by Lesley Crewe
She didn’t answer him.
“She came to me again, and it was heaven.”
“Stop.”
“No, you wanted to know the truth. And then you arrived at the garage that day and threw yourself at me. I couldn’t believe it.”
“Was that heaven?”
“Yes. Yes, it was. I came over that night to be with you. I didn’t want to think about what I’d done with Tansy. I hoped you’d never find out. And then she walked in the door. We both nearly died. It was too awful for words.”
“So why were you kissing her last night?”
“We were saying goodbye.”
“How touching, the two of you doing me this big favour, pretending it never happened, keeping me in the dark. No wonder you won’t come for supper. And no wonder Tansy’s crying in my kitchen. Only is she crying for me or is she crying for you? What do you think?”
“I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“Well, why don’t I ask her?” Bay started for the door. He came around from behind the chair and hurried to catch her. He held her arm and made her look at him. “Don’t go off at her, Bay. The minute she found out who I was, she stayed away from me. It’s not fair to get upset with her.”
“It isn’t? You might think you know my sister, Dermot, but you don’t. She’s capable of lots of things, things people have to run around and undo, things that need to be kept quiet—so quiet that the silence is unbearable. So don’t tell me how to deal with my sister, okay?”
He let her go. “What about us?”
“Us? You’re kidding, right?”
She walked away.
Bay called Anne from the car and told her she wasn’t feeling well and she was spending the day in bed. Anne told her it was no problem. When she hung up, Bay fought the urge to go to the cemetery and talk to her mother. It was nonsense anyway. Her mother never talked to her. It was her imagination.
She was alone. She was always alone.
Bay started the car and drove back to the house. As she pulled in the driveway, Flo was walking up the sidewalk. Bay got out of the car and ignored her.
“Morning, Bay. Fine day.”
Bay turned around and walked over to her. “How can you talk about me behind my back one minute and then give me a big grin five minutes later like butter wouldn’t melt?”
Flo’s mouth dropped open. “What are you on about?”
“Telling everyone who’ll listen that my sister is a tramp. Where do you get off talking about my family like that?”
Flo looked shocked. “I didn’t mean no harm. I was only stickin’ up for ya.”
“Well, do me a big favour and keep your nose out of my business from now on.”
She turned around and marched down the driveway and into the house. There was no one in the kitchen.
“Tansy?”
“I’m in here. What are you doing home?”
Bay walked into the living room. Tansy was on the couch reading a Vogue magazine.
“Where’s Ashley?”
“She’s in the shower. Is something wrong?”
Bay threw herself into the armchair by the picture window. She crossed her arms and then her legs and stared at her sister. “You could say that.”
Tansy closed the magazine and tossed it onto the coffee table. “Okay. Are you going to tell me what?”
“You know what it’s about.”
“I do?”
Bay nodded.
“I’m afraid I don’t. Enlighten me.”
“Dermot.”
Tansy went white. She sat very still and kept her eyes on Bay. “Who told you?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes, it does. Because I know for a fact it wouldn’t have been him.”
“My wonderful neighbour Flo couldn’t keep her mouth shut this morning at the post office.”
Tansy closed her eyes.
“Were you going to tell me?”
She opened them again. “No, I wasn’t, because it’s over.”
“You sat in that kitchen and told me I needed to behave like a lady and keep my hands off him. I thought you were looking out for me. But all the while you were making sure you had him to yourself. What kind of a woman does that?”
“I know that’s how it looks—”
Bay stood up. “That’s how it is! I know you, Tansy. I know what you’re capable of.”
Tansy stood up too. “And what’s that?”
“Creating a huge mess and making the rest of us clean it up.”
Tansy said nothing.
“So here it is again. Dermot and I are finished. Any chance we might have had has been wiped out by you.”
Tansy raised her voice. “Why weren’t you with him in the first place?”
“I had other things to worry about, like raising a headstrong daughter alone and dealing with the loss of everyone I loved, including you.”
Tansy turned away and walked towards the window. “It hasn’t been easy for me either.”
“You drive a Porsche. How difficult was it?”
Tansy turned around. “I have a car. You have a daughter. Who’s the lucky one?”
Bay didn’t say anything, so Tansy continued. “I met a guy who looked as lonely as I felt and we got together, that’s all. It wasn’t a big conspiracy against you. It happened. I’m sorry you got hurt.”
“You’re always sorry.”
“What do you want from me, Bay? What else can I say?”
“That you’re getting the hell out of my life and never coming back. I thought I wanted you to come home, but I’ve been miserable since you arrived and I can’t take it anymore…”
“Mom?”
They looked up and saw Ashley standing on the stairs, wearing a bathrobe and a towel wrapped around her hair.
“What’s going on?”
The sisters looked at each other. Bay spoke first. “Nothing. It’s nothing to worry about.”
Ashley came down the last of the stairs. “Nothing to worry about? You just told Tansy to get the hell out of your life. Were you going to consult me about it? Or don’t I matter?”
“Of course you matter.”
“It doesn’t sound like it. Why do you hate her so much?”
“I don’t hate her.”
“That’s not how it sounds from here.” Ashley looked at Tansy. “And do you want to go?”
“I can’t stay if your mother doesn’t want me here. It’s her house.”
“It’s my house too!” Ashley shouted. “How come no one listens to me and what I want?”
“I do, honey.”
“Mom, that’s a lie. I don’t want Tansy to go. Are you listening now? I don’t want her to go.”
“This is between Tansy and—”
Ashley’s voice became too high. “No! She can’t go. I need her!”
Tansy walked over and put her hands on Ashley’s shoulders. “Why do you need me?”
Ashley’s face crumbled. “I’m pregnant.”
Tansy immediately took her in her arms as Ashley sobbed against her.
Bay’s hand covered her mouth. “No. Oh, no.”
She ran out of the room.
CHAPTER TEN
Tansy finally sent Ashley upstairs to get some clothes on. She told her to wait in her room, because her mother would be up to speak to her in a minute. Then she went into the kitchen and looked out the back door. Bay was on the swing, just as Tansy suspected.
She took a deep breath and walked outside. Bay was looking out over the water and didn’t notice her approach. It wasn’t until she sat down that Bay turned and saw her.
They looked at each other for a long moment. Tansy reached over and took Bay’s hand. Bay let her.
“We’ll figure this out together. I won’t leave you; you won’t be alone with this, Bay. You have to let me help you. You have to let me help her. She’s the only thing that matters.”
Bay nodded.
“The issues you and I have mean nothing in the wake of
this. We need to put them on the back burner and present a united front, okay?”
Bay nodded again.
“You have to go upstairs and tell her you love her. She’s frightened and she needs you.”
“This is my fault, you know.”
Tansy squeezed her hand. “That’s not true. How is it your fault?”
“I’ve been preoccupied with Mom’s death and I didn’t pay enough attention to her, so she went and found it somewhere else.”
“Nonsense. She fell in love with a boy, that’s all.”
Tears fell down Bay’s cheeks. “She’s only a baby. Her life is ruined.”
“It’s not ruined. We’ll figure it out. Go and talk to her.”
Bay stood and wiped her face with her hands, then looked down at Tansy. “I’ll let you help me with this because I’m smart enough to know I need help, but don’t for one minute think I’ve forgiven you for what you’ve done to Dermot and me.”
She walked back into the house.
As Bay climbed the stairs, her mind went blank and her feet got heavier with every step. She had to rest before she reached the landing. Tansy told her to talk to Ashley. And say what, exactly? All the words would be wrong, because nothing about this was right.
She knocked on her daughter’s bedroom door and opened it. Ashley sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, her face streaked with tears. She broke down the minute she saw her mother. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “Don’t hate me. Don’t hate Matt.”
Bay sat on the bed and gathered Ashley in her arms. “I could never hate you.”
Ashley cried for a long time as Bay rocked her. When she quieted down, Bay reached for a box of tissues and passed it to her.
Ashley dried her eyes. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Have you told Matt?”
She nodded. “He’s telling his mother today.”
Bay rubbed the back of her own neck. “Oh, God.”
“I know. She’s going to kill me.”
“She’ll have to get through me first.”
That put a small smile on Ashley’s face.
“She should be concerned with her own child,” Bay sighed. “And you are children, despite what’s happened.”
“I love him.”
“So you say.”
“I do!”
“I know you do. But with love comes responsibility—”
Ashley jumped up from the bed. “I don’t need a lecture about how irresponsible I am. It’s not going to help, Mom. I need someone to tell me what to do.”
“All right. Sit down. It’s not going to help either of us if you think I’m the enemy. I’m your mother and I want to support you, but this is a shock. It’s going to take me a little time to absorb it.”
Ashley sat on the edge of the bed. “My whole life is over. I can’t go to school in September, I can’t be with my friends, I can’t go to parties and hang out because I’ll have a little baby to take care of and I have no idea how to do it. I’m so stupid.”
Bay reached out and pushed her daughter’s hair behind her ear. “Listen, sweetheart, you’re not the first and you certainly won’t be the last girl to find herself in this position. And it took two people to make this baby, so don’t take all the blame. Matt has just as much to answer for.”
“He’s so upset.”
“He should be. Why didn’t you use protection?”
“We did…except maybe once.”
Bay gave a big sigh. “Once is all you need. Oh God, Ashley. I can’t believe it.”
“That makes two of us.”
They sat together and didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Finally Bay asked, “Have you given any thought to your options?”
Ashley bit her fingers. “I don’t think I could have an abortion. I’d feel so guilty. But I don’t think I can take care of it, either. What if I dropped it?”
“It’s not an it. It will be a real live baby girl or boy. That’s a huge responsibility. Once you’re a mother, you never stop being a mother. It’s a never-ending job.”
“You think I should give it up for adoption?”
“I don’t know.” Bay got up from the bed and walked over to the window. She pulled the curtains aside and looked out over the street. Everything looked the same and yet everything was completely different. It was like being in some weird time warp. Last time she’d looked out this window her daughter had been a young carefree girl with nothing to worry about. Now Ashley would be someone’s mother, and that made Bay a grandmother. Wasn’t she too young to be a grandmother? She turned away from the window. “We can’t think straight right now. I think we need some time before we make any decisions.”
“Please don’t make Tansy leave. I don’t want us to be alone. I feel better when she’s in the house. I feel safer, don’t you?”
Bay bit her lip before she answered. “I won’t make her leave. We do need her. I know that.”
“Why were you fighting? She’s your sister. I don’t understand it.”
“It’s complicated.” Bay walked to the door. “I’m going to make you an appointment with the doctor.”
“Do I have to?”
Bay turned around. “Ashley, you don’t have the luxury of being a whiny teenager anymore. You’re about to be someone’s mother. You have to take care of yourself and that little life you carry inside you. I’m sorry that this has happened to you, but now that it has, you have to live up to what’s needed of you. I hate to say it, but you really should have thought about this before you slept with Matt.”
Ashley fell back on the bed and grabbed her pillow to cover her face. And as much as Bay wanted to take her in her arms, she knew that her daughter needed to face the truth alone.
Closing the bedroom door quietly behind her, Bay headed straight for the bathroom and locked herself in. She stripped off her clothes and stepped into the shower. As soon as the water hit her face, she started to cry. Her shoulders shook with her sobbing. How had this happened? What was she going to do? Why wasn’t her mom here to help her? All she wanted was to close her eyes and never wake up. This was all too much. Much too much.
If Bay thought the first few moments after Ashley’s confession were bad, she was sadly mistaken. They were nothing compared to the confrontation with Matt’s mother, Ruth. When her car zoomed into the driveway, the three Gillis women were at the kitchen table. Tansy had finally convinced them that they needed to eat something; she heated up a couple of cans of tomato soup and served it with crackers and cheese. To sit together and have lunch did help, but it couldn’t completely erase the sensation of being hit by a freight train.
Ashley kept a comforter around her as she ate. She did that when she had a bad day or was home sick from school. It made her look about ten years old. When she heard the car tires scrunch the gravel outside the kitchen window, she looked at her mother with big eyes.
“Oh no, that’s her. I know it is. I can’t see her.”
Tansy grabbed Ashley’s arm as she tried to get out of the chair. “Don’t you go anywhere.”
“I can’t face her…”
“You don’t have to hide and you have nothing be ashamed of. Hold your head up. Your mother and I are here with you.”
Bay gave Tansy a grateful look. “She’s right, honey. Be calm.”
Ashley sat back down and hugged the comforter closer to her body. They heard the car door slam and then seconds later Ruth was at the screen door.
“Come in, Ruth. It’s open,” Bay said.
Ruth walked into the kitchen breathing fire. Merlin took one look at her and cowered on his mat. “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it. Didn’t I tell you they were up to no good? Didn’t I tell you to get your daughter on birth control pills?”
“Ruth…”
“His life is ruined. Ruined! And it’s all because of this little madam.” She pointed at Ashley.
Bay stood up. “Stop it right now, Ruth. I don’t intend to trade insults with you.”
R
uth looked at Ashley. “How could you do this? You knew he wanted to go away to university. You did this so he wouldn’t leave, didn’t you? Matt was going to make something of himself, and now what’s he going to do? How’s he supposed to support a child? How’s he supposed to be a father at seventeen?”
Ashley trembled. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t fix it, does it?”
Now it was Tansy’s turn to stand up. “I suggest you leave before you say something you’ll regret.”
Ruth gave Tansy a filthy look. “Who are you?”
“I’m Ashley’s aunt—”
“Tansy?” Ruth looked incredulous. “Well, well, isn’t this interesting. I see that behaving like an alley cat runs in the family.”
Bay slammed her fist on the table. “Get out of my house. How dare you come in here and say such mean things? Believe it or not, Ruth, we’re in shock too, but you don’t see us insulting Matt. How is this going to make anything better, for any of us?”
Before Ruth could answer they heard another car pull into the driveway, only this time two doors slammed and a moment later Matt ran into the kitchen, his father on his heels. He pushed past his mother and put his arms around Ashley, who stood up the minute she saw him.
“I told you not to come here, Mom. Why don’t you listen? You have no business making everyone miserable.”
“I’m not the one who’s made our lives miserable,” Ruth shouted. “That’s all thanks to you and this little tramp.”
“Ruth.” Matt’s father, Ian, grabbed his wife’s arm. “Apologize this instant.”
Ruth sobbed into her husband’s shirt. He looked over her head at the others.
“Please forgive her, she’s distraught. She shouldn’t have come here. I’ll take her home.”
“Good,” Tansy answered. “And keep her away from us. We’re having a hard enough time as it is without being bullied and insulted by your wife.”
Ian started for the back door, with Ruth still sobbing in his arms, but he turned his head. “I want you to come home too, Matt.”
“Can’t he stay?” Ashley cried. “I need him.”
“Not tonight,” Bay said. “I think both of our families need some alone time together. We’ll obviously be in touch, Ian.”
“Yes. Thanks, Bay.”
