It had been four days since Reid and Davin left her for dead. She’d lost a lot of blood and had some smoke inhalation, but it was the toll using her powers to keep herself alive had taken that kept the doctors and nurses checking on her constantly. She was so dehydrated and exhausted she didn’t even wake up the first twenty-four hours. By the time she was thinking clearly enough to know what was going on, Reid and Davin were in custody and Charlie had sent her a text saying she was free now.
It was the only time he’d contacted her at all during her hospitalization.
“It’s over. You’re free now.”
She’d thought he’d meant free from being afraid all the time, but when he hadn’t shown up by the third day and Joshua was evading any questions she asked about him, she understood. She was free of the Alpha Pack. She was free from Charlie.
Maggie pulled the vase’s crate out from under her bed, desperate for something to do other than standing there looking at him and fighting back tears. Of course, the moment she pulled it out she remembered how he’d looked as he carefully cut pieces of wood and foam, relying on Joshua’s measurements to make sure the crate offered the most protection for the fragile piece inside. After he’d finished working on it, they’d snuck back to her room where she’d expressed her gratitude with kisses that lit her on fire from the inside out.
Two weeks later and here they were, back in the same room. Only this time, she worried about getting frostbite.
“My mom freaked when she saw this house,” she said because someone had to say something. “She’s downstairs with Talley and Jase now. I think Jase is afraid she’s going to steal the silverware.”
Charlie nodded. “I saw your grandfather. He said you were going back with them today.”
She was. There were still a few days left before Christmas vacation officially began, but it turns out almost dying in an on-campus fire gets you a free pass on all of your finals. Maggie wasn’t excited about going back to Monarch, but she was more than ready to get out of Chinoe. She needed a place where it was safe to fall apart without an entire houseful of people hearing and knowing why her heart was breaking.
She risked another glance at the door. Charlie was still standing in the exact same pose. She thought eventually she would get used to how he looked and how he affected her, but if anything, it only got worse the more time they spent together. Those grass-green eyes she could never get right when drawing him met hers and she felt the force of it in her chest.
“I’m going to miss you.” She shouldn’t have said it. It showed too much and left her too exposed, but she couldn’t stop the words. She would miss him. They’d been together so much over the past few months she’d forgotten what life was like before. He’d become so interwoven with who she was there wasn’t anything that wouldn’t remind her of him. Every cup of coffee she drank, every comic book she read, and every laugh would carry pieces of Charlie to her. Maybe one day those pieces would stop leaving cracks in her heart, but it would be a long, long time.
If Charlie saw any indication of what she was feeling, he did a good job ignoring it.
“You got your life back,” he said. “I’d say it’s a pretty good trade-off.”
“Funny. I kinda thought I’d been living my life all along.”
“Not on your own terms. Not the way you were supposed to.”
Unable to hold the stare any longer, Maggie walked over and eased the vase from its resting spot on the mantle and placed it into the crate. There was a moment of resistance, a second when she thought it might not fit, but then it was nestled safe and sound in the foam. It was ridiculous to draw parallels between the vase and her place in the Alpha Pack, but that didn’t stop her from doing it.
“What if this is where I am supposed to be?” she asked the lid of the crate as she slid it home. “What if this is where I was supposed to be all along.”
Only silence answered her, and she thought maybe he’d left, but when she looked back, he was still there. Watching her.
“If I wanted to stay, could I?” she asked, terrified to know the answer, but needing it anyway.
A flash of something Maggie couldn’t identify flared in Charlie’s eyes. “You would have to ask Scout.”
Scout.
“Scout!”
It was the scene she saw over and over when she closed her eyes at night. It was the voice she heard anytime it got too quiet.
“Scout!”
She had been on the edge of death, ready for the fire to come and claim her, and Charlie’s first thought hadn’t been for her, but for Scout.
It shouldn’t have mattered. The way he’d put a friend he’d known and loved his whole life before her shouldn’t have made her feel hollowed out, but it did. It hurt because if the roles had been reversed, her first concern would have been him, because she loved him.
She loved Charlie Hagan, and he loved Scout.
“I don’t want to stay,” she found herself saying. The thought of sticking around, of watching Charlie watch Scout, was Maggie’s new definition of hell. “Actually,” she took a deep breath, forcing her words out through sheer will, “I would rather cut off my ties with the Alpha Pack completely.”
Finally, something broke through Charlie’s casual indifference. “What do you mean?” he asked, his eyes and lips pinched together.
“I mean…” God. What did she mean? “I mean, I’m done. I want out. I want what you said I have. My old life back. The one where I don’t have to worry about who is trying to kill me this week.” The one where she didn’t have to have her heart broken afresh every single day.
“I’ll let the others know,” he said. “We’ll keep our distance, and let you get on with your life.”
No! Don’t do that. Fight for me. Tell me you want me to stay.
Tell me you love me, too.
“Thanks.”
Charlie finally stepped into the room, and for one beautiful second she thought he was coming for her, to tell her all the things she wanted to hear, but he stopped at her pile of luggage. “This everything?” he asked.
She nodded, disappointment paralyzing her vocal cords.
“I’ll help you carry it down.”
“Thanks,” she said, plastering a fake smile on her face. It held as she followed him down the stairs and out to her grandfather’s minivan. It didn’t waver as she told Scout, Liam, Jase, Talley, Layne, and Joshua goodbye. She even managed to hold it in place as she watched the farm fade into the horizon. It wasn’t until her grandfather merged onto the parkway that she let herself fall apart.
Chapter 33
“Happy Boxing Day!”
Charlie tossed the Dark Knight collector’s edition Santa brought him on the floor and sat up. It was strange, but in all the years they’d been friends, he couldn’t remember Scout being in his bedroom before.
“What is Boxing Day exactly?” he asked. “Am I supposed to put things in boxes? Throw some punches? You’re the one dating a Canadian. Explain it to me.”
Scout plopped down beside him, cocking an eyebrow at his Batman sheet set, which was on display since he didn’t actually see a point in making his bed.
“I’m not dating a Canadian.”
“I don’t care what Liam says, he was born and raised in Canada. He’s a Canadian. No matter how much he wants to be one of the cool American kids, he’s not.”
“Oh, I’m not saying that Liam isn’t Canadian. He’s so Canadian he drinks maple syrup instead of coffee. I’m saying, I’m not dating Liam.” If she was looking for something to shock him, she clearly succeeded. He felt his spine pop from the speed with which he whipped himself around to face her. Scout took one look at his face and started giggling. “Oh, that was even better than I expected.”
“What do you mean you’re not dating Liam? He’s your mate.” People didn’t just leave their mates.
Mates were the luckiest damn people in the universe.
“We’re not dating because…” Scout waved her left hand u
nder his nose, the rock on her ring finger so big and bright even the low lights of his room made it glitter and shine. “We’re engaged.”
“Engaged?”
“As in, to be married.”
“You’re engaged to be married?”
Scout laughed again. “Yes.”
“I guess things are better between the two of you now?” The Scout and Liam from August were nowhere near getting engaged, and since then…
Well, since then he didn’t really know. His focus had been completely on Maggie. So much so, he didn’t really know what was going on with his friends anymore. He tried to work up some guilt over it, but that was all reserved for Maggie, too.
“Did you know,” Scout began, stretching out across his bed, “that Liam Cole is in love with me?”
“Of course he is. You’re Scout Donovan. You’re comprised entirely of lovableness.”
Scout snorted. “I’m comprised entirely of snark and disdain, but thankfully, those are qualities Liam loves in a girl.”
“I’m happy for you,” Charlie said, and he meant it. Scout had earned the right to be happy, and Liam made her happy. Even when he was making her miserable, it was a happy sort of misery. The kind you only felt when you were with someone you truly loved. It was much preferable to the misery you felt when the person you couldn’t stop thinking about wasn’t anywhere near you. That kind of misery was entire galaxies away from happy. “Unless you’re moving to Romania,” he said, amending his statement. “If you’re moving there, then you have my sincerest apologies.”
“You do understand if I have to move to Romania, then you guys have to, too, right? You did that whole swearing to serve and protect me thing.”
“Even Jase?”
Scout’s smile was completely evil. “Even Jase.”
“So, we’re not going to Romania?” Because there was a chance the next time the Alpha Female’s brother stepped foot into the country, he would be sent to prison.
“No, but don’t tell Jase yet, okay? One of the few true pleasures I have in life is torturing him.” She looked so comfortable that Charlie stretched out beside her. She scooted over to give him room, and he wondered how many times they’d done just this. He could remember the four of them - Scout, Jase, Talley, and him - having long conversations while staring at Scout’s ceiling when they were all still small enough to fit on one bed. “We’re moving the Den here,” Scout said once he was settled. “The farm isn’t quite as big as what we have over there, but it’ll work. We’ll keep some of the operations in Romania, which means Liam and I will have to travel over there once or twice a year, but we’re making the Alpha Pack an American operation.”
“You’re going to piss people off.”
“People stay pissed off at me. I don’t really care anymore. I’m going to do what I think is right and what makes me happy. If they don’t like it, they can go screw themselves. I’m over it.”
“And the people who think you’re too young to get married?” He could think of two people who were probably sitting at the top of that list, and there was no way Scout was going to tell them to go screw themselves. She might technically be an adult now, but that wouldn’t matter to Rebecca and Dustin Donovan. They would ground her for the rest of eternity.
There was a huff of annoyance from his shoulder, letting him know he’d guessed right. “I’m too young to be in charge of an entire race of people, yet here I am.” She kicked a pillow, launching it towards their heads, and snatched it out of the air just before it barreled into her face. Her elbow came dangerously close to Charlie’s nose as she crammed it behind her head. “It’s not like we’re some idiot kids who don’t know what we want. We’re the Alphas. Even if we didn’t love each other with all of our being, which we do, we’re bound for life anyway. For us, a wedding is just a technicality and an excuse for me to wear a princess dress.”
“A princess dress?”
She cut her eyes over at him. “I’m still a girl, Charlie. And I want to wear a freaking princess dress.”
Charlie felt the beginning of a smile tempt the corners of his mouth. “Then you should have the most beautiful princess dress in all the kingdom,” he said. “You deserve to be happy.”
Her teasing eyes grew thoughtful. “You do, too.”
“Scout—“
“How is everything going with your parents?” she asked, taking the conversation in a direction he wasn’t expecting. It was a direction that had been the number one taboo subject for the past ten years of his life, but for once he was happy to talk about it. Anything was better than where he thought she was going.
“They’re trying.” The drive back from Chinoe had been strained and silent. His dad tried to start a conversation a couple of times, but Layne was too busy trying to permanently damage his hearing by applying super-loud rap music directly to his eardrums and Charlie was too exhausted to reply. They arrived home to find Charlie’s mother already there, pretending like everything was normal. Things weren’t exactly like the heartwarming end of a made-for-TV Christmas special - Charlie caught his dad eyeing the liquor cabinet and his mother silently crying a few too many times for that - but it was considerably better than most of his Christmases. Layne had even taken off his headphones and said a few complete sentences over the past few days, which was a sort of Christmas miracle.
“Are you really okay with everything? I mean, with having your dad around and all that?”
Charlie shrugged, although the motion was lost in the mattress. “I’m not going to say it’s good having him around, but it’s not bad either.” In reality, the two of them hadn’t really had much interaction since his dad relocated to the main house at the farm. Their relationship wasn’t much different than it’d been when he was a teenager. For the most part, they pointedly ignored one another, acting more like cohabitating strangers than father and son. The only significant difference was the elder Charles Hagan didn’t get drunk and start terrorizing his son every evening. “At least this way I’ll know when he starts to fall off the wagon, and maybe I can stop it.”
“Chuck, I need you to make me a promise.”
“Anything, your majesty.”
“If and when he does, don’t blame yourself.” He opened his mouth to say he wouldn’t, but Scout cut him off before he could. “You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, Charlie. The only problem is, you’re not responsible for the world. Crap is going to happen, and you can’t stop it. It’s not your fault when things go wrong.”
“I know that.”
“Do you know your dad’s alcoholism and general jack-assedness is one of those things you can’t control?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, Scout.”
“Good.”
They lay side-by-side in silence for a long while. Being with Scout gave him a sense of peace deep down in his soul. At one time he’d thought that feeling of peace was love. And it was. But it wasn’t the buy-a-ring-and-abandon-a-centuries-old-Den kind of love. The bond Charlie and Scout shared wasn’t tied together with threads of passion, but ropes of familiarity and comfort. Charlie would do anything in the world for Scout. Her happiness and safety were more important to him than his own life. But his dad was right. She didn’t need him in her life the way she needed Liam.
That wasn’t really shocking. He’d known all along he wasn’t what she needed. What was surprising was she wasn’t what he needed either.
“I called her,” Scout eventually said, breaking the silence and any feelings of good will towards her Charlie possessed.
He didn’t have to ask who she called. It was the person Charlie fought like hell to not think about. The person whose loss he felt deep in his soul every minute of every day. The person who occupied so much of his brain he’d only been present in body as his family opened gifts and laughed around a dinner big enough to feed an army of Shifters the day before.
How was she? Were her wounds healing? Was her family taking care of her like they should? Did she have a goo
d Christmas, or was she sitting alone on the couch eating stale potato chips and watching A Christmas Story for the fifth time in a row?
He wanted to ask Scout, but he didn’t.
“You shouldn’t have done that.” They had to cut her free from the Alpha Pack. It was what she wanted and the only way to keep her safe.
“I can do whatever in the hell I want, thank you very much. I’m the Alpha Female, and she’s my friend. I wanted to make sure she was okay.”
“Okay?” The bed creaked out a protest as Charlie launched himself into a sitting position. “Is something wrong?”
Scout pulled herself up onto her elbows, her you’re-a-complete-idiot look firmly in place. “Yeah, some asshole broke up with her after she suffered a traumatic injury. And to add another insult on top of that insult that was added to injury, he did it like a week before Christmas.”
“You can’t break up with someone if you weren’t ever together in the first place.” They’d never said they were together. So what if he’d felt connected to her in the very core of his being? There had been no promises between them. “And she was the one who chose to leave.”
“Yeah, well, it was kind of hard for her to choose any other option with you pushing her out the door.”
Charlie stood and walked the three steps to his door. Then he turned around and walked the three steps back to his bed. And then back to the door. And back to the bed again.
His coyote was restless.
Ever since Maggie helped him power through the Change, his coyote stayed close to the surface. No matter how hard he tried to push it back down, it rode him hard, making sure he felt every single cut, bruise, and scar life left on his heart. More often than not, he felt like Human Charlie was fighting a losing battle against the coyote’s instinct. It got worse whenever someone mentioned Maggie. The coyote didn’t like how he’d let her leave. That last day, when they’d said goodbye to each other for the last time, he’d had to physically hold himself back. The coyote wanted to throw her on the bed and kiss her until she couldn’t think of anything at all, least of all leaving him.
Fragile Brilliance (Shifters & Seers) Page 27
