by S. K Munt
Not that there was any hope of fooling anyone- there was a wall of computer generated images of people in the photo op moment and in every frame, the people were screaming. However, when theirs flashed up, Leigh flushed hotly: in the image Ryan was kissing her roughly and her knuckles were white and buried in his hair. The staff snickered but Ryan grinned and bought two copies, and Leigh was glad because she loved the photo, and was sort of shocked by how good they looked together. She wouldn’t have thought so, given that he was so tall and dark while she was so tiny and blonde, but she stared at it all the way down to the Rainforest Café, and he grinned over her shoulder and told her that they should see how many they could get before the week was out.
The walk to Falls avenue and the café was long and freezing, but Leigh enjoyed every step, feeling herself grow lighter, more sober and more in love with every metre covered. It was harder for them to interact as they both wanted to while walking like that, but they achieved a different kind of intimacy with their hands laced together and their steps falling in sync. There were a few moments when Leigh stepped up to the railing to stare at the rainbow-streaked falls and absorb the overview from a distance, and Ryan took advantage of every opportunity, holding her from behind and whispering that he’d never seen anything so beautiful- while not taking his eyes off her profile.
Leigh tingled all over in those moments, and those were the times when Ryan’s kisses landed more softly, less intensely and yet resonated the most strongly in her heart. In those moments, she could convince herself that he was in love with her too, but when he broke the kisses off and urged her forward, those fantasies would flicker.
He wasn’t the guy from the book and she was coming to terms with that just fine. But it didn’t change the fact that he still dreamed of someone else and that their romance had a shelf life. It seemed important to him that she cared so deeply and she took an odd sort of comfort in that- one-sided or not, at least she knew he wasn’t treating her feelings lightly, and she had cause to hope that maybe one day, their paths would cross in a way that would stay connected.
But until then she had this perfect man in this perfect world, and how was sinking into the fantasy any more harmful to her, than losing herself in a romance novel? The stakes would be raised if he really did try and get her into bed against her convictions, but she let all of those pesky details fall to the wayside, adopting Scarlet O’Haras mantra- ‘I’ll think about that tomorrow.’ For the time being, she was on a date with the man of her dreams and it was turning out to be the best collection of hours spent in her life- why let what could go wrong mar that?
The Rainforest café was as kooky and cool as Ryan had promised and as Kathryn had described it in The Hardest Fall- it was a grandiose dining space set under an animated starry sky and ringed with palm fronds and wild jungle leaves. Ryan ordered them both a coffee- a double shot for her in the hopes of sobering her up, and as they sipped they looked for falling stars above them, enjoyed watching the animated volcano detonate and just as they were leaving, a thunderstorm simulation ran through the almost-empty room, delighting Leigh to no end. She clapped her hands together as they left, still a little tipsy but now caffeinated too, and awestruck by all Ryan had shown her. She turned to him to remark on how cool that was, but hesitated when she saw that he was staring up at the fake sky and frowning.
‘What?’ she teased. ‘You’re not afraid, are you?’
‘Huh? No I…’ Ryan glanced behind him, then back forward out the door. ‘Leigh, what does astraphobic mean?’
‘Someone who has a fear of thunderstorms,’ she said quickly, stepping through the door when he pushed it open for her. ‘Why?’
Ryan scratched his head as the doors closed behind them. ‘I don’t know. The thunder went off and I got like a chill or something, and then that word came to mind.’
Leigh shrugged as they left the restaurant. ‘Maybe you used to know an astraphobic- or maybe you were one, but without the memories of the initial fear, you’re only sensing discomfort. Or maybe it’s just a word you forgot the meaning of, you know? You don’t have to lose your memory to get those kind of facts jumbled up.’
‘I guess not. It’s just…’
‘What?’ she asked, concerned by the way Ryan’s mood had taken such a serious downward spiral.
He bit his lip and glanced at her. ‘Well- when that lightning went off, I went to throw myself on you. Like… like I needed to protect YOU, you know?’
Leigh wasn’t so drunk that she didn’t get what he was suggesting. She glanced down at his cuff again, with the bandage, and bit her lip wondering if he was punishing himself over his lost love in more places than his dreams. ‘Your brown-eyed girl?’
Ryan’s eyes flickered to hers. ‘She’s not my brown-eyed girl,’ he said, almost looking cross as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her gently. ‘You’re my girl, and you have beautiful green eyes, got it?’
His girl. His girl, his girl… the words tumbled over and over in her mind and Leigh wanted to roll with them, but she closed her eyes and dragged up her inner Anne Shirley. The sentiment was touching, and though she appreciated Ryan bolstering up the illusion of romance for her comfort, it didn’t change the facts- he had a tremendous love out there somewhere, and until he remembered her or saw her again and either ended it or resolved his feelings, the phantom would continue to hover between them like it was right then- and so long as it did, she would never be his girl.
‘I’m tired,’ Leigh confessed, deciding to go over the issue than through it. Bringing up his past was emotionally exhausting for her, and she could see that it had definitely taken its toll on him. The fact that sex was the last thing on his mind in that moment was crystal clear and Leigh wondered if she’d be able to fake falling asleep on the way home or something and keep it that way. It wouldn’t close the subject, but it could buy her a few hours and Leigh definitely needed as much time as possible and a lower blood alcohol level before she tried to think her way around that issue! She didn’t know if she would or wouldn’t, but nothing would change the fact that she’d feel like a failure afterwards. ‘Can you take me home?’
Ryan looked at her with a troubled expression. ‘Leigh…’
‘I need to lie down someplace warm Ry and close my eyes for a little while,’ she said softly but firmly. ‘It’s been a long day, and I’m not ready for it to be longer yet without resting first, okay?’
Ryan kissed her hand. ‘If that’s what you want-’
‘It is,’ she said firmly, and as predicted, her eyes fell shut the moment she was in the dodge with her head resting on Ryan’s shoulder. He hummed her out of consciousness and Leigh smiled, feeling his energy and beautiful sound vibrate through her in the sweetest lullaby imaginable, while her mind filled in the blank pages in his brand new book with her wildest dreams, letting her imagination pen impossible hopes.
Nine
Ryan
As Ryan exited onto the highway, it wasn’t with the excitement that he had been running on all night, but grim determination. He glanced down at Leigh, and she looked so small and vulnerable in the passenger seat of his car that sentimental tears pricked at his eyes.
He didn’t know why he hadn’t told her what she needed to hear yet, but now that he’d had her in his arms again and knew, without a doubt, that he wanted to keep her there- every word he said and every thing he did seemed important now. She’d fallen for a likeness of him who always did and said the right thing, and Ryan wanted to be that for her. She was a beautiful, untouched heroine and seemed to like him damaged and mysterious just fine- but Ryan didn’t. He liked the other side she brought out in him, the playful, easily excited and kind of silly side he didn’t know he had in him before he’d met her. Well, aside from a squirrel chasing incident or two.
But he’d lapsed tonight in the jungle café just when she’d finally relaxed enough to lower her guard, and now she was seeing his damage again and seemed resigned to the fact that THAT was who he w
as and that anything they ever shared would always be prone to fracturing thanks to his past. Ryan wished more than ever before that he could pull back the curtain and stare his memories in the face so they could be dealt with already and for him, the willingness to let go of who he had been to be someone better for her was proof enough that she was all he needed. But how could he convince Leigh of that?
Imogen’s summer cottage was a four hour drive from Niagara and by the time Ryan pulled onto the Thousand Islands parkway, it was almost two in the morning but he was wide awake. It was Saturday and Leigh was leaving on Tuesday- that gave him three days to make her just as desperate to stay as he was to follow her.
To make her believe that I want her to stay...
He pulled the car to Imogen’s old space on the embankment of the Saint Lawrence river and left the engine idling while he got out and pushed her tiny boat into the water, straining to see through the thick mist, and then removed the shopping bags he’d stuffed into the boot earlier and put them in carefully. By the time he was done, Ryan’s limbs had stiffened from the algid and the air but his heart was pounding erratically again. What was Leigh going to think when she realised that he’d dragged her to Ontario while she slept? And what was more- wanted her to get into a small wooden boat in the middle of a misty, perilous river?
I’ll have to take this slowly… give her time to wake up and her eyes to adjust...
Ryan closed the trunk and took the keys out of the ignition, and the woodsy area fell silent, making his face heat self-consciously as every step he made crackled twigs and leaf litter, and his breath echo notably. There was a creaking noise from the car followed by a soft moan, and when Ryan opened her door, was greeted by the last sight he’d expected to see; Leigh’s lips parted and her tiny hand pressed between her legs.
‘Oh… Ry…’ she breathed his name, but kept her eyes closed as she lifted her face to the ceiling of the car. ‘Yes… yes I want you to be my first… never stop touching me…’
So much for taking it slow! The sight of a woman making love to him in her sleep probably had the power to slay any man, and so it made Ryan’s already overwhelmed senses explode. He slid onto the edge of her car seat so that he was facing her and slanted his mouth against hers, surrendering to both of their wills and moaning when he felt her lashes fly open in shock, and then close again in ecstasy.
Leigh
Leigh didn’t know when her dream had ended and Ryan’s kisses had begun, but all she knew was that she was awake and aroused and that everything had sharpened in her focus and that she was powerless to stop whatever she’d started. The cool night air stung her skin and the scent of overripe leaf litter made her nose tingle in tandem with it, but she liked the way the atmosphere had changed yet again and marveled at how being with Ryan often felt like reading several different books at once. Nothing was constant except for him- nothing mattered.
‘We have to stop,’ Ryan panted, curling his arms around her and lifting her from the car. The cold became icy and Leigh whimpered but she kissed him more urgently and Ryan’s groan hummed against her lips. ‘Leigh stop kissing me! I need to get you somewhere warm now.’
‘You make me warm!’ She curled her arms around his neck and felt them fall against the side of the car together. ‘Keep kissing me and I’ll start burning soon!’
Ryan grunted and suddenly, Leigh heard a door open before they started falling backwards. ‘Damn you and your provocative little mouth…’ Ryan landed on top of her and the sensation of the chilled, leather bench seat of the dodge against her barely covered legs while Ryan’s hard heat and weight settled on her front made her gasp and pull him closer. His mouth captured hers and he twisted his lips against hers before murmuring. ‘Okay, just a taste…’
Leigh wanted so much more than a taste, but she ran her hands through his freshly cropped hair and kissed him hungrily, trying to sate herself before she got herself into a situation she wouldn’t be able to reverse out of. The rear seat was frigid and she arched away from it and into him, and Ryan grunted again and pushed up one of her legs, making their hips intersect and pleasure spike in her core. There was no better feeling in the world than his tongue expertly sliding against hers, and yet the way they were locked together made her wonder if it did, in fact, get better.
Stop that! How is he supposed to keep control if you can’t? If your mother could see you now…!
Oh, mum doesn’t even know I’m a virgin! She just hopes so! I’m the only one with the rules here and this man is a rule-breaker! Get on this team! This team is way more fun!
Leigh groaned as Ryan’s kisses became breathier, lustier and more demanding. In her dream, Ryan had been naked and sweaty and lining himself up between her legs, and Leigh had been out of her mind with need for him to push into her. Now, all of those lusty desires were still clustered in the pit of her belly and they were driving her out of her mind. She bucked wildly against him as his kisses fed her and then starved her, needing that friction to take the agony out of her aching between her legs, while his warm breath and sweet taste became the focal point of her existence.
‘You’re so… mmm!’ Ryan pressed his mouth to her pulse and suckled hard and Leigh cried out as a sharp pain began to stab her, somewhere deep and unexplored inside begging HIS exploration. As if he knew, and of course he did, Ryan’s hand slipped between their bodies and rubbed the hilt of her sex through her clothes, making her moan again and thrust her hips into his touch.
‘Music!’ she gasped, opening her other knee so that Ryan’s hips sank between her open legs, applying more pressure where it was so desperately needed. ‘Turn on the radio, please? I don’t want your neighbors to hear me, um...’
‘Come? Ha! You’re probably twenty-four hours late for that particular concern,’ Ryan joked, pulling back and biting his lip devilishly. He was so hot in the moonlight that a silent purr rattled through her. ‘But… we’re nowhere near my neighbors, Leigh. In fact…’ he kissed her softly and quickly. ‘We’re nowhere near anything…’
‘What?’ Leigh remembered the earthen, woodsy smells she’d breathed in only minutes before, and her stomach rolled unhappily. He’d taken her somewhere deserted? Had she completely mis-judged him? ‘Where are we?’
‘I’ve taken us to Imogen’s summer house,’ Ryan said softly, backing off her and out of the car before extending his hand to her.
But Leigh was rooted to the spot in shock and let her open jaw respond to the proffered hand. ‘Her what? Why?!’ Ryan smiled and it was all the answer she needed. The butterflies in her tummy turned into tiny versions of her parents and lined up, leveling their bayonets to his penis. ‘You can’t be serious!’
‘But I am.’ Ryan’s hand shot out, wrapped around hers and then yanked her out the open door in one fluid motion, reminding her of his strength and her extreme vulnerability. ‘I’m going to row you to the island she left me and make love to you as you requested- in front of a fireplace twice the size of the last.’ Night air whooshed around her, but his arms snaked faster, lifting her into a cradle before kissing her lips. ‘And no one’s going to hear either of us coming, regardless of how many times it happens...’
Leigh couldn’t believe what she was hearing- the words weren’t computing in her sleepy mind. Had he said ROW? To an Island? To take her virginity? ‘Oh. My. God.’ Leigh glimpsed a flat, silvery river beyond him in the moonlight, and wondered if she’d gone as white as she was feeling. ‘Am I going to end up on the news? The fireplace thing was a JOKE! Ryan you can’t just-’
‘Nothing’s going to happen to you out there that isn’t about to happen to you here- or at my house,’ Ryan whispered, walking her towards the river. ‘It’s just a lot more romantic if it happens in the Thousand Islands region, don’t you think?’
Leigh sat up in his arms, letting his cocky comments fade behind the brightness of his revelations. ‘We’re near Ottawa? For real?’ She looked around but saw only the canopy of the wooded area and the gleam of the dod
ge in the moonlight. ‘How long have I been out for?’
‘Almost four hours.’
Leigh pressed her fingers to her temples, letting him support her physical weight while she bowed under the weight of his words. The Thousand Islands district had been a brief highlight of her tour, but the brightest one before Niagara, and the idea of staying in one of those beautiful, secluded houses was a dream come true. The problem was, it was too potent a dream to come true while she was still half-asleep, and she was going into geographical shock. ‘You’ve driven us almost to the next province in the dead of the night?!’
‘Yep! Imogen owns one of the tiniest islands, and I wanted you to see it,’ Ryan confirmed, grinning knowingly. ‘Romantic, huh?’ He laughed at her expression and rolled his eyes. ‘Naw come on honey, nothing is going to happen against your will. You don’t honestly believe otherwise, do you?’
Leigh glared up at him. ‘I didn’t- before.’ She glanced over at the river and frowned. ‘But this is suss, Ry. Really suss. If my will is my own, then why do you keep saying that we’re going to do it like it’s a fact?’
He put her down on the embankment. ‘Because it is a fact.’ He cupped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. ‘But if you know otherwise and are determined not to make love to me tonight, then what’s the problem? You know I won’t force myself on you.’
Leigh felt tears mist her eyes again. ‘How do I know that?’ She asked weakly. ‘We’re still strangers Ryan and I’m lost. No one knows where I am and-’
‘Bruce knows.’
Leigh’s mouth fell open. ‘WHAT?’
‘I sent him a message on my iPad while you were sleeping.’ Ryan grinned proudly. ‘You can check it in the car if you want… but I thanked him for everything he’s done, and let him know that for helping me get together with the girl I’m in love with, I owe him big time.’ He leaned in and kissed Leigh’s open mouth. ‘And I meant it.’
