by Beth Wiseman
Anna Marie cried harder, and Vera couldn’t believe that she’d been so wrapped up in her own worries that she’d never considered Anna Marie. She’d been so afraid of being pushed from her son’s life, and then this baby’s, and all the while, Anna Marie was feeling the same way.
DANIELLE WAS SURE that the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life was leaving Joshua in the hospital to go home. She and Levi drove to the hospital every day, and each time they left, Danielle cried, and Levi struggled to be strong for all of them. Thanksgiving had been particularly rough, especially since Emily and David left for Lancaster County a few days before the holiday, and Joshua was still in the hospital.
But three days ago, Joshua was able to come home, and now that they were getting settled, it was time to tackle an issue heavy on her heart. She’d thought about her mother a lot since Joshua arrived, and sometimes the void seemed too huge to ever span. When painful memories pushed to the front of her mind, she reminded herself that she’d turned her worries over to God. But she knew that if she was going to truly find peace, she was going to have to forgive her mother.
Levi was working. Joshua was sleeping. This was a good time to take the first step toward that goal.
Dear Mom,
It sounds like you have turned your life around and are happy. I’m glad for that. Things have changed for me too. I am married—to Levi Detweiler, and we have a son, Joshua, who is almost a month old. He is a blessing, and I adore him in a way that I didn’t know was possible. I know all this probably comes as a shock, but I needed time, Mom, to be able to turn my life around. I did that by finding a relationship with God, and it sounds like you found your way to Him as well.
I’m not ready to see you. I don’t know when I’ll be ready. But I wanted you to know that I am married, that I have a son, and . . . that I forgive you. Maybe you don’t care one way or the other. I don’t know. But if there is remorse in your heart, then I hope that you will forgive yourself also. There is nothing we can do about what’s happened in the past. As I look at Joshua, and know that I would gladly give my life for him, it’s hard for me to understand how you could hit your child. Over and over again. Every time I try to weigh it out in my mind, I think that the pain you felt must have just overwhelmed you, and you took it out on me. Maybe it was because you missed Dad so much, or something else.
Anyway, I’m very happy. And I want you to be happy also. I have enclosed a picture of Joshua. Please don’t come visit me. But if you’d like to call me, I’ll answer. Or if you’d rather write me a letter, that would be good too.
Love,
Danielle
She read the letter two more times, then put it in an envelope to mail. As she put a stamp on it, she thought about everything she’d been through with her mother and where she was in her life today. Despite the abuse, if things had gone any other way, she wouldn’t be exactly where she was today. God had a plan all along.
LATER THAT EVENING, she watched as Levi rocked Joshua. Vera had already mentioned how heartwarming it was to see Levi with Joshua. Amish men rarely had much to do with young babies, and Vera had been doubly surprised when she’d walked in and found Levi changing a diaper.
Danielle waited until her husband carried Joshua to bed before she motioned for him to follow her into the living room. She turned up both propane lamps and patted the couch next to her. “Come sit by me. I have something to tell you.”
“What’s on your mind, Ladybug?” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her tenderly, then whispered, “Because I’m hungry.”
Danielle giggled. “You’re always hungry.” She eased away, deciding to tell him on a full stomach. “Wait here. I’ll feed you first. I made some potato soup today.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Your mom’s recipe.”
Levi rubbed his belly, and Danielle went to the kitchen.
As she dished them both a bowl of soup, she thought about her mother—again—and wondered if she would hear from her. It made her think about others “missing” from their lives. Matthew had left town shortly after Joshua was born, and to her knowledge, never laid eyes on his son. But Anna Marie had come to visit them in Canaan twice. Vera had told her that a baby could never have too much love, and if Vera was accepting of Anna Marie, then Danielle was going to try to be equally as compassionate. Both times Anna Marie had said that her husband was working. Danielle wondered if there was more to it than that. No one had seen Sarah in weeks, and Sarah’s parents were evasive to those who asked. “She’s gone to visit relatives,” was all they’d say. Danielle wasn’t going to miss her.
After they ate, Danielle curled up on the couch and waited for Levi to join her.
“You’ve been so gut about not pushing me to get solar panels or electricity,” Levi said as he snuggled up beside her. “And now that things have settled down, I’m going to fix things up for you.” He chuckled. “You’ve almost been living like an Amish person.”
Danielle couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face. “Actually . . .” She bit her bottom lip, still grinning. “That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
Levi twisted to face her. “What?”
She grabbed his hand and squeezed. “I’ve talked to Bishop Esh, and he can baptize us both two weeks from now. He said that I’ve been attending worship service and that he knows I will continue to learn about the Ordnung as your wife.”
“What?” Levi blinked his eyes a few times. “Danielle, what are you saying?”
She cupped his face in her hands. “I’m telling you that I know everything you gave up for me—and for Joshua. It was the most unselfish thing in the world, and I wish that I could say I was telling you that I want to be Amish as a way to show you how selfless I can be . . . but the truth is, I want to be Amish all the way, and to raise Joshua that way. For me as well as you. Your mom has been teaching me the Ordnung, even though I don’t think she realized it. I still have a lot to learn, but I know that you’ll teach me too.”
“Danielle . . .” Levi kissed her on the mouth, several times. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“I’m positive. God has blessed me far more than I could have imagined. I know Him now, Levi. And I think Joshua could get to know Him whether or not he was raised Christian or Amish, but I want this for all of us.” She waved a hand down at her knee-length green dress. “You haven’t even noticed, have you?”
“I—I thought you were just wearing those dresses because they were more comfortable, you know, after the baby was born.”
Danielle laughed. “They are more comfortable.”
Levi grinned. “This makes me very happy. How long have you been planning this?”
“I’ve been thinking about it since before Joshua was born.”
“Does mei mamm know?”
“No. I thought we’d tell her together.”
Levi pulled her close and kissed her on the top of the head. “Ach. She is going to be very happy. What does Martha think about it?”
“She said that if I’m going to be Amish that I have to learn how to make creamed celery the way she likes it.”
They both laughed, snuggling on the couch.
After a while, Danielle said, “You know, your mother told me something, and I never forgot it.” She paused, recalling Vera’s words. “She said, ‘His love endures forever.’ She told me to talk to the Lord like I would a friend and to open my heart to Him. She said life will never go the way you plan. But putting your total trust in God is the answer.”
Levi’s eyes settled on her. “His love does endure forever. And so will my love for you. Forever.”
“Mine too.”
She settled into Levi’s arms as the light from the lanterns flickered and danced on the ceiling, and she thought about all they’d been through in such a short period of time.
Now they had a lifetime to look forward to. Together. With their son. And God.
Reading Group Guide
1
. Do you believe that God communicates with us through our dreams? Has this ever happened to you or someone you know?
2. Levi meets three people in his dream. One of them is his father, and he doesn’t recognize the other two. Is the dream image of Levi’s earthly father representative of his heavenly Father? If so, who were other two people that Levi met on the path?
3. Danielle and Levi are best friends when they get married. What if Danielle and Levi’s relationship had never progressed past that of friendship? How important is romance in our lives, regarding our lifetime mate?
4. Danielle still loves her mother despite her abusive ways, even though she says several times that she hates her. Have you ever been in a situation when you thought “why me, Lord?” only to find out way down the road that these bad experiences ultimately brought you to a much better place?
5. Vera feels that her world is falling apart when Levi marries Danielle. What are some examples of God working through Vera for the good of all? And what does Vera learn about herself through the process?
6. Do you think that Danielle ever really loved Matthew? Or did she just think she did, longing to fill a void in her life? What if she hadn’t gotten pregnant? Would she have ended up leaving with Matthew? Or would Matthew have treated her exactly the same—pregnant or not—when he finally left his people for a life in the outside world?
7. Like so many married couples, Levi and Danielle must adjust to each other’s ways. What are some instances when they both compromise?
8. Vera snubs Sarah after Sarah kissed Levi and told Danielle about it. Was Vera justified in doing this?
9. Even though the Amish usually don’t minister to the Englisch, Levi finds himself doing just that with Danielle. Have you ever felt called to minister to someone who seems an unlikely candidate for change, causing you to question why God would ask you to do so? What was the result?
10. Forgiveness abounds in the book. Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others. What are some instances when the characters ultimately forgive, and how does it benefit that person—and those they are forgiving? Or does it?
11. The Bible does not condone premarital sex, but Danielle sleeps with Matthew. Is she already on God’s path, even though she has gone against what we are taught? Or, as only God can do, does He constantly adjust our paths based on the choices we make in an effort to bring us to Him?
12. Emily and David are heading back to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, for a visit. What do you think will happen? There is a new bishop in Lancaster County who is stirring things up in the community. Emily is pregnant. David never wanted to leave Lancaster County in the first place. Are their roots in Canaan strong enough to keep David from wanting to move back to his hometown of Paradise?
Amish Recipes
Pickled Okra
3 lbs. small tender okra pods
1 small hot pepper, per jar
1 clove garlic, per jar
1 pint white vinegar
1 quart water
¼ tsp. pickling spice
Sterilize canning jars and lids. Pack okra pods into hot, sterilized jars just tight enough to have them stand upright. Put 1 hot pepper and 1 garlic glove in each jar. Combine vinegar, water, and pickling spice in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Pour boiling vinegar solution over okra, leaving ½ inch headroom. Seal with sterilized lids. Process in hot boiling water for 5 minutes.
Vera’s Stew
2 lbs. stew meat
¾ cup chopped onion
2 cups beef bullion
2 cups water
½ cup burgundy cooking wine
¼ tsp. paprika
¼ tsp. ground thyme
½ tsp. garlic powder
¼ tsp. pepper
1 can cream of mushroom soup
¼ tsp. salt
7 small potatoes
Small jar mushrooms, including juice
Brown stew meat with onion. Add rest of ingredients and simmer on low until potatoes are done.
Lemon Pie
1 8-inch pie shell, cooled
1 ⅓ cup (15 oz.) Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk
½ cup lemon juice
1 tsp. grated lemon rind or ¼ tsp. lemon extract
2 egg yolks
Put condensed milk, lemon juice, lemon rind or extract, and egg yolks into mixing bowl; stir until mixture thickens. Pour filling into cooled pie shell.
Meringue
¼ tsp. cream of tartar, if desired
2 egg whites
4 T. sugar
Add cream of tartar to egg whites and beat until almost stiff enough to hold a peak. Then add sugar gradually, beating until stiff and glossy but not dry. Pile lightly on pie filling and seal to pie crust all around. Bake at 325 degrees until top is lightly browned, about 15 minutes. Cool.
Acknowledgments
THANKS BE TO GOD FOR ALL THE LIFE EXPERIENCES I have had up to this point. Although, during the dark times, it was often hard to see the light, and I was guilty of questioning His will. But I now know that those experiences were preparing me for a life of servitude to Him through stories of His grace and redemption.
As always, if this book changes one life or brings one person closer to God, then I have done my job for Him. Although, writing these books also ministers to my own soul, and with each story that God lays upon my heart, I know that He does this not just for readers—but for my own growth, healing, and understanding of the role He plays in my life.
Our lives are as perfect as the peace we feel in our hearts. God’s love will take you from the dark places, and when His light shines within you, others will see it and want it. Peace comes from sharing that light with others.
To my husband, Patrick, and my family and friends— this journey wouldn’t be the same without you all traveling along with me. With each new book, my sense of family is nourished, bonds of friendship are strengthened, and I cherish even more my relationship with my husband. Thank you all. I’d especially like to thank two dear friends: Barbie Beiler for all her help over the past five years. And to Janet Murphy, my fabulous assistant—you’re the best!
Many thanks go to my publishing team at Thomas Nelson and my agent, Mary Sue Seymour.
An excerpt from
need you now
DARLENE’S CHEST TIGHTENED, AND FOR A FEW SEC-onds she couldn’t move. If ever there was a time to flee, it was now. She put a hand to her chest, held her breath, and eased backward, sliding one socked foot at a time across the wooden floor of her bedroom. She eyed the intruder, wondering why he wasn’t moving. Maybe he was dead.
Nearing the door, she stretched her arm behind her, searching for the knob. She turned it quickly, and at the click of the latch, her trespasser rushed toward her. In one movement, she jumped backward, across the threshold and into the den, slamming the door so hard the picture of the kids fell off the wall. She looked down at Chad, Ansley, and Grace staring up through broken glass, then hurried through the den to the kitchen. Her hand trembled as she unplugged her cell phone and pressed the button to call Brad. Please answer.
It was tax time, so every CPA at her husband’s office was working long hours, and for these last weeks before the April deadline, Brad was hard to reach. She knew she wouldn’t hear from him until after eight o’clock tonight. And she couldn’t go back in her bedroom. What would she have to live without until then? She looked down. For starters, a shirt. She was later than usual getting dressed this morning and had just pulled on her jeans when she’d noticed she wasn’t alone.
She let out a heavy sigh and rubbed her forehead. Brad answered on the sixth ring.
“Bradley . . .” She only called him by his full name when she needed his full attention.
“What is it, babe?”
She took a deep breath. “There is a snake in our bedroom. A big black snake.” She paused as she put a hand to her chest. “In our bedroom.”
“How big?”
She’d expected a larger reaction. Maybe her husband didn’t hear her. �
�Big! Very big. Huge, Brad.”
He chuckled. “Honey, remember that little snake that got in your greenhouse when we lived on Charter Road in Houston? You said that snake was big too.” He chuckled again, and Darlene wanted to smack him through the phone. “It was a tiny little grass snake.”
“Brad, you’re going to have to trust me. This snake is huge, like five or six feet long.” A shiver ran down her spine. “Are you coming home or should I call 9-1-1?”
“What? You can’t call 9-1-1 about a snake.” His tone changed.
“Darlene, don’t do that. Round Top is a small town, and we’ll be known as the city slickers who called in about a snake.”
“Then you need to come home and take care of this.” She lifted her chin and fought the tremble in her voice.
Deep breath on the other end of the line. “You know how crazy it is here. I can’t leave right now. It’s probably just a chicken snake, and they’re not poisonous.”
“Well, there are no chickens in our bedroom, so it doesn’t have any business in there.”
“Chad can probably get it out when he gets home from school. Maybe with a shovel or something, but tell him to be careful. Even though they’re not venomous, it’d probably still hurt to get bit.”
Darlene sighed. “Our girls are going to freak if they come home to find a snake in the house.” She turned toward a sound in the entryway. “I’ll call you back. There’s someone at the door, and I’m standing here in my bra. I’ll call you back. Love you.” She clicked the phone off, then yelled toward the door, “Just a minute!”
After finding a T-shirt in Ansley’s room, she pulled it over her head as she crossed back through the den toward the front door. This was the first visitor she’d had in the two months since they’d moved from Houston. She peeked around the curtain before she opened the door, realizing that her old city habit would probably linger for a while. Out here in the country, there probably wasn’t much to worry about, but she was relieved to see it was a woman. A tall woman in a cowgirl hat. She pulled the door open.
