I cleared my throat and felt my stomach jump when he looked over his shoulder at me.
God, he really was beautiful.
Outside, he’d been wearing the same coveralls I’d seen him wearing the day I’d brought the baby raccoon to him – an outfit that made sense now, considering how filthy I’d gotten working around the animals – but now he was wearing a pair of jeans and a soft-looking knit sweater that hugged his broad upper body. It looked like he’d made use of a shower too, because his hair was damp. But I was surprised to see he was still wearing the ratty-looking bandana around his neck. After a moment of contemplation, I realized why it was there and felt a stir of pity for him that he felt the need to hide his scars.
“Um, I’ll just grab my clothes and go,” I said as I scanned the kitchen. It was surprisingly modern considering how old the farmhouse had appeared from the outside.
Dallas turned, full pot in hand, and motioned with his chin toward the kitchen island, which had a couple of stools on one side.
“No, I shouldn’t,” I said. “I need to get home.”
Dallas put the pot on the stove and got it going, then scratched something out on a pad of paper sitting on the island. He pushed it in my direction before returning to the stove.
Your clothes and shoes were a mess. They’re in the washing machine. Cooking spaghetti. Stay.
That last word had my insides dancing with butterflies.
“Um, I don’t want to be any trouble,” I said as my eyes automatically drifted to Dallas’s ass as he moved around the kitchen. Despite the pronounced limp that seemed worse now than it had earlier in the day, he still moved gracefully as he pulled more cookware from the cabinet next to the stove.
Dallas turned around again and pointed to the note.
To that one word on the note.
Stay.
His eyes held mine this time, and I found myself nodding. I’d never hear the end of it from my mother, but I found myself moving to sit on one of the stools anyway.
I watched Dallas work. The forced silence should have been awkward, but there was a strange comfort in it instead.
Dallas moved to the refrigerator and then opened it. He began holding up drink choices for me. “Beer,” I said when he was done. “Thank you.”
He twisted off the cap and handed it to me, then grabbed one for himself.
A snicking sound caught my attention, and I looked to my left to see the wolf-dog coming in through a large doggie door in the kitchen door. He trotted first to Dallas to press his nose against Dallas’s leg, which earned the large animal a friendly pat, and then he came to me and sat down, his yellow eyes somber.
“Is he all wolf?” I found myself asking as I let my fingers trail over the animal’s head. A glance up showed that Dallas was watching me.
He shook his head and then took another sip of his beer. Despite the bandana, I could still see some of the muscles in his throat working as he swallowed. But when Dallas caught me watching him, his eyes darkened and his jaw tightened and I realized why.
He thought I’d been staring at the bandana and thinking about the scars beneath.
As he turned away, I started to correct his thinking, but realized if I told him the truth, he’d kick my ass for sure. But as soon as I saw the tension begin to leech into his movements, I forced myself off the chair and went around the island. As I stood behind him, I sucked in a breath for courage and then grabbed his arm.
He was stiff as a board as he turned to face me, and I could see the anger glittering in his eyes. Then I did something I knew could very well end up either outing me or earning me a beatdown.
Likely both.
I reached up to remove the bandana.
Chapter Six
Dallas
I clenched my fists so I wouldn’t be tempted to shove Nolan away.
Or grab him and pull him closer.
I knew what he was planning as soon as he lifted his hands, but it wasn’t until his fingers touched the cloth of the bandana that I grabbed both his wrists. He let out a soft gasp of air, but didn’t struggle in my hold at all.
Nor did he say anything.
No, we stood there like that, both waiting for the other to make the next move.
I was waiting for Nolan to tug his hands free and step back.
Nolan was…hell, I didn’t know what the hell Nolan was doing. What I did know was that he wasn’t doing anything I’d expected. He hadn’t from the moment he’d pulled into the driveway this morning.
As soon as Nolan had driven away the day before after I’d offered him the job and he’d quietly accepted, I’d cursed myself for my stupidity. Not only did I not need the help, I didn’t want it, either. The center might be a sanctuary for all the animals who lived there, but it was my sanctuary, too, and inviting someone to invade my world went against every instinct I had. But every time I’d been tempted to try and figure out a way to contact Nolan to tell him the deal was off, I’d remembered his broken voice as he’d swallowed his pride and asked if I needed any help.
Since getting rid of Nolan before he’d even started hadn’t been an option, I’d decided to do what I’d been doing from the moment I’d woken up in the hospital, a tube down my mangled throat to help me breathe.
I’d acclimated.
Just because Nolan was working for me didn’t mean things had to change. It wasn’t like we’d be bonding over lunch breaks or anything. All I had to do was keep Nolan busy enough that our paths would rarely cross. And eventually he’d tire of the physically demanding work or my silence – or both – and he’d find himself something else.
That had been the plan, anyway – ignoring him.
But ignoring Nolan was like trying to ignore the ever-present pain in my hip…the harder I worked to pretend it wasn’t there, the more I noticed it.
Such had been the case with Nolan.
I’d ended up spending more time checking on my new employee than I had getting my own work done. I’d purposely given Nolan the easiest jobs, but I’d still been worried he’d push himself too hard, especially after his distress over the salary issue. Not to mention the fact that Nolan was so slight that a stiff wind could have blown him over.
So once he’d started doing the outside work, I’d watched from a distance.
And discovered a Nolan Grainger I hadn’t expected.
I’d figured he had to be pretty determined to have made it into a school like Juilliard, but I hadn’t been prepared for the unbreakable spirit I’d seen front and center as he’d tackled physical exhaustion and conditions that could only be considered grueling to someone whose life had revolved around a violin and music stand.
Then Jerry had been added to the mix and I’d seen something in Nolan that was very rare indeed.
A good heart.
Because despite all the havoc Jerry had wreaked on Nolan, the man had never once lashed out at the zebra in annoyance or frustration. Yes, he’d most definitely been frustrated, but I hadn’t once seen him take it out on the innocent animal. In fact, he’d been kind to the hooved hooligan. I’d seen him petting the zebra on more than one occasion, even after having been forced to clean up additional messes, and he’d spent quite a bit of time talking to all the animals in the livestock area.
I’d been certain I was going lose Nolan to his exhaustion once Jerry had knocked him into the water trough, so I’d made a plan then and there not to let him leave in that condition.
Though I wasn’t sure why, since that was exactly what I wanted.
At least, it was what I should want.
Especially now, as I saw the same determination in Nolan’s eyes as he stood his ground in front of me.
Bigger men than Nolan had backed down when I’d confronted them, but despite the fear I could feel wafting off Nolan’s body, he didn’t move.
Not to get away.
Not to continue with what he’d been about to do.
And he didn’t speak.
I didn’t like that.
Nolan Grainger had a lot to say, and I was finding that I liked listening to him. So for him to be watching me with gentle resolve but not back it up with words was unnerving in a way. It would be easy enough just to force him back a few steps, but I didn’t want to do that.
So we were at an impasse.
One that I knew I’d have to get us past.
It killed me to do it, but I carefully released Nolan’s wrists.
And didn’t move beyond that.
Nolan took in a slight breath and then dropped his eyes to the bandana. His fingers were warm against my skin as he let them trace the edge of the fabric. In truth, I hated the damn thing. The damage to my throat already made the muscles in my neck feel tight, and the bandana just added to that. I only took it out of the pocket of my coveralls and made use of it when someone came to the center.
Nolan’s fingers only lingered on my skin for a few seconds before his hands moved to the back of my neck where the knot was. The move had him stepping closer to me and I could smell soap, shampoo, and man. It would be so easy just to lift my hands and pull him all the way in. He’d fit my body so perfectly.
Nolan struggled with the knot and I knew it would just be easier for me to reach up and undo it myself, but I was reluctant to do so.
And not because I didn’t want him to see my neck. I’d already accepted he would.
No, I didn’t want to help him because then there wouldn’t have been a reason to step closer to him and lean my head down so that my nose was practically buried against his neck. Mere inches separated our bodies as Nolan fiddled with the bandana. When it finally came loose, we both hung there a moment in the quiet of the kitchen before Nolan gently unlooped the bandana from around my neck.
Just before he pulled it completely away from my skin, he softly said, “It doesn’t bother me, okay?”
I managed a slight nod. I wanted to believe him, but then why had he been staring at my neck like he had?
I forced myself to straighten. Nolan stepped back and put the bandana on the island. His eyes went to my neck briefly, but didn’t linger. “Can I help?” he asked as he motioned to the stove.
I shook my head.
He nodded and returned to the island and sat down. My eyes locked on his mouth as it wrapped around the opening of the beer bottle.
Fuck, I was so far gone around this man already…
I forced myself to turn around and finish getting dinner done. I caught my hand straying to my neck several times, but every time I looked at Nolan, he wasn’t staring, so I began to relax. The buzz of the washing machine had me stepping away from the stove, but Nolan put his hand up.
“I’ll get it,” he said.
I pointed to a door around the corner from the kitchen. Nolan returned within a couple of minutes and resumed the conversation we’d gotten sidetracked from. “I forgot to ask you his name yesterday,” Nolan said as he petted Loki’s head.
I went to the pad of paper and wrote down Loki’s name.
“Loki,” Nolan said with a smile. “Good name. I know everyone thinks Thor is hot, but Loki is way hotter.”
As soon as the words left Nolan’s lips, he slapped a hand over his mouth and his skin went an adorable shade of pink. I was about to smile at his embarrassment when a look of horror passed over his features and he practically fell off the stool in his haste to stand.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to say that!”
He looked down at Loki as if he was somehow expecting the animal to help him. “God, okay, yeah, I’m…shit,” he stammered before he lifted his eyes. “You might have already figured it out in high school but maybe you didn’t, I don’t know, but I’m…I’m gay,” he blurted. “Maybe I should have told you when you offered me the job, because even though it would make you the biggest dick in the world for not hiring me because I’m gay, I guess that would be your choice-”
I didn’t think it was possible that he could get any redder, but he did right after he inadvertently called me a dick. But instead of shutting himself up, his rambling got worse.
“And that thing with your throat, yeah, I was staring because of the way you were swallowing and stuff and it was hot, but I’m allowed to look at a guy and think he’s hot – it doesn’t mean I’m going to hit on him…you! Jesus!”
Nolan’s eyes were wide as he stared at me.
“Please don’t kick my ass.”
An unbidden smile traveled the length of my lips and I reached for the pad of paper, wrote him a message, and then turned my attention back to the stove but watched him out of the corner of my eye.
I didn’t name him after the guy from the Avengers. Loki means “trickster” in Norse legend which fit him because he used to always manage to get out of his pen and follow me around the property while I was working.
“Well, damn,” Nolan said softly after he finished reading the message. “Any chance we can just pretend the last thirty seconds didn’t happen?”
No chance in hell, but I didn’t tell him that. I merely nodded and wrote him another message. I wasn’t ballsy enough to admit he and I had much more in common than he thought, but I definitely wanted to put him at ease.
Before we go back in time, am I at least hotter than the guy who plays Loki?
Nolan visibly relaxed and a smile played across his pretty mouth. “In deference to my future husband, Tom Hiddleston, no comment.”
Nolan sat back down, and I was keenly aware of him watching me as I finished getting dinner ready. But the self-consciousness that he was just focused on my limp or on my throat wasn’t there this time around. I’d always noticed Nolan sending me secret glances when we’d been kids, but to know that he might be attracted to me now was a heady experience. It almost had me wishing I could test the theory further, but the reminder that I wasn’t worthy of a guy like Nolan returned swift and sharp. Even if I’d had a sound body and the ability to talk to him beyond some chicken scratch on a notepad or simplistic texts on my phone, I had nothing to offer a guy like Nolan. He might have been back in Pelican Bay because of whatever circumstances had forced him home for the time being, but I wasn’t foolish enough to believe he’d stay.
If he’d been any other guy, I wouldn’t have hesitated to pursue a mutually beneficial physical relationship. But my gut was telling me Nolan was the kind of guy who didn’t do no-strings hookups. And since I’d fucked with Nolan’s head enough when he’d been a kid, I wasn’t about to do it again.
When I settled a big plate of spaghetti in front of Nolan twenty minutes later, color tinged his cheeks when his stomach let out a loud growl. I smiled and handed him a fork and he immediately dug in. It wasn’t until he’d inhaled half the plate of pasta that he slowed down enough to actually savor the food.
“Thank you,” he said softly, his eyes meeting mine. I’d sat kitty-corner to him, so I was able to see the expressions play over his face as he spoke. “For everything,” he added.
I nodded, and any doubt I had about Nolan working at the center evaporated.
It wouldn’t make up for what I’d done to him as a kid, but if I could take even a little bit of that brokenness away from him that I’d spied yesterday, it was worth it. I would just keep my distance from him while he was here.
I reached for the pad of paper and wrote, So, you’re coming back tomorrow? Jerry didn’t scare you off?
Nolan read the message and then looked up at me. He smiled and said, “No, Jerry didn’t scare me off. I’ll be back.”
His words shouldn’t have sent a scurry of warmth skittering through me.
We didn’t talk throughout the rest of the meal.
A fact that I should have been happy about, but that, instead, left me feeling like I’d lost out on something. As I began collecting the dishes, Nolan went to the laundry room to change back into his clothes. He returned with my carefully folded sweats and shirt. After placing them on the island, he said, “Thank you for dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
&n
bsp; I reached out to grab his arm as he walked past me.
I held up my finger to indicate he should wait, then went to turn off the faucet. When he saw me reach for my jacket on the hook near the door he said, “No, it’s okay, you don’t need to walk me out.”
I shook my head at him and luckily, he didn’t argue with me. I snagged my gloves and stamped my feet into my work boots before going to the door and opening it for him. It was pitch dark by the time we walked outside, a sure sign that winter was bearing down on us at a lightning fast clip. It would make the work all the harder at the center, and I made a mental note to find more jobs that would keep Nolan inside the heated buildings.
Assuming he even stayed that long.
It didn’t take long to walk back to the driveway where Nolan’s car was parked. I’d installed motion detector lights along the side of the building that housed my office, so the parking lot and Nolan’s car lit up under the bright light as soon as we rounded the corner. I eyed Nolan’s shitty car, which was different from the one that had broken down on him. I just hoped that the car was more reliable than it looked since the temperature had fallen considerably as the sun had gone down.
“See you tomorrow,” Nolan said as he huddled inside his jacket and searched his pockets for his keys. I’d taken them out of his jeans before tossing his clothes in the wash and had left them on top of the washing machine, so I was hopeful he’d seen them when he’d been getting dressed. The jangle of keys a moment later answered my question. But the sight of Nolan’s bare, reddened hands as he fumbled to unlock the car door had me striding forward.
He stifled a soft gasp when I grabbed his hands and pointed to them, then motioned to my own glove-covered hand.
“Um, yeah, I haven’t had a chance to go shopping for winter clothes yet.”
If he hadn’t dropped his eyes, I would have believed his excuse about not having time. But when he tried to pull away from me, I knew there was more there.
And I had a pretty good idea what it was.
I held onto him and then stripped my own gloves off.
Locked in Silence_Pelican Bay [Book 1] Page 8
