by Perry, Marta
“‘Die!’”
“I hope you don’t mean that.”
At the sound of his voice, Katie spun around with the speed of a toy top.
“Joshua!” Her eyes widened and she couldn’t hide her surprise. “What are you doing here?”
“That wasn’t exactly the greeting I expected.” Joshua Miller chuckled and stepped closer. “Guder mariye, Katie. I’m sorry if I startled you.”
The sleeves of his blue shirt were rolled up to his elbows. Blond hair poked from beneath his straw hat, fell over the back of his collar and dusted his forearms like corn silk in the fields.
“Here, let me help you.” He approached with speed, placed his hat on a nail and, before she realized what had happened, he’d taken the pitchfork from her hands.
She didn’t know how to react to his sudden presence in her barn or what the proper thing to say might be after he’d been gone so long, so she said the lamest thing that popped into her head.
“When did you return?”
“Last week. I’m staying with my parents,” he said. “I can hardly believe how much the town has grown. The Englisch have made themselves a home in Hope’s Creek. I see there are two banks now, a pharmacy, a dry cleaner. I even saw a garage at the end of Main Street that repairs their broken automobiles.”
He turned his attention to mucking the stall. “What do you think of all the changes? It isn’t just an Amish community anymore, is it?”
Katie shrugged. “Everyone I’ve met has been nice enough. We are in the world, Joshua, even if we strive not to be worldly.”
She couldn’t help but watch his muscles ripple beneath his blue cotton shirt as he lifted the straw and threw it into the wheelbarrow. Her cheeks flooded with heat when he caught her staring at him and grinned knowingly. Quickly, she averted her eyes.
“Are you staying or just visiting?” she asked.
Katie didn’t know what surprised her more, her boldness at asking his private business or the fact that she was curious about the answer. She didn’t really care. She avoided men whenever possible. All men. Even a man who used to be her best friend in what felt like a lifetime ago.
The three of them, Joshua, Jacob and she, had gone everywhere together. They’d fished in the nearby pond. They’d played softball in the school yard. They’d raced buggies during rumspringa. And many times they’d sat together under the willow tree and shared teenage problems and secrets that they knew the adults around them just couldn’t understand.
Was that only a few years ago?
When had Jacob become a drunkard and a bully? Before or after their wedding? Were the signs always there, and in her youth and the throes of first love she had simply ignored them? Could her judgment of a person’s character have been so wrong? If she had made a mistake in judgment, she had paid dearly for it.
“I’m back to stay.” Joshua stopped what he was doing, leaned on the handle of the pitchfork and smiled at her. “It was time for me to come home.”
For just an instant, Katie couldn’t tear her eyes away. His sturdy, masculine build revealed he wasn’t a stranger to hard work. Joshua had left Hope’s Creek, Pennsylvania, a shy, gangly teenager. He had returned a man.
“You’ve been gone a long time.”
It was simply a statement of fact. Why had she laced her words with a disapproving tone? Maybe because selfishly there had been a hundred times in the past few years she could have used the presence of her best friend. She lowered her eyes and chided herself. Joshua didn’t know the things that had happened—and never would if she could help it. It wasn’t fair to blame him now for not being around to help.
“I admit it’s been a long time. Three years. Can you believe it?” That familiar dimple she had always teased him about appeared in his left cheek when he grinned. “It took a lot of time for my cousin to mentor me in carpentry. He threw some furniture making into the mix. I can fix a roof, build a stall or fashion a chest. I can do a little bit of everything now, I suppose.”
She smiled at the welcome sound of his laughter. How long had it been since she’d laughed?
Joshua looked at her intently, his mouth twisted into a frown.
“Is everything all right, Katie? You don’t seem like yourself. You’re as skittish as an unbroken mare.”
“Don’t be foolish. Of course I’m all right. I’m just surprised to see you, that’s all.”
She was glad he didn’t press the issue. But he was right. She couldn’t settle her nerves, not for weeks now. She constantly had that eerie feeling that someone was watching her but she didn’t ever see anyone nearby. She supposed the tension was starting to show. Forcing a smile to her face, she looked up at him. Warm chocolate-brown eyes stared back at her.
“What brings you back to Hope’s Creek now?”
“When Daed took ill, I came to help Mamm. But I think it was just a ruse to get me home again, because as soon as I got here, Daed got better and started tending the fields again on his own.”
They both chuckled. Katie remembered how close Joshua—the only son—had been to his parents.
“I’m surprised you didn’t stay on the farm in the first place. I don’t remember you ever wanting to work with wood.”
Joshua shrugged and his grin slid away. An unidentifiable emotion flashed through his eyes. Apparently Joshua had secrets of his own. Wanting to alter the sudden tension in the barn, she tried to steer the conversation in a new direction.
“Which do you like better?” Katie asked. “Carpentry or furniture making?”
“Both. I have found that God’s blessed me with the ability to know exactly how a piece of wood should be used.”
“Prideful, Joshua?” she taunted.
“Thankful, Katie.”
She colored at his gentle scolding.
“That’s why I’m here,” he said. “I heard Levi was looking for someone to build new stalls and make some repairs on the house.”
Katie nodded to affirm his words. “Ya, that is true.”
“I’ve come to ask for the job.”
She tried but she couldn’t give him her full attention. She couldn’t shake that uneasy feeling that never seemed to leave her anymore. Her eyes darted around the barn, searching, second-guessing every shape and shadow. Was the person who left that note still here?
“Katie!” The sharp tone and puzzled expression on Joshua’s face drew her attention.
“What?” She offered him a weak smile. “Were you talking to me? Sorry. My mind must have wandered.”
“Who would have ever thought I’d be asking Levi for a job, heh?” Joshua’s grin returned. “He was always just Jacob’s pesky younger brother following us around. Now he’s helping you run the farm and I’m asking him for a job. God has a sense of humor, ya?”
She glanced over her shoulder. Someone was crouching in the shadows. Her heart pounded in her chest and fear seized her breath. She squinted her eyes and stared hard into the back corner of the stall. She could barely make out the form.
“Someone’s there!” She couldn’t hide the trembling in her voice.
“Where?” Joshua frowned and looked in the direction she was pointing. He stepped inside the stall and disappeared for a moment into the shadows.
Katie thought her heart was going to stop beating.
When he appeared again, he held up a large bag of oats and a metal bucket. “Is this what frightens you?”
Katie stared at the objects in his hands and embarrassment flooded her cheeks with heat. “Levi should be here shortly. You’re welcome to wait and speak with him about the work if you’d like.” She held out her hand for the pitchfork. “I will finish my chores now.”
Joshua studied her intently. When he spoke, the timbre of his voice was calm and soothing to her already frayed nerves.
“What kind of man would I be if I sat idly by while a woman mucked out a horse’s stall?”
“Nonsense. Give it to me.” Katie extended her hand.
He drew his
arm away. “I will gladly finish the job I started.”
“I don’t need a man to do chores that I am perfectly capable of doing myself.” The instant the words flew out of her mouth, she knew she’d made a critical mistake. She could tell from the surprised look on Joshua’s face that he hadn’t expected this reaction from her. But she couldn’t help it. Her eyes flew to the twisted flesh on her left wrist and her mind went to all the scars hidden beneath her clothing. She hadn’t meant to snap at Joshua. Remorse filled her gut. Tears burned the back of her eyes.
But no man was going to order her around or use brute force to make her do his bidding. No man...not ever again.
*
Joshua stepped back in surprise. This wasn’t the gentle, happy, spirited girl he remembered. Her blue eyes no longer held the sparkle of a lake on a summer’s day. Now there was a darkness in them he didn’t recognize. She appeared wary, suspicious...frightened?
Something was wrong. But he’d been gone a long time. It wasn’t his place to push.
Katie’s hands stayed in constant motion plucking at the string of her kapp, fiddling with the edges of her white apron, sliding up and down the handle of the pitchfork.
Joshua frowned.
This was Jacob’s wife—Jacob’s widow—and the three of them had once been the best of friends. What kind of friend would he be now if he turned a blind eye to her obvious distress? Whether she liked it or not, he was going to get to the bottom of things. Amish took care of their own. How could she expect him to do anything less, no matter how long he’d been away?
“Katie?” He kept his voice low and steady as he would if approaching a frightened animal. The moment he took a step toward her, he saw her entire body tense.
He was right. She was scared.
Of him? How could that be?
“Many things have changed in my absence,” Joshua said. “But I never thought I’d see the day when the Katie I knew would lie.”
She flinched as if he’d struck her and she looked away.
“You are not fine. Why do you tell me that you are?”
Maybe the stories he’d heard on the Amish gossip route had been true, that she was in danger of losing her farm. He could understand that causing her stress. But where had the fear come from?
One look at the silky blond strands of hair peeking from beneath her kapp, the clear, satiny smoothness of her skin, the natural blush of her cheeks and the pout of her lips, and Joshua felt all his old feelings come rushing back. He knew he should let someone else help her with her problems and he should run in the opposite direction. He remembered everything about their youth, and the pain still cut deep. He’d opened his heart to her once. He had told her that she was the only girl for him. He could still hear the tinkling sound of her laughter in his mind.
He knew she hadn’t meant to be unkind. They’d been children, a year before their teens. She’d thought at first that he was teasing her. He remembered the look in her eyes when she’d realized that he might not be fooling around. The confusion. The sympathy. And then the pity. He could bear that least of all.
His stomach clenched as the pain of that memory flooded back.
He remembered what he had done. He had thrown his head back and laughed as loud as he could at the time. He had needed to convince her that she’d been right and that he’d been joking. It was the only way to save face and hold on to her friendship. It was the only way to erase the pity he had seen in her eyes.
A shudder raced through him.
Well, he wasn’t a boy anymore. He knew better than to ever open his heart to her again—or any other woman right now. Teenage angst had been difficult enough. Now, though, he was trying to get his business off the ground and didn’t have the time for courting.
He watched her gaze everywhere in the barn except at him and took the opportunity to study her profile. He smiled at the touch of color in her cheeks. He watched as her even, white teeth chewed on her lower lip. He allowed his eyes to slide down the gentle slope of her neck.
He inhaled deeply and forced himself to look away. No, he couldn’t let himself have feelings for Katie. He had no desire to find out what adult rejection felt like—particularly from the girl he used to love.
As an adult he had become more adept at masking his feelings. He had to call on those skills at the moment as embarrassment and attraction rushed through his body.
He’d heard about the way Jacob had fallen to his death during a barn raising. He’d even heard the rumors racing through the Amish grapevine that Katie had been physically treated poorly by her husband. He had brushed that off as mere gossip. Jacob could never have hurt Katie. Could he?
But now he wasn’t so certain when he noticed her skittishness. Her wariness and the flashes of fear he saw in her eyes.
Could the rumors hold any truth? And if they was true, then Joshua also needed to add guilt to his list of hidden feelings. Knowing the harm his actions—or inactions—had caused years ago, how could he ever ask Katie’s forgiveness now? He didn’t think he could bear the censure he was certain he’d see in her eyes if she ever found out.
He knew he was the last person on earth that Katie should rely upon right now but he also knew he was the last person on earth who could turn and walk away. He’d just have to keep his emotional distance. He’d have to treat her like a treasured friend, which she was and had always been, and nothing more. He was sure he’d be able to do that, and he totally ignored the warnings in his head telling him that task would be harder than he thought.
Silence stretched between them for several uncomfortable seconds.
“When I entered the barn, you seemed upset and shoved something into your pouch.” Joshua nodded, his eyes connecting with her blue cotton dress. “Let’s start there. What is it that has upset you? What is it that you are trying to hide?”
“It’s nothing for you to concern yourself with.” She hesitated for a moment as though she had realized he had done nothing to incur her curt tone, and with a soft smile and softer voice she said, “Danki.”
He didn’t want her thanks. He wanted answers to his questions.
With his left hand, he tilted her face and locked his gaze with hers. “Katie.” He allowed his tone to voice his question...and his command. Without speaking another word, he turned his right palm up and waited.
She stepped away from his touch. Her eyes were filled with suspicion and wariness. Although he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong and couldn’t possibly be the reason for the emotion flashing in her eyes, he still felt a twinge of pain at her rebuff.
She surprised him when she reached into her pouch and placed the balled-up note in his hand.
He opened the wrinkled paper and frowned. “I don’t understand. Where did you get this?”
“It was posted to the porch railing this morning.”
“Do you have any idea who did it?”
Katie shook her head.
She offered a nervous laugh. “It isn’t the first one. Nothing ever comes of them.”
Joshua tried to keep shock from registering on his face. He kept his tone calm but inside his blood boiled. “How many of these notes have you received?”
“That is the third one in a month’s time.”
“What have you done about it?”
Katie shrugged her shoulders and gave him a puzzled look. “There’s nothing to do.”
“Come with me.” He clasped her hand and pulled her behind him.
“Wait! Stop! Where are we going?”
She dug her heels into the ground. He stopped so abruptly that the change in momentum made her crash into him. His hands clasped her arms and he helped her steady herself and regain her balance.
The unexpected closeness caused a tension to hang in the air between them.
Joshua immediately released her but his stern tone left little room for objection.
“I don’t know why you are fighting me. Why won’t you let me help you? I am not going to go away and pretend that
nothing is happening here.”
Removing his hat from the nail, he put it back on his head, spread his feet and crossed his arms, prepared to do battle if necessary.
“If you do not come with me, Katie Lapp, then I will go myself.”
She looked as if she was going to bolt at any moment, yet despite her vulnerability he sensed an inner strength he’d never seen in her before as she stood her ground and stared him down.
“Go where?”
“To the police.”
“You seemed smarter when you were a boy, Joshua.” She put her hands on her hips and assumed a stance. “When do the Amish run to the police?” she asked. “Have you been gone so long that you have forgotten our ways?”
“When something evil and beyond our control comes to our door,” Joshua replied. “I am not too proud to ask for help when I need it.”
“Ya, and I am certain the police will find a word scrawled on a piece of paper quite sinister. What are you thinking?”
“I am thinking that you are a widow living alone. You should have reported the first note and didn’t. Have you told the bishop or any of the elders?”
Katie lowered her eyes.
“That’s what I thought. You have done nothing to protect yourself. I am your friend, Katie. I was Jacob’s friend. It is my duty to step in and help. That is what I am thinking!”
Katie watched him carefully and he noticed she rubbed her left wrist.
“Did I hurt you when I pulled your arm?” Instantly, he crossed to her. His heart pounded in his chest and his pulse raced. Though his words had been harsh, he’d thought his touch gentle. Still, had he hurt her? How would he live with himself if he had done such a thing? Before she could move away, he took her hand in his and turned her palm up for a closer look.
His breath caught in his throat the second he saw the scars on her wrist. His eyes widened as his gaze flew to her face.
“How did this happen?”
Katie sighed deeply and lowered her eyes. “It is not important.” She removed her hand from his. “It happened a very long time ago, Joshua, and I don’t think about it anymore.” He saw her cringe and knew her conscience was scolding her for her lie.
