Being shut out from the dungeon decision-making process picked at her recently formed post-ex-dungeon scab. Arden hadn’t been fully aware she still carried that wound. Like most things she didn’t like, she shoved it off into a corner of her mind and refused to think or talk about it. That’s why she didn’t want to get personal with Minette. To get personal and talk about what happened between her and her last dungeon would unearth some things that were better off left buried.
Her irritation over everything was real. Maybe too real. She needed to unwind. Arden considered going to Kazzipur. As long as Robin hadn’t alerted everyone in town about the fake girl who tricked him into going into the Trash Tier Dungeon, no one would be hyper-vigilant in their scrutiny of strangers.
A male Disguise would help her keep a lower profile, in any case. Arden could try doing whatever humans did whenever they were beside themselves. Eating and drinking did nothing for her, but pretending to do so was a game in and of itself. At least the peach ale they served at Kazzipur’s tavern smelled pleasant. That’d simplify her acting process somewhat.
Leaving Minette alone was a risk and a terrible one at that. A whole day of doing whatever she wanted sounded like a hell and a half and not the good kind of hell. If she stayed in Kazzipur she wouldn’t have to bear witness to their undoing. Arden could deal with the aftermath of it tomorrow and do her best to fix whatever problems Minette was bound to cause.
“I think I’m gonna go for a little while,” Arden said. “I need to clear my head.”
Minette’s voice echoed in her mind. “You know, leaving is basically forfeiting our bet. How am I supposed to know that you’re keeping your end of the deal if you’re not here? You can’t leave me.”
She kicked the wall. “What if I do?”
“You lose the bet. You lose everything.” Minette’s sternness caught Arden off guard.
“Are you trying to fire me?” Arden let out a bitter snort. “Yeah, right, as if you’d do that.”
“That sour face you’re making isn’t very Minette of you. I wasn’t planning on firing you. I don’t even know why you asked me that. Are you quitting?”
“Quitting you or the bet? Nope. I can’t quit you, so nope to both questions.” Arden took a deep breath. As ticked off as she was, she still had a challenge to win. Losing meant two days in a row of this mess. “I’m still here. I won’t be going anywhere.”
“Great. I knew you wouldn’t leave,” Minette said, relief apparent in her voice. Arden sensed the happy sigh Minette held inside. It hung on the edge of her words.
“Be careful there. Arden doesn’t sound like that unless she’s staining the walls with blood.”
“Maybe we should talk,” Minette said.
“We don’t need to talk. We’ve got nothing to talk about. And since you’re being me, if you keep pushing and prodding me, you’re gonna lose. I don’t like getting personal.”
“Indulge me for a moment.”
“What part of what I’m saying are you missing? Listen to me.”
“We won’t get personal about you, don’t worry. I’d like to talk about me. You know that thing you said, about going away for a little while? That’s what every pixie before you said. They’d go out for some air and then never come back. I guess I got a mini flashback or something for a second there.”
“That must’ve hurt,” Arden said.
“My workercats helped me through it. I would’ve had a breakdown if I didn’t have them and their cuteness to focus on,” Minette said. “Sometimes, I miss them, but then I remember that they’re still part of me. I can see them in the new workercats, too. You’re right that they live on. No one goes away forever.”
“So, they were a security blanket. A coping mechanism.”
“Not just them, but cute things in general. They make me happy. I don’t think it’s awful to be open about what makes you happy. Squealing over cute things doesn’t make me less of a dungeon.” Her bright tone dimmed. “My old pixies didn’t see it that way, though. They disappeared without saying anything. Everyone gets fed up eventually.”
“I can see why.” Arden shook her head, then corrected her Negative Nancy tone. She raised a fist into the air, slipping her pseudo-cheery mask back on. “Buck up! My little Trash Tier Dungeon can’t be this sad. We have to keep our spirits high and chipper. Awesome! Trash can, not trash cannot, am I right?”
Minette started to laugh, but then passed it off as a coughing fit. “It sounds so weird when you talk like that. It really doesn’t suit you.”
“Same to you. I’m trying my best; let’s just say that.” Arden relaxed the tension in her shoulders. “I may get fed up sometimes, but the one thing I’ll never do is leave you behind. You never have to fear me abandoning you, I promise.”
“Awww, is that you speaking straight from your heart?”
“I don’t have a heart.”
Minette hummed. “Yeah, sure you don’t. Maybe we’re going to work out after all.”
[WARNING!
Three human adventurers have entered the dungeon.]
Arden’s stomach dropped.
“Looks like this will be our way of testing that theory,” Arden said.
Hopefully, the test would end in their favor.
Chapter 9
Robin the Rogue, crusty helmet-shaped hair and all, returned to grace the Trash Tier Dungeon with his not-so-glorious presence. Arden didn’t know the names of the two people with him, so she dubbed them Generica and Buff Dude.
Generica sported the stereotypical Mage girl attire. Her robes were covered neck-to-ankle in astrological and lunar symbols, which was a smartass way of saying she wore a bunch of stars and moons.
A tall, pointy, and brimmed hat sat askew on her head. It was a wonder how it stayed on her head at its crooked angle. She used her taller-than-her staff like it was a walking stick. Her red hair helped her stand out a bit, but in a cliché red haired beauty type of way–benign and uninteresting.
Buff Dude looked like he’d flexed so hard that his tunic sleeves popped off. Anyone debating the implausibility of such a thing needed to take a gander (and maybe a goose) of his bulging muscles. They defied logic.
Skipping one too many leg days gave Buff Dude toothpicks to walk on. The leggings he wore only accentuated that fact.
Still using her Minette voice, Arden said, “Oh, cute. They’re the classic triad. Rogue, magician, and warrior.”
They spoke together at a volume only they could hear. Minette’s Dungeon Keeping skill allowed her some control over the audio channels throughout the dungeon. She couldn’t mess with the adventurers’ hearing, but she could do things like speak to Arden on a private channel, so to speak.
Together, they watched their visitors through the Overview mode.
“Soon to be cadaver, corpse, and dead body,” Minette added. “I think I like that classic triad much better.”
“Those are all the same things, but I get what you mean. They’re going to be triply dead.”
“Quadruply dead, like, deader than dead.”
“The dead reckoning.” Arden clenched her fist.
“Too bad the workercats aren’t done with the pit traps. As soon as they are, I’m going to sprinkle them at the ends of the hallways in case the adventurers manage to make it out of the maze.”
“Ah,” Arden said, “like a stop-gap measure. That’ll slow them down if we have to buy any more cattens.”
“Hopefully we won’t have to. Let’s listen in to what they’re saying and doing.”
As it turned out, the adventurers weren’t doing much of anything yet.
Buff Dude had that glazed over look in his eyes that adventurers often got when they were searching through their Inventories. Robin the Rogue hemmed and hawed over the dungeon’s changed appearance. Generica squinted her eyes at the Warp Gate, studying it for some reason.
“What are you doing? Are you listening to me?” Robin asked, speaking straight through his nose. “Stop wasting your ti
me checking out the Warp Gate and get to work.”
Generica narrowed her eyes. “Do you see how short these strands are?” She pointed at the ghost-like strings coming off of the portal. “The color and wispiness can tell you how old the dungeon is.”
“And?”
“And this one’s practically a baby. Anything you knew about the dungeon before doesn’t apply anymore. You’re so freaked out over the layout changing when that should be the least of your concerns. Monsters, traps; expect all of that.”
“That wench who stabbed me must still be here, though, right?” Robin seethed. “She stole my daggers!”
“Those weren’t your daggers to be stolen in the first place,” Generica said, tapping her staff like she had a nervous habit.
“Do you really want to do this right now?” Robin asked. “Or are you just going to run away crying again?”
“I’m not crying,” Generica said. “I was shocked. This is how you want to honor Talon’s memory, by being a rogue who gets stolen from? I told you we should’ve hung them up!”
“He meant for me to have them. They’d be useless behind a glass case. These daggers are how Talon lives on.”
“You should’ve guarded them with your life. If I was you, I wouldn’t have given them up so easily. You know Talon didn’t deserve this.”
“Don’t tell me what I should know about him. He’s my brother.”
“And he was my–”
“Hey,” Buff Dude said, sliding between their argument. “Let’s put that aside for now, alright? We’re gonna get the daggers back and then this whole thing won’t be a problem anymore. Got it?”
“I’ve got it as long as she does,” Robin said.
Generica rolled up her sleeves, her staff leaning against her to keep from falling. “Sure.”
Robin huffed one last time. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but thought better of it. “I’ve got a good hunch that our little thief’s a dungeon fairy. She shows up and then everything changes here.”
“Or she’s a will-o’-wisp. I hear those things work with dungeons, too. Will-o’-wisps make for the best companions, from what I’ve read,” Buff Dude said.
Arden scoffed at their conversation.
“I don’t care if she’s a fairy or a will-o’-wisp or a bag of crisps! As soon as I get my hands on her, she’s dead. You’re dead, you hear me?” Robin shouted at the ceiling. “And when I’m done with you, I’m incinerating your garbage dungeon.”
“You don’t want to stop at getting Talon’s daggers back?” Generica asked.
“It’s about a lot more than that for me,” Robin said. “Now, last time I was here, there was a long hallway to nowhere. There were a bunch of broken tripwire traps and the like. Nothing advanced, and no monsters, either.”
“Yeah, I read the reviews for this place in Dungeon Reviews Digest. Apparently, it’s gone through a couple of overhauls before, but it’s always generally been the same with a fresh layer of paint.” Having finally settled on a weapon from his Inventory, Buff Dude swung his battle ax. “Guys, do you think I should go with the winged helmet or the horned one?”
“Winged,” Generica said. “You’re going to need the agility buffs.” She aimed a pointed glance at his twiggy legs.
“You know he’s touchy about those.” Robin frowned.
“Sorry,” she said, not sounding in the least bit sincere.
“It’s okay. That’s how Jennifer shows her love,” the warrior said.
Jennifer, Generica. Close enough. If Buff Dude’s name was in any way similar to the nickname she gave him, then Arden needed to join a gambling ring.
Once he had his winged helmet on, Buff Dude led the charge out of the Warp Gate room. Jennifer’s staff glowed with an offensively bright light that hurt Arden’s eyes whenever she looked directly at it. Arden wondered if it was outfitted with some sort of Detection spell, something that would tell them whenever monsters were headed their way. Trap detection was normally left to rogues.
Arden had a limited knowledge of adventurers and the many classes they could specialize in. She understood the basic ones. Thankfully, these adventurers seemed as basic as it came, but other classes weren’t as straightforward.
What was the difference between a shadow assassin and a stealth ninja? Weren’t they both just specialized rogues, anyway? Berserkers and barbarians were basically warriors of different stripes, right? And magicians, ugh. She didn’t even want to get into all of their vast and many permutations.
It wasn’t like the adventurers knew the differences between pixies, fairies, and will-o’-wisps. They didn’t extend that courtesy to dungeon companions, so why should she bother learning about their differences? All she needed to know was the general type of adventurer and how to best defeat them.
Rogue. Warrior. Mage.
In the words of Minette, they’d be Cadaver, Corpse, and Dead Body soon enough.
The adventurers made their way through the swirling maze that would eventually lead to the halls outside of the Dungeon Heart room. Using her Influence skill, Minette led three cattens to meet them in the opposite direction. Because of the near proximity of their patrolling route, it didn’t take them long to meet the adventurers head-on.
Robin had gotten himself some replacement daggers. He ran towards the closest catten, his blades drawn. The catten leaped for his face. He dodged to the side, then twisted to slice the cat monster open.
He grazed it. It lost 2 health points out of its maximum 30. Recovering quickly, the catten rebounded to make its next attack attempt.
Buff Dude’s heavy ax missed the second catten. The weapon cleaved the ground next to it, becoming stuck. Taking advantage of his failure, the catten sunk its claws into his bare arm. His skin tore open beautifully.
But so did the first catten when Robin got in a worse hit. His dagger stabbed through the catten, a solid 15 points of damage.
“Brant!” Minette cried.
Brant didn’t give up, however. He sprung back to attack Robin. Claws out, he took a couple well-timed swipes. Robin blocked the first, but missed on the second. As long as Robin’s armor didn’t soak it, that was 5 damage right there. His total health was unknown, but that was all right. The Trash Tier Dungeon team had a catten army on its side.
The third catten dealt with Jennifer. Jennifer put it through an agility course. She blasted spheres of potent electricity at it. The catten weaved around each blast, gracefully avoiding being hit. Whenever one of her magical orbs (not to be confused with her magical globes) hit the ground, it crackled before disappearing.
“You can do it, Danilo. Get her,” Minette urged.
“What’s the name of the one dealing with the ax guy?” Arden asked.
“Willie. He’s a beast.”
Said beast was suddenly sent flying across the room, thanks to a well-placed kick from Buff Dude.
“He’ll walk it off,” Minette said.
Arden’s heightened anxiety prevented her from cheering.
Robin gained the upper hand in his fight. He faked a swing with his dual daggers. Brant went for it to his peril, sliding into a position that would’ve helped him had the strike been real. His slide placed him into prime striking range for Robin. Robin struck his target, his daggers moving in a flurry of multiple hits.
Brant exploded into a puff of short-lived glittery bits.
“Bull dongle,” Minette swore.
“It was bound to happen. They’re cheap units,” Arden said. Realizing her negativity, she backpedaled. “I mean, darn it all to heck! You go, Danilo and Willie! Show ‘em what you’re made of.”
The answer was not much, apparently. Neither one made it through their fights. Danilo died from Jennifer frying him with a faceful of thunderous energy. His teeth had never been brighter than they were when Jennifer lit him up.
Buff Dude literally crushed Willie. He stopped trying to hit the catten with his ax and opted for landing on the poor thing. An oof! and a terrible squeal
later, Willie went the way of glitter dust.
The combat sequence now over, Robin raised his arms. “Is that all you’ve got? You’re still trash and you’ll always be trash.”
“Can we say something to him now? We can’t let him get away with taunting us. Let’s make our voices boom,” Arden said to Minette. She still wasn’t used to asking questions. Having to get permission to make obvious choices didn’t sit well with her.
“No, not yet. Let’s hold off on that,” Minette replied.
Their next wave of cattens included Lerona, Blaize, and newcomer Wagbell. They raced towards their targets.
Robin and his friends continued to walk towards them, following the singular path the maze offered them. Eventually, they’d come to a fork, but Arden suspected that their units would cut them off before that.
“What are your plans this time?” she asked.
“The same thing, only this time we’re going to win.”
Arden wondered how to spin her cynicism in a positive way. “I think a change in tactics is warranted. Cattens are supposed to overwhelm our enemies with numbers. Sic three of them on one adventurer and see how they deal with that. They won’t know what to do.”
“Our cattens were close to winning last time,” Minette said.
“You should be directing them, at least. Use your Influence during the fight.”
“They need to be free to follow their instincts. Worse things could happen if I do that.”
“Worse than losing?”
“They’ll win,” Minette insisted.
The adventuring group abruptly halted their travels. Robin needed to tie his shoe. Buff Dude made an off-color joke about Robin’s rear. It wasn’t worth repeating, but it got Jennifer to laugh.
Robin blushed. He snapped at his companions to remain serious. “We can’t play around here. Can you imagine how embarrassing it’d be if the Trash Tier Dungeon got a jump on us? We’d never live it down.”
The Trash Tier Dungeon Page 9
