by Siobhan Muir
Tawny, however, had grown into a beautiful and sultry woman. Jeff’s younger sister was a couple years older than Julianna, but she looked like one of those mysterious women described in spy novels or seen in lines for nightclubs. Almost as tall as her father, her sandy blond hair and flashing green, almond-shaped eyes glittered in the bar’s lights. Sharply arching brows and a beaked nose gave her a piercing intensity, but her full lips always curled upward at the corners, making her look like she smiled even when serious. Julianna and Tawny had been acquaintances when they were younger, but the fragile relationship had ended when Julianna left.
Tawny met her eyes and jerked slightly, as if she’d seen something startling. Her delicate nostrils flared a moment as she took a deep breath in then she respectfully nodded to Julianna, as if unsure of her reception. Julianna’s step faltered a little.
Tawny’s from the richest family in Callowwood. Why is she acting as if I’m someone special?
Julianna nodded back and tried to smile. Again, surprise bloomed on the older woman’s face, but a real smile peeked out this time, and Julianna’s tension eased a little.
Other people greeted her and her mother, expressing their sorrow and sympathies as they moved toward the bar. The Cutters, who had converted the sawmill into a “fancy” restaurant, gave her mother a quick embrace but looked at Julianna warily. She felt their chill stares and tried to shrug them off, but anger curled inside her. I can judge myself just fine, thank you!
The Winthrops greeted Beth warmly, hugging her in genuine sympathy, but there was no such comfort for Julianna. They didn’t even bother to look at her. Cameron Winthrop, their oldest daughter, stared at Julianna, her eyes narrowed with speculation. Julianna tried to smile with bland impassiveness but didn’t offer to shake hands.
A long line of people, some who’d moved into town after she left and others she knew peripherally through her parents, blurred into one big “we’re so sorry and we wish you the best” group. Sympathetic faces and black clothes flowed past her like a river, hardly making a ripple in her awareness until Jeff Lightfoot entered the room with his Paiute companion. The bar quieted in an expectant hush, and all attention diverted to his movements. Only Beth appeared unaffected by the younger Lightfoot.
Julianna’s attention riveted to Jeff.
Oh, God, he’s here, now, in front of me! What do I do?
Her Sister’s voice intruded. Smile, you rabbit, and welcome him!
But he didn’t want me. He laughed at me all those years ago. How can I face him now?
Show him you’re strong enough for him.
Julianna stiffened her spine and raised her chin, willing her guilt and embarrassment away. She met Jeff’s eyes, and amazement zinged through her. His green-gold gaze never wavered from her, though he smiled and nodded to those he passed. His approach was inexorable, and the overwhelming urge to wiggle with excitement made her tremble as a path opened through the crowd straight to where she stood. She firmed her stance through iron willpower, but her heart galloped. When he reached them, gratitude zinged through Juliana when he spoke first.
“I’m sorry about your dad.” Jeff’s rich voice washed over her, and she wanted to throw herself into his arms, rubbing herself against his body. How did he do that?
“Th–thank you.” She tried to slow her racing heart. How could she be aroused at her father’s funeral?
“How are you doing with it?”
“I–I’m okay.” Wrong. “I feel better knowing he’s no longer hurting. It was hard to see him suffer when there was nothing I could do for him.”
Jeff smiled sadly and nodded, his shoulder-length hair sliding over his jacketed shoulders. He smelled like male strength, compassion, and protection. Does Calvin Klein sell those scents as cologne? The way he looked at Julianna made her want to take his sympathy and wrap herself up in it. Actually, she wanted to throw herself into his arms and sob like a baby until her grief disappeared.
She must have shown something in her expression because he reached out to take her hand. The moment they touched, a frisson of excitement ran through her and the rest of the world disappeared.
Recognition of her soul mate blazed in a moment of clarity, as clear as it had been the day she saw him walking home with Tawny.
Mine!
Her head whirled, and for a moment, she viewed him through primal eyes. She saw strength and virility, and a male who could protect her and her offspring. He represented everything she wanted in a male, and she swayed toward him.
What the hell is going on?
Jeff’s eyes widened, and he inhaled deeply like his sister had earlier. His grip tightened on her hand, and his arm flexed as if he was going to jerk her into his embrace.
Yes, yes, give me a hug. Let me rub against you.
But he came back to himself and his environment at that moment, and his arm relaxed into a regular handshake. Disappointment surged through her.
“It’s good to see you back in town, Julianna,” he murmured, then settled back into the friendly, older brother persona he’d always shown, raising his voice a little. “I’m sorry this is the way we have to see each other again, but we’re all glad you’ve come home.”
We’re glad, he’d said. Sigh. Ah well, he’d always treated her with absent-minded friendliness. Why should it change now?
Because I want it to change.
“It’s good to be back,” she agreed inanely as he turned to her mother. Then the Paiute woman stood in front of her, assessing her with her deep brown eyes and solemn expression. An unusual ring of dark marks surrounded her left eye like a tribal tattoo.
“Welcome back, wayward daughter.” The woman’s weathered voice seemed familiar. “I’m sorry for the loss of your father, but I’m glad to see you’ve grown so much since you were last here. When you left, you seemed so lost, but I see you’ve found the best part of yourself and I’m happy for you.”
Julianna clearly heard the quotations around the word “father” and wondered where this woman fit into her parents’ lives. I don’t remember her from when I was little. How does she know my parents? How does she know me? Julianna tried not to frown with her confusion. The old woman’s words suggested she knew Julianna had been adopted as a baby, but what was that about the best part of herself?
Holy God in Heaven, does she know I change during the full moon? Oh shit, what do I say to that? Who else knows? Is it stamped all over my forehead?
“Yes, I—”
But her head began to spin as panic swamped her and her knees threatened to collapse. She staggered to the side, colliding with her mother. The sounds and scents of the bar flooded through her senses, pushing her into spiral of encroaching darkness.
“Julianna!” Beth tried to catch her, but Julianna outweighed her by at least eighty pounds. “Are you all right?”
Julianna grasped at the threads of consciousness, trying to stay upright and console her mother, but everything slipped away too quickly. Even the confident, strong part of her whimpered in fear until strong arms wrapped around her and dragged her to one of the booths. The scents of the desert after the rain and mountain mornings in summer enfolded her, and her assertive side howled in jubilant triumph. Everything else faded away.
She heard the murmur of concerned voices, but only as distant reminders of fear. She saw her mother’s frightened eyes, but Julianna couldn’t remember why Beth was upset when everything felt so right. Excitement shot through her like lightning, both electrifying and soothing her. The old Paiute woman watched her with mild surprise, but she didn’t smell concerned. Beth tried to get Julianna to answer inane questions like “are you all right?” and “do you need to sit down?” Yes, I’m fine, aren’t I? And aren’t I already sitting down?
Julianna just wanted to stay right where she was, in the embrace of whoever held her against his chest. She loved his scent and the strength she felt in his body. She’d missed that her whole life, even while with Terence. Terence’s weakness and insecurit
y made him a pathetic excuse for a male who’d needed reassurance from the females he fucked. This male’s strength told her he’d make an excellent protector. She closed her eyes and burrowed into his powerful heat seeping through the layers of their clothing. God, he feels good. I’m so cold.
A comfortable rumble pushed against her ear where her head pressed against his shirt. It took her a moment to realize he spoke to someone, but the sounds didn’t make sense. She ignored the words as she gave into the comfort of resting in this man’s arms. It felt right, settled, as if all the pieces of her life finally fit together properly. She finally fit in somewhere. She belonged here, with this male.
“Is she going to be all right?” Her mother’s worried voice penetrated the comfortable, settled feeling.
“I think so.”
Julianna knew that gravelly voice. It sent little bullets of excitement and arousal shooting through her. The arms around her squeezed gently.
“She’s just a little overwhelmed with all the recent events,” the Paiute woman’s voice soothed, and a warm hand touched Julianna’s arm. “She’ll come out of it soon.”
“She is west of left field, isn’t she, Sebrina?” the gravelly voice asked beneath her ear.
That’s Jeff’s voice. Recognition dragged her further out into reality, and she realized she lay in his arms.
“Yes, my son, but we must give her time to understand it fully,” the Paiute woman replied firmly.
West of left field? Understand it? What are they talking about?
Julianna struggled to sit up and get a hold on herself. Chagrin washed through her. How embarrassing to faint at her father’s funeral in front of everyone. And now she lay in Jeff’s arms.
Not such a bad place to be, her Sister remarked.
Oh, shut up, you’re not helping. She had to pull herself together.
“I think I can sit up on my own now,” she stated firmly as she pulled out of Jeff’s embrace.
He let her go reluctantly as if unsure of her steadiness, shifting his body over so she could sit on the cold booth bench. She told herself it was better this way. Jeez, she’d swooned like some silly damsel in a Jane Austen novel at the first sight of him. She gritted her teeth and squared her shoulders before she looked at anyone.
Gathering her courage, Julianna forced herself to stare up into Jeff’s green-gold eyes. “Thanks for making sure I didn’t hit the floor. That would’ve been really embarrassing.”
He grinned at her, stealing her breath. “Couldn’t have that.”
“You don’t have to sit with me. I think I’ll be okay as long as I don’t get up.”
Jeff stared at her for a long time with an intensity that made her nervous.
“What?”
Before he could respond, Beth appeared at the table with a tall glass of ice water and a small plate of Lily Waters’ thumbprint cookies. They were Julianna’s favorites, particularly filled with Lily’s famous apricot jam, but Jeff’s delicious scent overwhelmed them. Beth slid deeper into the booth, effectively sealing Julianna to Jeff’s side. She tried not to enjoy it too much. Her mother took her hand.
“I think it’ll be okay for us to sit while everyone mills around,” Beth said in a no-nonsense voice. “That way everyone can find us and you can rest. It has been a hard year for both of us, hasn’t it? Are you going to be all right now, dear one?”
“I will.” Julianna tried to ignore the shivers lacing her body where it contacted Jeff. She took a long drink of water. “I didn’t sleep well last night and I’m not used to how dry it is here compared to Fresno. I’ll be okay.”
“It’s just as well,” Beth muttered. “I didn’t want to stand there the whole time everyone goes over and over how wonderful your father was. I don’t think I have the stamina for that.”
Julianna felt Jeff stiffen in surprise as she looked at her mother with raised eyebrows.
“What? Why?”
“Because I know how wonderful he was. I was married to him for forty-six years. Hearing everyone else say it only reminds me that he’s gone.”
“Oh, God, Mom. I didn’t even think of that. Did you want to go home?”
“No, no, it’ll be fine.” Beth laid her hand on Julianna’s arm. “I can take it if I’m sitting down with you.” Then her eyes focused on her daughter critically. “You’re sure you’ll be okay?”
“I’m sure, Mom. Just tired.”
Beth snorted and shook her head fondly, but she pasted a plastic smile on her face for the benefit of the oncoming well-wishers. Julianna tried to copy her mother’s composure, but the man seated to her left distracted her each time he shifted in his seat.
Why is he still sitting next to me? He probably thinks I’ll keel over again. He wasn’t this attentive when I threw myself at him eighteen years ago. Chagrin slid through her again, but she lifted her head and faced the mourners, grateful she didn’t have to face Jeff’s assessing gaze.
Everyone wanted to say something to her mother or Jeff, but only a few had something to say to her. She had the oddest feeling she was some no-name courtier caught between a king and his grieving friend while the masses came to pay homage. She tried to focus on each and every person who came to the table, catching their eyes and nodding in greeting. Adopted or not, she owned the role of Gerry’s daughter, and she deserved the right to be in the “grieving party.”
But you left, remember? Most of these folks don’t even know you.
Icy dismay smothered her anger, and she dropped her eyes as grief swelled into the empty space.
I didn’t mean to leave you for so long, Dad. Time just got away from me, and suddenly it was eighteen years later. I’m so sorry.
Tears slid down her cheeks before she could check their flow while someone told a heartwarming story of her dad. She tried to calm her breathing, but her sobs forced their way out. Jeff shifted at her side and wrapped one hand around hers under the edge of the table. Her eyes closed on the room, and she bit her lip as she felt him lean closer.
“Are you all right?” he whispered, his scent filled with concern.
She shook her head, blindly. “No, my father’s dead, and I’m the worst daughter ever.”
“Now, I can’t believe that—”
“It’s true. I wasn’t there for him when he got sick. I didn’t come home often enough. I let him down.”
“But you did come home, and you were here at the end.” Jeff squeezed her hand. “That’s all that matters. He knew you loved him. Whenever I saw him, he always talked about you with pride.”
Julianna opened her eyes and turned to look at him, abashed. “He talked about me?”
“All the time. You might not have been here, but we all knew when you got your degrees. Your dad bragged about the great steps you were taking in education.” Jeff gave her a gentle half-smile and wiped the tears off her face with the pad of his thumb.
Julianna didn’t know what surprised her more, her dad talking about her to Jeff Lightfoot or Jeff gently smoothing her tears. I’d have paid a king’s ransom for him to do this to me when I was a girl.
She gave him a tremulous smile and took a deep breath.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
He squeezed her hand again, and his words gave her the strength to face the rest of the reception with graciousness. Many people told funny stories of her father, and the group laughed heartily. A pattern emerged of a man well-liked and humorous, who gave back to the community and showed his respect to everyone he knew. She hadn’t been present for many of the events in her father’s life, and it saddened her that she’d missed so much when she’d run away.
I’m sorry, Dad. I won’t run ever again.
Julianna didn’t look at Jeff when her breath began to hitch again, but she felt his support and strength through the hand he still held beneath the table. She ached to feel his arms around her once more, but she contented herself with his comforting grip. It was more than she’d ever expected or hoped for.
As the stories continued, she noticed several women in the crowd, some significantly younger than her, giving her venomous glances and aggressive grimaces rather than smiles. Her anger kindled once again, and she wanted to bare her teeth at them. What the hell is their problem? She hadn’t stolen a boyfriend or something equally as heinous. She’d only been in town for a month, and she’d barely been out of the house. The scent of their enmity nearly gagged her, but she focused on the next speaker and sipped her whiskey stoically after each toast.
At last the speeches ended, and the mourners shifted toward the buffet.
“Glad that’s finally done,” her mother murmured with a sigh. “Are you hungry? I’ll get us something to eat, shall I?”
“Oh, Mom, I—” Julianna began, but Beth slipped out of the booth and walked away. “Well, crap.”
“Sorry?” Jeff asked in surprise.
Julianna laughed in spite of herself. “Nothing. I just need to use the ladies’ room.”
He raised his eyebrows, but he released her hand, and she scooted to the edge of the booth before she rose to her feet. The hand he’d held felt cold without his warmth, but she told herself she was being ridiculous. Still, she felt his gaze on her back the whole way to the restroom, and it only encouraged her inner romantic.
I really am pathetic. I should let him go. He’s only being nice to me because I’m grieving. I shouldn’t read too much into it.
When she returned to the table, Jeff was chatting with Sebrina, the Paiute woman, and some of the other mourners who’d stopped by the table. He never paused in his conversation as she slid in beside him again, but he recaptured her hand, sending excited delight skittering along her nerve endings. She glanced at him with wide eyes, but he just smiled at her absently and continued to discuss the likelihood of a decrease in property taxes in Pershing County.
