“Arthur, what’s going on?” Demi asked, feeling completely confused by his behavior.
Across the table from her Arthur fiddled with first his hands and then his hair. He was clearly extremely nervous.
“Look,” he began and then struggled to find the words to proceed and sighed in frustration.
“Arthur, are you…breaking up with me?” Demi’s voice was small and faltered slightly as she delivered the heart wrenching question. Arthur looked down at the table and began to rearrange the various condiments.
“Look at me!” Demi ordered.
When Arthur looked up his eyes were rimmed red and pained with guilt. Demi almost reeled from the sight as she realized what was transpiring.
“Is it because I’m pregnant?” she asked as she tried to fight off the tears which were forming in her eyes.
Arthur said nothing.
“I thought that you were okay with me having a baby. You said we’d be a family!”
Still Arthur said nothing.
“You owe me an explanation!” Now Demi was crying, a gentle stream of tears falling down her cheeks and landing upon the laminate of the table.
“I refuse to forfeit Duke.” Arthur said coldly. The coldness to his tone made Demi flinch.
“What?”
“Duke, I’m going to go. I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my dreams because you stupidly got pregnant.”
“Stupidly got pregnant?” Demi repeated the words in disbelief.
“Please, don’t act so shocked. We both know you only got pregnant to trap me and keep me here with you.”
Demi couldn’t believe what she was hearing, nor did she recognize the cold, callous young man sitting where once her beloved Arthur had been.
“How can you say that?” she whispered, hurt beyond belief.
“It’s the truth.”
“It’s not and you know it.”
“I don’t know anything anymore. All I know for sure is that I had a dream and you set out to sabotage it!”
“I had a dream too!” Demi cried. “You aren’t the only way making sacrifices!”
“I want no part in the baby’s life,” Arthur delivered the devastatingly blow so casually, as though he were merely excusing himself from study group.
“You don’t mean that,” Demi whispered, almost too horrified to speak.
“No, I do. I don’t want to be a father. I want to be a student at Duke, live my life and enjoy myself, so that’s what I’m going to do.”
“How unbelievably selfish of you.”
“Oh please, you are the selfish one. Getting pregnant just to hold on to me.”
“Are you so amazingly arrogant that you really believe that?” Demi rose up as she spoke, no longer able to sit and carry on the pretence of civilized conversation.
“It’s true.”
“I can assure you it isn’t,” she said, her voice hard. “This baby was not planned, believe me. Had I any idea how you’d change, there wouldn’t even be a baby now.”
“Empty threats.”
“I’m leaving.” Demi declared, pausing briefly to see if Arthur would stop her but instead he picked up the menu and pretended to peruse its contents. Devastated, she walked out of the café. It took all of her strength to make it to the car park where she called her Dad and broke down, requesting that he come and get her immediately.
####
After Demi had left, Arthur felt numb. It was as though he wasn’t himself, that he was playing a part and now the scene had ended he didn’t know what to do.
Well, he’d done it; he’d refused to be a father which was exactly what his own father had told him to do. But now, in the aftermath of it all he didn’t feel as though he had made the right decision. It already felt like a part of him was missing. In Demi’s absence he felt hollow and lost, was he really willing to feel like this for the rest of his life just so he could go to Duke?
He found himself gazing sadly at the tattoo upon his arm, recollecting the day he had it inked into his skin. He’d genuinely thought that Demi would be in his life forever. How could he so easily cast her aside? But he’d had no choice; his father had made that perfectly clear.
“It takes a man to be a father, you’re still just a boy.” He’d said and Arthur couldn’t help but agree with him.
“One day you’ll be ready, but not now. Move on from this. Take stock and learn from it.”
But what of Demi? She couldn’t move on from this. She carried her burden with her. She was to become a mother regardless of whether she was ready.
Guilt washed over Arthur like an acid rain and he was desperate to shake it off. Leaving the café he wandered aimlessly in to the mall. It wasn’t long before he spotted some familiar faces who suggested he go shoot hoops with them. He immediately agreed, grateful for the distraction.
####
“Is everything alright?” Demi’s Dad asked, panicked, as she sat beside him snivelling and hiccupping slightly in the aftermath of her breakdown which had occurred when he’d picked her up from the mall.
The moment she was in the car she had begun sobbing uncontrollably and her Dad hadn’t known what to do other than drive her home. When at last she was calmer he felt able to query what had made her so desperately upset.
“Daddy, nothing is alright,” she told him mournfully.
“Did you and Arthur have a fight?” a lover’s tiff was standard, he could console her over this and reassure her that things would improve.
“More than that.”
“What happened?”
Demi didn’t want to tell him. She didn’t want him to know that he’d been right when he said that Arthur wouldn’t stand by her. She felt wretched and foolish to have ever believed him when he said he’d stay in Collinswood. He’d never had any intention to stay. He was a liar, a filthy liar, and yet, yet she still loved him. The words etched on to her back burnt, reminding her of the feelings she had which would always endure.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Talking helps.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Demi, please, talk to me. I’m doing my best with everything,” her Dad pleaded.
But Demi didn’t want to say the truth, didn’t want to say the words out loud and give birth to the reality that she was destined to become a single mother.
“Well, just talk when you’re ready.”
“Dad,” Demi took a deep breath. She wanted to confide in her Dad. He’d always been so good to her. She knew that he deserved her to at least be open and honest with him.
“Arthur left me. I’m going to have to raise the baby on my own.” She began crying fresh tears after she said this.
She noticed how her Dad’s jaw clenched upon hearing this and his grip on the steering wheel tightened. He was silent for a few moments. Then he reached out one hand and placed it on Demi’s lap.
“You won’t have to raise the baby alone, sweetheart, I’m here for you,” he reassured her and Demi’s sobs deepened with appreciation.
“Whatever happens, we will face it, together,” he promised his daughter.
Through her waterfall of tears, Demi watched the world speed by outside her window. She felt dead inside, detached. So much had changed for her and yet outwardly, Collinswood appeared the same.
Collinswood, the small town she’d now never leave. The town she would be tied to all because she was foolish enough to fall in love with the unobtainable captain of the football team. She felt like such a cliché and loathed herself for being so stupid. For the first time ever, she was grateful that her mother wasn’t there to see what a mess her life had become.
####
“You need to just forget it ever happened,” Conrad Cooper advised his son as he hovered over him as he packed.
“Tomorrow you leave for Duke, think of it as a new chapter in your life.”
“But what about Demi?” Arthur asked, unable to shake the feeling that in losing her he’d done something terrible and
irreversible. Already he was missing her so much that he physically ached.
“She’ll be fine, she’s a tough girl.” Conrad said dismissively.
“I just feel like I’m dropping her in it and making a clean exit.” Arthur sighed.
“Son, we’ve talked about this,” Conrad sat down on the bed and motioned for Arthur to join him.
“You made a mistake, a really common one. It’s not worth throwing your life away for. Don’t make a reckless, foolish decision to stay which would cost you everything.” Arthur nodded along to his father’s words even though he didn’t completely agree with them.
Packing up his belongings felt so final. Duke had become a reality. Tomorrow he would get in the car and leave Collinswood, maybe forever. But he would have a son or daughter here; wouldn’t that be enough to lure him back? He tried to push it out of his mind, focusing only on the present.
“Are you nearly done packing?” his father asked brightly.
“Yeah, almost.”
“Well make sure you spend some time with your brother tonight before you go. He’ll be back from hospital soon.”
####
Demi knew that it was Arthur’s last night in Collinswood, simply because Hayley had told her. He’d not had the decency to inform her of his departure date himself. And she so wanted to not care, but knowing that tomorrow he would be leaving made her feel utterly wretched, as though one of her limbs was being torn off. She felt incomplete and lost.
Sitting on the tire swing in her yard she fought the urge to call him for the hundredth time that day. She wanted to see him one last time, convinced that the guy who’d so callously dumped her at the mall wasn’t the guy she’d fallen in love with him.
He was just scared, she reasoned, as he had every right to be. Becoming a father was a big deal, huge in fact. She herself felt terrified each and every day at the prospect of becoming a mother to the new life which was growing inside her.
She was now showing. She’d gone shopping with Hayley the day before to help her pick out appropriate college outfits and her friend had kindly commented on her now protruding stomach.
“Yeah, it doesn’t look bloated anymore, you definitely look pregnant,” Hayley announced as she held yet another skimpy dress up to herself in the shop mirror.
“So I look fat,” Demi mused sadly.
“You’re pregnant, so yes, you’ll be looking fat, but you’ve got the best excuse in the world!”
“I guess.”
“So what do you think of this dress?” Hayley held up a short emerald green number. Demi looked it over and winced.
“It’s a little slutty.”
“So it’s perfect!” Hayley giggled. “I want to make sure I catch the eye of some of the college hunks who will be there!”
“Why, so you can end up knocked up like me?” Demi asked dryly and they both smiled.
“You sure you’re okay, Dem? With everyone leaving, are you going to be alright?”
“I’ll be fine,” Demi answered, managing to force a fake, convincing smile. She knew she wouldn’t be fine. Watching her friend pore over skimpy clothes for college made her heart ache for the future she would now never have. The only clothes she would be shopping for were baby clothes, and maternity clothes too as barely anything fit her anymore.
Today she was wearing sweat pants which struggled to cover her swelling stomach with flip flops as her feet had become too swollen for most of her sneakers. She felt disgusting and wondered if she’d ever again be able to wear something sexy and even if she did, would any guy ever want her? It was too frightening to contemplate that before she could even legally drink she may have eradicated herself from the dating scene forever.
But would anyone ever mean as much to her as Arthur? Despite how terribly she’d been treated by him she still thought about him almost every minute. Love did not have a switch which enabled it to be turned on and off.
“I heard that Arthur leaves for Duke tomorrow,” Hayley said gently, as though sensing that he was on her friend’s mind.
“Oh,” Demi tried to sound as if she didn’t care when inside she was shaking at the news.
“He’ll be back for Thanksgiving though. I’m sure you guys will work things out then.”
“Maybe.”
Demi knew that once Arthur was at college any feelings he’d previously held for her would be gone completely. He’d get drunk, he’d party and he’d have sex with other students, girls who were accomplished and smart and not stupid enough to get knocked up while in high school. Demi would become a painful reminder of a mistake he’d once made.
“And I’ll be back before you know it too. I’ll make sure that your baby knows their Aunty Hayley!”
“Thanks.”
“Do you know the sex yet, like if it’s a boy or a girl?” Hayley asked as she browsed through yet more clothes.
“No.”
“Don’t you want to know?”
“Not really,” Demi admitted. Knowing the gender of her baby would make them seem more real to her and right now she couldn’t handle that.
“A surprise will be nice,” Hayley smiled.
“Yes it will be.”
“Arthur will call before he leaves,” Hayley said earnestly, noting Demi’s glum expression. “The guy loves you; he won’t leave without telling you that.”
####
It was nine in the evening and Demi was starting to seriously doubt if Arthur would call. Hayley had sounded so certain at the mall that she’d almost believed her.
Finally, temptation overwhelmed her and she called Arthur.
“Demi’s calling,” Jared said sleepily as he glanced down at the vibrating phone.
“Oh,” Arthur said as he quickly shut his phone away in a drawer. Jared was in bed and on the verge of sleep and he didn’t want to disturb his peace.
“Aren’t you going to answer?”
“I’ll talk to her later.”
“You need to tell her goodbye before you leave.”
“I will do that.”
Jared smiled and pulled the duvet up beneath his chin.
“I’m always so tired lately,” he moaned, his voice small.
“Being tired is good; it means that your body is healing.”
“Mmm,” Jared replied as his eyes fell shut. Arthur sat on the edge of his bed and watched over him fondly.
They’d had a fun evening together playing video games and eating pizza. For a brief time it was easy to forget their troubles and just be brothers having a good time. Playing the games, lost to the thrill of the action, it didn’t matter that Jared was terminally ill or that Arthur was leaving and about to become a dad. It was liberating to exist just in the moment together.
But the moment was over all too quickly, and on going downstairs to get Jared some water Arthur had overheard a worried conversation between his parents;
“But he’s been at the top of the donor list for weeks,” his mother sighed, a hand clasped tightly to her forehead.
“Something will come up,” Conrad reassured her in a rare moment of compassion. He placed an arm around her and she fell in to him, limp like a rag doll.
“He just doesn’t have much time,” she whispered, on the verge of tears.
“Everything will be alright, darling, just wait and see,” Conrad had said as he kissed her head.
Like so many things, Arthur shut the conversation out and headed back upstairs.
####
“Do you love Demi?” Jared asked, keeping his eyes shut and he continued to slip in to sleep.
“What?” Arthur asked, taken aback by the sudden question.
“Do you love Demi? Because if you, you should make sure you tell her? Mom tells me every day that she loves me, she says it’s important to do so.”
With those wise words imparted, Jared’s breathing slowed and he went to the land of dreams where he wasn’t a sick, enfeebled boy, he was anything he wanted to be.
####
Arthur
hauled the last of his bags in to the trunk of his father’s car and waved cheerily at his mother and Jared who were returning the gesture from their vigil up by the house. There was a slight chill in the air so they couldn’t risk Jared coming out on to the driveway to bid his brother farewell.
Just Like Heaven Page 10
