by Diana Gardin
I interrupt the sassy voice on the line. “This must be Gemma.”
“I don’t care that you know who I am. You made my sister cry. She never cries.”
I sigh. “Yeah, I know she doesn’t. But I made a mistake. You understand mistakes right, Gemma?”
Silence on the other end of the phone.
“So, will you put her on the phone?”
Gemma laughs. Damn, this kid is tough.
“She’s in bed. She went upstairs right after she talked to you and hasn’t been back down since. You’re out of luck. I suggest you take a hint and find yourself a new girl to screw over.”
And for the second time tonight, an Owen woman hangs up on me.
I don’t sleep that night. Sitting on my back patio, I stare out into the blackness where I know the ocean is answering to the pull of the moon. There’s no way I’m letting Greta go. I can’t. She’s become a gravitational force in my life. I’m helpless against it.
I don’t bother going inside; I know the emptiness in my bed will haunt me. Greta belongs there. Eggs sits in my lap in the lounger. His occasional whine tells me that he misses her, too.
Rubbing the top of his head, I try to soothe him. “Shh. It’s okay, boy. Daddy messed up, but I’ll get her back for us. Promise.”
When the sun breaks over the horizon, my eyes are grainy and dry. But I’m alert with a purpose: finding Greta. She spent the entire night thinking she isn’t important to me, that I won’t put her first. And I showed her exactly that.
Giving Eggs a quick rub under his chin before sticking him in the mudroom with his bowls and his toys, I head out. I climb in the Jeep and drive away from my house.
But I’m not going far. If Greta is upset, I have an idea of exactly where she’d go as soon as the sun came up. Or just before.
When I arrive at the surf spot, I park and walk down the steep wooden staircase.
Ah. I do know her. Better than she thinks I do.
She’s sitting in the sand, facing the crashing waves. Not many surfers this morning. The early November air is chilly in North Carolina, though not biting. All of the tourists are gone. There are a few true blues, though, catching the waves and riding them to shore on their boards. Greta is watching them.
“This is where I thought you’d be,” I say as I approach. My voice is quiet, deeper and rougher than I expect. “I’m glad I found you. You shouldn’t be alone.”
She doesn’t turn as she replies, “Is that why you’re here, Grisham? It’s always about duty with you, right? I’m not a damsel in distress. If that’s all you see me as, our relationship wasn’t going anywhere, anyway. Because as soon as I didn’t need saving anymore, you’d move on to the next woman.”
More than anything, I want to touch her. My hands curl into fists with the strength it takes not to. But I can see that right now, she doesn’t need my touch. She needs my affirmations, and my explanation.
“You’re not a damsel to me. I think you’re strong…and capable. I’m so sorry about last night.”
She doesn’t reply. Her eyes are still focused on the salty sea, but a single tear drives a wet trail down her cheek. My heart cracks when I see it.
“Greta? I want this. I want us. I’m sorry I didn’t show up last night. I never want to be that guy. The guy who disappoints you. The guy who isn’t there for you. I know—”
Her head whips toward me as she interrupts, and there’s a fire in her eyes. “You know I went through years of watching my father do that to my mother? Of watching him do that to me? My dad’s a good man, Grisham. He’s a hero. He wants to save the world. And I see so much of you in him. I have a feeling that’s what drew me to you in the first place. But I can’t be with you…it’s not the life I want. I know you’re a good guy, and this is killing me to say. I just need some time.”
Disbelief forces me to remain exactly where I am. My words aren’t going to fix this situation, not when my actions are the thing that destroyed it.
It feels like déjà vu, but as I lean over and place a soft kiss on her cheek, and then stand up, I’m struck with one thought.
In order to show her what kind of man I can be for her, I have to do something it might kill me to do.
I have to give her the space she’s asking for. I have to walk away from her.
I’m able to wrap up my discharge with the military earlier than I expected, and the second week of November is my first one working full-time at Night Eagle.
And it happens to also be my first week without the extreme comfort and simmering satisfaction of knowing Greta is mine.
I walk into work at 8:30 a.m., and she’s not at her desk. Simultaneously sighing in relief and acute pain, I walk back to the break room to grab a cup of coffee.
Greta is there, watching her large white mug fill under the single-cup dispenser. She turns her head, a greeting hovering on her lips, but when our eyes meet she falls silent. Time is frozen for a moment while she holds me in her startled blue stare.
Her eyes dart downward, a quick once-over of my body, and when they draw back up to my face there’s desire in her eyes. That’s a fierceness I remember very well, and my body answers her perusal with stiff recognition.
There’s nothing I need more right now than to cross the cavernous divide she’s placed between us and pull her into my arms.
“What are you doing here?” she blurts.
“It’s my first day as a full-time member of the team. You’re looking at a proud ex-Navy SEAL.”
Her expression shutters. “Congratulations.”
“Greta—”
The door swings open and Kyle enters. He looks back and forth between us before walking to the counter and grabbing a mug. “Everything okay in here, Greta?”
He ignores me completely and addresses her, which sends a bolt of anger searing through me. I always knew he had a thing for her.
Kyle’s interest never fazed me, because I knew without a doubt that Greta’s heart belonged to me. But now…
“It’s fine. Good morning, Kyle.”
Her voice is pleasant, and you wouldn’t know anything had passed between us just a moment ago.
Kyle gives me a funny look. “Morning, Greta.”
They begin talking together and I can’t stay in there any longer. Coffee can wait. I leave the kitchen and head for the office.
This is going to be a rough fucking day.
Word travels fast. Greta told Berkeley about our break, who in turn shared it with Dare. Dare must have let the rest of the guys know, because I receive more than one sympathetic eye as I enter the office for our morning meeting.
“Fuck,” I mutter. “Everyone knows?”
“You’re just lucky it’s my fault she ended it,” offers Jacob. “Otherwise, you’d be dead.”
Dare claps my shoulder. “That’s rough. Have some hope, though. Berk and I split for a while before we ended up together. Remember?”
Grunting, I give him a sideways glance. “Yeah. I remember. I almost killed you for hurting her.”
His smile is regretful. “You did. And I would have deserved it. But it all worked out in the end.”
He’s wearing a lightweight jacket, and he reaches down to pull something out of the pocket. A small, black velvet box. When he opens it, a diamond ring gleams from its pristine perch inside.
“Whoa!” Shaw’s exclamation is full of surprise. “You’re finally doing it?”
Dare’s grin is full. “I might as well, right? I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the girl a long time ago.”
“Why’d you wait so long?” I ask, curiosity pushing aside my own pain.
Dare shrugs. A determined gleam lights across his features. “I wanted to win over her father.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “Shit, man. I could have told you that was impossible.”
There’s only one man in the world who’s a tougher son of a bitch than my old man, and that’s Berkeley’s father. He views the world in a very one-dimens
ional way, and he had his sights set on his daughter creating a life with me. When Berkeley and I didn’t fall in line, he was pissed. He placed much of the blame on Dare, and I thought he’d forever hold him responsible for Berkeley’s kidnapping.
“Ah, ye of little faith.” Dare elbows me in the ribs. “He gave me his blessing last night.”
“You slick son of a bitch!” Now it’s my turn to pat him on the back. “That’s pure magic. Congratulations!”
Everyone takes their turn congratulating Dare. He and Berkeley are the perfect couple; everyone knows it. They can survive anything.
I’d hoped Greta and I were that strong. But maybe I was wrong.
I’m getting lost in that dark thought as Jacob sits down beside me.
“My daughter knows what she wants,” he says. “She’s a smart girl.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “She is. She’s realized that I’m not it.”
Jacob sighs. “She’s scared. She doesn’t want a man who loves his work as much as I did. I made the biggest mistake of my life, giving up when her mother decided she’d had enough. I should have told my job to go to hell, and fought for my family. I want you here, and I want you to give it your all. But if you’re going to be with my daughter, you have to put her first. And I understand that, Grisham. I’d never fault you for it.”
I stare at him. “Are you telling me not to give up on Greta?”
“I’m not telling you anything. Just hate to see my mistakes made twice.”
He rises and calls our meeting to order. I lean in and try to concentrate, but my thoughts all keep drifting back to one person.
Greta.
26
Greta
The week flies by, and by Friday I can almost ignore the slicing pain that brings me to a sudden halt every time I see Grisham.
Hearing his voice is almost worse. The rich roughness of his voice is nearly enough to make me run into his arms. All I want is to be able to turn back the clock. What I can’t decide is whether or not I want to go back and undo the relationship, or whether I want the night that he didn’t show up to never have happened.
Either way, every single time I hear that sexy, all-male voice that just makes me want to wrap my entire body around his, my heart shatters a little more completely.
Every day this week, Dare came to me after lunch and insisted I train with him. At first, I resisted. If I couldn’t train with Grisham, then I didn’t really want to train with anyone. But Dare was so persistent that I started to suspect him asking me to train was Grisham’s idea.
So, weak as I am for what Grisham wants, even after everything, I agreed.
I’ve also succeeded to turning our office into a fall wonderland. Every available surface is covered in colorful leaf garlands or pumpkins. I’ve added pumpkin spice coffee cups for our coffee machine. And there’s a “Welcome Fall” candle burning on my desk. It’s just another tactic I’ve been using to distract me from thoughts of the man I loved and lost.
But Berkeley’s face says it all as she bursts in through the front door. She stops short, staring around her in shocked, horrified awe.
“Oh my Gah.” She catches her breath. “What the hell have you done to this place? And why didn’t you call me first?” She turns in a slow circle, taking in every last gaudy decoration. “This is…”
“Festive? Heartwarming?” I offer hopefully.
She glances at me, her expression turning from stupefied wonder to sympathetic concern. “Um, it’s definitely festive.” She swallows audibly. I can see her forced focus as she struggles to keep her eyes on me, and I use my hand to cover a giggle.
“What’s up, Berk?”
“I’m here to see you.”
My brows arch. “Me?”
She nods firmly. “Yep. Dare wants to have a get-together tonight. And since we don’t have a house yet, Drake offered up his. You’re coming.”
My mouth is already open to protest. “I don’t feel like it.”
Berkeley’s eyes take on the determined gleam she gets when she is setting her mind to something. All I can do is groan, because clearly that something is me.
“I said, you’re coming.” She narrows her eyes. “I’m not going to let you stay home by yourself on a Friday night moping. You didn’t let me do that when Dare and I broke up.”
“Um, I tried.” I pointed out the information she’s clearly forgotten. “But if Berkeley wants to mope, Berkeley mopes. There were plenty of nights when Mea and I couldn’t get you out of your sweats or off the couch.”
She waves a hand, dismissing my argument. “I need you to help me make appetizers. You know I can’t do it!”
Her voice takes on a pleading note that she’s hoping I can’t refuse.
“Mea’s not going to want to come either, if it’s at Drake’s. She doesn’t like that guy.”
Berkeley huffs. “She has absolutely no reason to hate Drake. So if I have to, I’ll make Dare pick you two up and toss you into his truck.”
I scowl. “I just…don’t think I can do it, Berk.”
My voice is quieter, more serious. Her mouth turns down at the corners when she realizes that there’s no convincing me to come to this party. She rubs my shoulder. “I want you there, but I understand.”
“I can’t be around him any more than I already have to.”
Just then, the Night Eagle security team exits the office and heads off into separate directions. As Shaw and Teague head toward the stairs to train, they greet Berkeley and shoot me sweet smiles. Grisham’s eyes burn into mine as he heads down the hallway, and Dare stops to put his arms around Berkeley from behind.
“So, we’ll see you tonight, Greta?” asks Dare.
I shake my head, a regretful smile on my lips. “Sorry. I can’t make it.”
Dare’s eyebrows lift in surprise. “Really? I know one person in particular who will miss you.”
Berkeley twists out of his arms and kisses his cheek. “I’m gonna run and speak with Grish for a sec. Be back in a minute.”
He nods, watching her go the way a wolf keeps a close eye on its mate. There’s a pang in my chest, and I place my hand over my heart absently.
As soon as Berkeley is out of sight, Dare leans closer to me. “I’m proposing to Berkeley tonight. I want to make sure all the people we love are there. Please don’t stay away. It’s just one night.”
He leans back and holds my gaze as my mouth drops open. “Ohmygod, Dare! Of course I won’t miss it!”
His answering grin is genuine and lights up his entire face. “Good. I know she’s going to want to remember this night with us having all our friends around us.”
This changes everything. There’s no way I’m going to miss Berkeley’s engagement because of my fear of sharing a room for an evening with Grisham. I want to be there for her.
Kyle comes out of the office door with a file. He walks toward my desk and places the manila folder on top. “Your dad wants this info plugged into a spreadsheet.”
I nod, taking the file and placing it beside the laptop. “Got it. Hey, Kyle? What are you doing tonight?”
Dare does a double take, looking from me to Kyle and back again.
Kyle shrugs. “I don’t have any firm plans yet. Why?”
Dare glances at me quickly. “Greta…”
I move on, in a hurry to finish my statement before I can think too deeply about it, or change my mind. “Well, now you do. You can come with me to Dare and Berkeley’s party tonight.”
Kyle glances at Dare.
“Uh, yeah, man. You’re welcome to attend. It’s just a small get-together at my buddy Drake’s place. But we’d be happy to have you there.”
I turn a sunny smile on Kyle. “What do you say?”
Kyle’s eyes light up behind his glasses and he runs a hand through his sandy hair. “Sounds good. What time should I pick you up?”
“Eight o’clock. You’re right on time.” I give Kyle a quick peck on the cheek as I close the apartment door behind me. After
I lock it, we walk to his car where he opens my door.
Kyle is dressed casually in crisp, dark jeans and a white button-down shirt. He looks handsome; he always does. But I’ll never be able to look at him as anything other than a nice guy. A friend.
Not after Grisham.
I’m quiet on the ride over, and I notice Kyle glancing at me a few times as he drives. “You okay?”
I nod absently, staring out the window.
“Look, Greta…I know about you and Grisham. If you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen.”
I turn in my seat so that I’m facing him and prop my elbow up on the console between us. “Why do you men live and die by what you do for a living?”
He shoots me a quick, confused glance. “Uh, what?”
Shaking my head, I direct my gaze back out the front window. “Nothing, Kyle. I’m fine. People break up, and then they move on. It’s just what happens.”
He nods slowly as we pull onto Drake’s street. “And are you? Going to move on, I mean?”
His question is almost shy. I close my eyes for a moment, breathing in and out. The thought of moving through my life without Grisham fills me with emptiness.
But no matter how hard I try, I can’t forget him.
When Kyle pulls into the drive, I open my door and exit the car without answering his question.
He puts an arm around me as we walk toward the front door. “You will. It doesn’t seem like it right now, Greta, but you’ll move on. You’re too amazing to spend your life pining away for a guy who didn’t deserve you.”
I want to protest. I want to argue with him, because I know better than anyone what an incredible guy Grisham is.
He’s just no longer my guy.
But I keep my mouth shut, and I allow Kyle to lead me into the house.
We walk into Drake’s foyer, and to the left is his large living room. An enormous stone fireplace sits as the focal point of the room. Currently, there are several people gathered on a large sectional sofa.
Mea has already arrived, flying solo as usual, and she’s sitting right beside Ronin Shaw with her feet tucked up beneath her. She’s giggling prettily, and I almost roll my eyes because I’ve seen Mea’s flirtatious act before. It’s fluid and flawless, and she’s broken many a heart with it. Drake stands at the fireplace, working on building a fire. But as he stokes the logs, he continues shooting glances over at Ronin and Mea.
