certainly have given me something to think about. Let’s go back home. There are still things needing to be done before the ceremony tomorrow.”
After pulling on their boots, Diane’s face drooped, a look of sadness causing tiny frown lines along the sides of her sensual mouth. Strolling toward their animals in silence, they mounted and rode in the direction of home. On the return trip, the beauty of the land did nothing to improve Raeden’s mood. Her face grimaced as her thoughts ran roughshod through her mind. A tiny chipmunk climbed a nearby tree, tail twitching feverishly in the air. Even his lively barking complaints failed to draw a smile.
Once near the stable they both alit and started for the door. The groom led the horses into the paddock for a rub down and a hearty breakfast after their exercise.
Raeden hurriedly grabbed the clothes she had worn, no longer caring if her mother said anything regarding her attire. Diane dr
essed similarly, after all. What could her mother say? They walked up the front steps into the house through the hand carved oak door adorning the entrance. Sophia approached as they came into the foyer, wringing her hands, flashing her daughter a disapproving glance.
“Where have you been? You had me worried sick. Don’t you realize the wedding is tomorrow evening? We still have things to do. Have you seen to your dress? Honestly, Raeden, you do try my patience.” She scurried off quickly, shaking her head proceeding into the kitchen to check for the umpteenth time on the dinner menu. There would be many guests and Raeden knew her mother only wanted everything to be perfect for her eldest daughter’s wedding, caught enthusiastically into the event. Nothing pleased her more than to plan festivities and elaborate dinner parties, spoken about on the lips of society for weeks afterward.
Raeden and Diane hurriedly ascended the stairs to their rooms. Raeden hugged her aunt. “Thank you so much for listening to me. Why don’t you come in and I’ll show you my wedding dress? It’s one of my best works.” Diane, being her shining example of a real woman, Raeden desired her approval.
She showed a half-hearted smile as she followed Raeden into her room.
They entered to light pouring through the windows, bathing the space in warm morning rays. Raeden went to her closet and pulled out the gown she had completed of white embroidered silk with a low cut neckline embellished with lace. Folds of silk accentuated the tiny waist and draped in the back to the floor, making the dress flow with a slight flare. The lace sleeves long and form fitting, ended at the wrists with small points covering the top of her hand, miniature pearls sewed around each cuff. White satin lining showed through the silk giving it a slight shimmer. A veil of the same lace fell to the floor.
