Broke.
She fucking broke me.
We were messed up, both of us. The only thing that little girl wanted was her safe place. Why couldn’t I see that? I fought with her in her safe place. The tears were falling down my face as I watched her. I couldn’t even be mad about Landon, because in my heart I knew she was right. He did love her. He’d never love her as much as me, but I had to open my fucking eyes. She still needed me, and I would always need her.
I pulled her into my arms and we cried together. It was the first real breakthrough that the two of us had. It felt good to know that we had each other.
“We need help Blaine.” I spoke into her hair, as my cheek lay against her head.
She nodded her head yes. “We do. I’m sorry Bubba. We should have talked more seriously weeks ago. I thought that this weird tension would all go away. Truthfully,” she laughed, “I thought that once you got laid that you wouldn’t be wound up so tight.”
“Guess it takes more than a one night stand.”
She was right. I felt guilty. I felt ashamed. I just wanted to throw up and punch something all at one time. We were rid of the only bad thing in our lives, and we were still just as messed up as we were when we were kids. Time didn’t heal our wounds. This talk probably didn’t either.
“Can you start over with Landon? Please. He really is a good guy.”
I nodded. “I guess. I didn’t really give him a chance once I saw him. I was expecting something totally different.” Like short, and nerdy.
“That was my fault. I should have said something. I was too focused on worrying about everything that was going to come out of your mouth.” She admitted.
I wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “He’s sort of bad-ass you know that?”
A small laugh escaped her. “Yeah, what can I say? I guess I’m most comfortable with gorilla’s.” She tapped my stomach with her free hand.
I wasn’t ready to be Landon’s best friend, but now that I knew that he wasn’t lying, I’d at least give him a chance. It’d be nice to have a guy to converse with rather than a bunch of women. It couldn’t hurt right?
Landon gave me a knowing nod, and I extended my hand to him. Once we shook, I promised myself that I’d take it easy. Blaine and I had some serious inside issues to work through, but as long as we remained a team I knew that we could do it. At least I hoped we could. If I couldn’t be there to protect her for any reason than I knew Landon could. He was willing to take a knife to the throat for her. Yeah, he pissed me off, but he was only fighting for his girl. In some ways I could appreciate that.
I finished off the rest of my disgusting beer, and watched the fight. It was a first round knockout just like I’d hoped for, only this time for different reasons. I left Blaine there with Landon, which was harder than I expected, and I walked home. She tried to protest, but the night air would do me good, and I felt like I was intruding in her personal space. Maybe a good cry was just what I needed. I felt like a new man, sort of.
Chapter Sixteen- Present
“You got this. Quit being a puss.” Yep, I was talking to myself outside the backdoor entrance to the bar. My first day back to work, and I had to pump myself up before I could go in. I was on the night shift working security and I didn’t want people thinking I was going to flip out again. I couldn’t. I’d risk everything if it happened again. I mean everything, including Madeline.
I gripped my fingers tightly into my hair. The girl makes me come undone. Just saying her name, makes me want to pull all of my hair out. Maybe it would be a good idea to start looking for another job. There was no way I could be around her all the time. Especially since I knew what sex could be like. I couldn’t keep myself from wondering what it’d be like with her.
I pulled hard on the handle to open the door and she came flying out with it. Her body crashed hard into mine, and I had to put my hands around her to keep her from falling. She was like a rag doll against my strength, and I should have been more careful.
“Sorry. I didn’t know you were on the other side. I wouldn’t have pulled so hard.”
She stayed against me, and didn’t push away. So I kept my arms locked around her. I knew I wasn’t against it, but for some unknown reason she wasn’t either.
“Madeline,” I said. I loved the way her name sounded on my lips. She wasn’t speaking. I thought maybe something was wrong. When she looked up at me, and slowly stepped back, I knew that something was wrong. She’d been upset for some reason. I could see it in her eyes. They were red underneath, like she’d been crying. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She said. “I’m fine.”
She didn’t look fine.
“Madeline, you can…” I started to speak, but I was interrupted.
“Maddie baby,” Someone with a deep voice spoke from behind me.
I turned around and was face to face with the boyfriend. Why? I looked up to the sky. Did fate have it in for me, or something? I had to be the unluckiest man on the planet. I did not need this right now.
“You better get to work Brian.” Madeline said, as she gave me a quick glance. “Glad you’re back.”
That was it.
She reached for the douche’s hand and walked away with him. With him, not me. I wanted to laugh at the fucking irony of the whole situation. That idiot probably didn’t even know what irony meant, but then again I couldn’t drive. I don’t know which one of us was the most pathetic.
He had girl, so it obviously wasn’t him.
I swung the door open hard again, and left them out there.
The gang welcomed me back as soon as I walked through the doors. No one seemed upset with me, and Amelia gave me the biggest hug. She thanked me for saving her, but she didn’t have to. She didn’t owe me any thanks. I needed to be the one thanking her. It was thanks to her that I didn’t go back to jail.
The night was going good, but I hadn’t seen Madeline since I got there. Normally I would have seen her at least once, but nothing. The girl behind the bar told me I could go on break about 11:00 p.m. and I didn’t argue. I took my soda and grabbed a hand full of peanuts from the bar before I left. As I was making way down the hallway to the door, I saw Madeline and her guy kissing. He had her backed up against the wall and his hands were all over her. It felt like someone sucker punched me right in the gut. It wasn’t like the kiss they shared on her porch. This was way more. They may as well have been having sex right there. I couldn’t look away. I wanted it to be me.
Man it hurt.
I’d have rather taken a sharp elbow to my nose. I’ve had it done, and it’s a horrible pain. But it doesn’t compare to this. My fists were balled up against my sides, until she saw me. She looked right at me. She didn’t stop, like a boss should have. She let him keep kissing her neck, while she looked at me.
Fuck you too.
I flipped her off before I walked past them and out the door. She wasn’t acting like a boss, so I didn’t have to act like an employee. Fuck her.
I’d like to.
But that’s beside the point.
I pulled out my phone and texted Easy. I asked her if I could come over after work. Burying yourself balls deep inside someone could really make you forget your issues. At least that’s what I was telling myself.
While I was in the middle of a text, the door slammed shut behind me.
“How’s it goin’ man?” A deep voice said from behind me. I didn’t even have to turn around. I’d know that sickening sound anywhere.
He stepped up beside me and patted me on the back. Bad idea!
“I said how’s it goin’ man?” He repeated himself. The trouble was, I heard him the first time, and if I wanted to talk to him, I would’ve. “You deaf or something.”
Whoa, courtyard flashback.
I jumped off the picnic table, and got right up in his face. I was close enough that he could smell my peanut breath, and I made sure to spit a little when I talked. “You need to get the hell out of here.”
Way to hit me in the nuts buddy.
“I don’t give a shit who you’re sleeping with. I told you to get your ass out of here, and I don’t ever want to see your face here again. We clear?” I stepped in closer, careful not to touch him. Not yet anyway.
“Big tough guy thinks he can tell me what to do? I’ll have your ass fired tomorrow?” I could see the muscles in his jaw tighten. “Fired.” He spat.
Time to touch him. I wrapped one hand around his puny neck. “Try it. I dare you.” I squeezed a little tighter. I wasn’t trying to hurt him, just scare him. “Say one word to her about this little discussion, and I’ll break every bone in your precious face. This little chat didn’t happen. I don’t want to see your face ever again. You really are a tiny man.” I was messing with him. I liked watching him squirm. Five bucks says he pissed his pants the moment my fingers wrapped around his neck. He was clawing at my hand with his, but it was useless. His face was turning blue. “My turds are bigger than you. You need to work out.” I dropped my hand and watched him gasp for air. It was a sweet, sweet, feeling.
Job well done.
I left him on his ass in the lot and walked back into work feeling like a brand new man. There was no erasing the grin on my face.
Chapter Seventeen- Present
The next morning, bright and early, I had inventory at work. I had inventory with Madeline. I wanted to see her, but I knew she’d be upset with me. I was upset with her too. As soon as I saw her face though, it all went away. It always did. There was something about her that made me grow week at the knees. She had the most intoxicating smile that made me want to kiss her lips all the time. I wished I could. I wished so badly that she was mine. Trying to resist her was like putting a glass of water in front of a man that was dying of thirst. Even when I was mad, I still wanted her. The feelings I had for her were deeper than some one-night fling with Easy. I cared about her. I looked forward to every moment I got to look at her. No matter how mad she made me, or what she said, it didn’t matter. I still thought about her when I went to bed. I thought about her in the shower. I thought about her on my walks to work. Hell, I even thought about her when I was in bed with someone else.
Across the bar she sat with her clipboard in hand. Her bare feet were resting on the rails of the barstool. This place was a second home to her. It wasn’t odd seeing her sitting there with no shoes on her feet. I took advantage of the moment since she hadn’t heard me come in. She was lost in her thoughts, or in the papers that were attached to her clipboard. She was a workaholic. I took a moment to steal a glance while she wasn’t looking. She was so pretty, better than pretty. No woman could compare.
When she spotted me across the room I was hoping for that sweet smile. I wanted her to look at me the same way I was looking at her.
That wasn’t the case at all. Her jaw was clenched, and her face grew red with anger. She was mad. Madder than I’d ever seen her before.
It took her one, two, three, four long strides to be close enough that I could feel her body touching mine.
This would be the part in the story wear the dragon would breathe fire and burn you to ash. She was about to breathe fire, and I was the one going down.
“You,” she poked my chest. “How could you? You had no right interfering.”
That little fucker! He told on me. I should have seen it coming.
I couldn’t defend what I’d done. It was true. I didn’t have the right to do it, but I did it anyway.
“You can’t do that Brian. What is your problem?”
“You!” I yelled back. “You’re my problem.”
She slapped the palm of her hand over her forehead. “I already told you before. This can’t happen. I don’t know what more I have to do. You don’t belong in my business. It’s my business.”
“What business is that? Are you talking about personal, or here?” I asked. She was messing with my head. My old man told me once that I needed to shit or get off the pot. I didn’t learn what that meant until years later. It applied well here. She can’t say nice things to me, look at me like she wants me, and then tell me to fuck off.
“Both.” She said.
“Oh yeah. So you’re firing me then. You’re telling me that you don’t want me here. Is that what I’m hearing?”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“Yes. You’re fired.” She said, and a single tear slid down her cheek.
I leaned in closer to her face. She blinked, and another tear fell.
I reached my hand up and caressed the side of her neck slowly. Her soft skin felt smooth to the touch, and her body shivered. For someone who didn’t want me, she sure reacted to my touch.
As gentle as I could be, I pulled her body against mine. She let out the deep breath that she’d been holding, and looked me in the eye again. I wasn’t going to look away. Not this time. If this was the last time that I could be with her, than I was going to make damn sure that she regretted letting me go. I licked my lips lightly, and inched in closer. She didn’t stop me. When her eyes closed, that was my cue. I let my lips lightly touch hers and felt her melt under me. That was it. I grabbed her ass and lifted her off the ground, sitting her on top of the bar. I devoured her mouth. I didn’t even give her chance to breathe. My fingers dug deep into her hips, as I kissed her for the last time. I bucked my hips in just the right place to make her cry out, and our lips never broke. If I died right there, and never made it any farther, I’d still be a happily broken man.
Our lips broke and I rested my head against hers. We were both fighting for our next breaths.
“You sure you want me to go.”
Her head dropped and she sobbed. “Go Brian.”
I slammed my fist into the bar so hard that my knuckles cracked, and walked out. That was it. I was through. No more fighting for her, no more trying to win her heart.
“Your loss.” I screamed.
I had to run. I needed to run.
I needed to get away.
I felt like Forest Gump, because I couldn’t stop. I just kept running, not sure exactly where I was going until I ended up there.
Landon’s apartment complex looked empty in the early morning hours. There were barely any cars in the lot, and he probably wasn’t there either. I didn’t even know why I went there, or what I was expecting to find when I got there.
Could I go in?
I hesitated for a long minute, going back and forth in my head. It wasn’t the safest place for someone to be, in my head I mean. Crazy things were always happening up there.
I leaned my head over and rested my hands on top of my knees. I just needed to catch my breath. The sweat was rolling down my back from the long run, and the cool air burned my throat.
I thought to myself that I probably shouldn’t be there. That Blaine was always my go-to when I needed to talk. Mainly because she was the only person I had.
“Brian,” I looked up at Landon. He was standing there with a what-the-hell-are-you-doing look on his face. His long hair was slicked back, and he was wearing a tie. I was a bit shocked at his clothes, but didn’t laugh. I couldn’t. Not when I was the one standing outside his apartment covered in sweat. I probably looked like a complete idiot.
“Hey.”
“Is something wrong? Where’s Blaine?” A panicked look was on his face.
“She’s fine.” I reassured him. “I was just out for a run. I got fired today.” Wow, that came out of nowhere. It was that foot-in-mouth thing that Blaine said I had.
“You want a bottle of water or something?” He asked.
“No man, I’m sorry. I know you have to go to work. I’m just gonna head back towards the house.”
“It’s no problem. I’m the boss, remember.”
“Right,” I nodded. “I’ll take a water.” I followed inside.
He push
ed the button on the elevator. “You want to talk about what happened.”
“Can I ask you a question?” I said, climbing in the elevator next to him. When he didn’t respond, I continued. “Are all women complicated? I mean do they ever really say what they mean or mean what they say?”
He belted out in a hard laugh. “You lost your job over a chick?”
“That chick was my boss.”
“Wait Madeline,” he looked shocked. “You have a thing for Madeline.”
“Yeah, so.” I shrugged. “I can’t help it.”
“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Blaine just didn’t tell me. I had no idea.”
I took a seat at his kitchen table, and before I knew it, I had told him everything. He was cheaper than therapy, and it turns out, he was easy to talk to. One minute he was listening and serious, and the next minute he was laughing at the fact that I slept with a girl whose name I couldn’t remember. Only that wasn’t the funny part. The funniest part was calling her Easy. He got a kick out of that.
Before I knew it, I’d spent two hours talking to this guy. I didn’t know him at all, but I really felt like I could trust him. That was obvious, because I told him all my secrets. He didn’t act like he minded.
“After that night you came over, I thought that you and I would never be able to have a civil conversation without knives involved. I’m glad you happened to run by my place today.” He admitted.
I held up my fist at him. “Me too.”
He knuckled me, and patted my shoulder. “You know what?”
I gave him a curious look.
“You should come hang out with me and my partner some time. Just a guys’ night you know?”
“Yeah, sure. That’d be cool.” I said.
“Good. See ya later Brian.”
“Later,” I called out. “Oh and thanks for the talk.”
I went from being on the bottom of the world, to the top. I didn’t show him just how excited I was, but a guy’s night sounded a lot like winning the lottery. I’d never won the lottery, and I’d never had a guy’s night out. It was going to be epic.
15 years to life Page 8
