They had discussed everything that had happened, and Elizabeth had finally agreed that Violet should know the full story, and Michael had written his sister a long letter in advance of their arrival.
Elizabeth was quieter than she normally was on a journey, her natural enthusiasm a little subdued. She felt a lot older on her return to London, and it felt as if a long time had passed since she had travelled with Miss Fairfield in her purple and orange outfit. She could never have imagined even half of what had happened. Life changing events had taken place, and this trip would continue that theme for her. Even though the events involving Miranda and George were horrific, she had to give Lord Halkyn a final decision.
In her heart there was only one man that she wanted to marry, but although he cared for her, he had made it quite clear that he was her guardian and he was too honourable to do anything else. It did not make sense to Elizabeth, but at least he had admitted to his feelings for her. She would never forget the kisses they had shared in the top field for as long as she lived.
Before the journey to Yorkshire she had been sure that she would refuse Lord Halkyn, but after recent events, there was more to consider. She had puzzled over what her final decision should be. Trying to dwell on that, rather than what had happened with George. Each time she thought of those moments in the inn, she felt physically sick about how close she had come to being completely ruined. It did worry her a little that the thought of Michael knowing she was ruined had affected her more than anything else. She had not wanted to live without the chance that she would ultimately be with Michael. Thoughts such as those troubled her even more when thinking of Lord Halkyn, but she had to consider what he could offer her. She felt vulnerable and alone.
She was welcomed into Violet’s home like a long lost child, and she felt loved and cosseted within a few minutes of her arrival. Michael had left soon after to settle into his own home, leaving Elizabeth in his sister’s capable hands.
After a few days they had returned to a similar routine to when she had first arrived in London. A ride with Michael in the morning, visits with Violet and then attending some entertainment in the evening. She begged to be excused from the larger gatherings, to which Violet agreed.
“I understand why you want to ease yourself back into society, my dear,” Violet said with compassion. “But I don’t think many knew your cousin or his family, and I doubt they would expect you to be in mourning.”
Elizabeth smiled slightly, “I’m afraid I want to avoid society, but it has nothing to do with Herbert. I have my own selfish reasons.”
“You do have not a selfish bone in your body. What is troubling you? It’s been obvious something is unsettling you and I didn’t think it was all connected with what happened in Yorkshire.” Violet said gently.
“I need to speak to Lord Halkyn and I suppose I have been trying to work out exactly what to say.”
“Ah yes, I’d forgotten about that,” Violet said. She had hoped that Michael would have come to his senses in Yorkshire. She had not accounted for the attack on Elizabeth though and had to accept defeat when hoping that her brother would declare himself. “Have you made your decision?”
“I have, but if you don’t mind I feel it only fair to inform him of my decision first.” Elizabeth replied.
“Of course, my dear.” Violet replied, having to be satisfied with Elizabeth’s response.
*
Michael had remained convinced that he should declare himself to Elizabeth. The events in Yorkshire had shown him that he could not face a life without her. He still had nightmares about seeing her on the bed, with George poised between her legs. He shuddered every time a ‘what if’ thought entered his mind and it reinforced his determination to let her know his true feelings. He would tell her about the madness, but they could put in place some agreement that when he started to show signs, he could be locked away, for her safety and his. The thought of being locked away terrified him, but he would agree to it, if it meant he could have the time with Elizabeth while he was still sane. He comforted himself by thinking that at least he would not be in his right mind when he had to be separated from her.
He decided to speak to her before they went riding. It was the time of day that they would be less likely to be interrupted, Violet and Edward never came downstairs too early. The nerves built as he approached Violet’s home, it was not every day that he tried to persuade someone to marry him, at the same time of informing them that their time together would be limited.
He wandered into the morning room to wait for Elizabeth. He paced the room as he waited, first time marriage proposals were nerve racking. At least Elizabeth did not keep him waiting for long; he heard her hurrying down the stairs. She entered the room, dressed in a deep red riding habit, which had complex patterns of black braiding on the sleeves and across the front.
“Good morning Michael,” Elizabeth said pleasantly. “I hope you are ready for a good ride, I feel the need to burn some energy today.”
Michael smiled, her natural energy was returning as he had hoped. “I am always ready to challenge you to a good horse ride, I don’t give up as easily as the friends with whom you used to race, but I thought we could talk before we began.”
“Yes, of course, if you wish,” Elizabeth responded easily. “Oh, before I forget, I need to see Lord Halkyn, I promised I would seek him out on my return and I’ve been very remiss. The man probably thinks I am a flighty miss, and I’d hate him to have such a low opinion of me. Do you know if he is still in town?”
If Michael had received a kick to the stomach, it would have been less painful. Halkyn. He had completely forgotten, or ignored the fact that she was considering an offer from him. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “He is in town I believe. Have you business with him?”
“Yes, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and it is time I started being more decisive. After what happened, I’ve decided that sitting around, and dwelling on things for too long does nothing but confuse matters. It is time I started sorting myself out once and for all.” She smiled at Michael, in her usual mischievous way. “Now, what do you want to talk to me about, have I erred again?”
Michael tried to smile, she was adorable and he had lost her. She was seeking out Lord Halkyn and looking happy about it, which could mean only one thing. Michael cursed himself silently, the one time he had decided that he was going to act; he had left it too late. He shook himself, he had only himself to blame.
“It is nothing, I just wanted to ensure that you are well, but in reality, I can see that you are.” he improvised.
Elizabeth smiled at him. “Thanks to the care of Violet and yourself, I am very well now.”
“Good! Come on, let’s get the horses,” Michael said walking to the door. He would mourn the lack of timing later; every moment with Elizabeth was even more precious now. He had been a damn fool.
*
The morning rides continued, but one morning Michael had sent word that he would be late for their appointment, so Elizabeth had taken her groom with her. She liked to get out as early as possible as the park was always quieter, and it gave her chance to plan her future.
Elizabeth rode through Hyde Park on the back of the dappled grey Michael had purchased for her all those months ago. It seemed strange now, looking back, reflecting on the feelings of outrage that she had had at the constraints of a guardian. In reality, she had not realised how lucky she was, coming to London for the first time with everything taken care of.
Violet was aware of how she felt about Michael, she was sure of it, but she was not as sure that Michael was. Every time she had resolved that she should marry Lord Halkyn, an image of those warm brown eyes would float into her mind’s eye, and she knew she could not marry anyone else. But, she had to let everyone know of her decisions. In two weeks it was her birthday, a mixed blessing. She would be an independent woman, but she would no longer have a close connection to Michael.
She had tossed and turned durin
g the nights since her return from Yorkshire, determined to make a final decision and she had, but whether everyone else would agree to her plans would be another matter. If they did not, she would wait for two weeks and then do as she pleased, she had led the life of an idle lady for too long and it was making her lethargic. It was time to take action.
She was disturbed from her thoughts by an approaching horse and rider. It was clear who it was and although it was not an audience she was looking forward to, she hoped that at the end of the conversation the meeting would force, there would be the chance to start her life moving again.
“Good morning Lord Halkyn,” she inclined her head as he slowed his horse near her.
“Miss Rufford, I had heard you were back in town. Was everything in order in Yorkshire?” Lord Halkyn asked pleasantly.
“Not yet, as there is much work to be done, but the estate shows potential.” Elizabeth replied more cheerfully than she felt. She had never had this type of conversation with a man before and nerves fluttered in her stomach.
“I am surprised we have not met sooner,” Lord Halkyn said. “Your presence was missed at the entertainments this last week. You had returned a few days before I was told you were in residence.”
“I wished to remain quiet, while I thought things through properly.” Elizabeth replied, knowing she had avoided contact with Lord Halkyn, and that it was obvious he knew that too.
“And did those thoughts include some consideration about my proposal?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes, I want to thank you for your very kind offer, but I am not going to accept it.” Elizabeth said quickly before she changed her mind.
“And is your response influenced by your guardian?”
“No! Not at all, Lord Dunham still does not know of your proposal. I have made the decision after much consideration and without anyone else’s counsel.” Elizabeth assured him.
“In that case I am sorry,” Lord Halkyn said with a small shrug. “Some would say I should persist and try to change your mind, but consider me vain if you will, I want to marry someone who welcomes my addresses.”
Elizabeth smiled, “You are not vain and it is only what you deserve. I like you very much, but I am convinced that I could not have made you happy.”
“We would have got on tolerably well.”
“I agree that we would and some people would think us very lucky, but is it wrong of me to want more?” Elizabeth asked.
“I hope you find more, if that is still what you wish. You have always been honest with your desire for a love match and I wish you luck, although with your guardian glowering in the background, it may put off lesser mortals than myself,” Lord Halkyn smiled, looking over Elizabeth’s shoulder.
She turned slightly to see Michael approaching and he was indeed glowering. “Oh he always glowers, do not mind him.” Elizabeth said lightly.
“I do not, but I am in no mood to pander to him at the moment. Please would you give him my excuses while I go away and nurse by broken heart?” Lord Halkyn bowed to Elizabeth.
Elizabeth reached out her arm and squeezed Lord Halkyn’s hand. “Thank you for being so understanding and being patient while I made my decision. I was flattered and tempted by your offer. I do hope you find someone who can care for you the way you deserve.”
“Take care Miss Rufford, you are in danger of becoming one of the most sincere people I know. I wish you well.” Lord Halkyn said with a wry smile, before turning his horse.
Elizabeth watched Lord Halkyn as he galloped away, causing people to turn their heads in wonder at such a noise so early in the day. She stayed still until Michael reined his horse in at the side of her.
“What did Halkyn want?” Michael snarled.
“The same as anyone wants on these outings, to pass the time of day with acquaintances.” Elizabeth replied lightly.
“Do you squeeze the hands of all of your acquaintances in public Elizabeth?”
“Not all, only the ones I really like!” Elizabeth replied cheerfully. She might love Michael, but she would never allow him to wallow in his moods, or let him pass any unreasonable comments. She moved away with Michael following her. Elizabeth perhaps would not have been so at peace if she had realised that her actions and words had led Michael to believe that she had accepted Lord Halkyn’s offer of marriage.
Chapter 19
Two days later Michael joined Violet, Edward and Elizabeth for the evening. He had not seen Elizabeth since the ride in the park, and had spent most of his time expecting a visit from Lord Halkyn. He did not know whether it was a relief or torture that the visit had not occurred. He did wonder if they would wait until Elizabeth’s birthday and then Halkyn would not need to approach Michael at all.
He had attended the gathering with reluctance, but could not refuse Violet without running the risk of receiving yet another lecture from his sister. As he now knew how foolish he had been, he could not face his sister realising she had been right. He sat slightly separated from the group, not joining in the conversation, but brooding to himself. Elizabeth brought him out of his dark thoughts by saying she wanted to make an announcement. Michael braced himself for the worst.
“I cannot thank you all for what you have done over these last months,” she started, blushing slightly. “These last few days I have done nothing but think of what I am to do next and I have come to a decision.” Michael held his breath. “I know it may seem strange but I wish to return to Yorkshire as soon as possible.”
“Go back to Yorkshire? Whatever for?” Violet asked, wondering where this conversation was going.
Elizabeth smiled at Violet. “I realise you think I am strange for not loving the social whirl as you do, but it is not me. I would rather be outdoors, planting my crops and raising my animals. I have a lot to do, and want to get started as soon as possible. I need to return to my home.”
“But after what happened?” Violet asked.
“The quickest way for me to put all that behind me is to go back and make happy memories there, to throw myself into turning the estate around.” Elizabeth turned to Michael. “I know I should wait until you are no longer my guardian and I know I initially agreed to wait until the end of the Season, but it became clear to me very soon after my arrival that I was never going to fit into this world. I realised it even more when we visited the farm for the first time. The last few days have proved that I have so little time and so much to do. Could you please indulge me in this?”
‘I have so little time’, the words resounded in Michael’s head. So she was not going to keep the estate forever Michael thought. The more she could do in the short-term would increase the resale value and if nothing else Michael knew she was a good businesswoman. She was probably intending working on the estate until she was married and then sell it. A good plan for anyone other than Elizabeth, since he felt she would wilt if she did not have the outdoors. He sat mulling over everything for a moment or two, but then seemed to rouse himself. It was no longer his concern. She had accepted a proposal and although it hurt that she had not shared her news, she was her own woman and he was going to have to stop caring about her. She was someone else’s now.
“If Miss Fairfield is willing to accompany you, there is no reason why you should not go. The guardianship is in name only now. On your birthday I can arrange for the documentation to be sent to Yorkshire as easily as I would have sent it here,” he said, the old bored tone returning to his voice.
Elizabeth frowned slightly at the coldness of Michael’s words. Normally he would have wanted to know everything about what she was planning, but he did not seem interested in her plans at all. Perhaps this was how it was going to be. The thought filled her with sadness, and a sense of longing she could understand, but could not act on.
“You can’t go there on your own.” Edward intervened, ever the voice of reason.
Elizabeth smiled, “I have Mr Lawson waiting for me and all the other staff. It will be no different to being on Papa
’s estate. Miss Fairfield will obviously accompany me, as she did on our journey down here.”
“We will be very sorry to see you go.” Violet said sadly, realising that her brother was not going to do anything to try to persuade Elizabeth to stay.
“Part of me will be sad to leave, you have been like family to me and I will never forget that, but I will not be sorry not to attend anymore card parties!”
*
Elizabeth left within the week. She had hoped that Michael would call and declare his undying love for her, but he never appeared. In fact, he avoided her; he made some excuse about not being able to join her on her morning rides, and did not visit Violet. She was hurt, but realised it was the way things were going to be. She loved him, but he did not love her. So, she left London with Miss Fairfield for a long journey with a heavy heart.
As the carriage left the London streets behind, Elizabeth leaned back in her seat with a sigh. “Yet another journey Martha, I hope this is the last one we have to make for a long time.”
“Do you think his Lordship will visit?” asked the long serving member of staff who knew exactly what her employer had been feeling.
Elizabeth smiled a wry smile. “I should have known I couldn’t hide anything from you. No, his Lordship won’t visit, he has made it quite clear over the last few days that he wants nothing to do with me after the guardianship ends.”
“Sometimes that is when a guardian declares himself.” Martha said hopefully. She had known of such cases.
“Not in this case. There is something else, he has already said as much. I have no idea what it could be, but he would not say and I cannot force him to tell me.”
“Well let’s look on the positive side; at least his man of business will not be interfering with things that do not concern him.” Martha said primly.
Elizabeth laughed, “Be careful Martha, I’ve never seen you react so to a gentleman, you are in danger of losing your heart.”
“Will you write to his Lordship?” Martha asked, quickly changing the subject from words that had stirred butterflies in her usually well controlled self.
An Inconvenient Trilogy - Three Regency Romances: Inconvenient Ward, Wife, Companion - all published separately on Kindle and paperback Page 16
