by April Lust
“I guess it’ll take you a little while to get used to things,” Eli said, unpacking the food on the counter. I grinned when I saw what he’d gotten for me—a plain bagel with cream cheese and lox, piled high. My mouth watered. Eli pulled up stools, and I helped George sit on one so he could eat. Once he took a few bites of a muffin nearly as big as his head, he seemed to relax.
I couldn’t help looking at Eli over George’s head as we ate. Memories of the night before kept popping up, and I smiled to myself when I thought about how incredible it had been with him. As lonely as I had been for so long, it almost seemed worth it.
“How did you sleep?” Eli asked, looking down at George. “Were you comfortable?”
“Yeah, I slept really good. Thank you.” George decided against trying to take bites from the muffin, as it only made a mess, and stuck to pulling bits off and putting them in his mouth. I grinned at Eli—how many times had I seen him eat that way? I could tell he noticed, too.
“That’s good. I hoped you would. I wanted you to be comfortable.” One person who was definitely not comfortable was Eli. He was practically sweating bullets, in fact. I knew it would be hard enough for him to relate to a child if he didn’t know he was that child’s father. The enormity of the situation only made things harder for him.
I caught his eye. Relax, I mouthed, and gave him a smile. He grimaced like he was trying. I nodded.
“Hey, George. Did Eli tell you he has a motorcycle?”
“You do?” George’s eyes went big and round. “You ride a real motorcycle?”
“I do. You didn’t see it last night because you were asleep when we got here. I parked it right by your mom’s car. I can show it to you later, if you want.”
“Mama? Can I ride on it?” Eli and I both laughed.
“Um, he said he’d show it to you, sweetheart. Not that he would let you ride it.”
“Oh.” He looked deflated.
“I’ll let you sit on it, if you want. That’s almost as good.” George’s eyes lit back up at Eli’s offer, and he nodded enthusiastically. Eli looked grateful that I’d given him something to start with.
Would he want a relationship with his son? The jury was still out, though I hoped for both their sakes that he would. He had already missed out on so much of George’s life, so much of the joy I had experienced watching him grow. There was more to come, though. And my son needed a father, plain and simple. I wanted him to have somebody in his life to teach him to be a man. I could only do so much. Shaving? How to ask a girl out? How to change a tire? I didn’t know about any of those things and so many others. I didn’t know how to teach him to be strong the way a man had to be strong to get through life. The intangible things that we learn through example. I wanted him to have that strong figure, and Eli fit the bill—but I only wanted it if he wanted it. I wouldn’t let my son’s father be a half-hearted part of his life. To have nothing would be better than that.
I left the two of them chatting while I went in to take a shower. I had to wash off the night’s activities, including the activities in Eli’s bedroom. I walked past his open door and saw that the bed was still unmade. Typical, since he never made it during our marriage, either. I blushed when I saw the rumpled sheets, the misplaced pillows.
I took a look at myself in the bathroom mirror while waiting for the water to run as hot as I could make it. It had been a long time since I’d been able to take a really long, really hot shower—I usually timed myself to save on water and energy costs. My body still looked much the same as it had the last time I was with Eli, with notable exceptions. My breasts were a bit droopy thanks to pregnancy and nursing. My hips were a bit wider, as every woman’s hips widened while she carried a baby. Otherwise, I looked pretty darn good. I’d even managed to keep my butt in shape. Eli had sure seemed to like it.
I was still thinking about him as I stepped beneath the steamy, scalding spray. I loved it, though. I loved the way my skin turned bright pink under the water, how the room filled with billowing clouds of steam. I loved the way the water felt on my body as it ran in rivers over my skin. Cleansing me. I tried to imagine it cleansing me of all the past mistakes. Of running away from Eli without telling him why, for one.
But that hadn’t been a mistake, had it? I’d done what I’d felt compelled to do at the time. I hadn’t been given a choice.
I’d never told anybody the full truth, not even Carla. Nobody knew the whole reason why I ran away without a word as to where I was going and why. I tried not to think about it, telling myself it didn’t matter anymore. All the while, I wondered if my being back in Eli’s life would mean trouble for him.
# # #
“How was your shower?” Eli smiled from the sofa, where he and George sat with their feet up on the coffee table. I noticed how he’d moved the table closer to accommodate George’s shorter legs, and my heart swelled. He very much reminded me of a kid learning how to ride a bike. He was doing fine on his own, but if I’d told him I’d stopped holding on, he would lose his balance in a panic. I chose to let it go, then, and let him find his way on his own.
“Excellent,” I said.
“Is the bathroom full of steam?” he asked, winking. So he remembered.
“Completely. The walls are fairly dripping with condensation.” I smirked, then plopped down on the sofa beside George. “What are you watching?”
Eli shrugged. George answered, “Doc McStuffins,” without looking up at me.
“Oh. I should have known. This one is a favorite.” I rolled my eyes at Eli, shrugging to show I had no idea what the appeal was. I guessed I’d have to be a kid to get it. Though there was no missing the way both father and son chuckled by the end of the episode.
It felt like a dream come true, a dream I hadn’t dared admit I’d harbored in my heart for so long. The wish that I could complete my little family, that I could have Eli back in my life. That he could help me raise our child, that our child would be happy and safe and strong as a result of his father’s influence. That I could be happy.
I had missed him so much.
Eli flipped through the channels until he came across another cartoon. “Spongebob,” he said. George clapped—Spongebob was one of his favorites. I let the two of them enjoy the show while my mind wandered. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was making a big mistake.
Do you love your husband? Do you want him to live? Then you won’t tell him about this phone call.
It had started a week before I found out I was pregnant. Life with Eli had been rocky at best, traumatic at worst. I’d felt us drifting apart, but couldn’t put my finger on why. Whenever I’d asked him about it, he would shut me out. Like it didn’t matter that our marriage was falling apart. I’d been certain he was cheating on me, though I knew years later that he hadn’t been. That was a relief, anyway.
I had no such assurance back then, though. It had torn me apart inside as I wondered, time and again, what I had done to push him away. Was it the club? Was the club coming in between us? Did I have to give him an ultimatum to force him to choose? I wouldn’t come second to the club or to anyone else. He needed to know that.
One day, I was home alone as always. I’d been doing laundry at the time. The phone rang—we’d had a land line in those days, along with our cells. It was strange for anyone to call the house. I remembered thinking that at the time as I picked up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Is this Mrs. Anders?” The voice had reminded me of the hiss of a snake, sending cold shivers down my spine.
“Yes. Who is this?”
“Somebody you need to pay attention to. Are you paying attention…Tori?”
My heart had nearly stopped beating out of sheer terror. The person on the other end of the line hadn’t say anything that could be construed as an outright threat, yet I was terrified of them. “Yes. I’m paying attention.” I’d hated the way my voice shook.
“Good. If you’re as smart a girl as everyone says you are, you need to
watch your back. There’s no telling what could happen to the wife of a man like Eli Anders.” The line had gone dead after that. I had dropped the phone, immediately running to all doors and windows to double check that they were locked tight. I’d then spent the rest of the day curled up on the sofa, staring at the phone as though it were a snake preparing to strike.
I had debated on whether or not to tell Eli. What could he do, though? The number had come up as unlisted, and the person on the other end hadn’t given me the first clue to their identity. Anybody could whisper into a phone to scare a poor, defenseless girl. I didn’t want to upset him, so I kept the call to myself.
The next call hadn’t come through for two days. When the phone rang, I knew it had to be the same person. That was the first time the land line had rung since the first call. “Tori. How are you?” The same voice, the same hissing sound when they spoke. I wasn’t so afraid that time. I’d pep talked the hell out of myself for two days, preparing for the next time my caller dialed me up.
“Just fine, thanks. How are you?”
I remembered the cold laugh. The chilling quality of it. Something about the sound made me think the person on the line used a device to change the sound of their voice. It didn’t sound human.
“I’m wondering if you gave any thought to our call a couple of days ago.”
“You didn’t give me much to think about. You told me to watch my back. Big deal. I’ve been watching my back for years. Tell me something I don’t already know.” I went to the front door, checking the lock again, then peered out the window. It didn’t look as though there was anybody around.
“I’ll tell you this, then: If you don’t convince your husband to keep his nose out of things that don’t concern him, I’ll kill you. And if you tell him about this call, I’ll kill him, too.”
My knees gave out on me. I’d hit the floor, hard, but didn’t feel the pain. There was too much happening in my brain to register any physical pain. The line went dead. I’d sat on the floor for at least an hour, my head reeling. They would kill me, whoever they were. They would kill him if I told him. “Oh, God,” I’d whispered, rocking back and forth. It became my prayer, I remembered, one which I’d chanted over and over while rocking.
Still, I hadn’t told him. How could I? I didn’t know who was calling, and I didn’t know what the business was that Eli needed to get his nose out of. He never told me about what happened with the club, then or ever. There were times when I’d visit the clubhouse, the way all the old ladies did. We were never privy to the real goings on, unless our men chose to tell us. Many of the men did rely on their women for guidance and a sympathetic ear. Not Eli. As far as he was concerned, the further away from the heart of the madness, the better.
I’d lost sleep. I’d lost my appetite. I’d thrown up here and there—that was the pregnancy, but it didn’t occur to me for another four days that I’d missed a couple of periods. The last day, the day I took the test, was the day the last phone call came through. It was the worst of all.
“Congratulations, Tori.”
My blood had run cold. “For what?”
“I understand you’re pregnant. Or, at least, you bought a pregnancy test today. Isn’t that right?”
There were no words for the terror which had swept through me when I heard those words. The implications were enormous. Someone had followed me, even though I’d thought I was being so careful. I hadn’t noticed anybody tailing me, and I’d been looking out to the point where even I’d thought I was paranoid.
A cold, triumphant laugh. “Yes, I know everything you do. I know everything about you. I know where you go, when you go and what you do. I could take you out any time I wanted to. And if you think I’ll show mercy because you’re pregnant, you’re wrong. I’ll even make sure your husband knows you were pregnant, before I kill him, too.”
“Stop this,” I’d breathed, one hand against my belly.
“I’ll stop if you convince your husband to leave my business alone. He needs to get his club away from what they’re into right now. That’s all you have to do. And I’ll know if you tell him why he should because he’ll go after me. Won’t he, Tori?”
“Yes. He would.”
“We both know him so well, don’t we? I don’t make idle threats, Tori. You know I can find you if I want to. So don’t make me find you again.” With that, he’d hung up. I’d listened to the dial tone for a while before turning the phone off. Then I’d thrown up. Then I’d despaired over what to do.
In my panic, I’d eventually done the only thing that seemed to make sense: I’d run away. Eli didn’t want to talk to me that night, when he got home from whatever he did. I knew he’d hurt someone, maybe multiple someones. That wasn’t why I left, though it was the excuse I’d given every day since then. He’d shut me out that night when I asked what he’d done, who he’d done it to, why it had happened. He’d glared at me when I begged him to please end whatever it was he had gotten into.
I didn’t tell him he’d made an enemy. I didn’t tell him about the threats. I didn’t tell him about the baby. Maybe if I had, things would have gone differently—and I might have gotten him killed, not to mention my baby. Running had seemed like the only viable option in my panicked, tormented mind. Had I been thinking more clearly and less out of fear, I might have made a different choice.
Had Eli’s enemies faded away? Had they forgotten him as soon as he moved on from whatever he’d been into? Maybe they had never meant to kill him, after all. But they’d definitely intended to kill me. I couldn’t risk that, especially not once I knew I wasn’t alone in my body. Once I knew I was a mother, the world had taken on a very different shape.
It wasn’t even him I was hiding from—not entirely, anyway. I’d hidden from whoever the unseen enemy was. I’d gone back to using my maiden name almost immediately, signing my lease under that name, getting a job with it, the whole nine yards. Anything to keep me and my baby safe.
I could only hope my presence in Eli's life wouldn’t bring back any ghosts from the dead.
Chapter Seventeen
Eli
As long as Spongebob was on TV, everything was okay. I had something to relate to my son on. After that, it was anybody’s guess what we would talk about.
My level of distraction might have had something to do with it. I couldn’t stop wondering about Tori’s loan shark. Who were they? How could I get to them? Different plans of attack raced around in my head, bumping into each other. I had so much pent-up energy, I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Tori sensed it, too. I saw her smiling at me from her spot on the sofa. “You okay?” she asked, keeping her voice low, almost mouthing to words so George wouldn’t hear.
“Fine. Why?”
“Because the muscles are jumping in your jaw. I know what that means. You wanna get up and do something, and you hate that you have to sit still.”
I couldn’t help but shake my head and let out a short laugh. She still knew me. “Maybe that means I’m in a really good mood. A lot of time has passed.”
“Bull.” She grinned. Then she jerked her head in the direction of the open kitchen, and I got up to follow her there. George was happy to be left alone with his cartoons.
“Hey, you need anything? Something to drink?” He shook his head, eyes glued to the TV. At least he wasn’t sitting with his face pressed against it, the way I used to.
Tori pulled out a bottle of water, leaning against the counter as she uncapped it. “What’s up?” I muttered, glancing at George from the corner of my eye.
“I can tell you’re ready to let loose. What are you thinking?”
I couldn’t lie, and there was no reason to, anyway. “I think I have to find out about the loan shark. As much as I love having you here—and I do, seriously—we have to find out who’s threatening you. You said he goes by the name of Joe Green, right?”
“Right. That was the name Carla gave me. And when I went into the office and used that name, hi
s…associate…acknowledged it.”
“I don’t know of any loan shark with that name. It’s gotta be an alias or something. I asked Daniel to look around for me, but he hasn’t come back with anything.”
“Daniel? How is he?” Tori grinned. “Still upset that I knocked his tooth loose?”
I chuckled. “Probably, but I’m still sworn to secrecy on how it happened. He didn’t want anybody knowing a girl did it to him.” Tori’s grin widened.
“Maybe you should give him a call? I mean, not to force your hand, but I’m also a little concerned over this.”
“I guess you would be.” I took her hand, running a thumb over her knuckles. “I wanna know who’s doing this to you, and I wanna make them pay for it.”
“I won’t stop you,” Tori said. “I know I can’t, anyway. I’m not deluded.”
