by Blythe Stone
I rolled my window down and waited until they were close enough to hear my voice.
“Miss Olivia!” Jacob beamed, handsome as ever.
“Oh please, take your time,” I teased. “Not like I have a tree to be leaning against.”
“I see she's crabby this morning,” Jacob blushed with the breeze. He put his hands on the window and stuck his head in to look around and focus his words at Avery.
“Hey, sorry,” Brian, sighed.
“I was kidding,” I smiled, noticing that addicting sincerity of his, his soft ways, the way his shirt stayed tucked in and his forearms were void of blemish or scar.
“I tried to tickle her this morning so she’s a little out of sorts,” Avery said.
“Tried?” Brian asked, looking to her and then back to me.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
“Come on guys. We have presents to buy and trees to liberate!” Avery urged.
“Oh!” Brian said, dazed. “I'll um, I'll just go get my car.”
“Suit yourself, I'm riding with them,” Jacob decided.
A strong urge to follow Brian on foot almost took hold of me. We'd had a lot of deep conversations at school. Late night kinds, the kinds that keep you from writing your papers and kissing your girlfriend goodnight.
The car jolted and bounced as Jacob moved into the back and settled in, no doubt intrusively. Truth was, his spirit was everything Avery needed today so I sat back and let them banter. Brian's slow pace in the rearview kept me distracted for a little while.
Jacob pulled his jacket off and laid it over his lap. His elbows rest on his knees and he stuck his head between us to move in and give Avery a kiss.
She laughed and put her arms over to hug his neck.
“So, glad you could join us for this very important outing,” Avery beamed.
“You’re welcome. I know you just needed me for my manly strength but it’s cool. I’ll forgive you if you buy me Starbucks,” he answered.
“Deal,” Avery said.
She turned around so she could see Jacob, twisting her body and moving our linked hands.
“And how are you fine ladies? I haven’t seen you since the week before finals,” he said.
Of course I was all stress and seriousness back then. Jacob had insisted on a non-stress dinner with a large amount of wine. We’d gotten into politics, a topic I can't stand when I'm too busy for excess rage. I’d snapped a little and excused myself often to sneak a few quiet breaths in the bathroom and by the bar.
“Better,” I said, looking over at him with a soft apologetic smile. I'd texted him after, apologizing, but of course certain outings could always manage to leave a smear.
“Well, that's good,” he smiled lovingly. “Though, you do know when you're angry I get all heated and hot.” No hard feelings and no regrets; that was wonderful Jacob in a beautiful nutshell. “Brian says I need to learn to read people. What's that straight fool know, anyway?”
I laughed, beside myself. Brian and Jacob always reminded me why it was nice to have friends.
“She is super hot when she's mad. I can attest,” Avery added.
“I swear on Gaga, I almost came. That cold stare she gave? Did you see my face?” Jacob reminisced and then chuckled. “Fuck. Remind me not to get on her bad side.”
He leaned back on the seat and I pushed the car into drive. Brian was ready to follow. He’d pulled up just behind and been waiting for me to escape. I slowly began to move our car out.
“Told you,” Avery said to me.
My wrist was on the wheel, stabilizing it, but I couldn't help clenching my fist and softly allowing it to loosen. A small visual outlet for my own temporary anger.
I sat my chair up straighter and concentrated more on the drive.
Jacob talked and asked questions.
Avery's hand found the top of my right thigh and slyly brushed itself inward sexily.
I breathed in the expensive scent of Jacobs cologne. Sandalwood and fresh flowers. Outside, the leaves rustled and the warm sun tried to cut through the nice breeze. My eyes slowly blinked and I realized I was truly stress-free for the first time in possibly months.
Chapter 3
Avery
We ended up going to every department store in the mall and I finally found something for Olivia's mom. It was still hard for me to call her Liz like she suggested because it felt disrespectful so I managed to get around it most of the time by calling her Mom 2.
So, I found this amazing scarf and sweater that Olivia said would be fine. I really liked the idea of giving her something warm and cozy.
That just left Nat. I couldn't find anything for her until we happened on this little perfume boutique that would mix custom scents for you.
“Babe, what are her favorites?”
I nudged Olivia and motioned toward the list.
“Umm.. I don't know,” she said, putting her phone down and acting all interested. She’d been texting people and mostly posting pictures on Instagram while we shopped. When I talked to her she'd perk up and go into wife mode. After about the tenth shop her enthusiasm decreased.
“I don’t want to get something she’s going to hate smelling so she puts the stuff in a drawer somewhere and never takes it out,” I explained.
I reached over and put my arm around her waist and pulled her into my side, kissing her temple and taking in Olivia scent. It inspired me.
I leaned over and marked a few things on the little order sheet that the lady at the counter had given me.
Rosewater because it reminded me of our body wash, Ylang-ylang because I knew we had some shampoo with that in it, and pink peppercorn because it reminded me of Natalie. She was so beautiful and so spicy when she had reason to be.
“There done,” I said.
I looked over proudly, holding out the form so Olivia could see.
“Mm, that's nice,” she smiled, biting her bottom lip and staring up at me candidly. She brushed my hair from my face and spoke to me softly using only her eyes.
Sometimes, the way she stared, I just knew she wanted me to make love to her for hours and days.
I leaned closer and pressed a short kiss to her lips before letting go of her and walking up to the woman at the other end of the counter. I handed her the sheet and waited while she did her magic in the back. When she came back I paid for the perfume and took the bag she gave.
I opened it for Olivia to see. “Check it out, she put it in a little gift box.” It was deep green with sparkles and had a red, satin ribbon tied around it with a bow on top.
“It’s perfect,” I said.
“She'll love it,” Olivia affirmed. “It could only be better if you bottled yourself.”
Brian and Jacob were waiting for us down by the food court so we could eat before we went tree shopping.
“You ready? I’m craving Thai,” I said.
“That actually sounds really good,” she said.
“Excellent, let’s go find the boys,” I said.
We walked down to the other end of the mall near where we had parked and found Brian and Jacob discussing something outside of Pac Sun.
“I think it makes me look fabulous,” Jake was saying.
“You can’t wear that to my house on Christmas,” Brian scolded.
“Girls!” Jacob bounded over to us and took Olivia with one arm and me with the other. “Come look at this shirt and tell Brian to calm down.”
He took us over to where they had been standing and showed us a mannequin wearing a pink button down with a sort of subtle rainbow plaid running across it.
“Wouldn’t that look great on me?” He asked.
I snorted and looked up at him. He had to be messing with Brian, making him think that he would wear that anywhere let alone to Brian’s house.
“Uh, Olivia, why don’t you take this one,” I said, giggling.
“Oh, I don't know,” Olivia said. “It's a little too subtle,” she mused, suspiciously.
; “You are no help,” Jacob moaned.
“Guys, why don’t we just forget this ugly business and go eat,” I said.
I was still laughing. Brian had to know Jacob wasn’t serious but maybe just the thought of it was terrifying enough to make him all serious. It had to be hard that neither of them were really out to their parents. Imagining hiding Olivia and how much I loved her from anyone hit me hard.
Jacob went back over to join Brian, bumping his shoulder and leading the way down to lunch.
“That would so suck,” I whispered to Olivia.
I took her hand and brought our entwined hands up to my abdomen like I could ward off the thought by touching her.
“If your parents hadn’t been supportive where the hell would we be?” I asked.
The thought shook me. Our relationship moved so fast it hadn’t been an option or an issue to stay in the closet. We had a lot of things going on during that time.
“We'd be together,” Olivia said solidly, possibly upset that I could even momentarily think otherwise. For a moment, she’d even stopped in her steps. But then she took her hand back and walked ahead of me, hugging her own midsection with both of her arms as she tried to recover on her own from my out-loud thoughts.
I trotted to catch up with her. This was turning into a day of things I wish I’d never said.
“Of course we’d be together,” I said.
We’d reached the seating area and Brian and Jacob had already rushed down to the sandwich place.
“You can sit down if you want. I’ll order for us and bring it over.”
I could probably order for her at any restaurant now. We were both fairly predictable in our routines. There was something to be said for being obsessed with your partner. Olivia and I were those kind of lovers who knew each other far too well to be mistaken for anything else.
Olivia looked to the table closest to us and moved to sit and just simmer.
The line was short at the Thai place so it didn't take long. I picked up our tray and walked to the table where Jacob and Brian had joined Olivia.
“What's wrong with you?” I heard Jacob ask her.
I put the tray in front of her and sat down, staring at my drink as I stuck the straw through the plastic lid.
“I'm not a huge mall fan,” Olivia said.
“Jacob, you can't just ask someone what's wrong with them. It's rude,” Brian said, smiling between us.
“Yeah, stop being rude and eat your sandwich,” I teased.
I reached under the table and touched Olivia’s thigh. Deep inside I always still had that flash of fear that she would shrink away if I’d upset her. It was never the case and it wouldn't be. I knew that but conditioning never really let go of your brain.
“You want some of my noodles?” I asked her.
She shook her head no.
“Olivia, did you do something new to your eyebrows?” Jacob asked.
“Why are you picking at her,” Brian noticed and looked to me.
“I'm not picking. She just looks good. Jeez,” Jake grumbled.
Olivia picked at her food but ate some, acting semi-normal, she kept to herself.
“You guys are adorable when you argue,” I teased.
I started rubbing circles on Olivia's thigh and pushing my food around, feeling less like eating than before.
“We are always adorable,” Jake shot back.
“True,” I said.
We finished the meal in relative silence, my hand staying on Olivia until I had to get up and toss our trash.
We headed back out and hopped in the cars. I wished Jake would ride with Brian so I could talk to Olivia but he hopped in our car and I turned the radio on to keep him entertained.
We were serenaded all the way to the Christmas tree farm. I joined in for a few songs, trying to stay in the mood. We were singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas when we pulled into the parking lot.
Brian met us where the rows of cut trees started. There was an old man and a young guy, that shared his chiseled features, waiting to help.
We strolled through the rows of trees and I lifted a tall, full-fir to stand it up.
“How's this?” I asked the group.
“Spin ‘er,” Jake said, needing a back view. Brian and Olivia just looked at each other and smirked.
I rotated the tree but the branches kept hitting me so I stopped and tried to figure out how to manage the awkward movements.
I walked the tree around, which was more successful. Both my back and the back of the tree was facing them.
“Excellent backside,” Jake called out.
“Which one?” I asked.
I wiggled my hips a little and waited.
“Both,” Brian said.
I looked over to the old man and motioned to the tree.
“We’ll take it!”
Brian, Jake, and the younger guy, who turned out to be the other man's son, secured the tree to the top of the car and we drove off.
The whole way back I kept checking to make sure the tree was still on the car, which gave Jake plenty of laughs. By the time we were home he had given me the title: Fretting Tree Mother.
I was only slightly amused but they did carry the tree in the guest house by themselves and help us put it in the stand so I couldn't be too upset with him.
They left an hour later after lots of hot chocolate and hugs. Olivia and I were alone again. I leaned against the kitchen counter, washing up our mugs, and thinking about the day.
Maybe Olivia needed some quiet time. That might get her more into the Christmas spirit. She probably just needed a recharge.
“Do you want to just order some pizza and stay in the rest of the day?” I asked.
Chapter 4
Olivia
I don't know what it is about the holidays but they always sort of afflict me with this melancholy.
When I was really young I remember sitting on the couch and playing with the wrapping on the corner of a present while my parents fussed and gathered, working to make everything perfect, doing this ritual and this dance that I didn't really get involved in or understand.
They tried to get me to like it and I tried to feel these things people feel.
Mostly, Holidays make me feel fruitful and grateful. I have things.
I have a big house. I have parents. I have more food than one family could possibly need. Now I have Avery, even more, see? A partner for life, a person who will always listen to me and show me such concentrated love.
The gratefulness sort of breaks me inside. Like I don't deserve it. Like I should know how to dance with people by now and not be sad at a time for happy things.
Did I want junk food and a whole night to just cuddle and relax? Of course I did. But I also wanted to understand why other people could find these holidays so engrossing without falling victim to the other side of it, like Ben in jail or the children who don’t have families.
I stared over at Avery, she was washing dishes and being quiet and sweet. The intense way she focused on a task when she had one, it tore me up sometimes. I stared at the side of her face and when she turned to look at me I looked down and swallowed my awkwardness away.
I looked up and she was back to her dishes, a light smirk painted her face. It was entirely possible she knew me inside.
“Will you just hold me a second?” I asked.
She put down the last mug in the middle of cleaning it and wiped her hands on the dish towel.
“Always,” she said. “Do you want to go lay down with me?”
“No,” I said, picking at the white between the tiles on the counter that was rough and jagged where it shouldn't be. It was the one mistake in probably the entire place. I always fiddled with it. “I just need a hug,” I explained.
If we laid down I wouldn't want to get up and I knew she was excited. I hated that I was ruining things by slowing them down or turning them solemn.
If we were just having a normal day I'd probably be happy. It was th
e whole Christmas thing…
She opened her arms and let me fall into her. My hands smoothed over body as I breathed her in.
“We should decorate tomorrow. It'll be more fun to do the tree when we haven't been running around all day,” she suggested.
“No, I want to do it tonight,” I whispered. Maybe if we did it all in one day I could feel accomplished and understand.
