by Anders, S.
“Damn it,” she muttered. “How am I going to pretend I don’t know? That’s more the problem.”
She certainly thought Axel was right and they should get indisputable proof. Andrew could be vicious when trying to deny something he was obviously wrong over. She’d seen him blame his parents and hurt their feelings on several occasions when they’d caught him in lies. He had a way of putting people down that made him seem like he wasn’t doing it, just as he was doing it.
She shivered, crossing her arms. Alone, she could admit she was a bit afraid about confronting him about the affair, and she certainly didn’t want to see him after he’d ...
“After he mauled Kiki Savvi,” she muttered. Then she stalked toward the steps of the house. “To hell with you, Andrew,” she hissed.
She grabbed her keys out of her purse and unlocked the front door having decided she wasn’t going home. Half the weight of her marriage’s doom seemed to lift off her shoulders. She didn’t want to be in Andrew’s house anymore. She wouldn’t be — and she didn’t have to be.
Maybe she was hiding, but it didn’t feel like it. It felt as though she was making a stand and taking back some of her dignity.
“I am not going back there,” she stated firmly, walking inside and shutting the door behind her. She leaned back against it, realizing her worst fears. “I’m not going back into his bed again. Ever.”
That was the worst thing that she just couldn’t face — going back to sleep beside him, and then pretending she didn’t know. He might turn to her in the night. And she might get sick.
* * *
Axel pulled up to the front of his rental business after dropping off Liv. He shut off his car, looking at the front display window. Liv had said it was very creative and he’d felt good about her compliment. It was such a simple thing and something that was sorely lacking in his life. Kiki tended to nitpick, not compliment.
He rubbed his jaw wondering how he was going to face Kiki. It was easy to tell Liv for them to go back and live with their cheating spouses, but now faced with doing it ... he’d rather eat dirt. He’d never get the picture of Darwin groping Kiki out of his mind or the worst betrayal of doing it right outside the rental shop. Like he was an idiot. That hurt badly, and he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around all of it.
He searched his pocket for his cell phone, and he called Jax inside the shop. Once he heard Jax answer, he said, “Hey, I need a week, can you cover the shop for me?”
Jax’s immediate answer was, “Yes.” Followed by a question, if he was alright.
“I don’t know, man,” Axel answered. “I’ll let you know.” Then he cut the call on whatever else Jax would try to say.
Okay, now he was free-wheeling, did he feel any better?
Not. Really.
His chest ached and it felt tight. He wished to God he could go to Kiki and wrap his arms around her and make everything good again. Then he cussed and started his car. He wasn’t certain where he was going, until he turned down the street and realized it was the street his aunt had lived on.
Her house was still there. He had kept it up as if she were coming back any day. Kiki had bitched at him a lot about not selling it. But as long as his aunt was still alive, he just couldn’t. He pulled in the driveway, remembering when he was young running up the front steps and slamming open the front door. He’d be calling his aunt’s name before he’d hit the kitchen looking for something to eat. Always looking to eat. She’d always been there too. And she’d made him believe she always would be there so he could relax and be a kid again — not worried about being abandoned.
Axel turned his car off and got out looking at the old place. His aunt had lived there a long time by herself, without much help, and the old place needed some work. He’d always thought he’d enjoy fixing it up before he sold it. Only the selling it idea wasn’t his idea, it was Kiki’s.
He wanted to keep it, maybe rent it out. The house he and Kiki lived in was a mansion compared to it, but when he walked up to the front door, pulling out his keys, he felt more at home than he had in a long time. Quietly, he went inside and looked around. All of his aunt’s stuff was there, furniture, clothes, and knickknacks. It was pretty dusty, but he could clean it up in no time.
Without even making a conscious decision, he went to sit on the couch. He pulled out his cell and first he called his old military buddy, Ronan to ask him to put Kiki and Darwin under surveillance. Axel appreciated the fact Ronan didn’t delve into the whys after his first pause.
He’d just asked, “Do you want in-depth surveillance?”
“Yes, buddy,” Axel answered. “As far as you can legally go and not get caught. I’ll try to keep you up on some of their whereabouts if I can. I think it’ll be easier to follow, Kiki.”
“You got it,” Ronan replied with his slight Irish accent.
“You can report to me on this cell,” Axel said, before he said goodbye.
Then he punched another number, feeling so much relief when he heard her voice. The next split-second he realized he could have caught her with her husband.
“Liv, I wasn’t thinking, can you talk?” he asked hurriedly.
Her returning sigh sounded calm, and he relaxed a bit. “Yes, I can talk. I was just going to call you.”
“Good,” he said, relieved. Then he thought; she wasn’t with Darwin yet. He glanced out the living room window and saw it was almost dark, making him frown and reach over to switch on a lamp.
“It’s getting later,” he prompted, hoping to nudge her into talking without him coming right out to ask.
After a moment she blurted softly, “I just couldn’t go home.” Axel sat forward on the couch, then he heard her add in a whisper. “Not to his bed.”
Axel nodded, then realized Liv couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I get that one hundred percent.” He felt relieved and an odd bit of excitement that Liv hadn’t gone back to the bastard. “You’re not going to believe this,” he said, trying to keep the weird emotions he was having out of his voice. “I didn’t go home either.”
“Not yet, huh,” Liv responded.
“No, I mean I’m not going to. I’m at my aunt’s old house.”
He heard Liv laugh lightly. “It must be a sign that it’s right,” she said. He thought it must be too, but he thought to add, “I do need to call her. Not sure what I will say.”
“Lie,” Liv stated firmly. “They don’t deserve any better. I don’t have to call my asshole. He wasn’t supposed to be home for another day. Let him find me.” She sounded so sure of herself and he admired her that clarity. “But I won’t tell him I know,” she reassured him. “I’ll just tell him I’m not happy with him being gone all the time, or something like that.”
“Yes, I think I will use an excuse with Kiki too,” he responded, then he added. “I have my man set up to watch them.”
“I can’t imagine there is anyone like that in our small town,” she said.
“It’s a friend from the military who works as a P.I. in Grandhaven, but he will come out this far for me.” He paused, pressing his elbows to his knees as he talked. “I took a week off from the shop so if you ever, I don’t know, thought to stop in there looking for me. I just wanted you to know.”
“We are kind of in this together,” she said sounding compassionate, and once again he noticed the stark contrast between Liv and Kiki. Kiki would have remarked negatively if he’d sounded so unsure or hesitant about something, while Liv reacted with empathy.
“We are,” he agreed, feeling like he could tell her a lot and she wouldn’t judge him or think less of him.
“Darn, it’s kind of cold here,” she muttered, almost sounding as if she were talking to herself. Then she said, “So I suppose we are both sitting in our respective hideaways with just the clothes on our backs.”
Her comment brought a chuckle to him. “Where are you?” he asked. “If you don’t mind my asking.”
“I don’t mind. I’m at my grandmother’s house here wh
ere you dropped me off at my rose farm. It’s seen better days.”
“My aunt’s place is like that too. Needs work.” He looked around. “It’s kind of dusty. I guess I took more time keeping the yard up than I did the inside, since she went into the home.”
“So do you have electricity there?” she asked, sounding distracted with background noises as if she were opening drawers or cabinets.
“You don’t?” he responded, immediately thinking how cold it was getting outside, besides there being no lights. “And yes, I never turned the electric off here. I use it outside, and just never did.”
“Oh that’s good,” she replied, still sounding distracted. Then a loud bang sounded on her end.
“Liv?” He stood and started pacing.
“I’m all right.” Her voice was soft and reassuring, not panicked. “I was just looking for the propane heater we use in the office sometimes. But I dropped the flashlight. Just a second, Axel, I need to put down my cell. Okay?”
She didn’t seem to wait for him to answer, but he said, “Okay.” He continued to pace, thinking about her alone out in that dark and cold farmhouse. It was crazy. Even a hotel room would be better, and he decided to try to talk her into one when she returned to her cell.
He heard her voice mumble that she was back, but she still sounded preoccupied. “Liv, Why don’t you come over here. There’s extra room. I could get a pizza.” The words were out of his mouth before he knew where they came from. That wasn’t what he’d planned to say. However it felt right.
“Axel? What?” Liv’s voice seemed to focus in on what he was saying. “Oh I couldn’t,” she began.
“Why not?” he asked quickly.
“I ... well,” she paused, then said, “You know that was probably just an automatic answer I’d give because I’m married.”
He stopped pacing and stood looking out into the dark beyond the picture windows. “I know,” he answered, quietly.
“Well ... but I will bring the pizza. I insist.”
He smiled. “You have a deal.” Then he gave her the directions. But as soon as he thumbed the call closed on his cell, he grabbed his car keys. He had a little trip to make before Liv arrived.
Chapter Five
Liv picked the Italian Grill to buy the pizza. It was more expensive but worth it. She got some salads and a bottle of soda, to round it out. After waiting about forty-five minutes she was on her way, following the directions Axel had given her. There was a knot of excitement centered in her belly and it overrode the angry feelings she had toward her husband. It was nearly as if she was thrusting a sword into Andrew with these daring actions, saying, “Take that you bastard.”
Then when she was a few blocks away from the address Axel had given her, her cell phone rang. She didn’t like to speak on it while driving, so she pulled to the curb by a row of older suburban houses. As soon as she’d wrangled her cell out of her purse, she groaned when she saw who it was. Andrew.
He usually called her once at night when he was out of town. This was his commitment call. Funny how disparaging she looked on it now. She accepted the call, while wondering if he was going to say he was in town or lie.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hello, Andrew.” She tried to sound neutral, but she wasn’t calling him an endearment.
“It’s good to hear your voice, Liv. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow night.”
That lie smacked Liv right in the chest and she struggled not to start crying. My god where was he? With another woman? He couldn’t have gone back to Houston by now. “I ... uh, yes I can’t wait either.” Her voice sounded raspy to her, she just hoped the cell covered it.
“You okay, hon, you sound upset.”
Liv looked up at the streetlight, then at the glare on the windshield of her SUV. She blinked rapidly, keeping her tears back. That bastard. “I’m getting tired of you not being home, Andrew.” It came to her to start laying the groundwork. “It’s like we’re barely married.” It was an old accusation, but now it hurt worse because she knew why.
“It’s not that bad. Don’t be overly dramatic, hon. You know I shrivel up in that small town. How about next time you come with me. We can make a mini-vacation of it.”
Liv squinted her eyes, trying not to get madder. “Maybe I should sell the rose farm and move to Houston with you. I don’t want to be responsible for holding you back.” She lobbed that bomb on him, holding her breath.
“Ah, hon ...” Because she knew. “Ah, well I couldn’t, ah, ask you to do that.”
She knew he wouldn’t do it, even for all he said he had to go to Houston. God, she’d been such an idiot thinking she was holding him back, making him live in their small town because of her work. When all the time he would have never accepted them moving to Houston together.
“I’m just really tired, Andrew.”
“Okay, hon, you go get some sleep.”
Liv sat there for a long while after speaking to Andrew. She hated wondering where he could be and who he was with.
“Why should I care,” she demanded, hitting the steering wheel. But it took a lot of effort for her to not call Axel to cancel, so she could go look for Andrew’s sports car, and find out where he was at.
She inhaled sharply, then she made herself let it out. “I already know he’s cheating and lying.” Resolutely she shifted out of park and forced herself to drive to Axel’s. She wanted to see Axel, but it gnawed on her as to where Andrew was.
She saw Axel’s car parked on the street, before she judged the right address, and then she pulled into the driveway. She appreciated the way Axel left her the driveway, and then for some stupid reason the tears she’d been fighting started trickling down her cheeks.
Hastily, she grabbed a tissue trying to stop the flow, but it didn’t work. Axel was a man treating her like a cherished woman, leaving her the driveway like he had. It was such a stark contrast from Andrew. She couldn’t remember the last time Andrew had held a door for her, brought her flowers, or even complimented her looks.
Before this, she’d noticed it but she thought it was just the comfortable settlings that marriages did. Somehow she’d fooled herself into thinking it was normal, even as she’d see other couples walking while holding hands and gazing at each other with pleasure. Tears felt hot on her cheeks, and she was glad Axel hadn’t noticed she’d arrived and come outside to see why she hadn’t come in yet. It took her several more minutes to dry her tears and check her mascara in the visor mirror.
Nothing was going to help her red eyes and she was afraid Axel would guess right away she’d been crying. She grabbed the pizza and salad, nearly defiantly. There would be red eyes because they both had broken hearts.
When she reached the door, she hesitated. The cold darkness of her grandmother’s house, the only other place she had to go, raised her hand to knock. The minute she saw Axel, she wondered why she ever hesitated. Just looking into his concerned brown eyes made her feel better.
“Liv, I can tell you’ve been talking to him.” She nodded as he continued to open the screen door, then he grasped her elbow to guide her inside. “Before that,” he said with a deep voice close to her ear. “I’m very glad you came here, to be with me.”
The tragedy she’d been feeling started to slightly warm and melt away. She knew it would never leave her fully but she hoped perhaps someday it would become a distant hurt that she never dwelt on any longer. They stood in the entryway as she looked up at him.
“I’m glad I came too.” She felt the immediate thrill of being close to him that she felt each time she was. It soothed her injured feelings to have his attention.
“I haven’t call Kiki yet,” he admitted as he guided her into the small kitchen where they set the pizza, salad, and soda on the counter. She appreciated the warmth and electricity but more the bottle of wine with two glasses sitting ready. The crazy desire to grab the bottle and just start guzzling it made her turn away from the bitter temptation.
“What
are you going to say to her?” Liv asked about his confession.
She wanted to smooth the worry lines between his black eyebrows and massage the tension out of his broad shoulders. She couldn’t imagine being alone with this anguish; the death of two marriages.
“I don’t usually stay out all night,” he muttered. Liv nodded, she thought most husbands didn’t. “But I don’t want to get into it now, before we have photos or video proof.”
Liv set her purse on the counter and touched Axel’s arm, which felt rock-solid through his shirt. She’d heard him say this before as if Kiki would manipulate him without concrete proof. “How about a friend in need?” she suggested. “Like Jax, you could say he is, um ...” she paused, trying to imagine a plausible lie.
“I could tell her he’s gone Elvis — that is if she didn’t go back inside the store when we saw her.”
“Gone Elvis?” Liv asked.
“Sorry.” He shrugged with a tightening of his lips. “It’s a military saying for missing in action. But here in the states Vets use it to mean anywhere from deep post-traumatic to falling out of contact.”
The tinny sound of the opera song Ave Maria interrupted their scheming. It was probably the only opera song she could recognize. Liv watched Axel reach for his cell phone, while she smiled at his ring-tone choice. Then she instantly sobered at the emotion gathering in his brown eyes. It had to be Kiki. A second later, he sighed with his shoulders relaxing.
“Just a text,” he muttered.
Liv guessed he was relieved he didn’t have to talk to her in person. She watched his gaze scanning the message and his full lips firmed as though he grimaced.
“Shit,” he cursed, and his sharpness startled her. His gaze swung to hers and she saw the haunted quality. “Sorry,” he offered, for his cursing she imagined, and she wanted to yank the cell from his hand, to read the message. She had an awful intuition ...
