Ava and I spend the rest of the day sitting in the church or on the hood of her car. She keeps an emergency stash of food in her car, and I find a stream to bring her water in a coffee cup she had in her car.
“Thanks, Peter. You're so considerate,” she says, giving me a kiss as a reward.
The afternoon sun seeps into my skin and I lie with her in my arms.
“I don't want to go back. What if we ran away? I'm not saying we should. I could never leave Mom. But what if? How long do you think we could run from Di?”
“I ran from her once before and she always found me. Di has a way of finding things that don't want to be found.”
Ava's phone rings and she groans before she answers it. “Hey, Tex. Yeah, I know. I just needed some time, okay? Jesus, take a chill pill.”
Texas is yelling on the other end of the line. Ava rolls her eyes, knowing I can hear every word.
“No, I'm fine. I just needed a break.” She rubs her hand across her face. I can tell she is still tired. I might have to drug her to get her to sleep again. It worked well the last time. Texas asks if she should come over to Ava's house.
“Sure, if you want to. Don't bring Viktor. You know what I mean. He can hang with Peter in my room. I just think that it would be too much right now, okay?”
Texas reluctantly agrees, and Ava hangs up.
“She is so much work, and it's even worse now. Not that I don't like Viktor, but it's hard enough with just Tex. Now I have a whole other person to consider. This Claiming business is worse than marriage.”
“What is making you upset?” I can feel her emotions, but more often than not, I am not sure where they originate.
“It's really, really stupid, so I don't want to tell you.”
“Nothing you could ever say or think or feel could be stupid.” Where would she get such a notion? She lets out a big sigh before she speaks. I wait.
“I was just thinking about the church, and you and me and what it would be like. You know, in the future. Whether you change me or not, I want to spend the rest of my time with you. Forever. I was just thinking that it feels a lot like marriage, which is crazy because I'm only seventeen, but I'm already tied to you for life. I was just thinking,” she says in a rush.
I thought the same thing more than once. That she tied herself to me without having a concept of what that meant. That I Claimed her without thinking about the consequences for the rest of her life. I made an impulsive decision out of fear of losing her. If I was human, I would marry her. I would have proposed a long time ago.
“It is something to think about,” I say.
She blinks at me. “What is?”
“Marriage.”
“For real? I didn't think you would care about something so trivial and human. I mean, we couldn't legally do it, could we?”
“Viktor could make up the papers and make them real. If you wanted.”
“I don't know,” she says, twisting her hands together. “I don't think my mother would approve. My dad would go ballistic. I was just thinking out loud.” She tries to dismiss it, but I won't let her. “I mean, you couldn't even say the vows right.”
“It wouldn't matter. I have already tied myself to you in other ways. What would one more bind mean? Just one more way I am connected with you. What is wrong with that?”
“I have to think about it. Not right now. Someday.” She pulls back, scared of the idea.
“Whatever you want, Ava, I will give to you.”
She makes a frustrated sound. “What I want is for you to be able to love. For you to know what it feels like when I look at you, and I feel like the world is ending and beginning at the same time.”
“I do feel that way.” Every second of every day.
“Then why hasn't it happened? It doesn't make sense. I feel like we're missing a piece of the puzzle.” It is possible that there is more to the bind than we thought, but I can't imagine what that could be.
Her phone buzzes again. Her father.
“Hey, Dad. No, I'm hanging out with Tex,” she says, the lie slipping easily from her lips. Her father asks her when she will be home.
“Soon. What's up?” We can both tell there is something in his voice that isn't good. Ava tenses, causing me to do so as well.
“I'm just worried about your mom. I called Dr. Young, but he doesn't seem concerned. Could you go to the pharmacy and get a prescription for her?” he says.
“Of course. You sure she's okay?”
“I'm doing everything he said to do, so we'll wait and see. If we have to, we can go to the hospital. Hopefully it's just a bug and it will pass.”
“Okay, I'll be home soon. Love you,” she says, adding the last part.
Sam hesitates before he says, “Love you, too,” and hangs up.
“You never know when the last time to say I love you is, so I've been making it a point to say it all the time. Just in case. I know we've had our issues, but Mom was right. We need to get over it so we can be there for each other.”
I help her off the hood of the car and she gets into the driver's seat.
“I love you, just so you know.”
“I do.”
I can acknowledge her feelings for me, I can be aware of them, I can revel in them, but I cannot share them. I hope Helena finds Di soon. I can sense that Claire is nearing her end, and I will not let Ava be alone during the aftermath. I want to be there for her, fully and completely.
Brooke
Helena and I stopped so I could feed. She was so old she barely needed any blood. I was a little jealous of her control. I had pretty much none.
“Not him, how about her?” We were near a city park; I didn't remember which city. Maybe Chicago? There was a contingent of homeless people that we'd been watching for a few minutes.
“Yes, her. She's the one.”
I didn't ask what she meant. I waited until the woman, who wore a baggy coat and holey leggings, stumbled down a side street. She slumped against a building, and I could hear that her heart was slowing. I had not noticed it when she was in the large group so full of beating sounds.
“She has a heart condition. She will not last much longer. You are doing her a mercy,” Helena said, eyeing the rest of the group as if picking out a second. I didn't want to take another. I would stick with one.
I never faced them. A swift twist of the neck was all it took, and she went limp in my arms. I bit her neck and sucked as fast as I could, getting as much fresh blood. It was better when they were still alive, but I hadn't done that since I'd met Jamie. He'd made me think about the fact that I was killing people.
I laid the woman down slowly, closing her eyes and covering her face with her coat. I hoped someone would find her before the rats did.
“Shall we?” Helena said behind me.
The blood fizzed through my body, making me giddy. I wanted to jump from tall buildings, spin around in circles and kiss the stars. I wanted to do everything and nothing all at the same time.
We kept running through the night, but every now and then Helena would stop and think. This had gotten more frequent the farther we had gone. Every time I asked her where we were going, she would just say, “Closer.” If we wouldn't have stopped so much, we would have been able to travel much faster.
Helena was a chatterbox, and I learned all about her life in India, her travels and what she did with her time. I'd thought about that; the fact that I was immortal.
“It can be boring,” she said as we lay naked in the sun the next afternoon. “It's only fun if you have other noctali to share it with.”
“Who do you share it with?”
“I have twenty brothers and sisters. Well, they're not really. I guess they'd be my cousins.”
“Do you all live together?” I was unfamiliar with how noctali families worked. Ivan had never touched on that.
“No. Most of the time we only can be in small groups. Noctali, as predators, don't really get along that well. But I love them anyway.”
“And Di?”
“Yeah, I love her, too, but that's different.” I knew Helena loved Di, even after all she had done. I thought about it, and even if Jamie murdered the entire world, I would kiss him, hold him and be with him. Love made you do things you could never imagine otherwise.
On the third day she stopped for a long time. We were in the middle of the desert. New Mexico or Arizona maybe. I should have read more of the road signs.
“We're close,” she said after ten long minutes of waiting.
Ava
I meet Tex in the yard before she comes in the house equipped with a can of Lysol and a bottle of hand sanitizer.
“What the hell are you doing?” she says when I hold the can in front of my face.
“My mom's sick, so I have to disinfect you.”
“You're serious?” She glances back at the end of my driveway where Viktor lurks. He and Peter are such good lurkers. I wonder if it's something you become good at when you become immortal, like not blinking and not breathing.
“Yes, I'm serious,” I say, turning my attention back to Tex. Dr. Young gave strict orders that we keep Mom's environment as germ-free as possible. Dad and I pulled out an air purifier they had when I was a baby and we cleaned it pretty much every hour. Our house is covered in containers of disinfectant wipes. The floor is so clean, you could eat off it.
“Turn around and close your eyes.” She sighs like it's the hardest thing she's ever been asked to do. She turns and sticks her arms out, and I hear her take a deep breath. I spray her from head to toe, and of course the wind comes up and blows most of the spray in my face. I choke on it for a second.
“Serves you right,” Tex mutters.
“Now the other side.” She squishes up her face and turns it to the side as I spray her again. When I'm done, I make her sanitize her hands and hand her some tissues in case she sneezes.
“Why don't you just wrap your house in plastic?”
“Too expensive,” I say, opening the front door and letting her in. I make her take off her shoes and wipe them, too. I also spray them for good measure.
“Jesus, it's like a hospital in here.” She means by how clean it is. Well, yeah, that's the idea. “I have never seen your house this effing clean.”
“Pardon?” Dad says, sticking his head out of his office door.
“Oh, hi Mr. Sullivan. I was just saying I've never seen the house so darn clean.”
“That's what I thought,” he says, giving both of us the eye. “I'd appreciate it if you stayed in the living room or Ava's room and kept it down. Claire's sleeping.” I want to roll my eyes and make a snarky teenage response, but I don't. I have to be an adult about it.
“Okay, we will.”
“Bye, Mr. Sullivan,” Tex says, giving him her brightest smile. Oh, please. He gives her a little wave and goes back to doing whatever he's doing. “Oops,” Tex mouths at me. She glances at the office door to make sure it's closed. I hear sounds upstairs. Viktor's here.
“Upstairs?” I say.
“Duh.”
I turn toward the stairs, but Tex stops me. “We need snacks first.”
We rustle up what we can and make two trips upstairs. The boys are standing next to my bookshelf, as if they're posing for a magazine cover. They really have no idea. I wish I had one of those fancy cameras to take pictures of them. I don't have any pictures of Peter as he is now. I need to fix that. What if I lost him and had no evidence that he ever existed? Nothing but the key around my neck and a few pictures of him when he was human. No one would believe me that he was real.
“Hey, babe,” Tex says in a casual way, walking toward Viktor.
“Hey,” he says in a sexy voice. I glance at Peter and of course, he blinks.
“Any news from Helena?” I ask Viktor.
“Not yet. She has not messaged me in a couple of days, which means she has lost the phone, or she doesn't have anything to say. It could be either.”
“Brooke has a phone,” Tex says. We all look at her. “What? Jamie told me. He bought it for her, the moron.” She shakes her head.
“He's got it bad,” I say.
“Tell me something I don't know.”
“You told me that noctali don't form bonds, but I feel like every single one I've met is hopelessly in love with someone,” I say to Peter.
“There are many of us who are not. Like stays with like. You have not seen many of the loners. They stay out of sight as much as possible. They exist in this world, but not as a part of it. The only time you would see them is in your last moment of life,” Peter says.
“They sound like the legit vampires,” Tex says.
“More or less,” Peter says.
I poke him in the chest. “I hate it when you say that.”
“No, you don't.”
“Okay, that's enough of that,” Tex says, putting her arm between us. Like she is any better.
“So, um, we have something to tell you,” Tex says, taking Viktor's hand. Oh, God. Peter's hand goes to my back, sliding under my shirt so his skin is against mine. I stop breathing for a second. I know I'm not going to like what she's going to say.
“We're moving in together. Not, like, right now, but when I graduate.”
Okay, so that is not as bad as I thought it would be. “Is there more?”
“What more do you think there would be?” She pretends that she's shocked, but I know better.
“Oh, I don't know, maybe that Viktor was going to change you?”
“No, we've agreed not until after graduation,” she says, nodding.
“What the FUCK, Tex?!”
“Jesus, calm down. I was just messing with you.” She looks at me like I'm the one who's overreacting.
“You said you were going to be nice,” Viktor says, touching her shoulder. Thank you.
Tex sighs. “Yeah, I did. Which is why I brought this,” she says, pointing to Viktor, who whips something out from behind his back. I seriously have no idea where he hid it. He hands it to me and everyone waits for me to open it. The package is square and covered in glittery wrapping. What a shocker. There's also a crap ton of glittery curled ribbon on it.
“I wrapped it myself,” Tex says, as if she's very proud of this fact. I raise one eyebrow, because I am very familiar with Tex's wrapping jobs. Nearly every Christmas she calls me in a panic and makes me come over to wrap her presents.
“Okay, so Viktor wrapped it, but I curled the ribbon.” Well, it's the thought that counts, right? It takes forever to get the ribbon off and I peel the paper back. It's a silver photo frame with a picture of me, Tex and my mom.
“Remember that? I found it the other day and I thought you'd want to have it.”
Dad had snapped that one a few years ago. Before the cancer, before Peter, before my life took a dark turn. Tex and I were getting ready for the winter semi-formal dance, and Mom was helping us. Dad snapped the picture from the side, so none of us were aware of it. Mom was squishing her face up at both of us, and Tex and I were laughing. We both had our hair done, but hadn't put our dresses on, so we were prom queens on top, and casual below. I liked it because my makeup was done and I felt so pretty that night. Jamie took both of us as his dates, and we teased him the whole night about being a stud.
Mom looks so healthy and vibrant in the picture. It's amazing how seeing this, seeing how she was, highlights how drastic the changes are. I guess when the changes come about slowly, you don't notice it day to day. The picture is both a reminder of what I had and what I'm going to lose. Bittersweet.
“Thanks, Tex.” Of course the tears come, and Peter offers his shoulder.
“I just... I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to say, and I'm always afraid I'll say the wrong thing. I'm no good at this stuff.” It's true, she isn't. She holds her arms out for a hug, and I give her one.
“That was nice.”
“Good,” she says, as if she's relieved. “It was either that or a book about losing someone you love.” Dear Go
d, I did not need one of those.
“I'm glad you went with the picture. It's beautiful.” I put it on my nightstand, right next to my notebook and pen.
“Your mother is coming upstairs,” Peter says and in a blink, he and Viktor are out the window. Tex and I throw ourselves on my bed and try to look like we're talking about something stupid and teenagery.
“Knock, knock,” Mom says, poking her head in the door. Her voice is still stuffed with mucus, and her eyes are all swollen and red.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, baby. Hey, Tex. How are you?”
Tex's eyes widen a second at Mom's appearance. It's been a while since she saw her last. “Good, Mrs. Sullivan. How are you?”
“I've been better,” she says, winking. Tex is nervous, as if she wants to run away.
“Well, I just wanted to say hi. Let me know if you need anything.”
There is no way that I would ask her to make me a snack in her condition. Dad would never allow that. I'm shocked he even let her come up the stairs. I can hear him hovering at the bottom, ready to rush up the stairs if something should go wrong.
“I was just telling Ava that I've been dying to see that movie she has. You know the one about the soldier who tries to find that girl? We were just coming down to watch it,” Tex says. She pinches my arm where Mom can't see. I don't know what her sudden change of heart is, but I'm all up for it.
“You want to watch it with us?” I say.
“Sure, baby. I'd love to. If you don't mind. I don't want to infringe on your girl time.”
“Are you kidding? Who else can understand my appreciation of Patrick Swayze?”
“That is true. I tell you, if I wasn't married...” Mom says, sighing dreamily.
“Amen to that,” Tex says, getting up.
I can tell she's nervous, but she's trying to be nice. I see her glance out the window and make a little motion with her fingers. I can just see Viktor and Peter on the edge of the roof, far enough out that they are shrouded in darkness, but close enough that I can see them with my enhanced eyesight. Those boys.
“So, Tex, I hear there is a new man in your life,” Mom says. I told her Tex and Viktor are together, but I didn't tell her about the Claiming part.
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