Being away from my mom and these kids would be hard, but I would manage. Somehow.
“Happy Thanksgiving, honey,” my mother said as she lovingly patted my cheek.
Tears filled in my eyes as we got out of the car. I couldn’t wait for my mom and the kids to show me my new place.
marcus and i made dinner for Thanksgiving. Nothing too fancy, just a little something to celebrate. I’d talked him into getting individual Cornish Game Hens instead of a giant turkey. He laughed at me but obliged.
Erica brought David by for a short time, and Chad brought Devon. They all had things to do with their own families so they didn’t stay long, but it was nice to just be together. We were our own little family, and I loved that we could spend the holidays together.
I should have gone home for Thanksgiving, but my parents won a cruise from some contest. While they felt bad about not being here, it was nice to have this one with Marcus. Our first as a couple.
When we finished dinner and everyone had left, Marcus and I spent some time together, just hanging out, almost like old times when we were nothing more than friends. We watched some of the Macy’s Parade on T.V. and shared a whole pumpkin pie, only because it’s Marcus’ favorite. I wasn’t a huge fan, but it was okay.
Then I started feeling sick, but I didn’t tell Marcus. I wanted to stay as long as possible, but I was getting the feeling that Marcus needed his space, and he might be right. Not that I was getting sick of being with him. Far from that, actually. I always loved spending time with Marcus, but it was a good idea to not burn each other out. Maybe I was trying too hard to cross that line from friendship to relationship by spending more time together.
i wasn’t feeling well again this morning so I decided to stay home. I should have gone over anyways because now I was feeling fine. But if I was getting sick, I didn’t want to risk making him sick as well. I’d already exposed him enough as it was.
Now, sitting on the couch with a bag of Doritos in my lap, I was trying to find something to watch on television.
The sound of the door opening startled me. I turned on the couch and frowned in confusion seeing Erica walk in. She smiled and sat her bag down along with a grocery bag before joining me on the couch.
“Did you go shopping?” I asked her, eyeing her sitting beside me.
She shrugged. “It’s nothing.”
I let it go. “All right. Plans with David fall through?”
“No. He just thought he should spend some time with his family so I came home. I didn’t want to intrude.”
I smiled at her. “Spending time with family is a pretty big deal. I think it’s a good quality that he wants to.”
She smiled. “Yeah, it is. He’s pretty great.”
I kept grinned. She was happy with this guy even though she told me it was casual. She deserved to be happy.
I missed hanging out with my best friend and was in desperate need of some girl time. If she wanted to use not wanting to distract David from his family time as an excuse, that was fine with me.
“You look like you’re feeling better,” she observed.
“Yeah, it’s just been coming and going.” Shrugging, I ate a couple more Doritos before offering her the bag.
“You think you’re getting the flu or something?”
I shrugged again. “I’ve never had the flu, but I think you stay constantly sick, don’t you?”
“I had it once in high school. I was sick for almost two weeks. It sucked.”
I nodded. “I don’t have any other explanations though.”
She took a handful of Doritos out of the bag, and we fell silent while we snacked. I’d settled on a cooking show and smirked at the irony. Neither of us liked to cook, but it was always fun to watch the creations other people could come up with.
“How long have you been feeling sick?” she asked, not taking her eyes off the T.V..
“I don’t know. A week? Maybe a little longer. It’s hard to keep track when it’s not a constant sick.” I held up the bag to see if she wanted anymore, and she shook her head, so I rolled the top down and sat it on the coffee table.
“Hannah, I’ve been thinking…”
“Yeah?” I raised my brows, urging her to continue, frowning a little. “What is it?”
“When was your last period?”
I blinked at her question. “Um, I don’t know… Around Halloween, I think?”
She sighed, looking at me sympathetically.
“Why is that important?”
“It might not be. I was just thinking…What if you’re pregnant?”
I blinked again, jerking back like she’d slapped me, and laughed. “That’s impossible, E. I’m on the pill.”
“The pill isn’t foolproof, Hannah.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know that. I’m not due for my period for a couple of days yet so I’ll wait to see if there really is reason to panic. But I’m not pregnant.” I got up, grabbed the chips, and brought them into the kitchen.
Erica followed cautiously behind me. “You should take a test. Just to be sure.”
I took a deep breath. “Why the sudden worry that I might be pregnant, Erica?”
“I don’t know.” She had the decency to look embarrassed for the accusation. “You’ve just been really tired lately, and now you’re randomly getting sick?”
“Yeah, so?” I put the Doritos away and leaned against the counter.
“I looked up the symptoms online. I was worried you would be contagious. I didn’t go into it thinking you were pregnant.”
“Erica, I’m not pregnant, okay? It’s a bug. Nothing serious. I’m fine.” But as I said it, I suddenly didn’t feel very fine.
I looked at Erica with wide eyes and then rushed toward the bathroom, my stomach turning more with every step. I leaned over the toilet, not even having time to push the door shut behind me, and emptied my stomach for the third time today.
I felt like I might die. That’s how much I hated getting sick. It was nasty. Bile rose in my throat again, and I dry heaved, hoping to relieve myself a little, but nothing but acid came up through my nose. It burned.
I didn’t know how long I sat there with my forehead against the toilet seat, waiting for the feeling to pass before I felt a cool rag being placed on my neck. I raised my head and saw Erica standing there, holding the rag in place.
“Has it passed yet?” she asked.
I took a deep breath and sat back on my heels, replacing her hand with mine on the rag. “I think so.”
My breathing was a little labored as I flushed the toilet. I kept taking deep breaths, hoping to keep my stomach calm as I moved the rag from my neck, wiping my face. This was getting old fast. I needed to make a doctor’s appointment to figure out how to get rid of whatever I had caught.
“Don’t be mad.” Erica’s voice drew me out of the thoughts. She brought the brown paper bag out from behind her back.
“Erica…” I groaned, shaking my head.
“Hannah,” she started as she opened the bag and pulled out the pink box, “I really think it’s a good idea.”
I glared at her. “There’s no need.”
“Come on, Hannah. What’s the harm if you’re so sure?”
I groaned again. “Fine,” I huffed, standing carefully and taking the box from her hand.
I opened it up and pulled out not one but three pregnancy tests. I blinked and looked up at her in question, and she shrugged. I sighed, shaking my head. I unfolded the instructions and read through them carefully before looking back up at Erica.
“I’m not going to pee on a stick with you watching.”
“Oh, right.” She grinned sheepishly, backing out the door. “Sorry.”
I shut the door behind her and let my head fall against the door. This was stupid. It was a waste of money.
I turned back to the tests lying out on the counter and went to take care of business. Once my pants were down, I sat down and waited. And waited some more. My bladder was full, bu
t peeing under pressure was hard. Knowing Erica was standing right outside the door waiting only made it worse. Finally, the urge was back, and I followed the instructions for the pregnancy tests.
After caring for myself and washing my hands, I opened the door and met Erica right outside. She looked at me expectantly.
I snorted, shaking my head. “We have to wait three minutes.”
She instantly got out her phone and set a timer.
I rolled my eyes and walked into the kitchen to grab a soda from the refrigerator.
Three minutes were starting to feel like a million. The fact that I’d just taken a pregnancy test made my stomach knot again but not in a way that meant I would get sick. I was suddenly very nervous. But, why? Pregnancies on the pill didn’t happen very often, though, did they? I didn’t think so.
Erica’s timer went off, making me jump, and I looked up to see her worried expression. I hated that I was so transparent even if she was my best friend.
I took a deep breath and walked past her back to the bathroom where I’d left the test. Her following me was good because I suddenly wasn’t sure if I could look.
Erica hesitated in the doorway and then stepped forward and stood next to me, both of us looking into each other through the reflection of the mirror. I nodded, and she looked down. I could see her in the mirror as she picked up the test. She looked from the test to the instructions and back a couple times before meeting my gaze in the mirror.
Erica’s perfect poker face through the mirror pissed me off. I was about to say something, yell maybe, when she turned to face me. She gave me a sad smile, before holding the test out for me to see.
“Congratulations, Mama.”
“two weeks? and you didn’t tell me?” My mother’s distressed voice came through the phone. She made it sound like the end of the world that I hadn’t told her about Hannah until now. My mother and I had always been very close so in a way it was.
“I wasn’t even sure it was going to work out.” My glasses were off, and I rubbed my eye with the heel of my palm.
“Is she why you and Amy broke up? Tell me the truth.”
Fuck. This was not the conversation I wanted to have with my mother.
I seriously grew up thinking my mother had super powers because I could never get away with anything, no matter how good my lie was. She loved Hannah, but she and my father had never really seen us together.
“Maybe?” I answered with a grimace she couldn’t see.
She sighed.
“Mom, this was the right thing to do.”
“So, you hurt Amy to make Hannah happy?”
She always had a way of twisting my words and making complete sense at the same time.
“No, Mom. That’s not what I was doing.”
“I just don’t understand, Marcus.”
I’d told mom that Amy and I had broken up, but I didn’t give her any details. I just left it simple. Mom was upset, and Dad was a little disappointed, but when I told them it was better for the two of us, they’d left well enough alone. Now, of course, Mom wanted more answers. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to give them to her.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you liked Amy. But we’re still friends. Everything is all right.”
She made a noise that closely resembled a grunt. But it was not a grunt. My mother didn’t grunt. Ask her yourself.
“And you’re happy with Hannah?” she asked.
I swore sometimes, she could read me even better through the phone sometimes.
“Of course, Mom. I’ve wanted this for a long time.”
I didn’t lie. Just because Hannah had taken on a bit of a clingy streak didn’t mean I wasn’t happy. It was a bump in the road I was sure we could get over. No reason to alarm my mother or, rather, further alarm her.
“Are you bringing her to Christmas dinner?”
I put my glasses back on and sat back in my chair. I had actually forgotten about going to Tennessee for Christmas. I had planned on taking Amy. I was going to ask her after we spent Thanksgiving at her mom’s. Fuck.
Yesterday had gone considerably well. Hannah and I had fun with our friends for our little Thanksgiving dinner, and I didn’t give myself much time to think about missing Amy’s dinner with her mom and probably her niece and nephew. I’d been looking forward to that dinner too, but ours was good. Great, even. Not to mention, Hannah and I spent the whole day together, and I didn’t feel smothered. She even went home last night to stay. I was impressed.
“I was planning on it. Is that okay?” I asked.
“Of course, it’s okay, Marcus. We love Hannah. I just wanted to make sure.”
After apologizing again and getting another mini lecture on keeping my mother up on things, we said our goodbyes. I sighed, hung up, and put my phone back in my pocket. My mother was truly something else.
I sat in the recliner, trying not to think too much. It seemed to make me second-guess everything. I had half a mind to call Hannah, just to see what she was doing, but as bad as it sounded, I didn’t want to rock the boat. Her staying at her place last night and not calling me the second she woke up was a good thing. I just needed her to see that.
There was no reason I couldn’t tell her what I was thinking when it came to spending too much time together. I could break it to her in a nice way and avoid hurting her feelings. At least, I hoped I could.
As I walked into the kitchen, I almost texted Hannah. If I was being honest, I was actually missing her, something she hadn’t given me a chance to feel in the two weeks we’d been together. I was looking forward to her coming over tonight if she still planned on it.
Instead, I opened a new message to Amy. I knew I probably shouldn’t, but I wanted to ask her about her holiday and see how her mom and the kids were. We were trying to be friends. There would be no hidden meaning anywhere in my message.
Hope you had a good Thanksgiving.
I sat my phone on the counter and opened the fridge. Call me weird, but I loved leftovers. I could eat every meal like this and be perfectly content. Especially after a holiday.
I grabbed the foil-covered chicken from yesterday and the bowl of stuffing and set them on the counter when my phone vibrated beside me. I grinned when I saw it was from Amy. See, this friend thing would work out.
I did. Mom and I had the kids, but it was fun. Did you? she texted.
Yeah, I did. We had Chad and Erica over and kept it small.
Sounds like fun, she texted.
I hesitated, not really sure how to reply. Was that her way of ending the conversation?
My phone vibrated again.
Mom got me an apartment on the other side of town.
It was almost like an afterthought. Like she wasn’t sure she wanted to say it or not and then just blurted it out.
That’s great! You excited? I asked.
Yeah. I moved some things in today.
I’m glad. You deserve your own place.
I laid my phone back down for a moment, unwrapped my chicken, and tore off a piece before popping it in my mouth. Amy had gone from living with her ex, to pretty much being abandoned in that apartment, to living with her mom and now her sister’s two kids. She was never alone in a good way. This would be good for her.
I looked down when I felt the next message come through, just as my front door opened. I had just enough time to read Amy’s thanks before I turned to see Hannah walking through the door. I grinned.
“Hey, I was just eating some leftovers. Want some?” I popped another piece of chicken in my mouth.
“No, I’m good,” she replied quietly.
I leaned on the counter to look at her. Something was wrong. She was chewing on the inside of her cheek, a clear sign of nervousness, and she couldn’t keep her eyes on me. She kept looking around, not focusing on anything. Not to mention, she looked a little pale.
“Hannah, are you okay? You look sick.” I could have kicked myself. I didn’t mean to sound insulting. “I didn’t mean—”
/> “No, it’s okay,” she cut me off with a small smile. “I know what you meant.” She took a deep breath and turned towards the living room. “Can we sit? Talk for a minute?”
I blinked but nodded and followed her to the couch.
When we sat down, I couldn’t keep the frown from my face. Hannah looked worried and was still chewing on the inside of her cheek and wringing her hands in her lap. My stomach was suddenly in knots. Maybe things weren’t going as well as I’d thought. Maybe she’d picked up on my wanting space and was taking it a step further. I felt sick with the possibilities.
“Hannah?”
She still didn’t look up at me. She was going to break up with me. I knew it.
“Hannah, please talk to me. You’re worrying me.”
Without warning, she started to sob. “Marcus, I’m so sorry! I don’t know how this could have happened!” She buried her face in my neck, clutching my shirt in her fists.
My heart stopped. What the hell could she be talking about? If I didn’t know better, from the way she was talking, I’d have thought she cheated on me. After everything that she’s been through, I knew that was impossible.
“Hannah, shh, it’s okay. Just talk to me.” I gently held onto her shoulders and pulled so I could see her face. Her eyes and face were red from crying, and she was struggling to catch her breath. “Calm down, babe, and just talk to me.”
“I…I don’t know how,” she choked out. She tried to hide her face again, but I wouldn’t let her. “You’re going to hate me.”
I wanted Hannah to be okay. I never wanted her to be upset, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d just been fucked.
“You’re really starting to worry me. You have to tell me, Hannah.” I lifted her chin with my finger and looked right into her red-rimmed eyes. “Please.”
She spoke, but it was so soft I barely heard her. I frowned and leaned a little closer so I could hear her, but I prayed I’d heard her wrong the first time.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered again, just a little louder than before.
My entire world stopped.
i didn’t pass out, but I might as well had. I was blank. It was the only way to describe the way I was feeling. Hannah was snapping her fingers in front of my face and occasionally tapping my cheek, but I didn’t really hear or feel it.
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