‘Well, at least I was right to back off.’ The words came out so soft Ben wondered if he’d heard them correctly. ‘I knew this would happen. Eventually. And it’s better it happens now than a year from now, or ten, or twenty.’ Poppy’s hand tightened on the doorknob. ‘It’s fairer, on both of us.’
‘Fair? Fair on me?’ Ben took a step back, then another, until his thighs hit the back of a chair. He gripped its rounded edges and rested against it as he tried to get his thoughts in order. ‘How is this fair on me? How is it fair to dangle the one thing I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember in front of me, then snatch it away before I’ve had a chance to make my case, to prove how good we could be together, how good we are together?’
Poppy turned to face him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. ‘As friends, Ben. That’s how we’re good together, but anything more than that? You’d tire of my indecisiveness. My chronic crumb dropping. The way I forget to clean the bowl of toothpaste foam after brushing my teeth. I’d only end up disappointing you, and I can’t bear the idea of that.’
Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did she really think so little of herself that she believed insignificant details like foam in a bowl and the odd crumb would see him one day no longer want her in his life? ‘Poppy, are you listening to yourself? You’re being too hard on yourself. Too hard on me. Crumbs don’t bother me. Foam I could care less about. You’re amazing to me. My God, you set up a whole business. You’ve got it running like clockwork…’
‘Only because you showed me how. And…’ Poppy paused, sucked her cheeks in, then released them. ‘It’s not like any of this is what I really wanted. Sure, I liked unicorns. I’d seen themed gift shops before, and… well… I had the money sitting there, and it gave me something to do until I figured out what I was going to do next.’
Ben clocked Poppy’s hand gripping her braid. She was lying. Was this how she planned to disconnect herself from their situation? By pretending she’d never wanted to surround herself with unicorns, to share the happiness and magic they brought with others?
‘I don’t believe you, Poppy. You wanted to open this shop. You’d planned for it. The only thing you hadn’t planned for was to open it with me. You’d planned to go it alone.’ Ben clapped his hand to his forehead as the pieces of the Poppy puzzle fell into place. ‘I’m an idiot. It all makes sense. How did I not realise it before? How did I miss what was staring me in the face? You’re letting the relationship you have with your mother interfere with the relationship you have with me. You’re treating me as if I were her.’
‘I’m not. You’re wrong.’ Poppy folded her arms across her chest, putting an emotional and physical barrier in place.
‘But you are.’ Ben pushed himself away from the chair and began to pace the room. The movement helping him think. ‘She hurt you. Terribly. And because of that you refuse to let anyone get close in case they hurt you. And you’re afraid that I’ll end up like her, that I’ll push you away, ignore you, withhold my feelings.’ Ben came to a stop in front of Poppy and placed his hands on her upper arms, waited for her eyes to lock on his. ‘But I wouldn’t hurt you, Poppy. I never could. I never have. I need you to see that. I need you to give us a chance. I need you to stop living with the shadow of your mother hanging over your head. I am not her. I won’t ignore you. Toss you aside. Because I see that you’re worth loving.’
Poppy shook his hands off, her eyes blazing with indignation. ‘Thanks for the psychobabble analysis of my life, Ben. I appreciate it. Really.’ She took a step back and swept her hand from the top of his head, downwards. ‘Especially coming from you, a man who’s spent his entire life trying to please his parents. You studied hard to make them happy. You learned to bake because it made your mum happy. You became a lawyer to please your father. You stuck around here when you could have gone anywhere. Why? Because it’s what they would have wanted. This isn’t your life you’re living. This is theirs.’
Ben’s heart stilled. Is that how Poppy saw him? As a daddy’s boy? A mummy’s boy? Someone who didn’t have a life? Nausea tumbled and twirled in his gut. There was truth in her words. He knew this. He was their only son, their only child. The pressure to be perfect, to perform, to bring pride to their small family had been there from the get go. And yes, he’d let their expectations rule his life for a long time, but he’d changed. He had moved forward, forged his own path, even though it had put his relationship with his father at risk. Poppy knew this. So, what was she doing? Trying to push him away? Trying to make him hate her?
He pulled out a chair and sank into it. He was done with the fighting. Done with the persuading. It was time to put his feelings into words and let Poppy choose what she wanted to do with them. ‘First of all, Poppy, I like living here. I didn’t want to leave. Second of all, I may have done all I could to please my parents. I respect them. I love them. I wouldn’t be who I was without them. And you know as well as I do opening this shop was a shock to my father, it wasn’t what he wanted… but I did it anyway.’
‘Only because I came along and made it happen.’ Poppy thumbed her chest, then switched directions to point at him.
He held his hand up. ‘That’s not true and you know it. It may not have been this shop that I set up in, but it was going to be a shop. The reason it was you and me was because you just did what you’ve always done… pushed me to do something I might not have otherwise done.’ He held his hands up at Poppy’s sharp intake of breath. ‘Don’t take it the wrong way, Poppy. It’s a good thing. Hell, I wouldn’t know what sleeping under the stars felt like if it weren’t for you. I wouldn’t understand the thrill of taking risks. God, I probably wouldn’t know what it was like to kiss a girl had you not forced me to go out with Milly when we were teenagers.’
‘I don’t believe that. You’d have kissed someone, eventually.’ Poppy’s chest deflated, Ben had not so much argued as rationally talked her into a corner, and there was no getting out. ‘And it probably would have been someone opposite to me. Someone your parents approved of. That’s why I pushed you towards Milly. You two are well suited. Similar temperaments. Similar dress sense. You’re perfect little peas in a pod.’
‘But I don’t want a perfect pea, Poppy. And Milly is not the person I want to kiss. I only want to kiss you. I want to hold your hand as we traipse through Queen’s Wood in the middle of the night. I want to dance at summer festivals with you. Serve tea to people and look up to see you cuddling the latest batch of unicorn soft toys. Even when my father suggested perhaps your friendship wasn’t the best for my scholarly ambitions I didn’t listen, because you were better for me. You were back then. You are now. Don’t you see, Poppy? I love you. I love you so much I’ve let you put glitter on my baking. Allowed unicorns onto my side of the shop. I might even be starting to like them. A little.’
Poppy’s lips pursed together and twitched to one side. Her grip tightened on herself as her body angled to the door.
Ben waited for her to say something, anything. But no words came. The atmosphere between them hung thick and heavy, like rainclouds on a humid day, waiting to burst open, to cleanse the ground, to freshen the air.
‘I love you.’ He breathed the words out. One more time. Just to make sure she’d heard them. Just to be sure he’d said them. Good and proper. Not some ‘things I love about you’ kind of statement. Actual, proper, head over heels, now and forever love. He hung his head and closed his eyes. He’d done all he could do. The rest was up to Poppy.
Electronic chimes met his ears, the flood of the outside world invaded the shop. ‘I believe you, Ben. But you can’t guarantee love will last. That years from now you’ll still love me. People change. Love changes.’
The door shut, muting the outside world, but not silencing the roaring pain of his heart.
His mobile vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw it was Poppy.
‘I’ll pack up my store. You can expand. You’ll be fine. I’m sorry.’
He’d be fine? His
head felt like it was clamped in a vice, his throat like a giant marble was lodged in it, and every inch of his body may as well have been glued to the chair. Not only had the fight gone out of him, but so had all hope.
Poppy had left. Again. She may have left the glitter in the shop, in his life, but she’d taken the sparkle.
Chapter 19
Sandals. Trainers. Sandals. Heels.
Poppy kept her head down as she strode home.
Trainers. Espadrilles. Sandals. Trainers.
Her heart stuttered as a break in the crowd forced her to stop focusing on the footwear passing her by. No footwear meant facing the whirlwind of feelings that were trying to fill her head. Not happening. It was too hard. Too dangerous.
Too devastating.
Her steps faltered.
Ben was right. She was like her mother. Cut off. Emotionally stunted. Unable to show affection. Unable to change.
She picked up her pace again, then found herself being pulled backwards.
‘What the—?’ She twisted round to swat away the hand that gripped her shoulder. ‘Milly? What the hell is going on? Get your hand off me!’
‘Not going to. Sorry.’ Milly didn’t sound the least bit sorry as she slid her hand down to clutch Poppy’s bicep and began guiding her towards a wine bar across the street. ‘You need a good talking to, Poppy. And if you’re not going to listen to Ben, you’re going to listen to me.’
Poppy found herself pushed through a doorway into the gloomy bar, then marched to a chair in the farthest corner, the only light coming from a flickering LED candle. She contemplated getting up and making a run for it, but Milly’s eyes didn’t leave the table while she ordered drinks, and from the look of Milly’s shapely calves she could outrun Poppy.
A large glass of white wine was plonked in front of her. ‘There you go. I hope you like pinot.’
Poppy gave a non-committal shrug. ‘As long as it’s wet.’ As long as it wipes away the memory of today. She picked it up and took a sip. Then a bigger sip. Followed by a slug.
‘Steady on.’ Milly eyed her over the rim of her glass. ‘I want you to remember what I’m about to say.’
‘If you’re here to tell me to back away from Ben, then you can keep the words in your mouth. I’m not going anywhere near Ben. In fact, I think it’s time I moved on. Places to go. People to meet. Ben’s all yours. Go on dates. Get engaged. Married. Make a bunch of babies for you to breathe in.’ Poppy reached for her bag only to find the chair she’d placed it on shoved out of reach.
‘My God, Poppy. Could you be any more selfish?’ Milly fingered her pearls, holding them away from her throat like she was afraid Poppy was going to use them to choke her to death. ‘You’re so busy over-thinking everyone else’s lives, their motivations, you can’t see what’s right in front of you. What’s been in front of you your whole life. Well, for as long as I’ve known you anyway.’
‘Well, why don’t you enlighten me then?’ Poppy signalled to the barman to bring her another glass of wine, then drained the one in front of her. The way Milly was glaring at her she had a feeling she was going to need a little extra something to ease the barrage about to come her way.
‘You know nothing is going on with Ben and I. And that’s not a question. I know you know that’s the case because Ben admitted his feelings for you to me, and then apologised profusely for wasting my time. I’ve never heard someone say sorry so much within a five-minute conversation. And quite frankly he was only confirming what I already knew.’ Milly settled back into her chair, crossed her legs and placed her perfectly manicured hands in her lap.
Poppy glanced down at her legs stretched out in front of her, her dress creased, her nails lacking colour and ragged from ripping open boxes.
Milly was ladylike. Perfectly put together. And she had her life together.
Poppy was a mess. In all aspects of her life.
Ben may like that about her now, but time would see him lean towards the lifestyle he’d grown up in. The perfect, proper one. The kind Milly could offer.
Milly pursed her lips, her shoulders rising then lowering as she exhaled slowly with a small shake of her head. ‘And the fact is, Poppy, if Ben and I were the type to stick it out through thick and thin, don’t you think we would have gotten back together after you took off all those years ago’
‘What do you mean? I don’t understand? What does my leaving have to do with you two?’
‘What doesn’t it?’ Milly picked up her glass by the stem and took a long drink. ‘God, I was a fool to stick it out with Ben for as long as I did. Three years, wasted. He was only with me because it’s what he thought was for the best. His parents liked me. I liked him. We got on. But he never felt about me the way he did about you. You know we broke up all those years ago because I felt you got in the way. After you left… well, I hoped he’d see sense. Come back to me. I imagined we could go through university together. Forge our careers with each other’s support. Instead he moped after you.’ White bloomed on Milly’s knuckles as her grip on the glass tightened. ‘It was like I never existed.’
Poppy’s heart went out to Milly. She had always seemed so in control, yet behind that carefully constructed façade she carried her own emotional scars.
‘Don’t be like that, Milly. Ben liked you. So much.’ Poppy caught the barman’s eye and ordered another glass of wine, this time for Milly. ‘You made him happy. You made his life easy.’
‘I made his life boring.’ The words were as flat as Milly’s expression. ‘He didn’t want boring. He didn’t want a ride-by-the-seat-of-your-pants life either. But he wanted the odd thrill. A touch of excitement. The things you gave him, but I couldn’t.’
‘You make it sound like he was with you out of convenience. That’s not Ben. He’s not the type of person to take advantage of someone like that.’
‘You’re right. He’s not. Ben is the sweetest guy in the world. He’s the whole package. He’s the guy you root for in romance movies. The one who gets overlooked by the heroine in favour of the big-talking, brawny, alpha male type. Or, in this case, in your case, looked over for the safer option of the big, wide world.’ Milly folded her arms over her chest and caught Poppy’s eye. ‘I saw you argue back at the store. I didn’t mean to, but I left my bank card on Ben’s counter when I paid and went back to get it. When you left I went in to check on Ben and he showed me your text.’
Poppy gritted her teeth. How dare Ben show Milly her text? This had nothing to do with Milly, this was between the two of them. ‘He had no right to do that. It was a private text. Meant for his eyes only.’
Milly threw her hands up in the air with an exasperated sigh. ‘Really, Poppy? You’re about to throw away the best thing that ever happened to you and all you care about is that I’ve seen a text you sent?’
Poppy pushed herself back into her chair as Milly leaned forward, her eyes narrow with intent.
‘Here’s the thing, Poppy, and listen closely, because at this point I’m not even sure why I’m helping you when it’s Ben who’s hurting.’ Milly took a sip of her wine then set it back down again, hard enough that the liquid sloshed back and forth, like a contained tsunami, in the glass. ‘Ben loves you. He’s always loved you. When we were going out I hoped he’d get over it. That it was just some teenage crush that would pass. But deep down I knew it wasn’t. You’d enter the room and he’d visibly brighten. If I suggested we do something together and it clashed with something you and he had planned, he wouldn’t rearrange his time to suit me. You came first. Always.’ Milly focused on the wall behind Poppy, her lips in a thin line, her eyes glassy. ‘And what grates is that you’re about to leave him. Again. There I was, here I am, ready, willing to give things another go, but you’re the one he wants and you’re about to throw it all away. But here’s the thing, Poppy.’ Milly ran her manicured finger around the rim of the glass, eliciting a high-pitched squeak that set Poppy’s teeth even more on edge. ‘One of these days you’ll come back and you’ll fin
d he’s not going to be there waiting for you to see sense. Because even Ben has his limits.’
‘And what sense would that be?’ Poppy knew the answer, but there was no way she was going to say it aloud to Milly. Thinking it was hard enough. Her brain telling her she was wrong. Her heart telling her she was oh so right.
‘That you love him. You love Ben as much as he loves you. The only difference is that you’re too afraid to admit it. Or, maybe you’re not. Maybe you don’t love him at all and I’ve read things wrong. So, tell me, Poppy.’ Milly leaned in, her head angled to the side. ‘Do you not love Ben?’
Poppy went to nod her head. Stopped. Milly knew the truth. Knew any denial would be a lie. And she’d had enough of being called out by Milly for one day. It was time to face the truth. Time to figure out what to do with that truth. ‘You’re right. I love Ben. I’ve loved him since… well, forever. First as a friend, and that’s where I thought the love would stay, but it changed. I blame teenage hormones.’ Poppy attempted a laugh, but it came out sounding like a frog was being strangled. ‘But, you’re right, I was afraid then. I’m still afraid. What if…’
‘I don’t want to hear “what if”. Wondering and pondering won’t get you anywhere.’ Milly slumped back in her chair. The tension that had kept her back ramrod straight gone. Like she’d given up fighting. Like she knew she’d lost. ‘So, what are you going to do about it, Poppy?’
‘I don’t know.’ Poppy shook her head. ‘I really don’t. Have you ever repeated the same mistake over and over? Like a bad loop you can’t get out of?’
A harsh barking laugh filled the space between them. ‘What do you think I was doing when I got back in touch with Ben? I hoped we could… rekindle our relationship. Even after all these years. Fool that I am. I even tried to dress up in a way I thought he might like. A little sassier. A little sexier. But I didn’t know you were there, and soon as I saw you I knew I was fighting a losing battle.’
The Little Unicorn Gift Shop Page 20
