by Holly Hook
“You didn't cause the disease? But don't you go around taking people when their time comes?” I asked. I felt very stupid here.
“People have the wrong ideas about death,” she explained. “Death is not just about physical death, which is only a tiny part of what I represent. Death is about changes. It's the dying of old ideas. The passing of seasons. The ending of relationships, jobs, dreams...and phases in one's life.”
I shuddered again. Her green eyes didn't leave me the whole time she was speaking. It was official. Death could either read my mind or she knew me. A phase of my life had just ended, after all, at least for now. I was still wondering about my connection with her and how I had wound up with a piece of Death deep inside of me, waiting to be woken up.
“You made me watch my old memory decay,” I snapped. I gripped my sword tighter. Despite the fact that I knew that I'd be no match for Death, I wanted to hurt something. I wanted to kill. My instincts were getting the better of me.
“Alyssa, you are holding onto something which has died and come here long ago,” Death said. “That is never healthy. Have you seen this place? No one should be holding onto anything that ends up here. It causes only pain and suffering. Death does not have to be about that if one doesn't let it.”
“What are you, a psychologist?” I asked. “So I shouldn't long for having a family? You're crazy.”
Her face stayed expressionless. “Of course you should,” she said. “But what you long for is something different. You know what that is.”
“I always wanted to be Normal,” I said. “That's so horrible when you live in a world where you can be disowned and carted off to fake treatment centers just because of what you are. I just want to have a Normal life where I can have friends and go to school and play in soccer matches.” I ached inside. I just now realized how much I missed it.
“Do you, really?” Death asked. “Were you truly happy living in a way that goes against your nature?”
“Yes,” I said.
“You are very uncertain about that,” Death said. “Alyssa, you are holding onto something that has died and decayed into the dust of my world. Many, many people have done that throughout history and it rarely makes things better for them.”
“I don't care,” I said. “Why do you care about how I feel inside? You're Death. Fear and sadness are your thing.”
Death shifted in her chair, uncrossing her legs and then crossing the other. “Without me, there can be no life,” she said. “Change does not happen without Death and life requires change."
“Okay. I get it,” I said. “I'm here because my battle partner has Shadow Sickness and I'm willing to do what it takes to save him. I know you rule the Shadow Wraiths and you gave some of your magic to Normals a long time ago, which made Dark Mages.”
“Very good,” Death said.
“So what do I need to do?” I asked. “What exactly is inside of me that needs to be woken up? Thoreau told me that there's a piece of you inside of me, and if I can activate it, Xavier will be protected from turning into a Shadow Wraith.”
“Thoreau was correct,” Death said. “Waking the Death within you will protect him from Shadow Sickness so long as the two of you remain Bound to each other. I could cure him, but I will not interfere. I prefer to allow the world to run on its own free will."
I should have known I would run into this. “Is there any way to convince you otherwise?” I asked.
She shook her head, keeping her face neutral. “I respect free will. It is fulfilling for me to see how people respond to death and how they change. Not all of those changes are bad."
“Whatever,” I said, shaking with rage. I knew there was no convincing this very ancient being of anything. “But did you know that if the Death inside of me awakens, Thoreau will be one step closer to using me to merge the regular world with the Infernal one? I really don't want that to happen and I don't think most Normals do, either.”
I stared at her, waiting for a change in her expression. “Of course I do,” Death said. “I am a member of the Dark Council, after all. Thoreau wishes to bring himself and the other members back to glory, like they were just a few short millennia ago. I do not need to share in their power when it comes, but I will not interfere with their plans, either. They are part of the world, after all.”
“Then why are you helping them?” I asked.
Death kept her stony gaze on me. The green in her eyes seemed to glow brighter. “I am neither good nor evil,” she explained. “My only concern is allowing death to function as it should to create change in the world. Changes are both good and bad. This will be a change that most will consider bad, but it will not be the first in the billions of years the universe has existed. Life and the universe will continue.”
“But lots of people will die,” I said. “Both Normals and Abnormals are going to be enslaved.” I realized how stupid this sounded. I was complaining about this to Death.
“And I will be there to perform my function,” Death told me in that silky, frustrating voice.
“You are probably the most powerful one out of the Dark Council,” I said, taking a bold step forward. “You can do something. For me, okay? I take it I'm related to you somehow so you should want to do some favors for me?”
“That is true,” Death told me. “It has been many thousands of years since I had a relationship with a Normal human, but I have had a few children. Each time, the child was Normal, with the Death inside of them dormant. The last human child I had was, I believe, about fifteen thousand years ago in your time? I suppose that means that most of mankind is descended from me, though only a few still carry any trace of my essence. You are one of the few.”
That made me feel a little less gross. I would have to tell Xavier this if he ever felt better. “That's a long time,” I said. “That's the stone age!” At least there was a lot of distance in time between me and Death. We looked nothing alike. I didn't have dark gray skin, for starters.
“It wasn't long ago at all,” Death said. “I only very recently started taking a human form. At rare times. I prefer my primordial form, but it might have been too overwhelming for you.”
I remembered the darkness floating over Xavier and I back in Turkey. I had a feeling that was what she was talking about.
“I get it,” I said. “So, how do I awaken this Death inside of me?” This was very, very dangerous. It would take me one step closer to Thoreau's plan and we all knew, but Death didn't care one way or the other. This decision was mine and mine alone. I wondered if I'd provide good entertainment for her. It seemed like she had nothing else to do all day but sit and look out at her sand ocean of despair.
“Very, very few people have any traces of me left inside of them,” she explained. “Fewer still ever awaken those traces. I cannot help you with the task, but I can tell you what you need to do. You must accept death to have access to it. I will send you a test very soon."
I stood there, trying to mull over the words. “That's a little vague,” I said.
Death smiled for the first time in like, ever. “Think about what that means,” she said.
“I don't have time for that!” I raised my sword at her, but she didn't flinch. “Xavier is going to turn in just a few days and I don't need to be sitting there, meditating and trying to figure out what you're trying to tell me.”
“You will, or you won't,” Death told me, snapping her fingers. "Good luck."
And then the world blackened once more and I fell.
Chapter Thirteen
I landed.
Blinked.
I was back inside of the top floor of the ATC building. The blue of the water made shimmering lights on the ceiling. The marble pillars rose high around me and the wind of the upper parts of Cumberland whistled against the glass windows that looked out on the city. Thoreau's office door was shut and the leering demon faces stared out at me, shadows dancing around their eyes and mouths from the torch light.
And Thoreau was nowhere t
o be found.
I turned in a circle to make sure that the chamber was empty. It was. I didn't even feel any traces of the Shadow Wraiths anymore. The air was clear like it had been after Xavier and I had done the resurrection rite in the ruins, as if the magic had been drained.
I let out a breath.
The Shadow Wraiths had touched me and I didn't have Shadow Sickness.
It was because of the piece of Death inside of me, a piece that had survived for over fifteen thousand years, through generations and generations. In most people it had been erased through thousands of years of breeding, but once again, I was lucky.
Maybe I was. I couldn't turn into a Shadow Wraith. If I could just wake up this piece inside of me and pass Death's test, protection would extend to him and he could no longer turn into one, either.
But what was that test?
It was clear Thoreau was long gone. It was still night outside but his stench had vanished. I had been in the underworld for some time. The thought made panic rise inside of me. Xavier had been lying in that guest room bed for hours maybe, writhing in emotional agony.
Without me.
Xavier, I thought. I sent the thought out as hard as I could. The two of us had managed some kind of very strained, weak telepathy in the past and I might be able to do it again. I had to make sure he was still with us.
Still here, he thought back. I could barely hear him, but I could feel the agony more than anything. Xavier was still suffering with Shadow Sickness. Death wouldn't help me and I still hadn't done anything for Mack, not that I cared about him at the moment. Mack could figure out his own way to remove his Dark Magic.
I ran up and pushed on Thoreau's office door. I couldn't smell his sewage stench or the cologne he wore to hide it from the public. The door, of course, wouldn't budge, and even a well-planted kick wouldn't make it give way. I had a feeling this was protected by some kind of magical ward and there wasn't a point to me breaking it down, anyway.
I swore and turned away.
Thoreau had left me up here, like he knew I couldn't do anything. I couldn't open the portal. I couldn't hurt him. He was gone, probably off to do whatever mayor stuff he had to do.
I had no choice but to leave and figure out what test Death had for me. She told me there would be one—and I had the feeling it had to do with what she said I couldn't let go of.
My memories.
My longing for my past.
My Normal life.
My family. I couldn't let that go. Was that her demand?
Dad was on the other side of this portal that I couldn't open unless a demon happened to waltz in, whistling and not noticing that I was there. I wanted to scream with the frustration.
Instead, I headed back down the steps and into the other chamber, the one that had served as the fake shelter for the apartment fire victims so long ago. Connors had succeeded in convincing the ATC team that I wasn't up here anymore, that I had climbed down the side of the building like Spider Man and made it to the surface. I couldn't smell anyone except for the faint donut smell of a guard, coming from the other side of the double doors. It must be very early morning, then. It was when people ate donuts the most often. I had been crawling across the sandy sea of despair for hours to talk to Death and get her confusing answers.
I opened the double doors. The hallway didn't even smell like multiple people anymore. Yes. It had been hours. The ATC people had long cleared out. I wondered where they were searching now. They must have been bewildered to find me gone. I wondered if Connors had dared tell the others the truth. I hoped the guy hadn't gotten into trouble. He was up against Thoreau. That was probably the first time I thought of the ATC people as fellow victims in all of this. Once Thoreau took over, they would join us Abnormals and all other Normals in slave status or worse.
Making it down to the bottom floor was way easier than coming up. No one stopped me as I made for the elevator, sword in hand. The young intern was gone from his desk, leaving a crumpled pack of cigarettes in his place. Thoreau probably inspired people to smoke. It might be the only way to bust stress around here.
When I stepped off the elevator, the poor receptionist lady was still there.
She had a mug of coffee in front of her as she typed away at a computer. I stopped at her desk, since there was no one else in the lobby right now.
The woman looked up at me and her mouth fell open in shock. “You're still here?” she asked. “Connors said that you jumped off the building and disappeared. The team left hours ago to search for you.”
“He knows the truth now,” I said, leaning against her desk. It was clear that I was safe for the moment. Her computer told me that it was about two-thirty in the morning. “I have to figure out what Thoreau's friend Death wants me to do. Are there any tests on your computer that she gives out?”
The woman's jaw fell open again. What was her name? Maybe she wasn't allowed to give it anybody. But she knew why Thoreau wanted me and she was clearly not a fan of the mayor.
“You can't go to Death,” the woman said, pleading. “Thoreau says you have a piece inside of you that--”
“I know,” I said. “I already visited Death. She told me I have to pass a test to wake that piece up. You see, I have to protect my battle partner from turning into a Shadow Wraith and that's the only way to stop it. I have to wake that piece up.”
The woman stood. “You do not want to do that. You'll come too close to risking the world.”
“I know it's a horrible choice,” I said. “I can't let my battle partner turn. There's no worse fate than ending up in Death's world. That's where he will go. I've seen it. I can't let anyone go there.”
“There are seven billion people in this world,” the woman said, leaning close to me. “It is selfish to sacrifice them in order to save one. You cannot go, Alyssa. You have to understand that.”
“I'm not going to abandon Xavier!” I shouted in her face. I realized I was letting my teeth show and I backed off. The woman didn't even flinch. Maybe she was used to seeing much worse than me. “Besides, I'd have to bite him to finish what Thoreau wants and I'm not going to do that. It's one thing that he can't control.”
“Thoreau has no mercy,” the woman said. “He's a master manipulator. He will find a way to bend you to his will.”
I couldn't say anything. This woman was right and it was evident from the fact that I was about to march out and willingly wake up the piece of death inside of me. I was already manipulated and forced into this. It was a horrible feeling and I couldn't break free.
“Not with biting my battle partner,” I promised. “I know you probably have a family and you're worried about them.”
“Thoreau cured my boy of a brain tumor,” the woman said, her lower lip quivering. “That's why I serve him now. I thought he was good, but he did this only to kill my boy when the worlds come together. He has no use for children. They won't serve him when he merges the worlds.”
I backed away. “Your boy will be fine,” I said, not knowing if that was true at all. I turned away.
“If Death wants to test you, you'll know about the test soon enough,” the receptionist said.
I could be the downfall of everyone.
I was dark, after all, darker than I had ever imagined.
With that thought, I bolted out of the ATC building.
* * * * *
Thankfully, I remembered where the hidden trapdoor was in the alley that led to the Underground. The real one, not the sewer system. I climbed down the ladder and into the smell of taverns and pubs and the underground mall. More people were returning to this place. At least I could breathe easy knowing that there was no way Thoreau could unleash Leon's full energy on us. He'd have to kill himself for that.
I ran to Xavier's home and opened the door without knocking this time. By now, I felt like I had earned the right.
Muttering came out from the guest room where I had left everyone. I smelled Xavier's wood smoke already. He had eaten nothing rece
ntly because there was no other scent that was his. I heard Janine say something about unicorns—her attempt at humor in an impossible situation. Trish muttered something else. Xavier's Aunt Primrose stormed out of the room with a water pitcher in her hands. Her gaze landed on me and she opened her mouth to say something.
“Don't even start,” I said. “I know you want to tell me that I brought this mess down on the family and you're all ashamed of me and Xavier. I think I have a way to help him but I have to wait for a sign.”
Her jaw fell slack and she nearly dropped the pitcher. Aunt Primrose was flushed with a look of total irritation on her face. I brushed past her, leaving her in the main living room. She had just eaten cheese and crackers. It was in her veins. I rushed back in and to Xavier's side.
Everyone else was in here. Trish sat in a chair by his bed and she held Xavier's hand. Janine and Liliana sat on a small couch brought into the room and Elsina and even Thorne had shown up. They were keeping vigil and Thorne looked--and smelled--especially wary. He jumped when I entered the room and eyed the door like he needed an exit if things got bad.
My martial arts instructor was waiting for my battle partner to turn.
And Xavier.
He had broken into a cold sweat and he smelled faintly of salt. He had his eyes closed like he couldn't stand the lamp light. He groaned, deep in a nightmare, and showed no signs that he knew I was there.
“Oh,” he said. “Black sand...black dust...the sky...”
“I know what you're seeing,” I said, standing over his bed and putting my hand on his forehead. He was getting a glimpse of Death's realm, his future home if I didn't so something. “I was there. I have a test to do but if I pass, I'll save you. It'll cure you of Shadow Sickness. I'm immune and that can pass to you if I do this one thing. I don't know what it is yet but it should be soon.” It would have to be. Otherwise, Thoreau wouldn't have put me up to this. If the test happened after Xavier turned, it would ruin his plans as much as mine. The mayor and I wanted the same thing. It was a strange feeling.
