by Beth Reason
Chapter 20
The bright sun stabbed my eyes. Disoriented for a minute, I shifted and tried to cover them. Something was on my arm. I blinked away the sleep and was actually shocked to see Ashnahta on my lap. It took a minute for the memory of the night to come to me. We were in the dome, in the bright morning sun. I pulled a numbed hand out from under her and reached above me to fumble with the tint switch. The dome darkened and my eyes were no longer throbbing.
"That could make you blind," said Lynette's voice.
It made me jump. She was sitting in the bar of observation seats in the middle of the room, wearing a thick pair of sunglasses. I wondered how long she was had been there and felt my face get hot. I shifted to try and sit, trying not to wake Ashnahta. I shouldn't have worried. It would take an army to wake her when she is deep in sleep. I carefully rolled her in to a better position that allowed me to scoot up against the wall. "It's not nice to spy on people when they are sleeping."
She sniffed and stood, then took the seat nearest us. "You did not check into your ward last night. Christophe was in a funk trying to find you. I remembered she said she was coming here." She didn't sound angry. She just sounded tired. I guessed it had been a long night with Marlon. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I sure as hell wasn't going to try and make any excuses to her of all people.
"I was going to tell you about the ship when we got back," she blurted out. "That was always the plan. Get approval first, then go from there. It's not like...it's not like I was trying to keep a secret or anything."
"But you did."
She sighed heavily. "No. I followed the plan. I followed my orders. Hell, if we didn't get that approval it wouldn't have happened at all."
"But you knew about it. You knew, they knew. I was the only one that didn't."
"Would it have changed anything?"
I still don't know. "Yeah, maybe. Maybe it would. You aren't supposed to keep secrets like that."
She gave a laugh, but there was no humor in it. "Seriously? You're taking that line with me? I'm sorry, but who was it you went to for help? Hm?"
Here we went again. "I've already explained."
"Yeah, and that's the problem, isn't it? I didn't like your explanation the first time!" She ran a hand through her hair. "I'm not going to argue," she said with more calm. "If you hadn't rushed back here, if things followed the course they were supposed to follow, we'd be on our way back here right now and starting your training for the mission with me. You can't blame me because you threw it all out of whack."
Her words were slow to sink in, but as she sat and stared at me, they finally hit home. I felt completely blindsided. I'm afraid I didn't do a good job of hiding my horror.
"Gee, thanks, Jake," she said flatly. "I'm so glad to see I make your skin crawl."
"No!" I said quickly. "No, it's just...I mean..." I would have given anything to be able to pause the conversation long enough to get some advice from Ralph. "Look, Lynette. You're great. Really..."
She gave a wry smile at my discomfort and held up her hand to stop me. "It's okay. I get it. I'm a friend, and only a friend. I get it now."
I hurt her. I felt like an ass. But it was the truth and I wouldn't say anything to make her feel otherwise. "I'm sorry," I said lamely.
"No, you're not. And you shouldn't be. I told them from the start it was a bad idea." She stood quickly. "Anyway, I just wanted to find you and make sure you were okay. I'll let Christophe know he can call off the dogs." She was speaking very quickly and not looking at me. I had the feeling she was going to cry. She stopped at the door and stood for a minute. "If she hadn't come, would you have said yes?" She asked it so quietly I almost didn't hear her.
Now how could I possibly answer something like that? Hm? The answer was a flat out no. I didn't have to look very deep to know that. Yes, I had held her hand a few times. I felt closer to her than the others I'd met since arriving in Utopia. Maybe if we only stayed on Utopia, if I hadn't gone to Earth and been with her and around her there it would be different. The plain truth was that early on in that trip, it became clear that she and I were not a match.
But how could I say that and not be offensive? How could I say that while I'd never considered the possibility before, I knew without a doubt I would have rejected her in any scenario? I freely admit that I am an ass sometimes, but usually not when I can help it. I suppose in some ways my silence was worse than the answers I could have given.
"I didn't think so," she said sadly. Then she left.
"Aw hell," I said out loud. I sighed heavily and rolled Ashnahta off my lap. I stood and stretched out the stiff muscles, then bent and tried to wake her. After a few attempts, I said, "Screw it." I picked her up. I was right. She was so very light that even tired muscles easily carried the weight. It was day. The path from the observatory to our private ward would be filled with curious onlookers.
"Screw that, too," I said. I waved my pass over the lock and the door opened. Screw it all. What did it really matter anyway? So Utopia knew their goal was a success. There were far worse things that could have happened. Let them know about her. Let them know someone so brave existed, that she turned her back on her entire people to protect them. Let them know she was real.
I ignored those I passed. Because it was Reginald's suite, there were only a few of them, and most of them were bots that would not notice the difference in race anyway. But one or two seemed real, and seemed very surprised indeed. I couldn't help the smile. I got onto the elevator and hit the button for my floor, happily wondering about the tongues that would wag.
Christophe was already waiting for me in my ward. I walked right past him and tucked Ashnahta into her bed. I passed him again and went for the coffee, closing Ashnahta's door so we didn't bother her. I got a coffee and sat. I took a sip and then finally addressed Christophe. "We were in the private observatory."
"Did anyone see you on your way back."
"Probably."
He sighed and then sat. "Jacob, one of these days you will think about your actions."
"I always think about my actions."
"So you know the potential consequences, yet you plow ahead anyway? Is it any wonder you have no ship of your own?"
Point taken. I fiddled with my coffee cup. Christophe looked at me for awhile longer before he spoke.
"I believe you had a long overdue discussion with Ashnahta." It occurred to me then that he was the only other human to pronounce her name correctly. I don't know why I thought of it just then, why it mattered. Not even Mother had pronounced it properly. It stuck out then, and even now when I think about it. It's silly how sometimes the very small details mean the most.
"I did."
"Are you angry?"
With her. He didn't have to say that. That's what he meant. "No."
He sat back. "I don't understand you, Jacob."
I gave a snort of laughter. "Get in line."
"You were Reginald's selection for Lynette, you know." I felt my face get hot. "He believed it was a brilliant plan. I did not agree with him." That surprised me. "Neither did Ralph. Neither of us believed the match to be a good one. For different reasons, of course."
Curiosity got the better of me. "Different reasons?"
"Yes. Ralph believed you were too serious minded for someone like Lynette." It was a fair assessment. "And I knew you never really belonged to us to give away in the first place."
What can you say to a statement like that? I sat and watched the coffee slosh in the cup as I moved it in little circles. I don't know if it was the statement that got me, or who said it. "I'm not getting a ship, am I?" I said after a long silence.
"Not a Condor X. No. They have been assigned to people more...hm. Shall we just say more suited the mission goals and leave it at that?" People who would do exactly what StarTech wanted, and nothing more. People who wouldn't mind being breeders for science. People who would look for life elsewhere for the sole purpose of teaching it about humanity,
about Earth, about the wonders of our people. I was not one of those people.
"Have you heard of the Cogen project?" I looked up. There was a twinkle in his eye.
"No."
"Cogen is a planet on one of the outer arms of the Milky Way galaxy."
Something clicked. "Is that the one Reginald was talking about?"
"Yes." He took his holo off his belt and tapped the keys, then my own beeped. "I've got a busy schedule today. And I imagine some damage control on top of it all." He raised his eyebrow at me.
"It was just one or two people that saw us," I said guiltily.
"And a friend tells two friends, and they tell two friends..." He saw my confusion. "Oh, never mind." He pointed to my holo. "School for you today, young man. I am sending a HuTA to you promptly. Upload that program and then you and Ashnahta both will study that information. I will meet with you this evening to give you a test."
It was the oddest conversation I'd had with Christophe. He left and I got up shaking my head. I took a shower and changed, then decided lazy bones needed to be up. I woke her and for a fraction of a second I could feel her humiliation at last night. I took her hand and kissed it, shocking the embarrassment right out of her.
Why did you do that?
I just smiled. "It seems that we have school today. Time to get up and have breakfast."
Jake. Do not ever do that again.
She did not mean that at all. I could feel it, and that made my stomach do a little flop. I gave her hand another squeeze and let it go. I didn't miss the small smile as she turned to go get washed up and dressed.
We were just finishing breakfast when the HuTA entered. He was even more life-like than the ones at the school on Earth had been. He smiled. He blinked. He gave the appearance of breathing. He was even warm when we shook hands and if I didn't have to dock my holo in the port built into his back, I could have been fooled. It creeped me out even more than the Bradley bot.
"Excellent, young master Cosworth and young mistress Ashnahta."
"Call me Jake."
"Jake! Excellent! I am sure we will be great friends!"
No. No we would not.
"Please sit while I instruct. There is much to learn on this lesson of Cogen. Shall we begin?"
Like Reginald had said, Cogen is a small earth-like planet on the outer arm of the galaxy. Though the lesson went on all day, with only a brief pause for lunch, the basics were very simple. StarTech had spent a couple decades in deep communications. The planet was lush and blue, with more water than Earth and Laak'sa. The relative humidity was slightly higher, the temperature also slightly higher, but the oxygen content and gravity were a close match. Basically, all environmental information proved the viability of human inhabitation.
The problem of the expansion of the local population was still a mystery to those who had been studying it. The dominant people, who called themselves Cognates, were centuries behind us in technology across the board, including the field of medicine. While they were to the point of understanding germs and other microscopic threats, they were not yet knowledgeable on treating and preventing infections from the various diseases that seemed to thrive.
A team of scientists, much like the ones I held so dear to my life, was dispatched. They arrived just the year before and already their information lead to many possible improvements humanity could offer the Cognates. The main problem with that, it seemed, was a moral one. Our HuTA put a lot of emphasis on the morality of interfering with another civilization, as the members of Condor One had. It was a familiar argument, and I could already argue either side. I almost told him to skip it, but Ashnahta was completely rapt.
"Is it not prudent to provide the most possible help?" The HuTA answered in her native Qitani and she was happy. "I like this teaching machine very much."
"Why thank you, mistress Ashnahta! And please, call me Jack."
Do not call him Jack, I told her. He is a machine.
She didn't listen to me. "Tell me why humans view this as a problem then, Jack."
I sighed. He launched into a very lengthy discussion with her about it. If she wasn't so excited, it would have been very boring. But she was, and it felt good to see her like that.
Christophe arrived in the evening. I was surprised to see that it was already dinner time. He had Ralph and Reginald with him, and a service bot pushing a big cart of food brought up the rear. He pulled the HuTA aside and spoke with him in the hall while the rest of us filled our plates and sat to eat.
Ralph gave me a quick nod towards Ashnahta when her back was turned, then a wink and a grin. I felt the heat of embarrassment burn up my cheeks. Ashnahta turned back around and looked at me, then to Ralph. She gave him an icy cold stare meant to put him in his place and I had to bite back a laugh. Then she came and sat right next to me, a clear message to anyone who understood the Qitani. He looked at her and he, too, was holding back a smile.
Reginald looked like he was waiting to talk. When Christophe finally came in the room, he gave a little nod and Reginald began. "This is a meeting. Eat while we talk, certainly. I find you are much easier to deal with over food." He was giving me a smile, so he meant it teasingly.
"What do you think of the interference of one race in the natural course of another?"
Christophe certainly wasted no time getting to the point of things, did he? I had my mouth full, but Ashnahta did not. She did not hesitate to jump in.
"On Laak'sa, such would be no question. It would be done. It is..." she searched my head. "Strange," she said. "The idea of caring when it should be simple to make things best."
"That's an unexpected answer," Christophe said. "I would not have thought there would be a desire to contribute to the betterment of another race in the Qitani way of life."
She had to search for his meaning quickly. "You understand little. Of course it would be done. How would the Qitani gain the knowledge of a dead tribe?"
"Ah," said Reginald grandly. "I get it. So all for the better of your own race, then. It's not really about the other people, is it?"
"It should not be."
"You're a people that have short life spans. I suppose that might be the natural way of thinking," said Christophe after mulling it over for a second. "And you, Ralph?" I was surprised he went to Ralph. Ralph was surprised, too, and hastily gulped the mouthful of food.
"I say we can't interfere. It's not our place."
"Let nature take it's course, then," said Reginald, nodding. "Granddad thought that way, too. Old school."
"That's right, and nothing wrong with it," Ralph said a little defensively. "I won't mind admitting I was opposed to certain aspects of our mission. So?"
Reginald put his hands up. "Whoa, Captain. Just a friendly philosophy discussion." I didn't buy that for a minute.
"And you, Jake? Which side are you on?"
"Both."
"What kind of answer is that?" Reginald asked. "Can't play the politician on this one, kid. It's one of those black and white kind of questions."
I'd run up against that before, too. All the scientists used that same reasoning for whichever side of the debate they were on. "Why? Why does it have to be cut and dried?"
"Because that's the way it is. Either you interfere, or you don't. One or the other."
"But the reasoning behind that is flawed," I insisted. "The reasoning assumes that altering the course of a civilization is either a fault or a responsibility. It's not. It's just part of the process."
Ralph scoffed, but Christophe hushed him. "I want to hear this."
I suddenly felt put on the spot and a little hesitant. I'd never discussed it on the Condor because there...well there, it didn't matter. We'd already committed either horrific crimes, or acts of great heroism, depending on who you asked. I never got a chance to tell all of them they were wrong. It was neither. "It's evolution. Each species learns something from another. It's not some big, bad byproduct of technology. It's not even acts of kindness. It's just bori
ng old evolution.
"Evolution made us smart enough in the right ways to make deep space travel possible. Great! But evolution made the Qitani smart enough to figure out how to do that without the bulk and cost of mile wide ships, didn't they? Evolution made them smart enough to communicate at lightning speed without the hassle of having to actually speak and struggle to hear.
"So we went there and saw theirs, and showed them ours. How is that any different from a bird that watches a monkey use a stick to get ants and starts doing it for themselves? Should we tell the monkey he should not have eaten ants near the bird because it changed the course of the bird's life? Or give him a medal for just doing what a monkey will do?
"There is no guilt in being human. You tell me that over and over. Well, that means going out and exploring, doesn't it? That means taking humanity around. Not just some hidden part of humanity. All of it. And if that means we teach a population how to heal themselves in order to be allowed to learn the secrets they have figured out in exchange, then that is just evolution. Not good, not bad. Just evolution." I finished and looked around, waiting for someone to argue. I was ready. I'd been sitting on my view point for a lot of years in a small cabin filled with people who wouldn't listen to a kid. I was more than ready for their counter arguments.
But there were none. "Very good, Jacob," Christophe said with a nod. "An enlightening take on an old problem."
"Maybe you have a future in politics after all," Reginald said.
I looked to Ralph and almost dared him to say anything. "Hey, everyone's entitled to their opinion he said." He picked up his plate and began eating again, but he couldn't hide the smile in his eyes. He was proud of me.
"I'm very glad to hear you have given some thought to these problems that we face going forward," said Christophe. "Perhaps you paid closer attention to your education than you let on."
I had to give a smile back at him. "You can't grow up around nightly philosophical discussions between bitterly devout scientists and not see the need for compromise."
Ralph laughed out loud. "He's right. Some of them were pretty hell bent on their own ideas and wouldn't listen to anyone else." I gave him a look. "What?" he asked with mock innocence. "I have always looked at all sides of the issue." Yeah. Keep telling yourself that, Ralph.
"What did you think about Cogen?" Reginald was sitting back, his leg crossed over the other, and giving me that thinking look of his.
I shrugged. "Looks nice."
"Do you agree that the population problem is due to illness?"
"No. Maybe. I mean, I don't know. I can't agree. There's not enough information."
"We've sampled viruses..."
"Yes, that would maybe be harmful to us," I said cutting him off. "Us, not necessarily them. If there's been any full scale biomapping of the Congate population, the HuTA didn't cover that."
"What's your best guess on it, though? Surely you've formed an opinion."
"My opinion is that disease is just one possibility, but that doesn't mean there aren't others. What is their culture like? Are they really inhibited by their environmental woes, or is it some choice we haven't deduced? The HuTA said they mostly live on one continent, though the stats indicate all eleven should be inhabitable. Why do they avoid the others? Are they for outcasts? Forbidden? Or maybe they don't want to populate everywhere. Maybe they are happy with their society how and where it is. They are just hitting their beginnings with true technology. Maybe they don't even know how much of their planet there is." Ralph was looking at me funny. "What?"
"Your folks would be very proud right now, kid."
It stopped me and I felt a pang of pain. And then, Ashnahta's hand on my own. "Well. It's true," I said, trying to cover my emotions.
"Yes, it is at that, Jacob." Christophe looked to Reginald, who gave a small nod. Christophe nodded back. Something was about to happen. All of this had been a lead in. I gripped Ashnahta's hand, feeling her agreement.
"You have created quite a problem for us, Jake." It was not the time to interrupt, even to defend myself. Reginald obviously had one of his speeches prepared and I was wise enough to just sit and listen. "Just when we thought we had one problem around you solved, along comes another. And it's been mostly of your own design. Now we have the problem of what to do with you once again. I had honestly believed you would make an excellent counter for Lynette. She's very dear to us, you know." He sighed. "But I understand. If there's no spark, there's no spark."
I had to laugh. "You do know we are just kids, right?"
He shrugged. "Have you taken a look at yourself recently, Jacob? After all you've been through, can you really say that you are still a child?" I couldn't. If I was being honest, I absolutely could not. "Besides, in a deep space mission, does any of that matter? Relatively, even if you two traveled only a year by your calendar, how many years would it be to us? You'd have to be very young to embark on something like that with a reasonable expectation that by the time you're truly part of the unknown, you'd still be young enough to have children. I can't think in terms of now. I can't plan in terms of now." He glanced to Ashnahta. "And you can stop glaring at me like that, young lady. Facts are facts. You've won. Save your daggers for real enemies."
She was simultaneously outraged at his insolence and amused at his daring. I could feel it in her. She gave him a small nod of concession. He went up a notch in her book.
"Anyway, like I was saying, while I'm glad we figured it out before we locked the two of you in a tin can a billion miles away, it once again presents us with the problem of what to do with you. I can't send you back to Earth." He held a hand up when I opened my mouth. "You were miserable. I get it. I've had it beaten into my thick skull by a dozen people for months." He gave a rueful smile. "I'm thick, but I pick up eventually. I don't want you to be miserable. Honestly I don't, Jake. I can't pretend to understand you, or your life, or how you think." He laughed. "Hell, I'd be hard pressed to guess what color you even like."
"Anything but yellow," I said, glancing to the horrible Jillian suit I was still supposed to wear.
He laughed loudly at that. "You see? My very point! I have tried and tried and I cannot understand you. It's a fantastic talent you have. It always has people on edge and always guessing wrong. So, I have decided that we are done guessing. You have few options, I must admit. But the choice of action will be completely yours."
I shot a look to Ralph who nodded his consent.
"The first option is for you to stay here, on Utopia. There are any number of positions you could step in to today. You'd have top clearance, of course, and access to whatever you'd like. You'd be an employee and pull a salary, but your free time would be that. Free. Well, as much freedom as life inside an eleven square mile bubble can offer. You could even go to Earth if you so chose, as long as you followed the employment contract rules and regulations."
It was a very fair offer. More than fair, actually. Probably more than I really deserved. And it wouldn't be a bad life, would it? I could come and go as I pleased. I would be doing a job that truly contributed to the advancements. I'd have a nice place to live and good food and... "What's another option?"
Reginald gave a laugh. "You were right again, Chris." He sighed. "Too bad. I believe you would make an excellent team member. The second option is probably even worse to you. You could remain on Utopia as a guest. You'd have a large suite, a staff, freedom to go to most places. You'd be allowed to book passage to Earth or Luna, of course, and you would be under no contractual obligations."
"If I act out it's only on me, eh?"
"And StarTech will not even acknowledge that you exist should you get busted," Reginald confirmed. "We can't risk ourselves on a loose cannon. If you are our guest, and you break the basic onus of common hospitality, we'll wash our hands of you and deposit you on Earth or Luna, your choice. If you plan on acting up."
I had to bite back a smile on that. They knew I would. They knew I'd shoot my mouth off or do the wro
ng thing at the wrong time. I bet that employment contract they talked about was filled with rules and clauses for every situation. It would be worse to be merely a guest, to have it hanging over my head that any number of things could happen and I'd unknowingly break a trust I don't understand. "Is that my only choice, then?"
"No. The third option is to break free from StarTech. To use our network and your own money to obtain a ship and crew and strike out on your own."
I studied him carefully for any signs of a joke. There were none. He was dead serious. "But the governments..."
"The rules apply to StarTech, Jake. If you are a rogue entity..." he spread his hands apart and shrugged, letting the rest hang in the air.
I was gripped with a sudden excitement.
"You have to think long and hard, kiddo," said Ralph. "You do this, there probably really is no coming back."
I turned to him. "Would you come with me?"
"No."
It wasn't a betrayal. There was no anger, no sadness in his voice. He wouldn't hold it against me if I left, and he knew I wouldn't hold it against him if he stayed. "I'd be going to Cogen, wouldn't I?"
Reginald shrugged. "That's up to you. If it was my money, I'd take the beautiful sure bet. Worst case is that you resupply and move on. Or maybe, since we're sending out a hundred or so of the new Condor X series explorers, maybe you'll just happen upon some info from them and change course. Who knows what the future would bring?"
"But I wouldn't be working for StarTech."
"Not for us, no." He gave me a look. "I do not believe a certain Alistair works for StarTech, either. That doesn't mean he doesn't sometimes find himself the recipient of a little gift from us. You do not have to work for us to work with us. We are one company to represent an entire race, a whole tribe as you say. Why is there not room for more than one?"
I sat back. It was almost overwhelming. I turned to Ralph...my friend, my uncle, my...almost my father. "I thought you wanted to go back up there. I thought you wanted to explore Cogen."
He laughed. "I though so too, kid. I really did. But goddamned if it didn't feel good to be back home. There's something about having a home world. Being on a home world." He nodded to Ashnahta. "Ask her. Feel it in her. There's a longing that you can't explain. Maybe you go to Cogen. Maybe you step foot on it and breathe the air and it speaks to you. And maybe it doesn't, so you go on. You have a home world, Jake. In a universe as wide and vast as this one is, you've got a place out there somewhere. You'll never find it sitting around here gathering dust."
I felt like crying and laughing all at once.
"I take it by your reaction that the third option is to your liking," Christophe said.
"What about everyone? What about...how would I..." I ran a shaking hand through my hair. "I don't even know where to start!"
Christophe gave a chuckle. "Then it's a good thing indeed that you happen to be surrounded by people who do."
"Are you sure, Jake?" asked Reginald. "It's a huge responsibility. You'll be responsible for lives."
Just like Mother. Just like Dad. "I think...no...I know I could handle that part."
"You'll be stuck in a can again. You missed your family, and that makes you gloss over some things. Remember how bad it got sometimes when the jumps had everyone on edge and ready to tear each others' throats out?" Ralph was trying to make sure I really remembered what it was really like.
I had to smile. "Yes. And I remember how awful it is to clean the filters and what a chore it is to constantly reprogram the life support and how terrifying it feels when a main thruster goes on the fritz and sends us into circles. I remember it all. It's the only place I am comfortable. It's my life. It's what I know."
"And are you sure it's what you both want?" He tipped his head toward Ashnahta.
I turned to her. She was looking at me with those huge blue eyes and waiting for my answer.
Should we go live on the rocks then? I silently asked.
Until we find something we like better.
It's very boring traveling that far.
Then we should take some entertainment.
And it gets old eating the same food over and over and over. I was trying to make sure she understood what she was signing up for.
I do not really like your human food anyway, so it does not matter.
There will probably be people you dislike all around us.
There are now.
And you will not be able to challenge any of them.
Have I challenged anyone here?
And you may even be forced to like them.
That will never happen.
Are you sure you want to do this?
"Jacob?" asked Christophe. "Is that what you want?"
Answer your primary, Jake.
I squeezed her hand quickly and had to smile. "Yes," I said firmly.
So just like that, my life changed once again. And I when Ashnahta and I entered our own ship three months later to embark on our new, grand adventure, I knew exactly how I felt about it.
It was fantastic.
About the author:
Beth Reason was lucky enough to be born into a weird household. Now that she's a mother, she does her best to teach that life to the next generation. She has lots of hobbies because she's horribly annoying to be around when she's bored, and her goal in life is to know everything.
Seriously.
Everything.
When not writing or making something or wrangling kids or her husband, she can usually be found online, trolling the internet for insight to all the wonderfully odd personalities in the world. She can be found on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/authorbeth.reason
She also welcomes emails at: [email protected]
