Freedom to Love

by Carole Mortimer

  ‘A motel?’ Katy frowned. ‘But—’

  ‘I’m not sleeping in the camper with you,’ he told her bluntly.

  ‘I see,’ she bit her lip. ‘I just thought it seemed silly when we—’

  ‘It would be even sillier to stay in here. Believe me,’ he added harshly, ‘it would be sheer stupidity on your part. I’ll only keep saying no for so long, and then God help you. And me,’ he groaned, running a weary hand through his hair. ‘I’ve had two lousy nights’ sleep.’

  ‘Bad dreams?’ she asked gently.

  ‘Of a different type,’ he nodded. ‘I need a woman, Katy, any attractive woman will do. That’s why we’re going to a motel, because you aren’t just any woman. I respect you, Katy, and that’s something that doesn’t happen too often. If I should do anything to spoil that idealistic idea you have of love then I think I’d want to kill myself. To take someone’s dreams away from them is to destroy that person. Everyone has their dreams.’

  ‘Except you,’ she put in quietly.

  ‘Even me once.’

  ‘And someone took them away and destroyed you.’ The sensitive part anyway.

  ‘Something like that,’ he agreed curtly. ‘Ah, good, here comes the mechanic. Let’s hope it doesn’t take too long.’

  It didn’t, only half an hour or so; the technical terms were beyond Katy as the young boy told Adam what had been wrong with it. She knew by the amused glitter in his deep blue eyes that it was beyond him too.

  Katy wished they weren’t going to stay at a motel for the night. Tomorrow Adam would leave her at her hotel and she would probably never see or hear from him again. Admittedly he had said he would send her some photographs if she gave him her address, but a formal letter from his secretary wasn’t the sort of contact she wanted from him. The contact she wanted was much more physical, one night with Adam that would have to last her a lifetime. He wouldn’t be taking away her dreams if he gave her that night, he would be making her dreams come true.

  ‘Do you want to see the lake?’ he indicated the sign for Peyto Lake. ‘It’s worth seeing, if you feel up to the walk.’

  Anything to delay her final parting from him. ‘I’d love to,’ she agreed eagerly.

  It was quite a walk up to the lake, all uphill, but the final view was worth it. Peyto Lake nestled between the mountains far below them, a long expanse of water, the most gorgeous blue Katy had ever seen, almost an unreal blue.

  They went on to the wooden viewing area. ‘Why is it that colour?’ she asked Adam.

  ‘Silt from the glaciers settles on the bottom of the lake and the water reflects off it. Beautiful, isn’t it?’

  ‘Very,’ she agreed, unable to take her eyes off it.

  ‘You’re looking pale,’ Adam frowned down at her. ‘I shouldn’t have brought you up here,’ he said impatiently. ‘You’re still ill, you only got up yesterday.’

  ‘I’m—’ She was about to deny any feeling of weakness and then she hesitated. Maybe this was another way of delaying them. ‘I am feeling a bit faint,’ she amended.

  ‘Oh, hell!’ he muttered angrily. ‘Okay, let’s get down from here.’ He put an arm about her waist to support her on the walk down.

  Katy leant against him weakly, welcoming this contact with him. The walk down was much easier, but she wasn’t going to tell Adam that, and smiled wanly when he asked how she felt. She liked his concern, revelled in it, almost feeling bereft when they reached the bottom and his arm left her waist.

  ‘Adam

  ‘Mm?’ he looked up from putting the key in the ignition.

  ‘Adam, I—I don’t feel well.’ It wasn’t far from the truth, she did feel a little shaky, but that was probably from being held in his arms.

  He sighed. ‘Get into the back and lie down.’

  ‘I—er—Could we stop soon, Adam? The camper is making me feel sick today.’ She had her fingers crossed behind her back as she told this lie.

  He gave her a suspicious look, but her expression remained bland. ‘You really don’t feel up to travelling any farther?’ he asked slowly.

  ‘No,’ she said huskily.

  ‘Okay,’ he shrugged. ‘There’s a campsite a few miles ahead. We—’

  ‘What about the one we just passed? That isn’t far at all.’

  ‘It’s in the wrong direction,’ he dismissed.

  ‘But nearer, surely,’ she was checking the map. ‘It only looks half the distance,’ and it was also a step backwards.

  ‘I don’t see why the hell I can’t just drive straight through while you rest in the back.’

  ‘You can if you want,’ she accepted dully. ‘I suppose I’ll be all right.’

  Adam sighed. ‘No, we’ll go back to the campsite. I think what you need more than anything is some food inside you. You didn’t have any breakfast, and you hardly touched your lunch.’

  ‘You’re probably right,’ she agreed almost eagerly. ‘In fact, I’m sure you are. I could just eat a nice juicy steak.’

  ‘A light diet, the doctor said,’ Adam reminded her dryly.

  ‘All right, a little steak,’ she compromised teasingly.

  His expression lightened and he looked more like the old Adam. ‘I don’t think that’s quite what the doctor had in mind.’

  Katy pouted at him, feeling more relaxed with him. ‘But I’m hungry, Adam,’ and surprisingly she was. She would have Adam to herself tonight, and that was enough to give her an appetite.

  ‘So am I,’ he smiled fully now. ‘Okay, Wildfowl Lake, here we come!’

  CHAPTER NINE

  ADAM insisted that she sit down and take things easy while he cooked the steaks, so Katy sat outside and watched him. The evening was clear and fresh, the— Her breathing came to a halt as she saw a bear lumbering out of the trees towards them.

  ‘A—A—’ She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, as her nightmare became a reality. ‘Adam!’ she finally managed to squeak. ‘Adam, it’s a bear!’

  He froze. ‘Where?’ his voice was soft, controlled.

  ‘B-behind you.’ Her teeth started to chatter, her whole body shaking.

  He turned slowly, picked up the grill with the steaks on. ‘Walk slowly towards the camper,’ he ordered as the bear began sniffing the ground a few yards away from them.

  ‘I—I can’t!’ She was frozen to the spot.

  ‘Move, damn you!’ he said forcibly.

  Katy moved, slowly as he had told her to, her stricken gaze locked on the bear. At the last she would have faltered and fallen, but Adam hurriedly pushed her inside and closed the door behind them.

  ‘Oh, Adam!’ She was shaking so much she couldn’t stop. ‘I—I was petrified.’

  He pulled her against him. ‘It’s all over now. Let’s see what he’s up to, hmm?’

  Katy recoiled. ‘I’m not going out there!’

  ‘We’ll look out of the window, silly,’ he teased lightly. ‘Come on.’

  The bear was just ambling through the camp, walking on all fours across the road and into the trees on the other side. The denseness of the forest swallowed up the darkness of the bear and it was as if he had never been.

  ‘Well?’ Adam said tauntingly. ‘What did you think of your first bear?’

  ‘I was terrified,’ Katy choked. ‘But he—he was rather magnificent, wasn’t he?’

  ‘And free,’ he reminded her. ‘That’s what I like about this part of the country. I’ll go back out and finish cooking the steaks now.’

  She looked over to where the bear had recently disappeared. ‘Are you sure it’s safe?’

  ‘He won’t be back. But if you’re nervous you can stay in here.’

  Katy followed him outside, feeling totally miserable about Adam’s further reference to freedom. To him it meant everything.

  ‘Eat your steak,’ Adam ordered as she remained deep in thought.

  They retired early, Adam to his bed, Katy to hers, Adam informing her they would be making an early start in the morning. She had known by the dete
rmination in his face that he wouldn’t welcome any suggestion from her that they share his bed. But she wanted him, needed him.

  She heard a faint rustle of sound, and turned over expectantly. Adam had come to her after all. She couldn’t go to him, she couldn’t take his rejection of her one more time, but if he came to her it was a different matter.

  ‘Adam…?’ she queried softly as he made no comment.

  Still the rustling noise continued. She got out of bed, picking up the torch Adam had given her and softly opening the door to shine the light outside into the living area. She couldn’t see Adam at all, but she could see something else—a mouse!

  ‘Adam!’ she screamed, terrifying the life out of the mouse as it ran into a cupboard. ‘Adam!’ she shuddered, a creature she had always thought soft and furry now taking on a frightening aspect.

  ‘What the hell is the matter with you now?’ he growled, suddenly out of the darkness. ‘If this is some plot of yours to get me into bed with you—’

  ‘You conceited swine!’ His attitude after her fright made her angry. ‘I don’t want to sleep with you! We have a mouse in the camper.’

  He switched the light on, still in his denims and thick jumper, slightly creased now. ‘You saw it?’ His eyes were narrowed.

  ‘Well, of course I saw it!’ she said impatiently. ‘It was just sitting there looking at me. It went into the cupboard under the sink.’

  She cringed as Adam began hunting through the cupboard, coming up with nothing. ‘You’re sure it went in here?’ He turned to look at her.

  ‘Yes,’ she gave a vigorous nod.

  He stood up, closing the cupboard door. ‘Well, it’s gone now, probably out the way it got in. I should have taken that rubbish out when I had the chance, that must have been what attracted it in here.’

  Katy knew he was rebuking her. He had wanted to take the debris from their meal over to the bear-proof rubbish container, but she had pleaded with him not to go because she was terrified the bear would come back and attack him.

  She sat down on her bed, shivering. ‘I can’t go back to sleep now. He might come back in once we turn off the lights.’

  ‘Doubtful. But I can’t sleep either.’

  She knew that, knew by his clothing that he hadn’t slept. ‘So what do we do now?’ She looked at him almost hopefully.

  ‘There’s only one thing we can do.’

  ‘Yes…?’

  ‘We drive on,’ Adam told her grimly.

  ‘Now?’ she gasped. ‘In the dark?’

  ‘Why not?’ he shrugged. ‘I would prefer to be driving rather than just sitting here waiting for daylight.’

  Katy gave him a shy glance. ‘We don’t have to just sit here.’

  His blue gaze ripped into her, leaving her in no doubt of his anger. ‘Stop acting like a whore,’ he snapped. ‘If I’d wanted you I would have taken you, God knows you’ve given me enough encouragement. But I don’t want you or any of the ties you would put on me. So we drive on. Any objections?’

  ‘None,’ she choked.

  While Adam drove she dressed, the black silence all around them making everything seem unreal, making this whole situation seem unreal. It seemed like a lifetime since she had sat beside him on the plane trading insults with him, seemed like years since he had told her she was worth photographing—something he now knew was impossible, with the scars she had. The scars—!

  ‘Adam…’ she began hesitantly. ‘Adam, was it my scars that put you off?’

  ‘Scars?’ he frowned. ‘Oh, you mean the ones on your back. Nothing put me off, Katy, except that you are the person you are.’

  ‘But the scars are unsightly.’

  ‘I already told you, they mean nothing to me. God, didn’t my actions two days ago, even after I’d seen the scars, more than prove that?’

  ‘But you’re used to perfection,’ she played with a seam on her denims, ‘used to—’

  ‘Damn what I’m used to!’ he snapped forcefully. ‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered, ‘I didn’t mean to shout. Let’s just drop the subject. You are what you are, I am what I am, and never the twain shall meet.’

  ‘But we have met,’ she pointed out.

  ‘Pure fluke,’ he dismissed. ‘If there’d been a first class seat on that plane we would never have spoken to each other.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have liked that,’ she admitted softly.

  ‘I seem to remember you called me sarcastic, that you even turned your back on me a couple of times.’

  ‘You were sarcastic,’ Katy accused. ‘And you were awful at the hotel too.’

  ‘Wasn’t I?’ he grinned at her.

  ‘Dreadful. Gemma accused me of all sorts of things the next day. Oh, my God—Gemma!’ she exclaimed in horror. ‘I’ve got to face her later today. You’ll stay with me until then?’ She looked at him pleadingly.

  ‘I—’

  ‘Oh, please,’ she begged as she knew he was about to refuse. ‘Gemma can be—well, she—’

  ‘Can be a bitch,’ he finished grimly. ‘I’ve already gathered that. Okay, I’ll stay with you until you meet up with your sister. But after that I intend driving straight back to Jasper.’

  They drove straight to the hotel when they reached Calgary, going in for breakfast before going for a walk around the town. Katy had already bought her presents for the people at home, but she bought a leather wallet for Adam, and gave it to him once they had returned to the hotel.

  ‘I can’t take this, Katy—’

  ‘Oh, please, I want you to.’

  ‘I didn’t expect—’

  ‘I know you didn’t,’ she cut in awkwardly. ‘But I wanted to buy you something. If you don’t like it—’

  ‘I like it,’ he said huskily, holding out a small parcel to her. ‘I bought you this in Jasper.’

  When she unwrapped it it was to find one of the small jade bears she had so admired in one of the shops.

  ‘Of course,’ Adam added ruefully, ‘that was before you had your fright yesterday.’

  ‘It’s beautiful, Adam!’ There were tears in her eyes. ‘I’ll keep it always.’ A treasured possession from the man she loved. ‘I’ll never forget this holiday,’ she smiled tremuously.

  Adam gave a husky laugh. ‘With the disasters you’ve been through I think you’ll have trouble forgetting it.’

  She never wanted to; she would cherish every minute spent in Adam’s company.

  Gemma and Gerald arrived just after lunch, and Gemma’s gaze was derisive as it swept over Katy. Katy felt as if Gemma knew everything that had happened during her time with Adam, and colour flooded her cheeks, making her look guilty.

  ‘Did you have a good time?’ Gerald asked insinuatingly.

  ‘Did you?’ Adam returned smoothly, meeting Gerald’s eyes head on.

  ‘Er—yes, very good,’ Gerald’s gaze faltered and fell. ‘You didn’t meet up with us,’ he added.

  ‘Katy was ill,’ Adam replied.

  Gemma gave her a sharp look. ‘Ill? What was wrong with you?’

  A broken heart! ‘Just a virus,’ she answered quietly.

  ‘As long as you can travel on the plane,’ Gemma shrugged dismissively.

  Adam pinpointed her with a narrow-eyed gaze. ‘Katy was very ill for several days.’ His tone left her in no doubt of his opinion of her attitude to her sister.

  ‘Oh. I—Are you feeling better?’ Gemma asked her tightly.

  ‘Much,’ Katy almost smiled at the resentment in her sister’s rebellious face. ‘Adam looked after me very well.’

  ‘I’ll bet he did,’ Gerald grinned, then his humour faded as he saw the look of cold anger in the other man’s face. ‘Very good of you,’ he muttered.

  ‘It was,’ Katy agreed.

  ‘I’ll be off now,’ Adam said briskly. ‘Coming outside to see me off, Katy?’

  ‘Yes,’ she nodded eagerly.

  ‘Goodbye,’ Adam nodded curtly to the other couple.

  Katy followed him outside, a feeling o
f desolation sweeping over her. She would never see him again, would never again know his arms about her, his lips on hers.

  ‘Oh, Adam!’ She threw herself into his arms, weeping on his shoulder.

  ‘Hey,’ he chided teasingly, ‘I know your sister is a bitch, but she isn’t that bad.’

  She choked back the tears. ‘That isn’t why I’m crying.’

  ‘I know,’ he said gently. ‘But it’s all for the best. You’ll soon forget me and—’

  ‘Never!’ she told him vehemently, perhaps revealing too much of her feelings, but in that moment not caring.

  ‘I want you to, Katy. I’m a bastard of the first degree. I could only ever hurt you—I already have without meaning to.’ He bent to kiss her briefly on the lips. ‘Be happy, Katy. Have half a dozen kids and be happy. Promise me?’

  ‘I—’

  ‘Promise, Katy.’

  ‘I can’t,’ she said tearfully, knowing she didn’t ever want to get married if Adam wasn’t to be her husband.

  ‘Forget all about me and think of Andrew.’ He kissed her softly, framing her face with his hands, his touch gentle. ‘I’m sure if you give him a chance you’ll find yourself married to him before the end of the year.’

  ‘Adam, it’s you I—’

  ‘No!’ He put his fingers firmly over her mouth. ‘Don’t say it. I can’t handle those sort of emotions. It puts me under an obligation to you, and I can’t take that.’

  ‘All right,’ she gave a wan smile, ‘if that’s the way you want it.’

  ‘It is. Now go back to your secure little world and let me get on with being the swine I usually am. But I’ve enjoyed our time together, Katy. It’s certainly never been dull!’

  Gemma was alone when Katy went back inside the hotel. ‘Gerald got fed up waiting,’ she said crossly, jabbing her finger on to the lift button. ‘What’s that?’ she indicated the small parcel in Katy’s hand.

  ‘It’s a present.’ The little jade bear hadn’t left her since Adam had given it to her. ‘From Adam,’ she added softly.

  ‘What is it?’ Gemma demanded to know. ‘Is that all?’ she scorned once Katy had shown her. ‘Two weeks of sleeping with Adam Wild and all you got out of it was that old bear,’ she derided.