by Beth Wiseman
“I don’t eat breakfast. And I feel weird having you do all this.”
Vera frowned. “You must eat a healthy breakfast. It’s gut for the boppli.” She waved her off. “Shoo, now. You go lie down, and I will bring you something to eat.”
Danielle shuffled across the living room in a long pink robe. She was moving slowly, clearly unhappy about Vera being there, but just as clearly trying to hide it.
Ten minutes later, she took Danielle a bowl of oatmeal, fresh fruit, and a piece of toast with rhubarb jam. She carried it in on a tray and walked in to see Danielle sitting up in the bed, a dark expression on her face.
Vera set the tray on the table by the bed. “Do you feel bad?”
Danielle’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t feel the baby moving.”
Vera swallowed hard. Please, Lord, keep this baby safe. She pulled up a chair next to the bed and sat down. “Maybe he’s just . . . sleeping.” She held her breath for a few moments as Danielle swiped at her eyes.
Instinctively, Vera lowered her head.
“Are you praying?”
Vera raised her eyes to Danielle’s. “Ya, I am.”
“Will you pray out loud?”
“Of course.” Vera lowered her head again. “Dear heavenly Father, please keep baby Joshua strong so that he will be healthy when he comes into our world. Please put Your—”
Danielle gasped. “He kicked.”
Vera looked up, and the girl was smiling. Thank You, Lord. “Ach, gut. Wonderful, indeed.” She flinched slightly as Danielle grabbed her hand and placed it atop the pink robe on her belly.
“Feel him?” Danielle sniffled. “Do you feel him?”
It had been a long time since Vera had felt the miracle of a new life in the womb. Feeling another woman’s stomach wasn’t normally something she would do, but Danielle was grasping her hand so tightly, she had little choice. And feeling the movement sent a warm feeling through Vera. “Ya. I feel him,” she said with a smile. “A strong kick.”
Vera eased her hand away. “See. He was just sleeping.” She picked up the tray and offered it to Danielle. “Now let’s feed the little fellow so he’ll stay strong.”
Danielle took the tray, and Vera turned to leave. “I’m just going to clean things up a bit this morning.”
“Vera.”
She turned around at the doorway. “Ya? Do you need something else?”
Danielle shook her head. “No. I just wanted to say thank you.”
“You’re wel—”
“Not just for the food.” Danielle smiled. “But for calling him Joshua.”
Vera smiled, then left the room. As she walked through the living room, she noticed the Bible on a square box by one of the rocking chairs. Thank goodness for the Bible, but these kids need some furniture. She scanned her mind and remembered that she had some extra furniture stored in her basement at home. She’d have a look tonight.
The rest of the morning, she swept the wooden floors, cleaned the windows, scrubbed the bathroom, and occasionally sat down to chat with Danielle. It was idle chitchat, but gradually, Danielle seemed to welcome it. And Vera realized she did too.
DANIELLE WAITED UNTIL after Vera left before she called Martha.
“Well, how’d it go with Vera?”
“It went okay. It was kinda awkward sometimes, but I could tell she was trying.” Danielle laid her hand across her stomach when Joshua moved.
“Vera’s a good person. She really is. But she tries to control things, and your little family just wasn’t in her plans. She’ll come around. I’m glad you’re giving her a chance.”
“Well, I didn’t have much choice. I don’t want to do anything that would cause Joshua to come early. The doctor said I need to carry him at least until the end of October, preferably longer.” She paused. “And Levi seems to think it would be good for me and his mom to get to know each other better.”
“Levi is right.”
Danielle shifted her weight when the baby scrunched to her left side, the side he seemed to prefer. “How are you feeling?”
“Terrible. Just terrible. And I’m not taking the pain meds that the doctor gave me because they make me feel all loopy. So I just have to lie here and suffer.”
Danielle tried not to grin. “Can you get up and walk around on your crutches?”
“No. Absolutely not. Much too painful.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I was there to take care of you.”
“And I wish I was there to take care of you. What a mess we are!” Martha snorted. “But I’ll be around as soon as I can. Arnold and Katie Ann will make me bonkers with all their fussing.”
“Hey, my cell phone is almost dead, but I’ll send it with Levi tomorrow and see if he can find a place to charge it.”
“You know, they have solar chargers for phones. Maybe see if Levi can get you one.”
“Hmm . . . Good idea. I’ll mention it to him.” She paused, wondering why she hadn’t thought of that. “Anyway, I hope you feel better.”
“I won’t. But you take care of yourself and our little one. And give ol’ Vera a chance. The woman has a huge heart, but like I said . . . she’s often misdirected in her actions.”
After they hung up, Danielle looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was only two o’clock. Vera said she would be back around four to heat something up for supper. It sure seemed like a lot of work for Vera, but Danielle was thankful. She folded her arms across her stomach and yawned. The most important thing in her world right now was for Joshua to arrive safely. So maybe a nap was in order . . .
LEVI WALKED INTO the house just as his mother was packing up to leave. For the first time, the house smelled lemony fresh, like home, mixed with the aroma of something heavenly simmering on the stove.
“Smells gut in here.” Levi dropped his hat on the rack and moved toward the stove. Even though he wasn’t Amish anymore, he’d taken to wearing his hat again. He felt like something was missing without it. “Daed said to tell you that he was stopping by Katie Ann’s on the way home to drop off some pieces of cedar that Eli needs for a chest he’s working on. We picked up the wood on the way home for him.”
Mamm was carting her cleaning supplies in a carryall on her hip as she nodded. “There’s baked chicken in the oven, and mashed potatoes and green beans simmering. I left you two loaves of homemade bread and some whoopee pies.”
Levi hugged his mother. “You’re the best. Danki for everything you’re doing.”
Mamm’s cheeks flushed. “It wasn’t much. Tell Danielle I’ll see her tomorrow morning.”
Levi knew his mother had worked hard, but he was anxious to see his wife. “I’ll tell her. Good night.”
“Good night, Levi.”
He closed the door behind her—now swinging easily shut after a good sanding—and hurried to the bedroom.
“I feel bad lying in bed while your mom is doing everything.” Danielle eased up against her pillow and tucked her hair behind both ears as Levi entered. “And it feels weird.”
Levi sat down on the edge of the bed, kissed her, and placed a hand on her stomach. “Well, that’s what you have to do for now. For Joshua.”
“I know. And I will.” She leaned forward and kissed him again. “How was your day, dear?” She giggled. “That’s how everyone talks on those old TV reruns, so I thought I’d give it a try.”
Levi hadn’t ever watched much television, so he didn’t really get it, but he smiled because seeing her smile made him happy. “Mei day was gut.”
“You still sound Amish.” She reached up and gently scratched his short beard.
“You don’t like the beard, do you?” He closed his eyes for a moment, knowing he’d shave it off if she wanted him to. He’d just always figured that he would grow one after he got married.
“I love the beard. And I love you.” She grinned. “You look like a grown-up with it.”
“I am a grown-up.” Levi waited until she eased her hand away before he kissed her, rem
embering that she was only nineteen. Sometimes their four-year difference in age seemed huge. “And I’ll probably always sound a little Amish.” And be a little Amish.
“Your mom prayed with me today. I couldn’t feel the baby kick, and I got really scared.”
Levi swallowed hard. “Was everything okay?”
“Yep. Everything is fine.” She touched her stomach, then looked up at him with tender eyes. “You know, on the way to the hospital, I prayed. Do you think God saved Joshua, kept our baby from coming early?”
“I think God can do anything, and the power of prayer is an amazing thing.” Levi cupped her cheek.
“You know how I feel . . . about God.” She paused. “I’m so scared He will let me down. But even if God doesn’t like me all that much, I think it’s worth the prayers for Joshua. I think Joshua deserves that.”
“Sweet Ladybug.” Levi shook his head, grasping her hand. “God doesn’t just like you. He loves you. And once you open your heart up to Him, you’ll never be the same.”
“I know you say that, Levi. And I’m really trying.”
“I’m going to take a shower, then I’ll bring us both a tray of food in here, and we can eat together in bed. How’s that?”
“Perfect.”
Levi pulled off his work boots and headed for the bathroom. Once he was in the shower, he let the warm water run down his back, and he fought the urge to cry. He was a grown man, an adult, as Danielle pointed out. Yet everything weighed on his shoulders—worry about the baby, about Danielle . . . and the realization that he’d been called to minister to his wife. It wasn’t something his people did, and he was in new territory.
What if I fail, God? What if she never comes around to really know You?
He thought back to how all this started . . . the dreams . . . the pull to marry Danielle.
Levi loved her. And the baby. But was he really the right man for this job?
VERA WAS EXHAUSTED when she pulled into her driveway. She was used to hard work, so it wasn’t a physical drain, more of an emotional depletion. The entire situation was stressful, and even though she wanted to try and get to know her daughter-in-law, it was going to take its toll. And when Danielle had said the baby wasn’t moving, Vera’s heart had stopped for a couple of seconds.
As she gathered up her cleaning supplies, she heard horse hooves coming up the driveway, so she waited. Surprised to see Anna Marie—Matthew’s mother—she moved toward the woman’s buggy, knowing whatever she had to say, it was far too late. The damage was done, and they were all just going to have to make the best of it.
Anna Marie stepped out of the buggy. “Hello, Vera. I can’t stay long or I won’t get back to Alamosa by dark. But do you have a few minutes to talk?”
Vera motioned for Anna Marie to follow. “Of course.”
A few minutes later, both women were sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. Vera glanced at the clock on the wall, knowing Lillian would be by any minute to drop Betsy off. The last thing Vera needed was for Betsy to burst through the door asking a lot of questions.
“I just wanted you to know that I’ve had several phone calls with Matthew.” Anna Marie took a sip from her coffee cup. “Both his daed and I have talked to him, and we’re trying very hatt to get him to come home and to do right by the child.”
Vera swallowed hard. If Matthew came back now, it would complicate things for her son, who now thought of Joshua as his own child. “I don’t see the point now. Danielle and Levi are married. When I didn’t hear from you, I assumed that Matthew was out of the picture for gut.”
“We are trying to make him see things clearly, that his son will be born soon, and that he needs to come home. He needs to be a part of the boppli’s life.”
Vera moved uneasily in her chair. How many times had she heard Levi refer to Joshua as his own son? “I suppose you can’t force him.”
“Nee, but we are praying.”
“The baby will be named Joshua.” Vera offered up a weak smile as her stomach churned.
Anna Marie brought a hand to her mouth for a moment. “A boy.” She blinked her eyes a few times. “A son named Joshua.” She smiled. “I will pass this news along to Matthew. Maybe it will make it seem real to him. Sometimes I think I am getting through to him. Other times he seems to be in his own world . . . searching for something his father and I don’t understand.”
Vera took a long sip of her coffee, then slowly put her cup on the table. “I will send word when the child is born.”
“Danki.” Anna Marie paused. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out like either of us hoped and prayed.”
Vera thought about how happy Levi was, and how he looked forward to the safe arrival of “his” baby. “We can’t ever know God’s plan.”
Anna Marie took a deep breath. “When Matthew comes back, we will need to set up custody and visitation like so many of the Englisch do.” She shook her head, and Vera frowned.
“If he comes back, don’t you mean?”
“Ya, I suppose that is what I mean.”
They were quiet for a few moments, and Vera found herself hoping that Matthew wouldn’t come back. For Levi’s sake.
Vera walked Anna Marie out, promising again to let her know when the baby arrived. She watched as Anna Marie’s buggy turned the corner and wondered how their lives had gotten so complicated. But one thing she knew for sure—if Matthew came back to Canaan, things would get even more problematic.
Nineteen
FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS, DANIELLE AND Vera coexisted for a couple of hours in the morning and again in the afternoon. Most days, Betsy hung out with Danielle while her mother cooked and cleaned, but that morning Betsy elected to go to Lillian’s to play with the girls. It was quiet, except for the sound of Vera running the sweeper across the floor in the living room.
When Danielle had told the restaurant manager that she couldn’t work for a few months, they had both agreed to part ways. Levi had already said he wanted her to stay at home with Joshua after he was born.
Danielle plugged in her earbuds for her iPhone and checked her e-mail, something she hadn’t done in a long time. Levi had been good about charging her phone every few days so she could play games and check a few favorite websites, but she’d never really been much of an e-mailer. Today, she had thirty-six e-mails when she opened the tab. Scanning through them, they were mostly junk. But the one from Vivian Kent Shephard caused her heart to skip a beat.
She’d never written her mother back, and the day had passed since her mother’s planned marriage. She stared at the e-mail for a while before she clicked on it.
Hi Danielle,
I hope you received my letter, but since I haven’t been able to reach you by phone, I’m trying your old e-mail account, with high hopes I’ll hear from you. Louis and I are married, and like I said in my letter, the Lord has blessed me with a second chance. I loved your father so much, and I didn’t think I’d ever find another man to live the rest of my life with.
Tears streamed down Danielle’s face, anger burning in her heart. The Lord? Seriously, Mother? Danielle was struggling to get God to like her and to establish some sort of relationship with Him for Levi’s sake. And Joshua’s. But would God actually bestow happiness on someone like Vivian? Or was it all just lies? She pressed her palms to her eyes for a moment, then went on.
I hope that things are going well with you. Please let me hear from you.
Love,
Mom
Danielle stared at the letter. Once again, not an ounce of regret, and no desire for forgiveness. While she was unsure whether or not she would forgive her mother, even if she asked, it would have been nice if Danielle had been a factor in her mother’s new future.
“What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” Vera rushed into the room carrying a feather duster.
Danielle squeezed her eyes closed, not wanting to get into this with Vera. Sniffling, she looked up at her. “No. I’m not in pain.” Such a lie. Pain gr
ipped her from head to toe.
Vera walked right up to the bed, her eyebrows drawn, her lips pinched together. “Then what is it? Why are you crying?”
Danielle swallowed the lump in her throat. “It’s a letter from my mother.” Another tear slipped down her cheek. “Or the woman who calls herself my mother, I guess I should say.”
Vera pulled the chair up close and sat down. “This upset isn’t gut for the boppli. Do you want to talk about it?”
Danielle shook her head, but then words spewed forth without thought. “I hate her! I hate my mother!” She buried her head in her hands. When she looked back up, Vera’s eyes were softer and kinder than usual, but the woman didn’t say anything. “She beat me. Did you know that? And now . . .” She started sobbing so hard she could barely talk. “She wants to talk to me about God, about her second chances and her new husband. I hate her.”
Vera was quiet, and Danielle regretted her outburst, but Vera was only with her because of Levi, and right now, she didn’t care if Vera liked her or not. Her own mother didn’t like her.
Danielle cried for another minute or so. Vera just sat there. “I’m sorry,” Danielle finally said. “I’m sorry that you are seeing me like this. But I guess in my mind, I just . . . I just keep waiting for my mother to say she’s sorry. And she never does. How can God bless someone like her? She doesn’t even know Him!”
VERA WAITED ANOTHER minute until Danielle gathered herself, unsure exactly how to proceed. Vera loved her children as much as life itself, and she’d do anything to keep them safe and protected. She knew about Danielle’s history from Martha, even though Levi had never said anything to her about it. In the beginning, she’d wondered if Danielle had been an unruly child who pushed her mother to the edge, but even if that had been the case, that was no reason to raise a hand to a youngster outside of just a spanking. Vera knew she needed to choose her words carefully.
