by Jodi Thomas
Turning suddenly, Jennie bolted toward the door. She wanted to get as far away from Austin McCormick as she could. All the daydreams she’d had, all the memories, were no more real than the pictures in her mind when she read one of her books. He didn’t care for her. Just because he kissed her with passion didn’t mean she mattered to him.
Tears bubbled in her eyes as she ran blindly toward the door.
“Jennie!” Austin shouted.
She didn’t look back. She couldn’t endure the laughter in his eyes or the pity at her having made a fool of herself. If she’d known more about men, maybe she wouldn’t have fallen so easily into believing he could care for her.
“No,” she mumbled, feeling that everything her family ever said had been right. She’d lose, if not her way, then her heart, if she wasn’t very careful.
“Jennie!” he yelled again as she fought with the door latch.
Before she could turn the lock, he grabbed her arm and twirled her around to face him. The force of his movements slammed her into his chest. “Jennie, what did you think?”
“Let go of me!” she shouted. “You’ve made it plain how you feel.”
“Have I?” He drew her against him with one arm, forcing her face up with long fingers. “Did you think you could lie to me, turn me away again and again, then come to me on your terms?”
How could she explain to him that she hadn’t been around enough men to know? How could she tell him about a lie that was the only thing keeping Delta alive? “I only meant to come here and tell you about Barkley. I didn’t mean to bother you.”
Austin’s stare was granite, but his grip became a caress. “Bother me! You haunt every hour of my day and night. The sight of you sets a fire in my gut that I can’t drink enough whiskey to put out. Do you have any idea how you turn my insides out, exposing my heart with each lie you tell?”
“Maybe I tell no lies!” She flushed war-paint red. “You’ve no proof.”
“Maybe I don’t want you!” he answered as his lips came down on hers, hard and demanding.
There was nothing soft and loving about his kiss. He wanted to purge himself, burn the longing for her from him with a fire he knew would explode the moment she was in his arms. He wanted to taste her, drink in the smell of her until he drowned in the nearness of her, then maybe her memory would allow him some peace.
But she didn’t fight. She didn’t shove him from her and scream, giving him reason to hate both her and himself. She wrapped her arms around his neck and answered his longing with a cry as great.
He knew he was bruising her lips with his kiss, but he couldn’t stop. He’d watched her every day for weeks. She moved so properly in her black uniform and starched apron. But one rainy night he’d felt the softness beneath her clothes. Once he’d dreamed of holding her in passion. Now all he could think about was touching her. He had to turn away before she saw the need in his eyes.
Running his fingers into the thickness of her hair, he pulled her head back. “I don’t want you!” He forced the lie out one more time, as if he could make it true.
Her eyes were dark with desire and liquid with unshed tears. Her life unraveled when she held to him. No one, including her family, had ever wanted her. She’d been an extra puzzle piece on a board where everyone else had a place. But not here, not with him.
Austin’s voice was low, echoing from his very soul. “I don’t want you, but I need you. Before I met you, I didn’t know that just going a few hours without seeing a woman could drive me mad. Every time I walk into the Harvey House and see you, my arms ache so desperately to hold you I think everyone in the room must see me shaking with longing for you.”
Jennie blinked away the tears. She couldn’t believe he was saying such words to her, not her, not the Jennie everyone passed by. “I thought you didn’t care,” she whispered.
“I don’t care,” he answered. “I don’t seem to care about anything except holding you.”
She lightly brushed her lips against his. “I know how you feel. I’ve watched your light from my window and almost crossed the darkness every night. But I was afraid you’d turn me away.”
“If I were you, I’d be more afraid that I’ll never let you go.”
Rubbing her cheek against his stubbly chin, she answered, “That fear never entered my mind.”
His arms tightened around her, pulling her heart against his. His mouth covered hers, proving his point. The kiss was long and complete, blanketing over two lives filled with years of loneliness.
“Don’t leave tonight, Jennie,” he whispered as they stopped to breathe. “Let me hold you till first light. God, how I need to hold you!”
Jennie’s hands moved slowly beneath the folds of his shirt. She could feel his heart pounding as she slid her fingers over the light scattering of hair across his chest.
“And tomorrow?” she whispered. Her hands spread over his warm skin.
“Tonight there is no tomorrow.” His mouth claimed hers once more, this time with a tender yearning, a lifetime of longing.
Jennie closed her mind to tomorrow. She knew he’d never love her if she didn’t tell him the truth, but for a moment his need for her was enough. For the rest of her life she might live alone, but this night she’d feel a man in her arms. A man made of flesh and blood, not wishes and romance.
His lips left her mouth as he trailed desire’s fire down her throat. “You taste so good,” he whispered, pulling her collar open. “Nothing will ever satisfy me again after I’ve had the taste of you in my mouth.”
Jennie didn’t move as he pulled the buttons of her blouse open. With each one, he brushed his mouth over the exposed flesh. His touch warmed her skin and spread heat over her. Deep within her she felt desire shatter through a shell of fear and give birth to passion’s longing. A longing only he could satisfy.
His hands fumbled with the lace of her camisole, and she smiled. Raising his head, he looked into her eyes. He’d not take what she wasn’t offering, and she was so still, he wasn’t sure her desire matched his own. “Jennie?” he whispered. “Do you want me to touch you?”
She nodded slightly, and for the first time since he’d met her, a smile warmed her eyes.
Gently he lifted her off the floor and carried her to his bed. When he sat her on the edge, he knelt beside her.
She hesitated, holding him away with hands so gentle her fingers were almost a caress. “I’m not …”
“It doesn’t matter.” He didn’t want to hear the number of men she’d been with. “All that matters is now, tonight.”
He saw a hint of fear in her eyes and cursed the other men who’d bedded her. Kissing her tenderly, he whispered, “Don’t be afraid of me. I could never hurt you.”
Green eyes studied him. Slowly, she raised her hand and brushed the hair from his eyes. “I’m not afraid of you.” Planting light kisses along his jaw, she smiled, thinking tomorrow would be time enough to talk. Tonight was made for feeling, and all she wanted to feel right now was him in her arms.
His kiss deepened. He brushed his knuckle over the swell of her breast above her camisole.
When she didn’t answer, he pulled the ribbon, freeing the lace undergarment. As the fabric fell open, he couldn’t resist the taste of her.
Her breasts were full and rounded. He lowered his mouth slowly. The pleasure of her made his nerves feel as if they’d been loaded with dynamite and the fuse burned only inches away.
“Lean back,” he whispered, shoving the clothes off her shoulders and out of his way.
She stretched and rested her head on his pillow.
“Close your eyes,” he urged as he sat beside her and pulled the clothes from her.
She lay still, loving the adventure of this man.
He moved his hands over her body, feather-light at first, then molding her flesh with passion, stroking the velvet of her skin with fire; loving the way she moved to his touch, as though wanting all parts to be stroked at once.
When she ra
ised her arms to pull him beside her, he pushed her gently away. “No,” he requested. “I want to touch you.”
As his fingers blanketed her, she moved in a dance where they were perfectly matched. Here the music played in their minds and they never missed a step. She didn’t open her eyes, but cried out softly with joy as he circled her breasts and slid his large palm along her abdomen.
“You’re perfection,” he whispered. “I’ve lain awake every night since I first kissed you, wondering what it would be like to touch like this.”
She raised her arms once more and pulled him to her mouth. His lips were hot with need. She’d longed for a man to touch her with loving strokes and couldn’t believe this man, this honest, powerful man, needed her as dearly as she needed him.
Their kiss deepened, as they both knew it must. He lowered his body beside her, gently pushing the hard wall of his chest against her softness.
Suddenly she shoved him back and rose above him. For a blink there was a question in his eyes, and he seemed to think she might yet leave him, but then she smiled.
“Jennie,” he whispered, trying to pull her near.
She laughed and shook her head, sending a cloud of ebony circling over her bare shoulders and tumbling to her waist.
“Lie still,” she ordered.
Austin opened his mouth to argue, but she silenced him with a playful kiss. “I’ll touch you,” she whispered against his lips, “the way you’ve touched me, or I’ll get up and leave right now.”
He chuckled. “You’d make quite a sight walking back to the hotel with nothing but your hair to keep you warm.”
“Would you arrest me?” Her fingers gently moved along his rib cage.
“That I would,” he groaned in sweet agony, “and lock you in one of the front cells until morning.”
“And would you come get me at dawn?”
“No.” Austin laughed when she shoved his clothes aside. “I’d unlock the door and let myself out while you slept. Maybe I’d let you out after breakfast.”
He bit at his bottom lip, unable to speak of the pleasure he felt while her fingers moved over his body, touching, teasing, caressing. “Don’t be afraid,” she echoed his words from earlier. “I could never hurt you.”
Austin knotted the blanket below him with his fists. He fought to keep from reaching for her. Her touch was a sweet torture he’d have gladly died from before trying to stop her.
“Just close your eyes and relax.” She whispered words against his ear. Her hands stroked paradise across his body.
All control within him snapped. He reached for her and rolled, pulling her beneath him.
Suddenly there was no more need for words. When his body touched hers full-length, she felt a completeness she’d missed all her life. As she’d known it would be, his body was hard where she was soft, demanding where she yielded, rough where she was most tender. The touch of his skin against hers drove her mad with pleasure.
She took his lead, touching him where he touched her. Her fingers clawed into his back, longing to pull him closer, until she could no longer tell where his pleasure and hers separated.
His touch grew rough with desire and his kisses hard with need. He’d meant to be gentle, waltzing her into passion’s dance slowly, but she’d have none of it.
She hurried him when he would have gone slower, driving him mad with her demands to touch and kiss and feel and taste. They’d both waited too long to feel the warmth of great passion; there could be no stopping, no halfway.
When he entered her, he heard her cry softly at the same time his heart exploded in delight. For one blink in time he thought he might have hurt her, but desire flooded all reason from his mind as she moved beneath him.
Her body welcomed him where her words had not, telling him of her longing, demanding a passion he’d never known himself capable of giving.
Crying out as all her dreams exploded into reality, she rode the wave of pleasure back to earth in his embrace.
Austin rolled beside her, holding her more tightly than he’d ever held anything in his life.
“Jennie, Jennie,” he whispered over and over. He rocked her to sleep in the private world of his arms.
Chapter 19
Long after Jennie fell asleep cuddled against him, Austin lay awake staring into the night and thinking. Her nearness drugged him with a pleasure he’d thought would always be denied. He could feel the soft tips of her breasts against his side and the gentle tickle of her breath near his throat.
In the shadows life seemed a dream, and dreams real. He pulled a blanket over them both, wishing the wool could block out the world as it did the cold.
He knew it was almost dawn and he should wake her, but he didn’t want to return to the world just yet. Reason told him he could never care for a woman who lied so easily, but his heart screamed it was too late; he already did. Now, with the passion spent, it was time to think of how little he had to offer a woman like her. A bushelful of worrying when he didn’t come home and a bucket of outlaw’s threats to end his life at the first opportunity didn’t seem such fine gifts to set on her porch when he came calling.
All he’d ever known was life with a Colt at his side. It was too late to change now even if he wanted to. No matter how much he cared for a woman, he could never lay his guns aside and take up farming like he’d seen a few other lawmen try. Jennie was the type of woman who’d want her man’s feet beneath the table every night for dinner, and he was the type of man who never seemed to leave a footprint in the same dirt twice.
Austin kissed her forehead lightly. She’d managed to touch a part of him no one else had ever reached. “I’ll never love you,” he whispered as she slept. “When Pete died I swore I’d never love another human as long as I lived.”
His memory traveled back to a battlefield long ago. Bodies were littered everywhere on land he never knew the name of, and the rebel flag lay soaked with mud, blood and rain. His brother, Pete, was cold in his arms, but he couldn’t let go. Austin held Pete all night, listening to the fighting around him … praying a bullet would hit him and take away the grief. Pete had sworn he wouldn’t die, just like their mother had, but he lied. They’d joined the war as boys, but the war hadn’t given Pete a chance to become a man.
As he remembered how a sergeant had pulled Pete from his arms and shoved a rifle in his hands, Austin flinched at Jennie’s side. “Fight! Damn it, fight!” the man had yelled, and Austin had been fighting ever since.
Except for last night, he thought, pulling Jennie close. When he’d seen her bottom lip tremble, he’d laid down his weapons and surrendered. Then she’d kissed him, and all the promises he’d made to himself had been forgotten.
He wished he could make her understand. Even if she hadn’t lied, there wasn’t enough of him left to give anyone. His body might not have died on that battlefield, but his heart had.
“Morning,” Jennie whispered, stretching beside him.
All thought of ever leaving her vanished as he felt her move. Her softness gently washed over all the scars on his body and soul, making him feel like he’d just woken up from a year’s sleep. “Morning,” he answered, wondering how she could feel so wonderful. He’d touched her completely only a short time ago, but he felt like he couldn’t wait to discover her every curve all over again.
She rested her chin on his chest. “It’ll be light soon. I need to get back before Mrs. Gray catches me out. I can just imagine how she’d react if she knew I spent the night with you.”
“Probably not much different than you’d react if you knew she spent the night with Spider Morris.”
Jennie laughed. “She didn’t!”
“Maybe Spider figures she’s been a widow long enough,” Austin guessed.
“I can’t see them together.” Jennie shook her head, making curls tickle his chest. “Not Mrs. Gray.”
“Speaking of seeing,” Austin slowly moved his hands down her body, “I wish there was enough light for me to see you.”
>
“No.” She shook her curls again. “I’ll be gone by sunup.”
Austin’s arm tightened around her. He knew she was right, but he didn’t want to let her go. “Jennie, there’s so much we need to talk about.”
She placed her fingers over his lips. “Not now,” she whispered. “For now, just let me remember. I’ve never had anything happen worth remembering until I met you.”
She hugged him tightly and was silent for a long time before she whispered, “My parents were always afraid I’d turn the wrong direction and never make it home, so they’d tie red ribbons along the road to show me the way. I’d see the ribbon and know I was nearing home.” She moved her fingers over his chest. “I feel that way with you. I’m not sure where we’re going, but I think we’re finally moving in the right direction.”
A hundred thoughts came to his mind, but Austin didn’t say a word as his hand lightly brushed over her body.
She stood and searched for her clothes in the shadowy darkness. He remained silent. Before she covered the beauty of her body, he memorized each line of her form. A smile slowly spread across his face. He couldn’t remember ever watching a woman dress. He’d always been the one leaving.
When she began fastening the buttons, she finally turned to him for help. Silently she held up her hair and faced the windows. Austin stood and slid on his pants before accepting the challenge.
He performed the task as slowly as he thought she’d allow, then leaned forward and gently kissed her on the back of her neck. “Jennie,” he whispered, knowingly breaking the silence she’d asked for, but wanting to say her name once more.
Turning her to face him, Austin slowly lowered his lips to hers, wanting to taste her once more before they parted. But the sound of horses thundering past shattered the predawn silence and pulled him back to reality.
“They’re traveling fast, too fast,” he mumbled as he held her to him a moment longer. It sounded like they were headed straight for the office door.
“Stay here!” Austin yelled. He grabbed his gunbelt and ran toward the shouting outside.
