“The sun. She was out. Finally. I looked to the endlessness below me. It was dark, as black as night. When I looked up, I was blinded by yellow, fiery light. I chose up.” Again, he looks down at me, a tear building in the corner of his eye. This time, he doesn’t look away.
“I never believed in much. My childhood, my life in general… Well, to say it wasn’t ideal is an understatement. I wasn’t the person I could have been, should have been.” Will shakes his head. “But that day, that short moment, I was given something to believe in. I can’t explain it, or give it a name, or tell you exactly how it felt, except that it was like being touched by the sun.
“Bug arrived three days later. It hasn’t rained like that since.” Brushing his eye with his fist, Will then clears his throat. “I’ve never told anyone that story.”
I don’t know what to say. There are no words to counter or compare with what I’ve just heard, just been given. So I scoot closer and dig my head into his chest. His shirt is wet, cool against my face. With a definite hesitation, he pulls me in, breathing onto the top of my head.
My entire body flips on the inside.
And I’m scared out of my mind.
Boys just aren’t my forte. Yeah, I’ve had the stereotypical high-school boyfriend here and there. But it’s been a while and I honestly wasn’t into it. But Will? He’s not your typical high-school boy. Far from it. And he’s not someone I can ogle, not from a distance anyway. Plus, he has secrets. I know it. There are plenty more constellations hiding within that moss-green night sky I’ve yet to discover.
My heart aches for Tawny because she’d know exactly what to do.
Will lets go much quicker than I’d like.
I glance up and he’s staring down, giving me a sympathetic smile.
“The rules?” I whisper.
He nods.
“Care to explain?”
He narrows his eye and cocks his mouth to one side. “I’m still working them out myself, but ever since the whole Jude-Annabel tragedy, getting this close” —he waves his hand between our bodies— “is dangerous. It’s hard enough caring for everyone like family. But this”—he does it again. I scowl— “complicates things for everyone. Because when lines get crossed, people do stupid things. They don’t think straight. It’s just safer. Sorry, I shouldn’t have.” He sits up and backs away. When he’s far enough away that I can’t touch him he stands and haphazardly swats the sand off his clothes.
I pull myself up off my elbow, straighten my shoulders, and bite back the ever-present burning of my skin, which doesn’t seem to be affecting Will.
“I understand,” I say with an oh-so-nonchalant shrug. And I do understand. But something inside of me doesn’t want to.
Chapter Eighteen
Eye for an Eye
We’re back in the cave-tree.
I’m lying on my stomach, naked save for my underwear. We can’t have privacy because Tilly needs to keep her mystery medicine warm next to the fire. I suppose everyone else could move to another room, but they’re too enthralled in Will’s account of what happened to notice what’s going on by the fire.
All except Lewis. And Will. Lewis’s eyes keep finding their way to me. Then Will’s, following Lewis’s, clearing his throat each time, catching Lewis in the act.
I gasp. A whine strings away as a hiss between my lips.
“Ooh, I know, I know. Just a bit more,” Tilly apologizes, but keeps on, covering me with the mossy, mushy stuff.
There are cuts and bruises and I don’t want to know what else. Gradually, I become a sea monster, draped in greens and browns and gunk.
But it’s cool and soothing against my skin.
I close my eyes, listening to the fire crackle, the voices I now know so well.
“So you jumped? You just fucking jumped off that cliff and took Olive with you?” Jude says, running his hands through his hair, half laughing, half shocked.
“We didn’t have much choice,” Will answers, his voice serious though I can tell there’s a proud smirk gracing his mouth.
“You’re a badass, Olive!” Jude shouts.
“Psst! She’s resting, you oaf!” Tilly calls over in a whisper, adding, “And watch your language.”
Bug giggles.
Tilly sighs.
Jude laughs.
I creak one eye open. Tilly’s smoldering, her china doll cheeks blotched of pink, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t from the heat of the fire. She reaches into the pot and grabs a handful of goop. For a second, I swear she’s going to throw it at Jude. Instead, she slops it onto my hip with more force than necessary.
I wince.
“Ooh, so sorry!” she says, catching herself.
I shut my eyes again, breathing deep.
“All right, what’s the plan?” Jude asks, popping his knuckles.
“I say we push the bastards off their own cliff,” Lewis weighs in.
“Lewis!” Tilly shouts.
I open my eyes.
Lewis shrugs. Jude’s nostrils are flared, his chest heaving.
Will’s shaking his head, walking toward Jude. He makes to put his hand on Jude’s bare shoulder, the one with the large, menacing black widow tattoo on it, but the spider shrinks away before Will’s hand lands.
Bug’s playing with my hair.
Charlie’s in his corner, watching everything like I am.
Our eyes meet.
He looks away.
“Okay”—Will breathes—“everyone calm down. Let’s focus on what we know.” He walks away from Jude and sits on a stump. Everyone else seems to soften, even Jude though he stays standing. “We know Jack is dead.” Will stares at me. My chest folds. I shut my eyes, closing them all out. This is my fault. I’ve put them in danger. Done the unthinkable…unimaginable…
“Thank you, Olive,” Bug whispers in my ear.
Tears heat my eyes.
“For what?” I whisper back.
“You saved my life.”
Even so, if it wasn’t for me, a boy would be alive, and the King of Vile wouldn’t be waging war. But I don’t say that. I just nod and smile, keeping my eyes closed.
“Duke’s going to send his guys down to take Olive. I know him. He’s thinking they’ll get their revenge and it’ll give us a reason to fight.”
“Damn right,” Jude cuts in.
“But we’re not going to let that happen. We’re going to get to them first.”
“What?” “How?” “When?” “But…” Several voices blend together with questions all at once.
I open my eyes, those tears having receded.
Charlie sobs and runs into the other room, sending sand flying against the walls in the process.
Bug jumps up, runs toward Will, and kneels on the floor next to him. She wraps her arms around his knees until she’s nothing but a brown tuft of hair.
Tilly’s now joined in. Her, Lewis, and Jude surround Will with questions while I lie feet away, a paralyzed sea monster, beached, guilty for causing all of this, for putting everyone, and their one safe place on the island, in danger.
“Enough!” he shouts. “Enough.” He exhales. Everyone hushes. “I’m not going to have us rush the mountain like a bunch of idiots. I’ve got a plan. First off, a couple of us are going to find out how they’re making those bombs and get a better idea of what’s going on up there. We can’t continue to sit here and do nothing while we wait for the one that finally hits this tree. It’ll be dangerous, but—”
“I’ll go!” Lewis blurts, eyes darting to me, then back to Will.
“Yeah, I’m in,” Jude agrees.
“Perfect. Exactly what I was thinking. So—”
“No!” I hear myself shout. And before I can think on it, I’m standing, grabbing my shirt off the floor and holding it over my chest. Lewis looks like he’s about to pass out. Jude punches him in the shoulder. All of the guys avert their eyes to the ground.
Tilly runs and grabs one of the furs, wrapping it around me. “What are yo
u doing?” she whispers.
I have no idea.
I take a deep breath. “I’m going.” I try to sound strong, confident. I think I pull it off, but my damn hands are shaking, mirroring my insides.
“Like hell you are!” Jude yells, peeking over at me, making sure I’m covered before he continues. “Haven’t you gotten us into enough trouble?” His words pierce my heart so it both bleeds and wants to shoot back in defense.
“Hey!” Will shouts, jumping up and shoving his face right in Jude’s. “You, of all people, know this has been building for years. Maybe she sped up the inevitable, but it was always going to happen.” Will’s face turns toward me. He shakes his head, brow pinched into a V. “Why you?”
Don’t cry, Olive. Don’t. Cry.
“Because, Jude’s right. If it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t be in this mess. Not now anyway. I don’t care how inevitable it was. And, they won’t expect me. And…” I squeeze my fingers into fists to calm the shaking. “It’s just something I need to do.” My eyes are intent on Will. Despite how the tremors in my hands have found their way to my voice, the words are truer than anything I’ve ever spoken. I’m going to fix this. Somehow. Or, at least, I hope I’m strong enough to.
With everyone now staring at me, I realize how ridiculous I must look: half naked with green goop smeared all over my body. I tug the fur a little tighter, not breaking the connection Will and I have.
Will stares, anger and respect lacing his expression. “Fine,” he says, nodding. His eyes linger on me a second longer than they should until he must realize he’s staring and then turns away.
“No!” Bug follows Charlie’s path and runs out of the room.
I can’t deny there’s a part of me that wants to follow.
The rest are silent, their eyes glazed over. Will doesn’t need a horn to reign over this place—his is always the final word.
“Olive. Wake up, Olive.” Tilly’s shaking me, her accent making the words so much prettier, softer than they are. “We’ve got to get you washed off before the medicine dries and sticks to your wounds.”
That wakes me.
With Tilly’s help, I stand. My body is stiff, the glop having hardened into a sort of clay.
Following her strawberry curls through the trapdoor, she carries the coconut “soap,” a couple of scrub cloths, and my shirt and pants. Wrapped in the fur mat, I climb on my hands and knees, which proves tricky, and when I come out the other door, I’ve given up on using the fur as cover. But it’s dark. And we’re both girls.
Under the moonlight, we walk down the path to the springs.
We pass through a pocket in the trees, and the pools lay before us like a scene from a painting: moonlight glistening off the water, a billion stars reflecting in the sky. I can’t help but stop and stare.
Several steps ahead of me, Tilly’s stopped, too. She gazes back at me, spiraled hair framing her face. “Lovely, isn’t it?”
“It is… God, this place is such a messed-up contradiction.”
“How so?”
“Well…” I pause, thinking out my answer, biting the inside of my cheek. “I mean, we’re all so tortured by being here, taken away from our families, worried over this impending war, yet it’s like this island knows better. It just keeps being beautiful.”
“Hmm. Yes. It is something.” We stand in silence for a few seconds, admiring the deceit that is the beauty of our surroundings. “Shall we?”
I nod, walking forward, stepping into the warm water in my underwear, dragging the fur with me so I can wash it.
As I drape the mat out on a rock, I catch Tilly’s eye.
“Mind if I join you? I could use a wash,” she asks.
“Not at all,” I say, moving deeper into the pool.
She’s still fully clothed, so I keep my back to her, allowing for some privacy. Before I know it she’s feet away, wearing a white slip I can tell has been mended several times over.
Tilly hands me one of the scrubby things and I get to work, gently washing off the medicine. The warm water is just as soothing as the cool moss had been.
Working around her slip, Tilly’s doing the same. “It hasn’t always been torture, you know.” I glance over at her. “We’ve had several good moments here over the years. That is until…” She pulls her eyebrows together, staring at me like she’s measuring me up. Seeing if she can trust me.
I venture a smile, lips closed, not sure what to say.
“Until,” she continues, “Annabel. Cursed number thirteen. That’s when it all went sour. Before her arrival, we weren’t living like royalty by any means, but things were stable. There was a content routine about us. We stayed busy, still tried to figure a way home, but the air was lighter, less dense. Then she tumbled into our lives.” Tilly stops, glaring up at the moon.
“What was so horrible about her?”
She sighs. “Oh, nothing. She was quite lovely, really. But she brought darkness with her. Days after Jude found her, the bombs began.”
“So, Jude found her?” Now I see.
She nods. “He’d only been here a year or so and had finally begun to settle. At last, we’d started to—” Tilly shakes her head, inhaling a deep breath. “Then he found her, Annabel.” The way Tilly says her name, I can feel her hurt, her anger. “Jude didn’t leave her side. She’d been injured on the way in—like you.” She glances at me, questions in her eyes, the silver light of the moon making them glimmer like glass. “They were inseparable. The one time they were apart was the day she was taken and killed. She’d gone to get fruit, and he’d stayed back to tend to Charlie, who was in a fit. She never returned and Jude hasn’t been the same since.”
“You like him,” I say, going out on a limb I’m sure is pretty sturdy.
Tilly stares straight into my eyes. “I love him.” She sighs. “But, enough of that.” Tilly splashes water in her face, then dunks her head under. When she resurfaces, her hair is saturated but instantly springs back into loose curls.
We finish washing in silence, dry ourselves as well as we can in the night breeze, then get dressed. My old clothes feel dingy next to my freshly washed skin and the stiff material rubs at my cuts and bruises with each scratchy movement of my body.
Headed back to the cave-tree, Tilly stops me by putting her hand on my shoulder. “Olive?” I look back at her in response. “What I told you… You won’t say anything, will you?”
“Never.”
“Thank you.” She smiles. “And, I didn’t mean to imply you’re bad luck.”
“No, I know. It’s okay.”
“Good.” She hugs me. “You’ll do well going to spy. I just know it,” Tilly whispers in my ear before letting go. The confidence in her voice makes my stomach hurt because I can’t help but feel I’m completely ill-equipped. Not to mention the burning fear growing deep within me that I’ve shrouded my castaway family with a curse.
Olive Maxi Gagmuehler, unlucky number thirteen.
Chapter Nineteen
Just Be
It’s late. Midnight, maybe? I have no way of knowing and I don’t ask even though the others have learned how to tell time by the sun and moon after so many days and nights stuck here.
When we return, Will’s tending the fire and having a hushed conversation with Jude. Everyone else seems to have retreated to their respective areas of the cave-tree. Jude’s eyes glare up at me when I enter the room. I stop mid-stride, returning his forceful stare.
“Thanks for the chat,” Tilly says.
I break the eye contact. “No, thank you for helping me with my back.”
“’Course. Well, ’night.” She allows her eyes to wander over to Jude for a split second, then leaves.
“I’m going to bed, too,” Jude breathes through his teeth, but he doesn’t move.
Will clears his throat. “I’m going to grab some wood from outside.” Looking from Jude to me, Will stands and walks away.
Jude gets up, raising his eyebrows and pushing his mouth to
the side like, See? No one wants to be around you. He turns, starting toward the doorway.
“I know you basically hate me, and I know I can’t change that, but do you have to be such a jerk?” I kind of regret it the second the words leave my lips, but it needed to be said.
Jude stops and heaves a breath. Then, cracking his neck from side to side, he disappears through the door.
Great. So much for talking it out.
When Will returns, I’m sitting next to the fire, breaking a stick and throwing the pieces in. He sits, too, but doesn’t look at me.
Will readjusts the logs with a stick, throwing sparks in the air. “How’s your back?”
“Better.” It’s mostly a lie.
He stares down on me, his dark hair a bit more careless, more mussed after the day we’ve had. I wonder what it’d feel like to run my fingers through it. Maybe graze his ear with my thumb. “Honestly?” he asks.
I shake my head, incapable of lying when he’s staring at me that way, so deeply, entire galaxies just waiting to be found.
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