Jason shrugged, following behind us. My tongue was tied by all the questions running through my head.
Fifteen minutes later, the seven of us sat around the table in the dining room. Mom made chicken with mashed potatoes, salad, rolls, and broccoli.
“This chicken is delicious, Jessica. What spices did you use?” Ellie asked my mom. They sat next to each other and talked about cooking and ingredients.
“What’s your major?” Kylie asked, adding another scoop of mashed potatoes to her plate.
I felt squished between Jason and his sister. They kept side-eyeing each other, as if communicating without speaking. Was that what having a sibling was about, having a friend know you by the looks you shot them? Amelia and I kinda had that.
“Psychology. Are you in school?” I cut my chicken into tiny pieces, not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes.
“That’s a good major. Finally, someone to shrink Jason’s big head.”
Jason threw a piece of broccoli over my head, hitting his sister. “Shut up, K.”
“Children please!” Their mother said, hitting the table with her fist. “We are guests and you two are grownups. Act like it.”
“Sorry, Mom,” Jason and Kylie said at the same time. I sunk down in my seat, feeling awkward. Amelia and Hunter giggled, whispering to each other.
I wanted to sit by Amelia, but Kylie wouldn’t let me move. Hunter sat between Ellie and Amelia on the other side of the table. We met eyes and he gave me a small smile.
My mom sat at the head of the table. She looked around at all the faces with a proud grin. We never had this many at our table before. At most it peaked at four when my father still lived with us and I had a friend come over. I knew this was special for Mom. She loved to entertain, but never had anyone to invite over. She was a hostess with no guests, but our house was always ready, just in case.
Kylie grabbed the pepper, sprinkling it over her food. “To answer your earlier question, I’m not in school right now. I took a year off to work on my photography.”
Amelia set her glass of wine down and looked at Kylie. “What do you take pictures of? I’m an art major, so I’m obsessed with anything to do with artistic style.”
“You’d love my portfolio then. I take pictures of broken things using light and shadows to tell a story. My favorites are in black and white. They have a feel to them that’s beyond words.”
My mom sat down her fork. “Jason, I don’t think I learned what your major was the last time you came over.”
Jason wiped his mouth on a napkin. “I’m a computer science guy. If your computer breaks, I’ll know how to fix it.”
My mom smiled. “Good to know. Computers hate me.”
He shot me a look, probably remembering I’d said the same thing. I bit my lip and dug my spoon into the potatoes. Jason grabbed my thigh under the table and leaned into me, whispering, “Don’t bite your lip here, Syd. You’re making me want to bite it too.”
My crotch buzzed as all my senses went wild. I prayed no one knew need was pooling in my belly, making me cross my legs to keep from having the buzz turn into a pounding. Jason’s hand moved down my leg to my inner thigh. He wanted to kill me.
“Hunter, what’s your major?” Mom asked. Her voice brought my attention back to the conversation at the table again.
“Architecture. I love to draw blueprints and see them come to life,” he answered, taking another bite of chicken.
“An architect and an artist.” She smiled at my best friend and her boyfriend. “You two were made for each other.”
Amelia beamed, staring up at Hunter with lovey-dovey eyes. “Yes, I think so too. We’re the lucky ones.” She looked at me. “Right, Syd?”
“Yeah,” I said, poking my roll with my fork.
“Wanna know the nicknames I made up?” Amelia asked excitedly.
“No!” I said a little too loud.
Ellie laughed at my outburst. My mom pressed her lips into a firm line. “Sydney Anne,” she hissed.
My skin crawled when she said my middle name. “Sorry,” I murmured.
Amelia gave me the stink eye and then smiled as if nothing had happened. “I call Hunter and me Amter. For Sydney and Jason, I call them Sydson.”
“Amter and Sydson,” my mom repeated, chewing over the names. “I like them.”
Ellie nodded. “Yeah, they’re cute.”
Kylie gagged, grabbing her glass of wine. “It’s too romantic if you ask me.”
The old me would’ve been with Kylie, but Jason had gotten through to me. Maybe nicknames weren’t bad after all, but I still liked being called my given name most of the time.
We continued to eat and chat as if we gathered for meals often. It felt nice, like I finally had a true family. This Christmas was going to be the best. It wasn’t going to be just my mom and me anymore. Our Christmases were good, but I knew my mom was sad we didn’t have more people. She saw the holidays as a family thing and sadly we didn’t have one, not until now.
Chapter Thirty-Two
We went on a last minute shopping trip. Jason and Hunter went one way while Amelia and I went another. Kylie tagged along with Amelia and me, saying she wanted to check out an Arizona mall. My mom and Ellie stayed at the house, wrapping presents they already bought. I think they just wanted to be alone to talk about Jason and me.
“I know what Hunter wants. Let’s go to the video game store.” Amelia walked toward the west wing of the mall.
I grabbed her arm. “You want to get him a game?” I raised an eyebrow, puzzled.
“Yeah, his favorite came out with another one a couple weeks ago. He’ll love it.” She had a smile that lit her hazel eyes. Her heart was in the right place, but I wasn’t sure of her choice.
Kylie inspected her nails and said, “At least he’ll be happy.”
Amelia beamed at her. “See, she knows.”
“Doesn’t make sense to me. You’re going to buy him the number one addiction a lot of college guys have.” I gave her a what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you look. “He’ll ignore you for months and then you’ll come over to the dorm and…” I trailed off, not saying she’d interfere with me and Jason’s sex life.
She shook her head and continued walking. “Oh, Sydney. Hunter isn’t a freak. He plays for a couple hours on the weekend. He’s not obsessed.”
“You hope.” I snickered, following her.
Kylie examined the Native American hieroglyphs on the arches of each entrance. She stopped walking to study the painting of the Grand Canyon on the west side by a popular department store. “This is amazing. It’s freaking huge and in detail.”
Amelia joined her and pointed something out. “I love the birds in the sky. They’re small, yet add a lot to the piece.”
They kept talking about light and I wasn’t sure what else. All their art lingo went over my head. I cleared my throat, looking down at my phone for the time. Five minutes talking about a painting was one thing, but they were bordering on ten.
“Sorry,” Amelia said. They both returned to my side and we walked down the aisle, looking for another store.
Amelia’s phone beeped. She checked it and texted back. “I swear Hunter and I have a connection. He always knows when I’m thinking about him. And you should see how romantic he is on dates. When we—”
“I’m all for hot boyfriends, but I like my freedom. Need it for the job,” Kylie said, leaning over Amelia’s shoulder to read the text.
“Hey!” Amelia held her phone to her chest, as if protecting an infant.
“Can we focus?” I snapped my fingers to gain both of their attention. “I need to buy Jason the best present and you two are not helping.”
Amelia wrapped her arms around my shoulder blades. Her hug was warm and not bone crushing. “What does he like? Start there.”
I looked through the window of a sunglass shop. “I don’t know. He loves surfing, but obviously can’t do anything about that here.”
Kylie was in the mouth of the sungla
ss place, trying on hot pink shades. “You’re Sydson,” she mocked. “The perfect gift should come to you. That’s how romantic crap happens in movies.” She put the shades back on the rack.
We moved on, walking by a pet store. “I want to get something meaningful. He’s done a lot for me these last few months and I need to show him how much he means to me, so a pair of jeans or a movie isn’t going to work.”
“I know you’re not good in the romance department, but you could make him a playlist. I have a bunch of songs I think fit Hunter and me and I send them to him all the time. He always listens to them with a smile on his face, knowing they are meaningful to me and symbolize our relationship.”
Kylie snorted. “That’s too much. Are they titled after silly love songs?”
Amelia held her head up high. “No, I named them Amter Playlist one, two, and so on.”
“Ugh!” Kylie cried, looking down at her phone.
I paused, looking at the black lingerie hanging on a mannequin in the window. “I could buy something sexy, spice up—”
Kylie plugged her ears with her fingers. “Gross!” she said, laughing.
“I’m sorry…”
She shook her head. “Kidding, but I don’t think you want him opening something like that,” she nodded to the lacy garment, “in front of both your mom and our mom.”
All the blood drained from my face, making me feel hollow. It was too horrible to picture. “God, you’re right. That would be—”
“Awkward, though I’m sure they know you have sex. I mean, you’re always on each other,” Amelia said, pulling me away from the lingerie.
Kylie hooked her arm with mine. “If you want to impress my little bro, you should get him something he’d never expect. Finding a copy of the first printing is probably impossible, but he loved The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald in high school. But you could get something engraved, maybe, or a nice watch.” She trailed her fingers down my upper arm, where Emilie Autumn’s words were inked. “Just not a tat.”
Nervousness bubbled inside me. “He told you about my ink?”
She nodded. “Yup. That’s a sore spot, I hear, but this,” she moved her long hair over her shoulder, revealing a blood red moon tattoo on the back of her neck, “didn’t hurt at all. At most, my lower back hurt from the angle I had to be in so he could tat me.”
“Good to know,” I replied, feeling exposed. What else did Jason tell his sister?
“I’m going to check out the electronic store for a new camera. I’ll catch up with you later, okay?” Kylie said, already walking away.
“Sure,” I shouted back.
She gave me a thumbs up and disappeared through the doorway.
Amelia and I passed by a few stores, watching people come and go from places like bees to flowers. I glanced at an older couple holding hands as they shopped. “It’s crazy that I’ve gone from zero to sixty in the relationship department. I mean, all I wanted were one-night stands and now I have a guy who transferred colleges to be closer to me. Who does that?” My heart squeezed as I recalled Jason surprising me in the library. It was still unreal.
My best friend lit up like a Christmas tree. “That’s love for you. Hunter did the same for me. I mean—”
“Hunter and you hit it off the moment you met. I saw the sparks in the ocean during that so-called surfing lesson.” I fought the pull of the green-eyed monster, but there was no use. I envied Amelia for being able to be so open.
She closed her eyes, probably replaying the memory. “We did get along pretty well…” She trailed off, licking her lips as some vision crossed her mind.
“Pretty well? I screamed at you to get to shore because I thought you’d jump him right then and there.” I felt like I was scolding a child. We passed by a toy store. Children were screaming as they played with the toys.
Amelia ignored the kids. She kept talking. “I’m not you.” Her cheeks reddened. “Oh my God, I’m sorry. I meant I’m not like you. You always know what you want and—”
I held my hand up, cutting her off. “It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean it. My past is part of me and it brought me to where I am today.” It was strange to remember how I was only a few months ago. Thinking back to the beginning of the summer felt like someone else’s life, as if my past self was a stranger. Back then I’d sleep with any man who was hot and worth a toss in the sheets. How could I go from that to a man who loved me more than anything?
She ducked into the video game store and walked directly to the new releases at the front by the registers. That was surprising, since I’d never seen Amelia inside a video game store or play a video game in her life. I lingered outside, watching people drift by.
Her cheeks still held a hint of crimson in them as she exited the store with her prize. “Have you thought of something to get Jason yet?”
I hooked my thumbs on the loops of my jeans. “I might take Kylie’s advice and buy him a nice watch. I wanted something more to show I love him, but I can’t think of anything that would pass on the message I want it to.” A chill ran through me. I hugged myself to keep warm. “Let’s keep walking. It sucks I’m not romantic and—”
Amelia snorted and covered her mouth with a hand. “Sydney, for the millionth time, you don’t have to be the romantic one. You just need to be there, not have all your damn walls up, and he’ll know you love him.”
“Jason questions me, though, since I don’t know how to be a good girlfriend.” I looked over at a couple standing by a store kissing and whispering to each other. A viper squeezed my heart. “What if I lose him?”
She bumped my shoulder with hers. “Syd, your mind is way too dark. He loves you, and as long as he knows you don’t hate him or keep pushing him away, then he’ll stay. Let him be the romantic one. If he’s like Hunter in that department, just let him spoil you and reward him in other ways.” Amelia giggled as her cheeks turned scarlet again.
Never thought I’d see the day when Amelia was so happy she’d push me to have sex, not for the thrill but for the closeness it helped create in a relationship. I thought I’d be her teacher, but she turned the tables on me.
“Guess I do have a dark cloud over my head a lot. Makes me see the bad side of things before the positive.”
We passed by Hot Love. A group of teens were laughing in the entrance as they read penis jokes off of shot glasses aloud. I didn’t miss being in high school and being that immature.
Amelia eyed the music store and asked, “Does Jason need any CDs?”
We stopped to look at the music posters before moving on. “No, I want something more. Anyone could give him music. He probably already has all the songs he likes anyways.” I shrugged, looking at the album artworks in a store’s window as we walked by. “I’m hoping something pops out at me."
“Okay, lead the way.” She motioned with a hand, letting me go first.
We wandered in and out of stores. I never saw Jason as a sports fan of any kind, so we skipped the sports store. Jason had never told me he needed any tools or would like to have any, so we avoided the hardware section. Come to think of it, I wasn’t sure what the “perfect” gift was.
Thirty minutes later, Amelia wasn’t happy tagging along anymore. “There hasn’t been anything you want to get him? We’ve been walking around for two hours! I want to eat.” She wouldn’t stop whining.
“Silence, please. I can’t think with your complaining.” I rubbed my temples with my fingertips, trying to ease my headache.
She pouted. “That’s cool. I’ll just follow, slowly wasting away…”
I rolled my eyes. “If you’re dying, go to the food court and meet the guys or you can find Kylie and see if she wants to go to the food court too.”
“What about you?” She gave me a depressing look, as if I just told a child Santa wasn’t real.
I lifted my hands to show I hadn’t bought anything. “I still have no present, so I’m going to keep shopping.”
She was still trailing behind me. �
��What if you need my opinion?”
“I’ll just have to deal without it and hope I make the right decision.” I gave her a melancholy look.
Her eyes dropped and an invisible anchor tugged her lips down into a frown. “Fine, I’ll suffer and stay with you.” She huffed, trying to turn the tables.
“Follow if you wish. Don’t want to force you.” I shrugged and walked into a clothing store that smelled of vanilla.
There was a pause, as if she was debating coming or not. After a few heart beats, I heard her running up behind me. She couldn’t help herself.
“I don’t want to settle on something lame. It needs to be good,” I said aloud, taking in the store. What would Jason love? A shirt? I doubted that.
Amelia nodded. “How serious are you two?”
I cocked my head, studying her. “What do you mean?”
“The gift kinda depends on how serious you are. I got Hunter his favorite video game because I know him well, but we’re not getting married right now. You know what I mean?”
“I’m surprised. Thought I’d be getting an invitation soon,” I joked, making myself laugh.
Amelia elbowed me in the side.
“What?” I cried, pretending to be wounded.
“I love Hunter, but we both decided to wait until graduation to get engaged.” Her hazel eyes bore into my ocean blues.
I felt my jaw drop. “You already talked about marriage?” How far behind was I?
“Of course.” She took my hand and dragged me into a different store. “He will ask me after graduation and I’ll have a year to plan. Once we have stable jobs and have been married for about two years, we’re going to try to get pregnant. Then—”
“Whoa!” I was speechless. Here I was unsure what to buy my guy for Christmas and Amelia had tied the rest of her life to Hunter. What was I missing?
“What?” She looked at me like I was insane.
“You have your whole life planned out. Only a few months ago you wanted to party with me, now you’re thinking of marriage and kids. That’s big.” My heart leaped into my throat like it was trying to choke me.
Breaking Down Sydney (Sydney West #2) Page 20
