He’d ask me to stay.
And I was too much of a coward to ask him if he wanted me to.
If he wanted at all.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Dante
CHRIS WAS ALL smiles and handshakes that morning.
I wondered how long it would take for me to bleed him out if I stabbed him with the butter knife. Three seconds? Four? I just had to hit a main artery. Easy. I could do it with my eyes closed.
“Careful.” Chase coughed into his coffee while I kept vivid lifelike daydreams of Chris’s death in the forefront of my mind.
“We should go.” He grabbed El’s bag. “How many classes do you have today?”
“Two.” Her smile was forced.
“Great, I’ll see if I can get away from a meeting so we can do lunch, sound good?”
“Yeah, just text me.”
Watching them interact was pure torture. Didn’t he get it? The way she shied away from him like he had the plague? The smiles that never reached her eyes. The hesitation in her steps?
“See you in class, Dante,” she said in a hopeful tone.
“See you…” I answered in a rough voice as the door closed behind them.
I thought I’d be able to breathe once they were gone, instead I tortured myself with visions of his mouth on her, visions of him kissing her goodbye, reaching for her hand.
I slammed my empty mug back onto the table.
And was left with nothing but the handle and a shattered mess of porcelain.
“Shit that was Nixon’s favorite cup.” Chase whistled.
Mil walked into the room and yawned. “Did I miss breakfast?”
“Well you’ve been missing everything else, why not?” Chase said in a sarcastic tone that immediately told me I needed to make sure Mil had nothing sharp she could throw at his face.
Mil gave him a sad and exhausted look. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes either; she looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks. “Hey I said I was sorry you know I was doing Family stuff.”
“Funny.” Chase stood. “Because I thought this was your family. That I was your family.”
“Not in front of Dante,” she said with clenched teeth.
“Dante’s the only one I feel like I can talk to without lying, so yeah, we can do this in front of Dante.”
Nixon chose that really inopportune moment to walk in with Trace. “You guys okay?”
“No,” Chase spat, while Mil said, “Yes.”
She went over to the coffee pot. “We just didn’t get much sleep last night.”
I wondered if Nixon could tell she was lying.
Just like I wondered if anyone had noticed that her hands were shaking as she poured a cup of coffee.
“Hey, maybe lay off the caffeine a bit, Mil,” Trace said softly before she gave Nixon a wide-eyed look.
Chase’s chest rose and fell like he was getting ready to fight someone or something.
Nixon jerked his head to me, basically saying do something.
I grabbed Chase by the arm. “Take me to school.”
“No.”
“Yes. I have a chem test to study for and I could use the time.” Bullshit I wasn’t even in chemistry.
“You’re taking chemistry?”
I ignored him, grabbed the keys, tossed them in his face, and opened the door.
He stomped out of the house started the engine and nearly took off without me in the car with him.
I jerked open the passenger door and turned off the loud music. “Talk to me.”
“You hate small talk, you can’t even stand to sit through family dinners,” Chase muttered.
“Yeah well this time I guess I’ll just do the listening, what’s going on?”
Chase slammed his hand against the steering wheel over and over again until he jerked into traffic and hit the accelerator. “I can’t trail her without her recognizing one of the cars — she knows all of my associates and I honestly don’t trust worth shit what she’s doing. If I tell any of the guys—” He stopped talking. “My job is to protect her, even if it means I protect her from herself, but I’m flying blind. She won’t talk to me about it. And this morning, was the first time she looked afraid like maybe she’d gone too far. And I don’t know what the hell to do.”
I took a deep breath, letting the words sink in. Did he know Sergio was suspicious? Did he know that he was getting watched just as much as his own wife?
I had a choice to make.
I trusted Chase.
But did I trust him to do the right thing when the love of his life was hanging in the balance?
“Can I ask you a question?” I glanced out the window to give him the idea that I wasn’t studying his body language and how he answered. I’d like to think of myself as a good human lie detector, Sergio had taught me well — too well. Between that and the sign language, sometimes I felt like he’d given me too much too soon — because when you see people you love elude you — lie to your face — that’s when things get real and I hated that I’d often been on the receiving end of those lies more than I could count with both hands.
“Sure, that’s all you’ve been doing this entire time anyway.” He sounded bored as he jerked the car through the open gates and onto campus. “You gonna ask or just stare at the trees and daydream about a girl who’s currently in a car with another guy?”
“Remind me to find someone else for the pep talks in the future,” I grumbled, then sat forward, folding my hands as he pulled into a parking spot and killed the engine. “If you had to choose between Mil and the rest of your family — what choice would you make?”
Chase’s hands froze around the steering wheel as his breathing slowed and then he turned and locked eyes with me, this wasn’t my friend staring back at me, I could almost see what people saw when Chase the assassin looked at them through the barrel of his gun.
I didn’t want him as my enemy.
He may not be giving me a choice.
Damn Mil.
“I was raised to protect one thing and one thing only.” Chase’s eyes narrowed. “Blood.”
I nodded. “That’s not an answer.”
“Then pray to God we never get ourselves in that kind of situation,” he murmured low in his throat, he snapped his attention back to the steering wheel. “Don’t you have chemistry? You know you’d think with all that training Sergio did with you, you’d be a better liar.”
“I just needed to get you out of the house before Nixon suspected anything,” I said, keeping it honest.
Chase jerked his attention to me. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it sounded like.” I shrugged. “You’re living under his roof while you build your dream house, live next to him long enough and he gets… comfortable, he ignores the simple things like the way you look at Mil like you don’t even know who she is anymore, like the simple fact that you haven’t shared a bed with your own wife in over two weeks.”
Chase sucked in a breath.
“Should I keep talking?”
“It’s like I have a fucking spy in my own home.” He groaned. “And it’s not for lack of trying, the sleeping in separate beds. At first she said she didn’t want to wake me up…” His voice caught. “Two nights ago, I saw her washing blood from her hands, she couldn’t get it off fast enough. Her eyes were haunted. I asked her if it was hers or someone else’s… but does it really matter anymore?” He snorted. “Blood, it’s all red. It should all stay inside the body.” He rubbed his lips together and slammed his hand on the steering wheel. “I wouldn’t wish this on my greatest enemy.”
“This?” I repeated.
Chase put the car in reverse and nodded toward my door in his get the hell out way I was used to.
“This,” He said once I opened my door. “Watching someone you love slowly disappear and a stranger take her place. The mafia never promised to be fair… I just didn’t realize it would be this cruel, not after everything we’ve already been through.�
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“It could be nothing,” I said quickly. “I mean it’s Mil we’re talking about.”
“Blood in, no out, Dante.” His voice lowered. “Once a De Lange, always a De Lange.”
“But Phoenix—”
“Wouldn’t hesitate to kill his own sister if he knew she was doing anything against the families. Neither would Tex. Nixon. Frank — you don’t get it yet do you? Blood wins out. Every fucking time.”
He screeched out of the parking spot just in time for me to see El and Chris walking hand in hand toward the business building.
And I had to wonder.
If someone asked me to shoot her to prove my loyalty.
If my own family asked me to end her in order to protect us.
Would I do it?
The thought haunted me the entire way to class.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
El
CHRIS HAD WARM hands.
And he talked — a lot.
But I was actually thankful for his talking especially when I could somehow feel Dante’s eyes on my back, watching, calculating.
And still, I could still feel his arms around my body the warmth of his touch and the almost kiss that should have never happened in the first place.
He was dangerous.
Bad for me.
He wasn’t safe.
He was right about everything. That was why I was holding that warm hand and smiling at all the right times and leaning in when it was socially acceptable to get a bit closer.
“You haven’t heard anything I just said have you?” Chris smirked, stopping me in my tracks right in front of my building.
My eyes widened. “Of course I have, I’m sorry I just — it was a long night.”
In someone else’s arms.
My sheets would smell like him.
Oh God what kind of torture was this?
I forced my smile again.
Chris sighed. “I like you, you know that right?”
I nodded weakly.
He smiled, it was a nice smile, and it made me feel cruel for using him in a way that he didn’t deserve.
“Hey,” He tilted my chin toward him, he was good looking, he wasn’t anywhere near Dante’s level of sexual magnetism but he was handsome in all the right places. He was like the model you’d see on an Abercrombie bag shirtless on his way to Harvard.
So why did I want the tattooed bad boy who by all means should be in prison?
“Look at me,” Chris asked softly. “I know I’m not like them—” He stopped himself before saying. “I can still protect you. I can give you what you need, but you have to give me a chance.”
I nodded again.
“Promise me you’ll give me a chance, El. I can’t fight a battle I’ve already lost. Let me take you out next time I’m back in town, all right?”
I licked my lips. “All right.”
His face lit up with a bright smile. “Great.”
Before I could stop him, he’d placed a chaste kiss on my lips, he tasted like coffee and mint.
I didn’t flinch or back away.
But it made me feel somehow — dirty.
That I was once again a pawn in a game I never asked to be a part of, being sold to a side I wasn’t even sure I was fighting with.
He kissed my head next and then he was gone.
I didn’t walk into the building.
I waited.
For the inevitable.
And one minute later, Dante was standing next to me.
We walked side by side into the building.
I went left.
He went right.
There may as well be a chasm of words that separated us.
And yet neither of us reached out and built that bridge, took the words and formed them into sentences that needed to be said.
The moment was lost.
Doors closed.
And I felt sicker in that moment listening to my professor, than I did with Xavier.
And I had no idea why.
Nor was I going to get a chance to.
Andrei walked in a few minutes late, locked eyes with me and took a seat right next to me.
I squirmed a little but tried to ignore him.
“I need to talk to Dante,” he said under his breath.
“Then go find him and talk,” I hissed careful not to look at him.
“You’re prettier to look at.” I could hear the smirk in his tone, as he leaned closer to me, his body heat attempted to penetrate my shield. “Besides, I figure another test is in order — I know I can trust him — but can I trust you?”
I scowled. “I’m just trying to go to school — to rebuild my life.”
“You had a life. A good life,” he said simply. “Xavier gave you everything, you wanted for nothing and he spread your legs every night and gave you more. Don’t be an unthankful bitch.”
Bile rose in my throat. I refused to look at him. He wouldn’t understand. He didn’t value women.
Only money.
And himself.
“Give him this. Don’t read it. I’ll know if you do.” He slid a note onto my desk and returned his attention to the professor.
I snatched the note and shoved it in my bag.
When class was over, I bolted and went in search of Dante.
It didn’t take long to find him — outside.
Cornered by a girl I didn’t know.
Smiling at her like they were familiar.
Jealousy shot through me as I made my way over to him.
His smile fell when he saw me.
He dismissed the girl without saying anything and met me half way, pulling me into his arms. “What happened?”
“Here.” With shaking hands, I gave him the note and tried to reign in my emotions. It was too much, being in his arms, seeing the concern on his face.
He grabbed the note and read; a smile appeared on his face. “You read this?”
“He said not to.”
Dante exhaled. “Good girl.”
“Don’t say good girl, it’s demeaning.” I shoved away from him.
He didn’t let me get far, just grabbed my hand. “Let’s go to our next class.”
We passed Andrei who tilted his head in our direction like I’d passed some huge test.
Once we were out of earshot and on our way to the next building, I whispered. “What did the note say?”
“If she looks afraid instead of jealous — kill her.”
I stopped walking. “Wait, what?”
“Andrei’s girlfriend.” He shrugged. “The girl I was talking to?”
My chest heaved. “It was a set up?”
“Apparently.” Dante drew out the word. “But you passed.”
“I could have gotten killed!”
Dante pushed me against the wall with his body and nipped my ear with his teeth. “You can’t react here, not like that, El. It’s not safe, all right? Freak out in the car or when we get home.” Home. I liked the way it sounded on his lips. “But not here, here you’re Italian royalty all right? You’re with me, in my arms, in my family.” For some reason, my eyes started tearing up. “I won’t let anything happen to you, but that also means you need to be careful how you react, when you react, don’t play the hero.” He backed away.
“Had I read the note,” I finally looked up at him. “Would you have killed me?”
“Yes.” He didn’t hesitate.
I was too shocked to say anything. I wanted to slap him for being such a horrible person while at the same time hug him for being honest. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Let me finish, before you start plotting my death.” He pulled me close again, most likely so nobody could see or hear us as they walked to class. And then his rough cheek rubbed against mine as he murmured low in his throat. “If I didn’t shoot you — they would have shot both of us and most likely tortured you, returned you to the life you fled from. You keep forgetting — they want you dead or returned. So yes, I’d rather kill you than
see you with them, then send you back to the pits of Hell with no way to get you back. And I think you’d prefer it that way — because I’ve heard your screams at night, I’ve held your body while you shake trying to get the memory of his hands off of you. I know you. You prefer death. Tell me I’m wrong?”
I was breathing so heavy I thought I was going to pass out. I could only squeeze out, “You’re not.” Before basically collapsing in his arms.
“Inhale, there you go, exhale.” He rubbed my back. “We should get to class, only one more to go, all right?”
I nodded and let him wrap his arm around me as we kept walking.
At least we were talking now.
At least we were touching.
He hadn’t brought up the kiss.
Then again, it’s hard to bring up something so petty — when your life hangs in the balance.
My heart soared with the knowledge of how well he knew me.
While simultaneously breaking with the cold hard fact.
I would never be his.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Dante
I PROMISED MYSELF I wouldn’t think about the kiss they shared. I promised myself I’d focus on my job. I’d focus on blood.
Not El.
But the more I told myself that, the more she came to the forefront of my mind, especially after the stunt Andrei pulled today. I’d never been so thankful for jealousy in my entire life.
I knew why he wanted El either with them or dead.
He was under the assumption Xavier told her things when all he did was use her for sex.
The thought of anyone’s hands on her.
I gritted my teeth just as she walked into the kitchen for dinner, staring down at her phone.
Smiling.
What the hell was that guy sending her? Cat videos? Naked pictures? I’d never been so tempted to ask my brother in law for a favor in my life.
Hack her phone.
But I knew it wouldn’t help.
I’d just torture myself with all the inside jokes all the sweet compliments, and plans for the future.
A future I wasn’t going to be a part of.
“You’re smiling,” Frank pointed out from the head of the table, he lived alone so it wasn’t rare for him to share dinner with us multiple times a week.
What was rare was that Mil was actually sitting down.
Enrage (Eagle Elite #8) Page 13
