“I took it to the cleaners I just haven’t picked it up yet,” I reply, cheerfully. “I’ll pick it up after school tomorrow.”
“Great! And Jamie I hope you have an old Halloween costume lying around. This party is going to be off the hook! Or whatever it is you kids say these days.” says dad as he pulls the door shut and heads back downstairs where he and mom are watching some black and white movie from the 1930s. Snore! My father is a nerd even when he is trying to be cool.
Jamie gives me this sour look. He clearly doesn’t want to go but I figure that once he finds out how important it is to my parents, and to me, he’ll be on board.
“Okay, I know that you would probably rather gouge out your eyes than dress-up in a costume but these parties can be a lot of fun and by the end of the night you won’t even remember you’re wearing a ridiculous outfit” I promise.
“I am just not the costume kind of guy,” Jamie replies calmly.
“It’s just one night and I’ll even help you pick out the costume. I know this awesome shop in town that sells some really cool ones,” I negotiate in my best I-should-be-a-lawyer voice.
Jamie is sitting on the edge of the bed with his legs dangling off the side. He folds his arms across his chest and sighs. “I’m sorry babe, I’m just not into the whole Halloween thing.”
“But it’s for my parents and it's only one night,” I whine. “It is really not that big of a deal.
“It’s not just for your parents it's for the entire employee roster,” Jamie snaps. “And it’s not just a costume, April. I am being told to look like an idiot.” I never expected him to be this upset about wearing a costume. I don’t know why he is getting agitated with me; it isn’t like he asked me to go to an important party for his parents and I basically said no. It shouldn’t, but it feels like a slap in the face. I also feel like he is disrespecting my parents.
“Oh don’t be ridiculous” I bark. “It's just one night Jamie. Haven’t you ever gone Trick or Treating or dressed up for Halloween?”
“No as a matter of fact, I never have and never will!”
“But I really want you to come and it would mean a lot to my parents too!” I yell.
Jamie launches off the bed. His lips flatten as he reaches for my hand. “What’s the big deal, April? If you’re only going for an hour you don’t really need me there. Why not go with your parents and call me when you get home and we can see a movie or something.”
I jerk my hands out of his and fold them across my chest. I want him to know that I’m angry and the whole concept of we’ll-make-plans-after response is unacceptable. “You have to pick your battles,” my mother’s words of advice flop around in my head as I try to figure out what to say. Is this a battle I really want to continue? Is it worth arguing over or should I let it go? What would really change if he didn’t come with me to the party? But I’ve already decided how I am going to handle it with the absolute worst thing I could say.
“Why don’t you want to go, Jamie? Do you not like my parents?” I shout. “Because they love you.”
“Geez, April,” Jamie says heading for the door. “Do you really think I’m that much of a jerk? I just don’t want to go. I won’t do it! And I don’t want to be questioned about it.”
Okay this is where my brain would typically give into my heart but I’m expecting my period any day so calm and reason isn’t exactly my strength right now.
“God, Jamie, it’s just a freaking party. If you really love me you’ll go.”
Well that should do it! I have blackmailed him with, “if you really love me,” and I can’t take it back. I’ve taken the argument too far and the only way to move on now is to give him time to cool down. He is pissed and he has every right to be. It is a stupid costume, it’s supposed to be fun, but if he doesn’t want to be forced to wear one then I shouldn’t force him to. I know it’s not going to do anything but I have to at least try the apology tour.
“Sorry Jamie, I shouldn’t have said that,” I rush to him before he gets another foot out the door. I pull on his arm but he won’t budge so I stand at his side. “I don’t know what is wrong with me today. If you don’t want to go its fine we can grab a movie or something when I get back, okay?”
Of course it’s not okay. I freaked out on him over a stupid outfit. I don’t want him to leave. People always say you shouldn’t leave angry. Or is it you shouldn’t go to bed angry? Whatever it is I don’t want to do it. I want to fix this and I want to fix it now.
“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you later,” Jamie says and slams the door shut.
-11-
“He’ll forgive you sweetie, they always do,” my mother says as she slides a brush through my hair. “He just needs time to cool off.”
"What if he doesn't?" I whisper, afraid my father will hear me.
I haven't told him about the fight. When Charlie and I used to fight I would tell my dad and he would always flip out and say things like, "I'll kick his scrawny little ass if he hurt you!” Or "Did he try something? Oh just tell me he tried something and I'll make sure he never gets near another girl again!" The truth is, my dad is not a violent man. I'm not sure he's ever been in a real fight before. He claims that when he was in high school he fought the school bully and won, but every time he tells that story mom always giggles. Still, I'd rather not put any negative thoughts in his head about Jamie so that when we reconcile they will still be buddies.
"He will," mom says as she slips on her felt mouse ears that she has worn every year even if she isn’t dressing up as a mouse, and pushes a stray piece of hair into a bobby pin. "Men are more sensitive than they would like you to think. Trust me I am sure he is having as hard of a time about this fight as you are."
"I'm not so sure," I choke back the lump building in my throat. “What if this is the end of Jamie and me? No one else is going to look at me the way Jamie does. He’s the only person in my life who looks at me and sees more than just a girl in a back brace.”
Mom enters the frame of the mirror and I can see both our reflections. I never realized how much we look alike. I guess this is what my future self will look like. It could be worse, right?
“Oh, April. No one looks at you and sees only a girl in a brace. They see you, the wonderful, bright, charming, writer that you are. Jamie is special but he isn’t the only one who knows how incredible you are,” mom insists. "Having your first fight with someone is tough but I promise you everything will work out. You'll see." Mom pats my shoulders and kisses the top of my head as she exits the mirror. "Now get dressed and make sure you wear your dancing shoes because this mama wants to cut a rug tonight!"
She waltzes out of the room with her imaginary partner and I muster a giggle. I'm still miserable but it is an important night for my parents so I have to go. Besides it gives me an excuse to wear my favorite Minnie Mouse costume. I’ve been wearing the brace for 23-hours a day for several months now so since tonight is a special occasion Dr. Meresh feels that I could leave my brace off for the party. It is a relief to not have the weight of the plastic and metal resting on me. The bars, although not directly on my shoulders, put a lot of pressure on the rest of the brace and I often feel sore right before bed, like I just went to the gym. I’ve got that whole sexy-mouse vibe going on tonight, although it would be a lot sexier with the glisten of the translucent stockings rather than the mournful vision of the black leggings. It is a shame that Jamie isn't here to see this. I have played the fight over in my head a hundred times and each time I do the more I realize how selfish and stupid I was being. I wish I could hit rewind and be meeting up with him after the party. Instead I am going solo and coming home to an empty room.
The Anchor looks magical tonight. White twinkling lights are strung up along the main business and ocean-view walkways leading to each of the guest rooms. It looks like a Christmas paradise even though it's a Halloween-themed event.
“Still no word?” my mother asks quietly as we approach the twinkling restaurant.
I can hear music blasting from inside and see faint shadows as partygoers mingle inside. Skull shaped lights wrap around a velvet rope that separates the outer patio from the restaurant. I feel like I'm entering the set of a Tim Burton movie, which centers around a bald giant. Every time The Anchor holds these appreciation parties they hire a bouncer (for lack of a better word). It is a special event for the employees and their families, not for resort guests.
“Anna and Jason Marks and our daughter, April,” my father says to the burly man with a naked scalp and metal hoop running through his lip.
“Go ahead,” the pierced bouncer says nodding toward the door and giving me a once over.
It is strange having a grown man look at me like that. Amber would have loved it. She enjoys being gawked at by any human being with a penis. I however only want Jamie's eyes on me.
The party is exactly as I expect it to be. There is a chef’s table in the rear of the restaurant with a bevy of food items bathing in hot water inside chafing dishes. The bar back is decorated with spider webs, pumpkins and black cat cutouts. The bar houses the finest wines and top shelf alcohol; everything’s the same as it was for the last party the Anchor had here. Princesses, Ninjas, Cats and a few Captain Jack Sparrows stroll about, taking it all in, some of them cradling their drinks like they’re made of gold. Like mom and me everyone has recycled their costumes from last year’s party.
“Anna! Jason!” A middle-aged Cinderella shouts as she and her Prince cross the sea of people. “Don’t you two look wonderful?”
“Well if it isn’t Cinderella Kaitlyn and her Prince Asher,” my mother says giving Amber’s parents a hug. “I see you, like everyone else, went with last year’s costume.”
“It’s a tradition,” Asher says shaking my father’s hand. “And April, you are by far the prettiest mouse I have ever seen.” He says this every year.
“Hi Mr. Hill,” I reply. “Was Amber upset she couldn’t come...again?”
Every year Amber begs her parents to bring her along so she and I can spend the night making fun of their co-workers and every year they deny her request. “No guests allowed remember?” Mrs. Hill always says, and of course Amber will whine about how her best friend is there and she should be with me. These parties would be a lot more fun if Amber were here. I didn’t tell her that I invited Jamie to come with me tonight. She would be pissed that I didn’t ask her first.
“Oh you know Amber and parties,” Mrs. Hill chuckles. “If that girl could live her life in one extended party she would.”
“So, Asher, did you see that piece on the news last night about the economic status of the working class? It looks things are finally starting to improve now that…” dad’s voice trails off as I detach from the conversation.
“April, why don’t you go get yourself something to eat? We’ll join you shortly,” mom says. That’s my queue and I don’t need a second invite to eat.
Lobster Alfredo, Chicken Parmigiana, Filet Mignon, Garlic & Herb Linguine and the choice of a garden salad or classic Caesar! “Lobster and Chicken, and both salads, let’s go for it!” I cry. I may be a small girl but I can pack the food away. I lay on a few spoonfuls of the linguine.” I would love to try a piece of the filet but my plate is so heavy I am going to have to sit down.” I say to myself.
Making my way over to one of the only tables still available I notice the ice cream sundae bar. “Oh my god, every topping in the world…and vats of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry!” I already know the sundae I am going to be making for myself: Vanilla topped with some of the maraschino cherries, hot fudge and M&M's, a concoction that can only be completed by whipped cream.
I love coming to these parties but I really wish they would pick better music. Would it kill them to play something current? These one note tunes drive me insane The DJ is an elderly man with a neon orange button down, black slacks and a green fedora. Considering he looks like he is stuck in the 80s I doubt he will have any Backstreet Boys songs in his collection. “Do you take any requests?” I ask him. Maybe I’ll get lucky. And I do! You know how in the movies the crowd seems to disappear right before the hero or heroine is about to see something spectacular? Well, before the DJ can answer me I see standing against the bar, in glistening black and white perfection, is Jamie!
As he catches my eye I smile and signal for him to join me at the table. With a gleeful leap he strolls toward me looking like James Bond. Actually that’s his outfit! I shift up in my seat, adjust the headband ears and throw my fork crashing onto the plate. My heart is fluttering and I swear I am going to pass out and I am very aware of the fact that I might have food stuck in my teeth.
“Excuse me Miss, I don’t mean to disrupt your dinner but I was just over by the bar and couldn’t help but notice that you’re alone tonight,” Jamie says placing his drink on the table. He’s stammering which means he’s nervous too. I’m glad I’m not the only one. “I had to know why on earth a beautiful mouse like yourself is alone at a party as spectacular as this.”
I have two choices, I can either allow my pride to get the best of me or I can do what I have been dying to do since he stormed out the night of our fight.
“Well, I had a date but he got so wasted on catnip that the bouncer had to haul him out of here” I reply.
I’ve never been very good with sarcasm or flirting for that matter. But no matter what I say it is going to come out sounding really stupid.
“Well my gain then,” Jamie says sliding into the seat across from me.
It’s obvious that neither one of us wants to bring up that awful night. It was our first fight and we had promised one another that we’d never fight over stupid things but that was exactly what we did. I’ve never had a serious relationship before and any time Charlie and I fought the fights always dwindled away like receding water after a rain shower.
“So, no brace tonight?” Jamie asks, taking a sip of his drink.
“Nope!” I cheer. “It’s a special occasion so my parents said I could leave it off. I look so much nicer without it right?” I slide off the chair and do a little spin so Jamie can see the entire outfit.
“You always look beautiful, April, brace or no brace.”
Sitting back down, unsure as to where I am going or why I am speaking, I say, “Jamie, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to force you to come to this.”
“Stop,” Jamie says placing his hand on mine. “You have nothing to apologize for. I was the idiot. I should have put my own stubbornness aside in the first place,” he rubs my cheek with the back of his hand, which is wet from sweat. “I don’t know what came over me the other night either. It doesn’t make sense, I know and it didn’t take me long to realize how idiotic I was being so I ran out, rented a tux, and decided that instead of calling you I would show up all James Bond style.”
“Well if you ask me, James Bond has nothing on you.”
Jamie grabs my arm and slides me off the chair so quickly I nearly fall. It’s strange but I feel closer to him than I ever have and I can’t help but wonder if perhaps the make ups after fights will always feel this special.
“I love you, April.” He presses his cheek against mine so his lips are just barely touching my ears. I feel a shiver and the warmth of his breath against my skin.
“You know how I feel, Jamie.” I reply and pull him in and allow the music to carry us away.
-12-
The party was still going strong and my parents were onto their third cocktail when Jamie and I skipped out early; and since the Hills offered to drive my parents’ home I am not in charge of carrying them to their bed.
The house is eerily quiet as we enter the foyer. My parents left the living room and kitchen lights on at the house so it’s bright enough for us not to trip and fall on any wayward furniture but somehow it still doesn’t seem bright enough. I flip the light on in the hallway and stand in the archway of the living room.
“You really do look beautiful tonight,” Jamie stammers as he
strides towards me.
My knees are shaking and my heart is banging against my chest so loudly I swear my neighbors can hear it. My Jamie Bond smiles at me and I swear, he knows what I’m thinking. This is the first time that he and I have ever truly been alone.
“Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself,” I stammer. “Jamie, thank you again for coming tonight. I know it wasn’t where you really wanted to be but I appreciate you being there anyway.”
Jamie wraps his arms around my waist and my body comes alive as the warmth of his hands meets my clammy skin. I almost forgot that waiting for me upstairs is the plastic and metal cage that, after tonight, I’ll once again return to.
“I would do anything for you or don’t you know that by now?”
“I love you Jamie,” I whisper.
Jamie smiles and plants a kiss lightly on my cheek and moves to my forehead and down to my neck. His hands begin to make their way from my waist to my neck and then twist around in my hair. My lungs fill up with air almost as quickly as they release it, which is making it really hard to breathe. I curl my fingers through Jamie’s hair as his lips part mine. Pins and needles attack my legs and work their way up, moving slowly but increasing every second. I close my eyes and fall into his kiss as he presses his body harder against mine. Is this really happening? Are we about to do what I’ve been thinking about doing with him from the moment we met?
“Jamie,” I say, in between kisses. “Stop.”
He pulls back slowly and leans out so he’s far enough from my face to allow me to speak without spitting all over him. But his arms remain hard pressed around my back.
“Are you okay?” his voice trembles and his hands fall from me. “Am I moving too fast? Shit, I am aren’t I? I swore I’d never be that guy. He slumps against the wall and punches his hands together. It’s not funny but a giggle rises from the pit of my stomach. Our roles, for the first time since we started going out, have changed. Tonight, Jamie is the self-conscious one who has the irrational freak-out and I am the one in charge of reassuring him that everything is going to be okay.
The Tragedy of Loving Jamie Clarke Page 7
