by Amy Reece
He smiled crookedly at her, looking so beautiful as she sat on his couch. “I still love you too, Sloane. But.”
“Yeah. But.” She actually laughed softly. “It’s not enough anymore, is it?”
He shook his head. “I think we want different things from life, hon. I’m never gonna be the designer guy you want me to be. I’m never gonna match.”
She nodded and sipped her tea. “I think I finally get that. But you’re so goddamn gorgeous!”
He raised his eyebrows. “Thanks? I guess I just prefer jeans and ratty t-shirts to fancy button-ups.”
“And beer and football to cocktail parties.”
“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that.”
She waved her hand dismissively. “I should have seen it a whole lot sooner, that’s all.” She sniffed, blinking away tears, then smiled at him. “I’ve been offered a promotion.”
He sat up and smiled, relieved at the change in direction. “Really? Here?”
She shook her head. “Chicago. If I impress them, I may be on my way to New York.”
It had long been her dream to escape the backwater of Albuquerque and move to where fashion was happening. He’d known it throughout their relationship and it was one of their repeated arguments: he loved Albuquerque and never wanted to leave his family. She wanted to get out as soon as possible. “Congratulations. You deserve it, and I know you’ve dreamed of it for a long time.”
“Thanks. When I got the news, I couldn’t wait to tell you, to try to convince you to go with me.” She took a sip of the tea. “I even brought home the paperwork for you to apply to the Chicago Fire Department.” She pointed to the stack of papers on the coffee table in front of them. “But I guess I knew you wouldn’t, and I don’t think we could survive a long-distance relationship.”
“Probably not.”
“Yeah.” She finished her tea and stood, slipping her feet back into her shoes. “I should go. I really don’t want to get my stuff right now if that’s okay.”
“Not a problem. I can get it together tomorrow.” He stood and took her hand. “I’ll drop it by your place and leave the key.” She’d never left much more than a toothbrush and a few blouses. He would have more to pack up at her place since that’s where they usually spent the night. He had several sets of clothing and some bathroom items he would need to get.
She reached into her pocket. “That will work. Here.” She placed his house key in his hand. It was clear she’d removed it from her keyring earlier in the evening in preparation for this break-up conversation. “There’s no rush.” She stood on tip-toe to brush her lips across his cheek. “Goodbye, Seamus. I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
Once she’d left, he took her empty mug to the sink, then wandered restlessly around the apartment, not quite knowing how he should feel. There was relief, certainly, but there was also an unexpected sense of loss and sadness. She’d been his first serious girlfriend and they’d dated for more than three years. He knew his family—his sisters at least—would be thrilled. He wasn’t blind, and knew they’d never loved Sloane. I wonder what they’ll think about Nina? But he knew it was way too soon to be thinking about starting a new relationship. Your timing sucks, dude! You literally just broke up with your girlfriend and Nina’s still trying to come to terms with the death of her twin brother. She was too important to be simply a rebound relationship. He sighed as he turned off the lights and locked the front door. It was late, and he had to work the next morning.
***
Nina
“Hey, Barb.” Nina hoped she sounded casual as she slid into the seat next to her colleague in the small break room. “Where do you get your hair done?” In truth, she’d been lying in wait for the other woman, who always looked sleek and well-groomed. Nina hadn’t been to a beauty shop in over two years, but knew she needed some maintenance before the ball Saturday night. What I really need is a fairy godmother.
“I go to this great little place in Nob Hill.” She searched through her phone. “I’m sending you the number.”
“Oh, thanks.” Her shoulders slumped in relief. “I haven’t been in way too long; I didn’t even know where to begin.”
Barb, the history department’s resident expert in Latin America, smirked, but not unkindly. “What’s the occasion? Big date?”
“Oh, no. Well, sort of, I guess. But we’re just friends.” At Barb’s disbelieving look she rushed to continue. “I’m going to the Firefighter’s Ball with my friend, Seamus.”
“Ooh. Spending the entire evening with a roomful of hot firemen? Nice! Way to go, girl! I hope this Seamus is the hottest of them all!”
Nina giggled, then clapped her hand over her mouth, looking around in horror lest any of the other professors witness her immaturity. “Oh, my God! It’s like I’m back in high school. Seamus is incredibly handsome, but we really are just friends. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend.”
“Hmm. Well, let’s see what we can do about making him forget about this girlfriend. Now, I’m going to call my stylist, Melinda, and get you an appointment. You’ll need hair, nails, and a Brazilian wax.” She dialed the phone as she talked.
“I don’t need a wax of any sort, Barb! That’s not going to come up, I promise you!”
“Shh.” Barb held up a finger. She spoke into her cell phone for several moments, then hung up and grinned at Nina. “Good news. Melinda has an opening tomorrow afternoon, so I booked you an appointment with her for hair, and with Greta for a Brazilian wax, and with Cho for your mani/pedi.”
Nina wondered how she’d gone from tentatively asking where to get her hair done to having a full salon treatment package booked for the following afternoon. I don’t even want to think about how much this is going to cost! But she didn’t tell Barb to cancel it. She wanted to look her best, even if it was wasted on Seamus. “Thanks. I’m probably crazy to be fussing like this, but…”
“Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Am I right? You’re a beautiful woman, Nina. Go for it. If you want this guy, go get him.”
“If only it were that easy. But I appreciate your help. Who knows? Maybe I’ll find some other hot fireman there who doesn’t have an inconvenient girlfriend.”
“That’s the spirit!” Barb raised her cup, as if to cheer Nina on. “Now, what are you wearing?”
“Well, I have a dress I bought for one of David’s fancy cocktail parties. I only wore it once.”
“What does it look like? If it’s frumpy, we’re going shopping.”
Nina laughed. “It’s not frumpy. It’s black and skimpy. I was actually thinking of getting something a little less—”
“It sounds perfect! Make sure this guy—Seamus, right?—knows what he’s missing out on. Make sure you wear some sexy underwear, a thong, preferably.”
“It won’t matter if I wear granny panties, Barb. Seamus won’t be seeing them.”
“Sexy underwear isn’t for our guy—well, it isn’t only for our guy. It’s for making us feel sexy and confident. You should definitely make a quick trip to Victoria’s Secret.”
“I’m sure I have something that will work.” She didn’t know any such thing. While she didn’t buy true granny panties, nothing currently residing in her lingerie drawer could be considered remotely sexy.
Barb pushed her plate away and leaned forward. “Nina, sweetie, I know it’s difficult to get back in the game.” She patted her hand as she smiled sympathetically. Barb had divorced her second husband six months before. “But this is your golden opportunity to rip the bandage off and dip your toe into the dating world. It’s not the time for chickenshit crap like wearing your ratty, old cotton panties under a slinky dress. You owe it to yourself to dress to the nines and wow this guy!”
Nina raised her eyebrows and tried to find the message buried under all Barb’s euphemistic verbiage. “I don’t even know if Seamus is interested in anything more than friendship. He was my brother’s best friend, you know.” She had no idea why she’d added that last bit.
“Oh, sweetie.” Barb squeezed her hand. “I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. Are you doing okay?”
Nina nodded as she stared at the tray of condiments in the center of the table. “I’m getting there. Seamus has been a huge help through all of it.” She reached for her nearly-cold cup of coffee. “I had a massive crush on him when we were kids.”
“Sounds like you still do.”
Nina shrugged and nodded. “His girlfriend is beyond gorgeous. I don’t think I have much of a chance.”
“Well, not with that attitude. You’ve got to bring your A-Game, babe. Play to your strengths. You are really pretty and super slim—I hate you for that—but you could do a little more with color and maybe wear things that accentuate your figure, rather than hide it.”
Nina glanced down at her office uniform: blue jeans, a lavender t-shirt, and a gray, baggy cardigan sweater. “I like comfortable clothes.”
“Do you also like spending every night alone?”
“That’s so harsh, Barb. Jeez. Is it really that bad?” Why had no one ever said anything?
Barb shook her head. “No, I didn’t mean it to sound so dire.” She sat straighter and looked Nina up and down carefully, clearly assessing her more fully. “You do have the female version of the rumpled professor going on, however. It’s cute, but you’re seriously down-playing your natural assets.
“Why do I feel an 80’s shopping montage coming on?”
Barb clapped her hands delightedly. “Yes! Let’s stop by your place to check out the dress first. You don’t have any classes this afternoon, right?”
Nina sighed, but nodded her acquiescence. Looks like I got my fairy godmother after all.
***
She was almost late picking the girls up from the sitter’s house. Barb had dragged her to the mall, one of her least favorite places in the entire world, and then forced her to try on countless outfits, including dresses for the ball. Barb had advised against wearing the dress Nina already owned, saying that while it was okay, she thought they could find something more flattering and more Nina’s style. The problem is I don’t have a style. Or at least I didn’t. Barb had helped her find not only a silky dress in a beautiful deep purple, but she’d also insisted she try on a new office look she promised had endless options for variety yet showed more of Nina’s naturally slim figure rather than hiding it beneath the baggy jeans she favored. Her new basic look included several pairs of slim fit slacks, a few leggings, colorful silky blouses, and a pair of short boots in a soft calf-skin leather Nina had fallen in love with. Barb had made her promise to go home and weed out ninety percent of her jeans and t-shirts, saying they could only be worn now on weekends. Nina had promised to do it immediately after dinner, knowing if she didn’t, if there were another option, she’d find herself reverting to her familiar wardrobe. But she’d liked the way she looked in the new clothes: sophisticated and confident, rather than mousy and small. Barb had promised to look for a few hairstyles and color ideas and bring them the next day. Nina had balked at the thought of coloring her hair, but Barb had cut her off, saying a few lowlights would make a world of difference.
“Do you think all those gorgeous women out there go au natural? Hell no, sweetie. We all need a little help. I’d bet a million dollars that Seamus’s girlfriend is high maintenance when it comes to her beauty routine.” And then Barb had dragged her to Sephora for a mini-makeover.
Nina had been surprised and pleased to discover what a little bronzer, mascara, and lip gloss could do. It was still natural, but not the I’ve-been-dry-camping-for-three-days look. She wouldn’t see Seamus until he came to pick her up for the ball—he’d had to work an extra-long shift in order to get Saturday night off—and she hoped she could pull her new look together by then. But I don’t think I’m doing this only for him anymore. It makes me feel good too. Maybe I will find a hot fireman at that silly ball. Why should I wait around for someone who doesn’t want me?
The lofty sentiments carried her through Friday and nearly through Saturday. They began to falter as she got ready for her date. It’s not a date. It’s two friends attending a work function. Yeah. But her hands trembled as she applied the scented lotion after her shower. She blow-dried her hair, appreciating how the expensive cut fell into place like it never had before. It was only slightly shorter, but the layers and highlights brought it to life and it no longer hung against her neck like a dead possum. Her nails were short, but glossy, and her secret places, only somewhat hidden by the tiny scrap of lace Barb called a thong, were smooth and touchable. Nina closed her eyes and took a deep breath at the delicious image of Seamus touching her there. Slow down, girl! Remember it’s not really a date!
By the time he let himself in with the key she’d insisted he keep, she was slipping into the black heels she hoped she could manage to walk in. “I’m back here, Seamus. I’m almost ready.” She grabbed her shawl and tentatively stepped into the hallway.
He was seated on the sofa, remote control in his hand. “You really were almost read—wow.” He lowered the remote and stared. “Wow times a thousand.” He tossed it on the couch and stood. “You look incredible.” His eyes roved appreciatively up and down her body.
She grinned, pleased at his assessment. “You clean up well too.” He looked amazing in his tux, his broad shoulders filling out the coat to perfection. “I hope there’s food. This,” she gestured to herself, “took forever and I forgot to eat lunch. I’m starving.”
“It’s a dinner, so don’t worry. I can’t have my gorgeous date passing out on me.” He grinned and took her hand to spin her around. “You really do look amazing, Nina.”
She bit her lip and looked up at him. Better to get it out in the open now. “Did you tell Sloane you were taking me to the ball?”
He winced. “Not exactly.”
“Seamus, I don’t know how I feel about—”
“Shh.” He squeezed her hand lightly. “We broke up.”
“What? When?” She tried in vain to calm the sudden thumping of her heart. He’s free.
“A few nights ago, right after I left here, actually. She was waiting at my place. I didn’t even know she was back in town.” He sat on the sofa and tugged her down to join him. “She’s the one who called it off. She’s been offered a job in Chicago.”
“I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
He chuckled. “I’m fine. It was time to end it—past time. I’ve known for months but haven’t wanted to pull the plug. We were together a long time.”
She thought he looked sad. Sad, but not devastated. Maybe there’s hope. “Is there anything I can do?”
“You’re doing it. I’d hate to go stag to this ball.”
He drove them to the downtown hotel where the ball was being held and Nina felt like a princess when he pulled into the valet parking lane. He held her hand as they walked to the ballroom and introduced her to the people already seated at their table, all from his station. The food was forgettable, but filling enough to stop her stomach growling. The conversation was fun, and Nina enjoyed watching Seamus tease and interact with his co-workers, including a female paramedic he treated much like the other guys. She was fascinated by this side of him, entranced by the good-natured banter flying around the table. He loves these people and it seems like he loves his job. She remembered hearing him talk about his dreams to become a firefighter all through high school, his impatience at his parents’ insistence he go to college first.
“So, Seamus, how’s the application process going?” The speaker was Lisa Baca, Jon’s wife. “Have you sent it in yet?”
Nina frowned at him, wondering what she could be referring to. He wasn’t trying to get a new job and move away, was he?
He reached for her hand under the table. “I’m applying to the Arson Investigation team.” He turned to Lisa. “I sent it in this week. Fingers crossed.” He shrugged, as if it didn’t matter one way or another. Nina suspected it mattered quite a lot.
“I didn’t
know you wanted to do that. You’ll get it.”
He let go of her hand and set his arm along the back of her chair. “Thanks. I’ve been wanting to apply ever since I joined the department. This is the first year I’m eligible.” He shrugged again. “I’ll keep applying if I don’t get it this year. Eventually they’ll take me, if only to get me to stop applying. I majored in fire science in college, though, so my chances are pretty decent, I think.”
She’d had no idea he was so driven.
Lisa stood and held her hand out to her husband. “Well, I came to dance, sir. Your daughter will demand my constant attention the second we get home, so we need to make the most of this evening.”
Nina smiled as she watched the couple take to the floor. Jon was an enthusiastic dancer, swinging his wife as they waltzed.
“What do you say, Nina?” Seamus stood and pulled her to her feet. “Shall we?”
She nodded and followed him to the dance floor. She stepped into his arms willingly; she’d been looking forward to this all night. She loved to dance and had missed it since her divorce. David had been a wonderful dancer and had taught her much of what she knew but being held by him had never thrilled her as much as being swept into Seamus’s arms. He was so warm and solid. She wanted to nuzzle against his chest, but knew it wasn’t the time nor place. “Your friends are great.”
He chuckled. “Yeah. We spend a lot of time together, probably more than most other professions, so it’s important to be tight with each other.” He surprised her with a swift turn; his dancing would certainly never win any awards. “They’re all wondering about you. I’m sure I’m going to have a bunch of questions to answer when I see them Monday at the station.”
She looked up into his face. “And what are you going to tell them?”
He pulled her a bit closer. “I think that depends on you.” At her questioning frown, he brushed her hair behind her ear. “It shouldn’t come as any surprise that I’m having a hard time pretending to be ‘just friends’ with you. I need to know if you might ever be interested in more than friendship with me.”
