by Anita Hughes
“That’s a wonderful plan. I actually had an idea for Christmas.” She took a deep breath. “Sebastian has a friend with a boat in Costa Rica. He invited us to go scuba diving.”
“This Christmas?” Finn dropped his fork. “But that’s impossible, we always spend Christmas in St. Barts.”
“It’s a wonderful invitation,” Olivia insisted. “The underwater caves in Punta Gorda are supposed to be magnificent.”
“People come from all over the world to scuba dive in St. Barts,” he protested. “Why would we leave a spacious villa with Esther’s home cooking and our own swimming pool for a week on a cramped boat?”
“You don’t know anything about the boat, it might be a luxury cruiser,” she fumed. “Sebastian has friends who are hedge fund managers and CEOs of corporations. You don’t want to go because Sebastian asked us. If one of the law partners invited us on their yacht, it would be different.”
“That’s not true.” Finn put his hand on hers. “We always spend Christmas in St. Barts. My parents travel during the holidays, and you love it here. We don’t have to worry about the lines at Zabar’s or being snowed in by a freak snowstorm on Christmas Eve. You always say Christmas in St. Barts is your favorite time of year.”
Olivia’s eyes watered and she blinked. She adored opening presents in the villa’s living room, with the breeze drifting through the French doors. And the island was so festive, as if everyone belonged to a special club. But she remembered Sebastian saying it was time to make their own traditions. She was a grown woman; could she spend every Christmas in the guest bedroom of her parents’ villa?
“Maybe that’s the problem.” Olivia looked up. “We always do the same thing.”
“I didn’t know it was a problem,” Finn said stiffly. “Do you remember the summer we met in Manhattan? It was so hot, we spent every evening at Amorino, drinking vanilla frappes and naming the coldest places we could think of: Iceland and Greenland and Antarctica.”
Olivia pictured sharing lemon gelato and never wanting to be anywhere else. But nothing had changed; she still loved being together.
Finn was twisting everything. She wasn’t planning on going with Sebastian alone; he’d invited both of them. And maybe Sebastian was right: they should broaden their horizons.
“Why shouldn’t we try somewhere new?” she demanded. “Lots of our friends go to Club Med or Couples Resorts or even hiking in Patagonia. Your parents spend every December on a cruise of the Mediterranean.”
“They’re retired and my mother adores going on vacation,” Finn said. “But when I was a child we spent every Christmas at home in New Jersey. And Hadley and Felix go to so much effort. Hadley ships the presents ahead of time and Felix spends hours making eggnog with real cream and nutmeg.”
“What about Sebastian? Doesn’t he deserve to be with his family?” she asked. “How can we let him be alone at Christmas when he wants to be together?”
“Sebastian walked away from his family,” Finn said quietly. “Everything he wanted was available to him and he turned it down. Maybe he deserves to be alone.”
“Because he made a mistake twenty years ago, he can never fix it?” Olivia asked. “Ever since Sebastian arrived he’s done nothing but apologize. He brought my mother satin slippers and gave Felix a housewarming present and said how happy he was we are together.” Her voice shook. “And all you do is say these terrible things about him.”
Finn walked around the table and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“Somebody needs to say terrible things about him if they’re true,” Finn began. “He thinks he can just barge in here as if he went out for coffee and the newspaper. He deserted you and Hadley. How can you forget that?”
“It isn’t that simple and he’s trying to make amends. You’re just making it worse.”
“I’m only trying to protect you, I don’t want you to get hurt again. What if we agree to join him at Christmas and he gets a better offer?” He touched her hand. “How can you trust him when he only thinks about himself?”
“That’s a horrible thing to say. He wouldn’t have asked us if he didn’t mean it,” she gasped. “You’re jealous of Sebastian because I’d rather go scuba diving with him than watch your tennis match. I’m sure you wish he never came.” She pulled away. “I’m sorry you feel that way but he is my father.”
She raced up the stone steps into the hallway. She grabbed her mother’s keys from the end table and ran into the driveway.
“Olivia, where are you going?” Finn called, running after her.
She was about to answer but she couldn’t think of anything to say. She backed the car out of the garage and put her foot on the accelerator.
* * *
Olivia parked next to the harbor in Gustavia and adjusted her sunglasses. It was early evening and the bay was filled with sleek yachts and wooden fishing boats.
Was it only two days ago that she and Finn sat at Bar de L’Oubli, nibbling melon and talking about the things they were going to do in St. Barts? They had the whole week ahead of them and she was excited about snorkeling and sailing and her birthday dinner in three days at Maya’s.
But now she and Finn were barely speaking. He had said some terrible things and she regretted her own response. She pictured the black velvet jewelry box and her stomach clenched. What if they didn’t make up and Finn decided not to propose?
She thought about Hadley and Felix and suddenly felt uneasy. Hadley wouldn’t mind if they missed Christmas, she wanted Olivia and Sebastian to be together. But would Olivia offend Felix?
When she was a girl, Felix was the one who made sure the tooth fairy knew she lost a tooth and helped her mail a letter to Santa Claus. She remembered being afraid Santa Claus wouldn’t come to St. Barts because it was so hot. Felix put out a platter of sliced watermelon and a bowl of water for the reindeer.
Was she caught up in Sebastian’s spell and ignoring the people who were close to her? That was silly; Sebastian didn’t want anything except to be part of the family.
She entered the double glass doors of Côté Port and sat at a table by the window. The waiter handed her a menu and she realized she was starving.
“Is this seat taken?” a male voice asked.
Olivia looked up and gasped. Finn’s collar was crooked and his forehead was covered in sweat.
“What are you doing here and how did you find me?” she demanded.
“I checked all the cafés in Gustavia,” he admitted. “I guessed you might be here, it’s always been our favorite. You barely ate anything at dinner, I thought you might be hungry.”
“If you came to tell me I’m being impossible, it can wait until tomorrow.” She smoothed her napkin. “We’ve argued enough for one night. I’d like to enjoy a plate of seafood gnocchi and crisp vegetables.”
“I came to tell you I’m sorry,” he said and touched her arm.
“You did?” Olivia let out her breath.
“I was afraid that coming to St. Barts and spending a week in Nantucket isn’t enough,” he explained. “We’ll be able to travel anywhere we want later. But you know how law firms work, the associates put in all the hours.”
“I shouldn’t have suggested we go away at Christmas.” Olivia shook her head. “Felix might be offended and I never want to hurt him. It’s just I understand how Sebastian feels. His life might sound impossibly exciting, riding elephants and big-game hunting, but I recognize the look in his eyes and all he wants to do is belong.
“I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have Felix, but I couldn’t help wanting to meet the person who shared the same genes.” She looked at Finn. “The funny thing is the minute Sebastian said he was my father, I felt the connection. We both like the same flavors of ice cream and get freckles on our nose from the sun. And sometimes even if I don’t say anything, he knows what I’m thinking. It sounds silly, but I discovered part of me that was missing.”
“We can go to Costa Rica if you want.” Finn put his hand on hers
. “I don’t care if we’re floating on a rust bucket in the Pacific Ocean as long as we’re together.”
“I doubt it’s a rust bucket, Sebastian does like nice things.” Olivia felt lighter, as if she’d stripped off a winter coat. “We should talk to Hadley and Felix first, maybe they’d like to join us.”
“That would be a lot of people,” Finn laughed. “It might capsize the boat.”
He leaned across the table and kissed her. Olivia felt his lips on hers and a warmth spread through her chest. Finn was kind and understanding and everything was going to be all right.
“I’m starving,” he said. “I’ll order a cheeseburger and sweet potato fries.”
“Do you think Esther will mind?” Olivia suddenly remembered the glass table set with shrimp salad and sweetbreads.
“We’ll bring her a slice of raspberry charlotte,” Finn said and smiled. “It’s the best on the island.”
* * *
Olivia slipped off her sandals and stood on the balcony. It was almost 11:00 p.m. and the villa was quiet. Sebastian and Hadley and Felix were still out to dinner and Finn had gone to his room. She felt the cool breeze on her shoulders and listened to the sound of sprinklers and longed to climb into bed.
After she and Finn ate cottage cheese mousse and drank Cointreau they drove back to the villa in Olivia’s car. Olivia remembered Finn’s mouth on hers and his hands on her breasts and shivered. They were like two teenagers hoping their parents wouldn’t discover them kissing in the driveway.
But now she walked back inside and felt unsettled. She and Finn never had such heated arguments. Now they’d made up but was it going to be that easy? Finn had placed first in the long jump at Princeton; competition was in his nature. And Sebastian always got what he wanted; he never had to answer to anyone.
Surely they could get along for three more days. Sebastian wouldn’t dream of causing a fuss on her birthday and Finn would be on his best behavior. She remembered when she was a child and competed in the three-legged race. It seemed like the easiest event: all you had to do was cross the field. But when you tied the rope around you and your partner, it was impossible not to stumble.
She unzipped her dress and climbed into the four-poster bed. She had to make Finn and Sebastian get along; she couldn’t bear the thought of losing either of them.
Chapter Eight
HADLEY LEANED OVER THE BALCONY of the Hotel Eden Rock and wished she had a cigarette. But she inhaled the scent of frangipani and expensive perfume and remembered she didn’t smoke. She listened to the band playing soft jazz and watched couples sharing warm chocolate cake and longed to be in her kitchen, drinking a large snifter of brandy.
Dinner with Eric and his wife, Priscille, was delicious. Eric had insisted on ordering and selected lobster medallions and beef tenderloin with shallot chutney. Even Sebastian was impressed by the bottles of Châteaux Margaux and platters of French imperial caviar and smoked salmon.
And Sebastian was being so charming, admiring the hotel with its white villas and red roof and breathtaking view of the harbor. The blackened cod was better than he’d had in a fishing village in Tenerife and the chanterelles were so tender they could have been picked in Provence. Hadley rolled her eyes and even Felix fiddled with his sorbet spoon.
Finally Hadley needed some air and told Felix she had to call Olivia. Now she knotted her pink pashmina around her shoulders and thought sitting between Felix and Sebastian was like being stranded on a lifeboat: you didn’t know which was worse, the blazing sun or sharks circling in the water.
Even when Sebastian was being perfectly nice, she didn’t trust him. He’d caused a rift between Olivia and Finn; she didn’t want to put her marriage in the line of fire.
How dare Sebastian insist she’d changed. Of course people were different after twenty years. He could hardly expect her to be a girl with glowing cheeks and bouncy hair and a wardrobe of miniskirts and platform shoes.
But that didn’t mean she wasn’t generally happy. Her life was like a feature in a glossy women’s magazine: her own successful gallery in Chelsea, a glamorous Central Park duplex, and a villa on the most gorgeous island in the Caribbean.
Maybe she and Felix hadn’t gone dancing since he hurt his back and never got around to booking a romantic weekend in Paris. But how could you want anything more than being with the people you love and always having enough food and clothing?
She thought again of the sudden feeling of loneliness when she was near Felix and an ache formed in the pit of her stomach. She was blowing things out of proportion. Once they really talked, everything would be set right. But if talking could solve things, wouldn’t they have already had a conversation?
She smoothed the folds of her silver cocktail dress and could almost hear Sebastian scoffing. Being content with having enough food and clothing was fine advice from Dear Abby, but did it make life worth living? You had to expect more, or how would you get more?
The moon glinted on the black ocean and she suddenly remembered the last spring they’d spent in Cape Town. Olivia was three with blond ringlets and creamy skin. Hadley had gazed at her round cheeks and pink mouth and thought she had everything she wanted: a charismatic husband and a vibrant daughter and a future as bold and brilliant as the African sun.
* * *
Hadley stood on the wooden deck and was glad to be back in Cape Town. Charles Lang was staging the biggest show of Sebastian’s career and had invited them to stay at his beach house. The ocean was a shimmering turquoise and the mountains were emerald green and she remembered everything she loved about Cape Town’s tropical climate.
The months of being pregnant had been glorious and Hadley was so happy to be at Derek’s trout farm. Sebastian spent every minute painting and she pottered around Derek’s garden like a character in an E. M. Forster novel.
And they were so in love! Sebastian couldn’t get enough of her rounded stomach and heavy breasts. At night they shared platters of boerewors and bowls of malva pudding. Then they retired to their bedroom and made love in the white-canopied bed.
Now Hadley glanced at Olivia playing with her doll and thought the last three years were magical. What other little girl perched on top of an elephant and rubbed noses with a lion cub? They were like the Three Musketeers with sun-streaked hair and tan shoulders.
The sliding glass door opened and Sebastian appeared on the deck. His cheeks were smudged with paint and he wore a blue shirt and khakis.
“There are my two girls.” He kissed Hadley. “I thought you’d be down on the beach with Olivia’s new pail and shovel.”
“You didn’t have to buy her anything.” Hadley smiled. “She’s perfectly happy collecting shells.”
“And have her be jealous of the other little girls wearing designer swimsuits?” Sebastian asked. “At least she can have a new bucket.”
“She’s three years old, she doesn’t care if she runs down the beach naked,” she laughed. “You should join us, we’re going to pack a picnic and walk to Camps Bay.”
“I don’t have time to swim, the opening is tonight.” Sebastian ran his hands through his hair. “Charles sent invitations to collectors in Dubai and Paris. He thinks this show will change my career.”
“You work too hard,” Hadley said and took a deep breath. “I thought we could take a vacation.”
“Every day is a vacation.” Sebastian leaned over the railing. “Do you see any office buildings or men eating soggy sandwiches and carrying rolled-up newspapers?”
“You said you don’t have time to lie on the sand,” she urged. “What about if we take the money you earn from the show and have a proper holiday?”
“Why would we do that?” he wondered. “You and Olivia love exploring new places and I do what I do best.”
“I’d like to go home for a while,” she continued. “Olivia only met her grandparents once when they came to Johannesburg and we haven’t been to Connecticut at all. Olivia would have a snowy Christmas with turkey and gravy
and stockings. I’m sure Monet stopped painting to be with his family and Turner put aside his brushes to enjoy the English countryside.”
“I am with my family and I hate the snow. You’re trapped inside with Monopoly and instant macaroni and cheese.” He waved at the pink sand and tall palm trees. “Why would we trade this for winter coats and rubber boots?”
“Olivia has never known people who aren’t carrying maps and binoculars,” Hadley said. “And it’s impossible to get your attention when you’re painting. It’s like traveling with a general preparing for battle.”
“I thought you were happy.” Sebastian’s green eyes flickered.
“I am happy, I just want what’s best for Olivia,” she explained. “Children can be terribly selfish. They want to think they come first.”
“Everything I do is for you and Olivia,” he pleaded. “But stopping painting wouldn’t be a holiday, it would be like a death.”
“Never mind.” Hadley glanced at her watch. “I better get Olivia showered and dressed.”
“Hadley, wait.” Sebastian touched her arm. “If this opening is a success, next year we could do a show in New York. We’ll stay at the St. Regis and Olivia can drink Shirley Temples and eat room-service spaghetti.”
Hoping Sebastian would take a break from painting was like imagining a tiger could be a pet. But it wouldn’t help to discuss it now; Sebastian could be as stubborn as the donkeys they rode in Senegal. It had to be his idea, or it wouldn’t happen at all.
“That sounds wonderful.” She kissed him. “I need to get Olivia ready, and then I’m going to take a quick bath before the opening.”
“We have time.” He pulled her close. “Maybe we should get sweaty before you waste all that hot water.”
She inhaled his scent of citrus aftershave and a tingle ran down her spine.
“It is early and Olivia needs a nap,” she whispered. “She’s been playing on the deck all morning.”
* * *
Hadley glanced around the art gallery and rubbed her lips. No matter how many shows Sebastian did, she was as nervous as a director on opening night. Waiters in white dinner jackets carried silver trays and elegant men and women nibbled duck pâté and jumbo prawns.
