He gave a lazy shrug. “Driving to Minoa, the same as you.”
“After last fire season, I thought you were planning to move to Idaho. You said you were putting in on a fire control management job in Boise,” she said.
“No, I decided to wait a bit longer.”
Wait for what? The job had surely closed by now and he’d lost his window of opportunity. Frankly, she doubted he’d like being cooped up in a stuffy office anyway. He’d always preferred working out in the field, where the action was.
“So, you’ve been living in Minoa since last summer?”
Most hotshots like her were seasonal employees, working April through August. But Sean had been a permanent hire with benefits, working twelve months out of the year.
“Yeah, I took a short leave of absence from work, but I’ve been back for five months now. Why?” A thatch of curly black hair fell over his high forehead. Hair she used to thread her fingers through.
“Where have you been? Today, I mean, since you’re out here on this road.” It was too much of a coincidence that he happened to come upon her on this lonely highway, wasn’t it?
“At a training exercise in Utah.”
Hmm. She wondered if one of their mutual friends had told him that she’d be traveling this road today.
After all that had happened, she couldn’t believe he still wanted to fight wildfire. But it seemed to be in his blood. He was good at it, too. None better. An adrenaline junkie who thrived on the action. With no family of his own, he had nothing to lose. A man who acted first and thought about the dangers later.
After Sean had broken her heart, she’d never wanted to see him again. But here he was, bigger than life. And now it appeared that they’d be working together once more. Which made her hands sweat and her stomach feel queasy. If she’d known he was still here, she would have found other employment, on a different hotshot crew in another state. Now it was too late. Because she needed this job. Badly.
Working on this team would give her the firefighting experience she needed to reach her career goals of one day becoming a fire management officer with the Forest Service. Also, the money would pay her college tuition in the fall. Just one more year of schooling and she’d have her master’s degree in resource conservation with a minor in fire science.
She took a deep inhale and let it go, resigned to working with Sean again. If she could fight fire, she could certainly handle this. He was on a different squad than she was and she could keep her distance. If she could just make it through the next five months, she’d never have to see him again. She’d finish school then get a job somewhere far away from his brooding smile and penetrating eyes—and her bittersweet memories.
Without permission, he hopped up into the back of her truck and rummaged around in Zach’s silver toolboxes. Tessa didn’t complain. Over the years, Sean had spent as much time in this rusty vehicle as she had.
“You got any water?” Clutching several tools, Sean jumped down and sauntered toward the front fender. Tough and agile, his body moved with the feline grace of a star athlete.
For several pounding moments, her gaze followed him as he propped his sunglasses on top of his head. He looked good. Too good. But he was thinner than she remembered, and deeper worry lines creased the corners of his eyes. Eyes that now seemed so sad and empty.
She hadn’t seen him in eight months, and it had given her time to think. Breaking up with her so suddenly didn’t make sense. She could understand Sean changing his priorities. Life and death situations had a way of making a person reevaluate what they really wanted. But it had cut her deeply to know that he no longer wanted her. It had also made her slightly suspicious. He’d been cleared of any wrongdoing in Zach’s death, but what if he was responsible somehow? Had he broken up with her out of guilt? Or was he just afraid of loving and losing her the way he’d lost Zach? Maybe there was some other reason she didn’t understand?
Reaching inside the cab, she retrieved her half-empty water bottle. When she returned, Sean was bent over the engine like a pro mechanic. His expressive eyes crinkled as he squinted against the bright sunlight. Without looking up, he shot a hand out and she placed the bottle in his grasp.
Copying his manners, she shook her head. He was still the same old Sean she’d known for nine years. Her brother’s best friend. Tough and proud. Never mincing words.
If only he hadn’t shut her out. If only she knew what had really happened that fateful day when her brother died. After some time had passed, she’d been hoping Sean might call her to talk about Zach’s death, but he hadn’t opened up one bit. As it stood, he’d broken her heart and she no longer trusted him.
“What do you think the matter is?” She ducked her head and peered at the engine.
“It’s overheated.”
“Obviously. But is it serious?”
“We’ll know in a moment.”
Wrapping a handful of his shirttail around his fingers to protect against burns, Sean twisted off the cap to the radiator. They both jerked back as a geyser of steam shot up from the spout. He waited a moment until it settled down then poured the water in. Sizzling sounds filled the air.
“It’s hot, huh?” she said, feeling helpless and out of sorts.
“Yep, it’s bone-dry. We’ll need some more water.”
“I don’t have any more.”
He turned his head and quirked one brow at her, a quizzical expression that used to make her laugh. But not today. Now she felt nothing but betrayal.
“I thought I taught you to prepare better than that. There’s a gallon jug in my truck. Go and get it,” he said.
Hackles rose at the back of her neck, but she fought them off. Because she didn’t want to argue with him now, she retrieved the jug. Moments later he poured the contents into the radiator. It gurgled as he screwed the cap back on.
“Are you ready for work in the morning?” he asked without looking up.
She snorted. “That depends.”
“On what?”
“On whether I can get this old truck to work.”
“It’ll be working. You’ll be there.” He sounded positive, as though he expected nothing less.
“Yeah, I hope so.”
“As soon as you get into town, take the truck over to Grant Metcalf’s garage for a complete overhaul. This piece of junk is overdue,” he said.
“It’s not a piece of junk,” she said.
“Yes, it is.” He was too busy tightening bolts and testing the spark plugs to notice her annoyed glare.
“Get in and start it up.” Sean stood back, holding a wrench in one tight fist. A streak of grease marred his blunt chin.
She refused to hurry as she climbed into the cab and turned the key. The truck gave a belching growl.
“Give it a little more gas,” he called.
She did and the engine roared to life. Sean slammed the hood closed, removed his sunglasses and wiped his damp brow with his forearm. He hopped into the back of the truck, returned Zach’s tools to their place then jumped down and leaned against her door.
“You should be okay now, but I’ll follow you until we reach your apartment in Minoa.” He spoke low, the rich timbre of his voice sending shivers down her spine.
She remembered a time when he would have leaned in and kissed her goodbye. She yearned for him to hold her against his heart again. To tell her that Zach’s death was just a bad dream. That he still loved her and everything would be okay. But he didn’t. And it did her no good to dwell on the reasons why.
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll be fine.” She didn’t think she could stand to have him on her tail for the next three hours. But in this remote area, there was no help for it. And something about knowing he would be following her tied her insides into knots.
“We’re going to the same
place, so I’ll stay with you until I know you’re safe,” he insisted.
She bit her tongue, wishing he cared as much about her emotions as he did for her physical well-being.
She gave a bored shrug of her shoulders, thinking she should thank him, but unable to speak the words. “Suit yourself.”
“How’s your mom?”
She blinked at his sudden question, taken off guard. Over the past decade, he’d shared every Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with her family. All but the most recent, that is. Her mom had loved him like a second son.
“She misses you,” Tessa said.
So do I. But she couldn’t understand where that thought came from. She didn’t love this man anymore. Not after the way he’d tossed her aside. Her father had done the same thing, and she would never trust another man again.
Sean nodded. “Give her my best.”
“Yeah,” Tessa said.
A thatch of curly hair fell into his eyes and he brushed it back, his hands covered with grime. A glaze of perspiration shadowed his freshly shaven face and neck and stained the back of his shirt and underarms.
She glanced down at her own shirt. Although she hadn’t done much, she’d still managed to get grease on her clothes and hands. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, she reached for a pile of napkins she kept stowed in the door pocket and handed him some. He took her offering and they both rubbed at the stains on their fingers.
Even though she got much dirtier than this when she fought wildfires, the filth bothered her. She told herself it was because she was traveling and didn’t want to muck up the interior of Zach’s truck. It certainly had nothing to do with her ex-fiancé being here. After all, Sean had seen her many times on the fireline with her face covered in soot. But off the line, she’d always tried to look nice for him. And old habits died hard. Now they were no longer together, it shouldn’t matter. And she reminded herself that she no longer cared what he thought.
* * *
Sean climbed into his truck and started up the engine. Clicking on his seat belt, he waited for Tessa to pull forward and precede him down the road.
She moved out slowly and he wondered if the trip to Minoa might take all day. Then she picked up the pace, as though testing the strength of her truck.
Correction. Zach’s truck. A beat-up old clunker. But the vehicle hadn’t always been that way. Sean remembered the day Zach had bought the truck nine years earlier. It had been ten years old at the time, but still in good condition. Sean had donated several hundred dollars to the cause when Zach came up short. Now Sean couldn’t help feeling as though the truck was partly his. He and Zach had done a lot of traveling in that vehicle. With Tessa sitting between them like the three musketeers.
Now she resented him. He’d seen that clearly in her beautiful emerald eyes, along with a heavy dose of suspicion. And she had a right. He’d hurt her deeply. Abandoning her, just like her father had done when she was a little girl. It didn’t matter that Sean regretted their broken engagement; he wasn’t willing to undo it. If he told her of his regrets, she wouldn’t believe him. She might even laugh in his face. But he wouldn’t put that weapon in her hands. His heart couldn’t take it.
Waves of disgust washed over him. A hefty dose of self-loathing followed in its wake. In spite of his breakup with Tessa, he’d made a promise to Zach when she first joined the hotshot crew. A promise he intended to keep. That he’d keep her safe on the fireline. That he’d always look after her and protect her, no matter what.
This was her last firefighting season before she finished her college education. Then she’d move on with her career. Sean had no doubt she’d be promoted fast. Someone as sharp and talented as her would probably become an assistant fire management officer somewhere. In a few years she’d move up to FMO. Once she was working in an office, she’d be safely out of danger. Then he could move on, too. He’d failed to save Zach, but he wouldn’t fail again. After this fire season, he’d take a quiet desk job, far away from the trees, smoke and flames. Where he couldn’t make any mistakes that might cost someone else their life.
Silently, he yearned for redemption. If only God could forgive him for failing Zach. If only he could forgive himself.
Tessa hadn’t mentioned her brother. Maybe they were both too surprised to see each other like this. Out in the middle of nowhere. Taken off guard.
When Sean had seen her sitting on the side of the road, a surge of exhilaration had swept over him. He had his sources. A mutual friend had told him she’d be driving along this deserted road to Minoa today. Though he hadn’t planned on coming across her, he’d arranged his own itinerary so that he’d be traveling the same route. Honoring the promise he’d made to Zach, just in case she needed him. And it turned out that she had.
Deep inside, he knew it was more than his promise to Zach that had brought him here today. He tried not to care but couldn’t help craving one more glimpse of Tessa’s pert, stubborn nose and flawless complexion, one more breath of her long, coconut-scented hair. It wasn’t just her beauty that drew him to her, but also her spunk. Her grit. Who she was inside. Something he couldn’t explain. A connecting of their spirits.
Nor could he find any respite from the guilt he carried around like a load of bricks in his heart. The psychiatrist he’d visited several times after the fire had said he was suffering from survivor’s guilt and PTSD. Because he’d failed to save Zach, he didn’t believe he could marry Tessa now. How could he look her in the eye every day of their life together and justify why he’d survived but her brother had died?
She had told him once that she thought there was no justification to ever lose a man or woman’s life on a fire. That it always had to be someone’s fault. In this case, that someone was him. She must surely blame him. And he’d feared that her doubts and resentment would simmer inside her until they slowly destroyed their marriage. He couldn’t put either of them through an ugly divorce. Tessa deserved better than that.
He stared at the back taillights of her trailer. She always packed light. Not a lot of encumbrances to tie her down. That was just one thing he liked about this woman. She didn’t require a lot of baggage. But she wasn’t happy anymore. He could see that in her wary eyes. And he couldn’t blame her. It would take a lot more than eight months for her to trust him again and to recover from Zach’s death.
It might take forever.
They stopped in Austin for fuel. Tessa didn’t wait for him before she pulled up to a pump, climbed out and started filling her tank. He knew she was very capable, but the gentleman in him forced him to brush her hands aside. She jerked and almost sprayed him with gasoline. The pungent scent of petro filled the air.
“Sorry! But you shouldn’t sneak up on a girl.” Her face flushed red as a new fire engine.
“I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to help.”
“There’s no need for you to trouble yourself. I can do this,” she said.
“I know, but it doesn’t sit well with me to let you do this chore when I’m close by.” He spoke low and calm, trying not to fluster her. Trying to ignore the tingles of heat shooting up his arm from where their fingers had touched. When they were on the fireline, he had never interceded with her work. But when they were out like this, he felt that filling up her vehicle was the courteous thing to do. Zach had taught him that and so much more.
Inside the convenience store, he bought her a thin piece of jerky and a diet soda. Not because she asked him to, but because he knew they were her favorite traveling foods.
“Thank you.” She didn’t meet his eyes as she took the items and climbed back into her truck. He got the impression she was purposefully avoiding him, and he thought it was just as well.
Two hours later they pulled into Minoa. Population three thousand and eighty-four. Including dogs, cats and gophers. The perfect size for a wilderness hotshot crew
base.
Tessa drove past Rocklin’s Diner, the only restaurant in town, to her small apartment three blocks off Main Street. Her trailer bounced lightly over a speed bump as she pulled into a parking space and killed the engine. She tossed a glance over her shoulder and waved him on, but he didn’t go. Knowing she had a trailer filled with heavy boxes to empty before dark, he parked beside her and got out of his truck.
“Now what are you doing?” she asked when she met him at the back of the vehicle.
He flipped the latch on the trailer and pulled the door open wide. “I’m helping you carry your stuff inside.”
She bumped him aside with her hip. “Oh, no you’re not.”
In the past he would have teased her. Tickling her ribs as they jockeyed for position in the trailer. But not now. For two seconds he thought about leaving her alone but couldn’t bring himself to do so. Not when she needed him. It just wouldn’t be right, even if she was looking at him with a most adorable frown.
Gazing into her eyes, he couldn’t help smiling. “You sure look pretty when you’re being stubborn.”
Her mouth dropped open in surprise. In a rush, he wondered why he’d said such a thing. He had no right to flirt with her. Not anymore. The words had popped out before he could stop them.
To cover up the awkward moment, he reached past her and hefted a beat-up recliner out onto the hot cement. “I thought you had a furnished apartment.”
“I do,” she said.
“Then why are you keeping this ratty old chair?”
Her gaze lowered to the tattered upholstery and he knew the answer without her saying one word. It had been Zach’s chair. She was holding on to anything and everything that had belonged to her brother. Memorializing Zach the only way she knew how.
He almost reached out and brushed a curl off her cheek. Instead, he slid his hands around the armrests. “I miss him, too.”
She jerked her head up, her eyes flashing with anger. “Then why did you shut me out? What are you hiding from me?”
Winning Over the Cowboy Page 21
