“No Marcus, I don’t expect that everything would have been exactly as I planned it, but I did not expect that it would be that nothing either!”
“Not this again Natasha!” shouted Marcus standing and folding his arms impatiently. “This was supposed to be a special evening of celebration that I wanted to share with you, not some rehashing of how you never get what you want in life! You need to get over the past and get over yourself!”
As soon as the words came out of his mouth he instantly regretted them when he saw the look of hurt in his wife’s eyes, but what came next was chilling. It was as though somehow the light went out of her eyes and she slipped away inside of herself.
“Natasha, look I’m sorry I did not mean it like that!”
But it was too late; Natasha wordlessly walked past him and out of the front door and slammed it behind her rattling the pane of decorative frosted glass that it framed till he thought that it would shatter.
Marcus was left standing alone in the middle of their living room, biting on his lower lip while exhaling with frustration. He knew that he should go after her, but what really could he say to her that could make the situation any better! Now the entire evening was ruined!
Outside Natasha walked across the expansive grounds of the property as she retreated to what used to be her favourite spot in the garden, the mahogany tree! She could always somehow find that connection she and Marcus once shared by just sitting beneath its wide leafy canopy and reminiscing on the wonderful moments they shared there over the years. But somehow today, as she sat beneath it, she felt no comfort, felt no love or understanding. It was as though she had somehow gone numb inside.
Not even the spectacular view held any appeal for her now. Marcus had finally shown his true feelings on the matter. It was as though she was some kind of petulant child who was constantly whining and complaining just because she could not get what she wanted. He made it seem as though her dreams were as frivolous as a new dress or a pair of earrings. How had she not seen what a monster he could be before? What was she supposed to do for the rest of her life, pay penance for making the mistake of falling madly in love with him and having his child? Endure the pity of everyone at her parent’s church who gossiped mercilessly about her rushed wedding and pregnancy and never forget the embarrassment she caused her parents and family members? Why was she the only one still paying the price while everyone else had moved on and were living their lives?
Every time she offered to perform a solo in church her own father said no. She could only sing when she was hidden away in the middle of a one hundred voice choir. She knew it was because he still hadn’t forgiven her for the ridicule he faced because of her. Her mother never gave the issue of her and Marcus having another child a rest, and was always dropping hints about it. No one seemed to care that she felt that she somehow no longer qualified for her purpose in life and that she somehow no longer deserved it. She was stuck teaching four year olds how to make a potato print on a piece of canvas, a career that was never in her plans. But once again, she was trying to keep her parent’s happy; after all they dropped her name to the principal, so it really was because of them she got the job.
As Natasha sat beneath the mahogany tree, she drew her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead on them. She waited for the tears to come but they never did, instead she felt a cool hardness creep into her heart and she welcomed the feeling like a comfort because at this moment it felt a whole lot better than the pain.
Chapter 5
March 18th, Azure Lodge
7:00 a.m. Present day
The knocking at the door was really becoming annoying but Marcus was determined to block it all out! Still partially clothed in the tuxedo he wore to the wedding the previous evening, he looked like a total train wreck and he did not care. He was not a person who drank alcohol, but for the first time in his life he wished he could have something he could take to deaden the throbbing pain he was feeling in his head and heart. Someone was calling his name from beyond the door but somehow his legs felt like two numb pieces of wood.
After Natasha drove off last night, and he could not get into his car he went back inside to call her on her cell and as he did he heard her phone ring on the side table near the bed. He threw his phone across the room and it dismantled as it crashed against the wall.
How could it be that the first time in his life he locked his keys in the car, his wife left him high and dry without any warning and then to top it all off he couldn’t even call her by phone? For the whole night he paced like a caged tiger, then sat, then stood, then paced some more until around four o’ clock in the morning he was completely worn out.
At first, he was just angry and his thoughts were filled with blame and accusation about her distant behaviour, then they were replaced by regret that he never got to tell her what he wanted to say to her after he got out of the SUV the night before. How much he still loved her and wanted their marriage to work! Then they shifted to wondering if she was having an affair and then he got mad all over again! If he thought another thought about Natasha he swore that he would explode. And if the person banging and shouting on his door did not let up he swore he would deck him hard. Suddenly, that thought did not seem as inappropriate and he rose from the armchair in which he was sitting, strode across the room angrily and threw open the door ready to send whoever it was packing!
“Listen, you have two seconds to...”, started Marcus as he swung open the door.
“To do what?” replied Sheldon calmly as he took in the dishevelled appearance of his best friend.
Marcus’ anger deflated quickly as he looked at his friend who had nothing but concern in his eyes. Unable to answer the question, Marcus rubbed his hand across his eyes and mouth and suddenly felt as weary as he probably looked.
“Are you going to let me in or am I going to have to break this door down now that I know you are at home?”
Marcus stepped back and walked back inside wordlessly as he allowed Sheldon to come in and close the door behind him.
“Man, you look like something the cat dragged outside and dragged back in again!” exclaimed Sheldon dropping his duffel bag at the door.
Judging from the sweats Sheldon was wearing Marcus assumed that he had just come from their weekly beach volleyball game. Sidestepping Sheldon’s veiled comment about his appearance and hygiene, Marcus tried to change the subject because although Sheldon was his best friend he wasn’t sure that he could share what was going on with him just yet!
“How was the game?” he asked keeping his eyes facing the windows on the wall facing away from Sheldon’s discerning gaze.
“I never made it!” came the simple reply.
“Yeah, how come? Just last night you were all set to play and throw down a memorable defeat on the other team? Do you want some coffee? I was just about to put on some.”
“Thanks, but Marcus, small talk over coffee is not the reason I came up here today, and by now I hoped you would know that you don’t need to put on a show for me, ” said Sheldon in a calm, clear voice.
Marcus continued walking toward the kitchen as though he did not hear Sheldon’s last comment but what Sheldon said next caused him to come to an abrupt halt.
“Marcus, I saw Natasha.”
“You what?” he exclaimed whirling around to face Sheldon.
“I saw Natasha last night man! What’s going on with you two?”
Sheldon’s question knocked all of the air of pretence out of Marcus as he faced his friend.
“She left me!” he said throwing up his arms in despair.
“What? I knew something was up when I saw her with that slick looking guy at the airport! Man I am so sorry!”
“Slick guy?
Airport?
What the hell are you saying to me Sheldon?”
“Yeah well, I saw her standing in the check-in line at the airport and some guy walks up to her using words like ‘us’ and ‘our’ . At least she had the decency to
look embarrassed. I’m sorry man!”
Marcus felt as though someone took a milestone and chained it to his heart and threw it off the top of Manderley hill. So there was someone else! His suspicions were true then. Natasha was having an affair!
“Damn it!” shouted Marcus angrily. “How could she do this to me, to us?”
“Man I don’t know! All I knew was that when I didn’t see your SUV at the beach this morning I knew you had to be in a really bad place! So I skipped the tournament and came straight here,” replied Sheldon.
“How could you let her leave and why the hell didn’t you call me last night?” shouted Marcus.
“Look don’t blame the messenger, I did call you about ten times but you did not answer your phone.
At that moment Marcus remembered that he did throw his phone at the wall in frustration after he discovered that he was unable to contact Natasha. He’d lost his head totally then! The he’d walked back outside and stood facing the view on the balcony outside the great room for a few hours.
“Okay, tell me everything you saw!” demanded Marcus instead.
Sheldon recounted how he spotted Natasha, the conversation they shared and finally the overly familiar way in which Lucas was touching his wife.
“Oh, I almost forgot this part! She gave some bogus story about him being a talent director. I don’t know about that one because the way he was looking at her, man I just don’t buy it!” said Sheldon.
Marcus’ mind was racing as he tried to make sense of all that Sheldon was relating to him. Could it be that Natasha was having an affair? Was she finally making a break from him to realize her dream of singing or was that just a cover story? He wasn’t a monster she couldn’t talk to! And who the hell was this Lucas? It was just too hard to imagine Natasha in another man’s arms responding to another man’s kisses when she never seemed to want his anymore!
The thought of making coffee now forgotten, Marcus had one more question for Sheldon. He had to know all of the details even if every answer pierced a new dagger through his heart.
“Did you pay attention to where she was going?”
“I didn’t at first, but when I was leaving the airport I checked the travel itinerary and realized that she was in the check in line for a flight going to Atlanta,” replied Sheldon.
Atlanta. That was in the state of Georgia in the US. Natasha had been studying in Savannah six years earlier. Was she going back to complete her degree? She was an artist and a really good singer. When she quit working at the restaurant a few months ago she did not give a reason. She just said that she wasn’t interested in doing that anymore. It was also clear just how frustrated she was living the life of an underpaid art teacher at a primary school on the island.
“Sheldon, I think I know where Natasha is going! I think she may be trying to get back into university to finish her art degree,” said Marcus.
“Man, I’m telling you what I saw! I know that you are in denial but I wanted you to hear it from me and not someone else who doesn’t care about you.”
“Thanks Sheldon, more than you know but I just have to believe that she wouldn’t betray me like that. If she was having an affair I don’t know what I would do!” he said in an agonized tone.
“People surprise us all the time Marcus and you need to consider all the possibilities here based on the evidence. She left the country with another man, Marcus. Wake up!” advised Sheldon.
“Believe me, I am awake, in fact I haven’t slept all night! When Natasha walked out of here I had no idea where she was going and I couldn’t follow her because I locked my keys in the car. I was going to call around later today to see if any of her family and friends had seen her.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet!”
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” asked Sheldon incredulously. “You and Natasha love each other, and you are going to let some slick dude walk away with your wife without a fight?”
“I never said I wasn’t going to fight Sheldon, I just need to figure out what to say to her to convince her not to end this without thinking it over some more!”
“I didn’t ask you about saying anything! Have you learned nothing from me over the years? I have always told you this, actions speak loudest! What are you going to do?” reiterated Sheldon.
“I have shown Natasha how I felt about her from the first day that I met her, Sheldon!” shouted Marcus defensively.
“Yeah, while that may be true have you been paying attention to what she has been showing you lately?”
“Hey man, whose side are you on? Are you blaming me for Natasha leaving?”
“Listen I am not taking sides. I care about both of you and I couldn’t help but notice that there has been some strain between you two for many months now. I know how you married folks try to put up your fronts for privacy and all, but I was hoping that you would find a way to get it sorted out by now!” said Sheldon matter of factly. “But, this has gone too far!”
Knowing that Sheldon was right did grate on his nerves a little but he also knew that both he and Natasha had been extremely stubborn and that he too probably helped to create this situation.
“Sheldon, the truth is that I have been up all night racking my brain asking myself these same questions and I don’t know what to do! A man doesn’t keep a, ‘Just in case my wife leaves me for another man’ plan in his mind for a rainy day! ”
“Well, while you are busy not knowing what to, a so-called Lucas Johnson knows and he is not waiting for you to figure it all out.”
The truth of that statement rattled Marcus to the core as he briefly allowed his thoughts to entertain the image of his wife happy with someone else. This was not the way he’d envisioned his marriage would turn out.
“If this Lucas even so much as lays a finger on Nat...” breathed Marcus enraged.
“Marcus, I hate to tell you this but if you want to save your marriage, you need to do some hard thinking and to make some tough decisions pronto. You need to find Natasha and remind her just how great the two of you are together. I know how much you love it here on Derrien and what this house, and your restaurants, heck even what this land means to you, but what means more to you than all of it?” asked Sheldon leaving the question open.
Marcus shoved his hands deeply into the pockets of his pants as he regarded his friend with a narrowed gaze.
“Sheldon, you know how much I love Derrien Island and what this land here means to me. Are you really suggesting that I give it up to please a woman who probably does not want me anymore? You of all people should know how important Azure Lodge is to me.”
“I’m not suggesting anything, but it seems to me that this place and this life obviously meant a whole lot less to Natasha than you thought,” said Sheldon.
“I had this home designed just for her, I worked as hard as I did to give her and what I hoped would be our family a comfortable and beautiful home, and this is how she repays me, and now you are taking her side?”
Sheldon knew that Marcus could be a little stubborn sometimes and knew that he should probably back off the issue. But the memory of Natasha at the airport looking panicked as if she was running away from a pack of bloodthirsty hounds had stayed with him all night. He remembered the change that had come over Marcus in the days, weeks and months following the day he and Natasha met and secretly wished that he could someday find a person to love just as they found each other.
“Marcus, I am going to say this one last time. I am not picking sides but I want you to really think about this and how you are going to handle it.
“That’s all I have been doing all night Sheldon, thinking!” shouted Marcus angrily and once again pacing the floor.
“Listen calm down I am not the enemy here, I just want to help you!” replied Sheldon holding up his hands so that his palms faced away from his body. “Now I need to ask you a question.”
“What?”
“Did she serve you any divo
rce papers last night before she left?”
“No!” shouted Marcus. “Divorce? Man, what are you trying to do to me with these questions?”
“Arrrgh!” Marcus growled as he kicked at the pile of books on the floor he was using for research for his next series of novels. As they scattered across the polished hardwood panelled floors, the full gravity of the situation flooded him once again. Shaking his head slowly from side to side he grimaced as though he had just bitten into the sourest lemon that ever existed.
“Sorry for bringing it up, but I wanted to see if she left any inclination that there may be some hope for you two to reconcile.”
Divorce was the one word that Marcus had sidestepped all night. Now it loomed before him like a huge sign with flashing neon lights. He was about to lose the one woman who had literally changed his life. He felt like a man on death row waiting for the delivery of the final verdict. How had it all come to this? He finally had all that he worked hard towards but it seemed that with every new success he achieved, he lost a little more of his relationship with Natasha each time.
And now there was Lucas Johnson.
“Sheldon, I’m sorry but I need to be alone to think right now,” said Marcus.
“Are you sure you are going to be okay?”
“Yes, I just need to be alone,” he repeated in an agonized tone.
“Look if you need an ear, you know where to reach me, night or day, okay?” advised Sheldon.
“Yes. I know thanks.”
Sheldon saw how all the energy had drained from Marcus at the mention of the possibility of a divorce and hoped that he would come to his senses and not give up the fight. Realizing that there wasn’t anything more he could do at the moment he slowly retreated toward the front door before slowly turning around and let himself out quietly.
Hearing the door close as Sheldon left Marcus finally let the façade fall. The truth was and he could admit it to himself now that he knew the details. Natasha’s leaving had left him utterly devastated and nothing he had ever experienced before was able to prepare him for this.
Forgotten Love (Derrien Island Trilogy) Page 7
