by Neil Gaiman
Then she nodded to Shadow, and walked away, into the glass-dark water, and soon she and her son were gone beneath the surface of the loch.
“Fuck,” muttered Smith. Shadow didn’t say anything.
Smith fumbled in his pocket. He pulled out the pouch of tobacco, and rolled himself a cigarette. Then he lit it. “Right,” he said.
“Right?” said Shadow.
“We better get you cleaned up, and find you some clothes. You’ll catch your death, otherwise. You heard what she said.”
CHAPTER IX
They had the best room waiting for Shadow, that night, back at the hotel. And less than an hour after Shadow returned, Gordon on the front desk brought up a new backpack for him, a box of new clothes, even new boots. He asked no questions.
There was a large envelope on top of the pile of clothes.
Shadow ripped it open. It contained his passport, slightly scorched, his wallet, and money: several bundles of new fifty-pound notes, wrapped in rubber bands.
My God, how the money rolls in, he thought, without pleasure, and tried, without success, to remember where he had heard that song before.
He took a long bath, to soak away the pain. And then he slept.
In the morning he dressed, and walked up the lane next to the hotel that led up the hill and out of the village. There had been a cottage at the top of the hill, he was sure of it, with lavender in the garden, a stripped pine countertop, and a purple sofa, but no matter where he looked there was no cottage on the hill, nor any evidence that there ever had been anything there but grass and a hawthorn tree.
He called her name, but there was no reply, only the wind coming in off the sea, bringing with it the first promises of winter.
Still, she was waiting for him, when he got back to the hotel room. She was sitting on the bed, wearing her old brown coat, inspecting her fingernails. She did not look up when he unlocked the door and walked in.
“Hello, Jennie,” he said.
“Hello,” she said. Her voice was very quiet. “Thank you,” he said. “You saved my life.”
“You called,” she said dully. “I came.”
He said, “What’s wrong?”
She looked at him, then. “I could have been yours,” she said, and there were tears in her eyes. “I thought you would love me. Perhaps. One day.”
“Well,” he said, “Maybe we could find out. We could take a walk tomorrow together, maybe. Not a long one, I’m afraid, I’m a bit of a mess physically.”
She shook her head.
The strangest thing, Shadow thought, was that she did not look human any longer: She now looked like what she was, a wild thing, a forest thing. Her tail twitched on the bed, under her coat. She was very beautiful, and, he realized, he wanted her, very badly.
“The hardest thing about being a hulder,” said Jennie, “even a hulder very far from home, is that, if you don’t want to be lonely, you have to love a man.”
“So love me. Stay with me,” said Shadow. “Please.”
“You,” she said, sadly and finally, “are not a man.” She stood up.
“Still,” she said, “everything’s changing. Maybe I can go home again now. After a thousand years I don’t even know if I remember any norsk. “
She took his hands in her small hands, that could bend iron bars, that could crush rocks to sand, and she squeezed his fingers very gently. And she was gone.
He stayed another day in that hotel, and then he caught the bus to Thurso, and the train from Thurso to Inverness.
He dozed on the train, although he did not dream.
When he woke, there was a man on the seat next to him. A hatchet-faced man, reading a paperback book. He closed the book when he saw that Shadow was awake. Shadow looked down at the cover: Jean Cocteau’s The Difficulty of Being.
“Good book?” asked Shadow.
“Yeah, all right,” said Smith. “It’s all essays. They’re meant to be personal, but you feel that every time he looks up innocently and says ‘This is me,’ it’s some kind of double bluff. I liked Belle et la Bête, though. I felt closer to him watching that than through any of these essays.”
“It’s all on the cover,” said Shadow. “How d’you mean?”
“The difficulty of being Jean Cocteau.” Smith scratched his nose.
“Here,” he said. He passed Shadow a copy of the Scotsman . “Page nine.”
On the bottom of page nine was a small story: Retired doctor kills himself. Gaskell’s body had been found in his car, parked in a picnic spot on the coast road. He had swallowed quite a cocktail of painkillers, washed down with most of a bottle of Lagavulin.
“Mr. Alice hates being lied to,” said Smith. “Especially by the hired help.”
“Is there anything in there about the fire?” asked Shadow.
“What fire?”
“Oh. Right.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me if there wasn’t a terrible run of luck for the great and the good over the next couple of months, though. Car crashes. Train crash. Maybe a plane’ll go down. Grieving widows and orphans and boyfriends. Very sad.”
Shadow nodded.
“You know,” said Smith, “Mr. Alice is very concerned about your health. He worries. I worry, too.”
“Yeah?” said Shadow.
“Absolutely. I mean, if something happens to you while you’re in the country. Maybe you look the wrong way crossing the road. Flash a wad of cash in the wrong pub. I dunno. The point is, if you got hurt, then whatsername, Grendel’s mum might take it the wrong way.”
“So?”
“So we think you should leave the U.K. Be safer for everyone, wouldn’t it?” Shadow said nothing for a while. The train began to slow.
“Okay,” said Shadow.
“This is my stop,” said Smith. “I’m getting out here. We’ll arrange the ticket, first class of course, to anywhere you’re heading. One-way ticket. You just have to tell me where you want to go.”
Shadow rubbed the bruise on his cheek. There was something about the pain that was almost comforting.
The train came to a complete stop. It was a small station, seemingly in the middle of nowhere. There was a large black car parked by the station, in the thin sunshine. The windows were tinted, and Shadow could not see in.
Mr. Smith pushed down the train window, reached outside to open the carriage door, and stepped out onto the platform. He looked back in at Shadow through the open window. “Well?”
“I think,” said Shadow, “that I’ll spend a couple of weeks looking around the U.K. And you’ll just have to pray that I look the right way when I cross your roads.”
“And then?”
Shadow knew it, then. Perhaps he had known it all along.
“Chicago,” he said to Smith, as the train gave a jerk, and began to move away from the station. He felt older, as he said it. But he could not put it off forever.
And then he said, so quietly that only he could have heard it, “I guess I’m going home.”
Soon afterward it began to rain: huge, pelting drops that rattled against the windows and blurred the world into grays and greens. Deep rumbles of thunder accompanied Shadow on his journey south: the storm grumbled, the wind howled, and the lightning made huge shadows across the sky, and in their company Shadow slowly began to feel less alone.
