by Anita Hughes
Hadley listened to the hum of the sprinklers and bit her lip. It would be nice to tell someone her problems. She couldn’t confide in Olivia and her friends in New York were always running from a gallery opening to a new restaurant.
Wasn’t it easier to talk to someone who wasn’t part of your life? Like a therapist who knows your most intimate secrets but never sees you carrying your dry cleaning down Fifth Avenue. And Sebastian could be a good listener when he wanted to; he had a knack for seeing right through you.
Sebastian leaned forward and she jumped. She must have had too much wine at dinner. She’d rather swim in shark-infested waters than confide in Sebastian.
“A lot of people get insomnia at my age.” She turned back to the chessboard. “It’s perfectly normal and nothing to worry about.”
“You’re not even forty-eight and you’ve always slept like a baby,” he answered. “You could sleep through a sixteen-hour bus ride surrounded by chickens.
“All these years I hoped that you and Olivia were happy, that was the point of leaving. But I can’t help worrying about the Miller girls,” he finished. “Even if I’m absent, you’re still the two most important people.”
Hadley stood up and glowered at Sebastian.
“You might like to imagine the Miller girls as some mythical creature, like Pegasus. But the only place you’ll find them is behind that picture frame.” She waved at the gold frame. “Olivia is all grown up and I’ve been Hadley London for nearly twenty years. We all move on, maybe it’s time you do the same.”
“I’m going to bed.” Sebastian picked up his blazer and walked to the door. “Good night, pleasant dreams.”
“Sebastian, wait,” she urged. He turned around and the lines around his mouth were deeper. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”
“Yes, you did.” He nodded. “And you were right.”
* * *
Hadley wiped the sideboard and her shoulders tightened. How dare Sebastian make her feel sorry for him? And what did he know about her marriage? She had a lovely evening, she felt closer to Felix than she had in weeks. Just tonight at dinner, Felix told her she was still beautiful.
All she had to do was get through the next three days. Then Sebastian would be gone and she could enjoy the cool breezes and warm ocean of St. Barts. She curled up on the leather sofa and pulled the cashmere blanket over her shoulders.
Chapter Nine
OLIVIA STOOD ON THE PATIO and inhaled the scent of tiger lilies. It was mid-morning and the ocean was a sheet of glass. Wooden fishing boats bobbed in the harbor and the roofs of Gustavia shimmered like bright red lipstick.
She and Finn had gone for an early-morning stroll on Flamands Beach. It had been wonderful to drive across the island with the sky turning pink and orange and yellow and to kick off her sandals and feel the white sand under her feet.
The best part was being with Finn. They splashed in the water like children and when they stopped to kiss, Olivia never wanted to be anywhere else.
Now Finn was at the tennis club and Olivia had the day to herself. In two days it was her birthday and she was so excited! She clutched her coffee cup and wondered whether she should sunbathe at Shell Beach or browse in the boutiques in Gustavia.
“You remind me of a Japanese geisha I met in Tokyo.” Sebastian appeared on the patio. He wore a linen shirt and his straw hat. “She always had a secret smile, like someone told her a fabulous joke.” He paused. “Of course, I never mastered Japanese. For all I know I was the punch line.”
“It’s such a beautiful morning.” Olivia turned to Sebastian. “There’s a slight breeze and the water is eighty degrees.”
“I know that smile.” Sebastian studied her sparkling green eyes and pink mouth. “It’s the look of someone young and in love. It seems your night alone with Finn went well. I’m glad.”
“It was a lovely evening.” She nodded. “And we had a romantic walk this morning. Sometimes when we’re together, I’m so happy I think my heart will explode.”
“If only you could bottle that feeling for when you can’t agree on who takes out the garbage.” He reached for his cigarette case. “Young people think love is all you need. It’s imprinted in their minds like the myth that you should spend two months’ salary on an engagement ring. But if marriage was that easy, divorce attorneys would be out of work.”
“I don’t want to talk about divorce,” Olivia said. “Finn and I are in love and we are going to have a wonderful life.”
“Of course you are,” Sebastian agreed. “You’re a Miller, I wouldn’t expect anything less. Where is everyone? I woke up late and all I found were fresh towels in the bathroom and fried bacon in the kitchen.”
“Felix and Finn are playing tennis and Hadley and Esther went to the fish market in Gustavia,” Olivia said. “It’s a gorgeous day, I just want to lift my face to the sun.”
“Lucky sun.” Sebastian lit a cigarette. “I’m surprised Finn isn’t with you. If I was in my twenties and my girlfriend had your warmth and intelligence, I wouldn’t waste my time whacking a ball over a net.”
“Tonight we’re going to have a romantic dinner at La Plage,” Olivia replied. “It overlooks the bay in St. Jean and the tables are right on the sand. I have a feeling Finn is going to propose.”
“Oh, I see,” Sebastian said. “Then never mind.”
“Never mind what?” Olivia asked.
“I thought we could browse in the shops in Gustavia and I could buy you an early birthday present,” he began. “But you probably want to work on your tan or get your hair done. We can do it another time.”
Olivia had been looking forward to lying on a chaise longue with a book and perhaps going for a swim. But she couldn’t let Sebastian spend the day alone.
“I have an idea!” she exclaimed. “We’ll go to the beach at St. Jean and have lunch at Sand Bar. It has the best people watching on St. Barts.”
“That’s a marvelous suggestion.” Sebastian took her arm. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself.”
* * *
They sat at an outdoor table at Sand Bar and drank piña coladas and ate grilled fish sandwiches with chipotle mustard. There was sautéed green beans and seafood risotto. The sun warmed Olivia’s brown shoulders and she felt light and happy.
Canvas sofas littered the sand and there were white beach umbrellas and vases of yellow tulips. Men wore linen shirts and Italian loafers and women were dressed in silk sarongs and had chunky gold bracelets on their arms.
“I thought they would check my passport to see if my last name was Vanderbilt or Windsor.” Sebastian ate an asparagus tip. “It seems you can’t get a table unless you’re an American steel magnate or European royalty.”
Olivia laughed. “Felix and Hadley used to bring me here when I was a child. The women were all swathed in diamonds and rubies. I thought they were princesses come to life from my storybooks.”
“It reminds me of the Emerald Coast in Sardinia,” Sebastian said. “Your mother and I were invited on a yacht when you were two. The minute we docked I went to a boutique and bought a yellow linen dress for Hadley. She was the most beautiful woman on board; she couldn’t play shuffleboard in a cotton blouse.
“You look just like her,” he finished. “Hadley is still lovely. I told her last night when we were playing chess that she’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.”
“You and Hadley played chess?” Olivia looked up.
“We played in the library underneath the portrait of The Miller Girls.” Sebastian nodded. “It made me quite nostalgic. You were too young to remember, but the three of us had a good time. You even rode on the back of a tiger. The game hunter was holding you, of course,” he laughed. “The look of anger on your mother’s face would have scared any big cat. You loved it but I promised never to do it again.”
“Did Felix play chess with you?” Olivia felt slightly off, like a french fry had stuck in her throat.
“He was already in be
d. I envy a man my age who can lie down and fall asleep. Sometimes I prowl around at night like a lion with a splinter in his paw.” He paused. “I gather Hadley is the same. She was wide awake.”
“She was probably preparing the coffeemaker,” Olivia explained. “She brews it fresh every morning with nutmeg and cinnamon.”
“I am happy for her.” Sebastian looked out at the bay. Jet Skiers jumped over the waves and a striped sailboat billowed in the breeze. “I always thought she deserved a life filled with beautiful clothes and elegant dinner parties.”
“Hadley didn’t marry Felix for his money,” Olivia retorted. “They have a wonderful marriage. She isn’t interested in cocktail parties or galas, she loves being at home.”
“Do you think so? She seems a little on edge.” He paused. “I hate to ask, but I do worry about her.”
“What do you mean?”
“She looks a little skittish,” he continued. “I thought she might have said something to you. You are close and we all need someone to confide in.”
“If there was anything bothering her she would tell Felix,” she answered.
“A spouse is the perfect person to tell your problems to,” he agreed. “Your mother and I spent many nights lying under the stars worrying about when your first tooth would come in or if the rash on your cheek was normal.” He looked at Olivia. “But it’s difficult if the person you are married to is part of the problem.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. Suddenly the sun was too bright and she longed to go inside. “They’re the best couple I know.”
“Then I’m sure I’m imagining it.” Sebastian squeezed Olivia’s hand. “Let’s talk about something else. I called my friend Rufus. He can’t wait to have us on his boat in Costa Rica.”
“I talked to Finn.” Olivia nibbled a green bean. “I don’t think we can go this Christmas.”
“It’s always good to compromise in a relationship. But you can’t let your partner walk all over you. Just because Finn doesn’t want to come, you shouldn’t miss out.”
“Finn was quite happy to go to Costa Rica.”
“Then why aren’t you coming?” he asked.
Olivia put down her fork and took a deep breath. “Hadley and Felix do so much to prepare for Christmas and the holidays are very important to Felix. I wouldn’t want to offend him.”
“Felix?” Sebastian exclaimed. “What does he have to do with it?”
“I remember the first Christmas we spent in St. Barts. I was only six but I thought Christmas had to include sledding and hot chocolate with marshmallows. Felix took me to the harbor and we watched the boat parade. Dozens of boats lit up with colored lights like an illustration in a storybook. It was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen.
“Christmas is important to Felix, we have to be here,” she finished. “You could join us. Felix makes homemade eggnog and we watch It’s a Wonderful Life.”
Sebastian sipped his piña colada and a smile lit up his face.
“I have a better idea. I just got a commission to paint the gardens of a villa in Capri in July. You should join me. We can explore the grottos and take a day trip to Amalfi.”
“I’ve never been to Capri!” Olivia’s eyes were wide. “It sounds lovely but I can’t.”
“Hadley would give you time off from the gallery,” he insisted. “If Finn is too busy, you can come alone.”
“Finn suggested we spend a week in Maine,” she explained. “A friend booked a cabin and we could bicycle and shuck oysters.”
“Maine! That’s as exciting as a barn door,” he spluttered. “You have to hear foreign languages and sample other cuisines.”
“Most people in St. Barts speak French and I did spend a semester in Florence in college.”
“Capri might not be the Serengeti but at least it’s somewhere new,” he tried again. “You don’t know how much I’ve regretted not having you join me on at least some of my adventures. We could have climbed Mount Kilimanjaro or rode elephants in Thailand. This is our last chance to be together before you and Finn get married.”
“Why didn’t you?” she asked.
“Why didn’t I what?” Sebastian ate a pineapple wedge.
“You sent me Japanese kimonos and Russian dolls; why didn’t you ask me to join you?” she answered. “Hadley would have let me when I was older.”
Sebastian rubbed his forehead. He sat forward and his voice was soft.
“It was hard enough walking away from you and Hadley, for what I thought were the right reasons. I could never give your mother the life she deserved and I was as easy to live with as a black bear.
“I thought about inviting you to visit, but I was too afraid I couldn’t part with you again. I knew once we were together, I’d never want to let you go.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Olivia’s eyes flashed. “Lots of families are divorced. We could have had wonderful summers.”
“I got used to being away from you. The pain was always there but it was manageable, like a chronic illness that needs the right mixture of medicines.” He paused. “But if I had to give you up again, I don’t think I would recover.”
“I see.” Tears swam in Olivia’s eyes.
The waiter replaced their plates with silver bowls of rum raisin sorbet. There was Caribbean chocolate pie with caramel sauce.
“It is a wonderful invitation.” She picked up a dessert spoon. “I’ll have to think about it.”
* * *
After lunch Sebastian bought a silk handkerchief at a boutique in St. Jean. He offered to take Olivia dress shopping but she wanted to go back to the villa.
“I’m going to walk off that chocolate pie,” Sebastian said when they pulled into the driveway. “At my age if you lie down after lunch, the butter goes straight to your waist.”
“Thank you, I had a lovely time.” She stepped out of the car.
“I couldn’t ask for a better lunch partner.” He smiled. “Perhaps don’t mention to your mother that I am worried about her. She thinks she’s the strongest person there is.”
“Of course I won’t mention it.” Olivia adjusted her sunglasses. “She’s perfectly happy and there’s nothing to worry about.”
* * *
Olivia entered the living room and saw her mother arranging a vase of yellow tulips. She wore a linen dress and her blond hair loose.
“Darling, there you are.” Hadley looked up. “Esther and I returned from the fish market and the villa was empty.”
“Sebastian and I ate lunch at Sand Bar.” Olivia put her purse on the glass side table. “He went for a walk and I’m going to take a nap.”
“A nap!” Hadley raised her eyebrow. “Are you feeling all right? You look a little pale.”
“I’m fine,” Olivia said and smiled. “It’s so thrilling catching up with Sebastian. I feel like I’m living my life all over again.”
“Did he mention Costa Rica?” Hadley asked.
“I told him we couldn’t go,” Olivia replied. “He’s staying at a villa in Capri this summer and asked me to join him. It sounds heavenly but Finn couldn’t get time off. I don’t know whether I should go alone.”
“What a fascinating invitation. I hadn’t thought he was so clever.” Hadley pursed her lips. “Sebastian is like a cat. He always lands on his feet and then he’s right back to creating mischief.”
“I’ve wanted to join him for years but somehow it seems wrong to go now.” Olivia hesitated. “Like I’m picking Sebastian over Finn.”
“That’s how Sebastian wants you to feel. Though Capri is gorgeous.” Hadley paused. “I didn’t think it was Sebastian’s style. He favors islands in the South Pacific.”
“Perhaps he thought I’d be more interested in Italian handbags than thatched huts,” Olivia laughed. “It does sound wonderful. I’ll talk to Finn about it at dinner. We have reservations at La Plage.”
“Oh dear. Esther is making grilled snapper and pumpkin foam soup.” Hadley frowned. “Eric and
Felix are having a boys’ night out so it was going to be the four of us.”
“I can ask Finn to cancel the reservation,” Olivia suggested.
“You mustn’t change your plans.” Hadley shook her head. “I’ll have Esther just make enough for two.”
“You and Sebastian are going to eat alone?” Olivia gasped.
“Don’t look so frightened, I can handle Sebastian,” Hadley smiled. “Though being his only audience can be exhausting. I’ll ask Esther to join us.”
“Sebastian said something at lunch,” Olivia began. “I always thought Sebastian left because he had to paint. But he said you should have beautiful clothes and attend glamorous parties and he couldn’t give you the life you deserved.”
“Did he really?” Hadley’s blue eyes flickered. “And did he also say Judas never had any intention of turning Jesus over to Pontius Pilate or that Columbus knew all along the Earth was round? Sebastian should be a writer as well as an artist; he has a knack for rewriting history.
“I had everything I wanted: a husband and beautiful daughter and part-time job at the gallery. When he walked out the door it was for the benefit of Sebastian Miller.”
“That’s what I thought.” Olivia let out her breath.
Suddenly she remembered Sebastian wondering if Hadley was unhappy and bit her lip.
“But you aren’t sorry he left?” she began. “I mean, you’re glad you married Felix.”
“What a silly question.” Hadley smiled. “You don’t know what a relief it was not to have to tiptoe around Sebastian’s moods like a flight attendant in the first-class cabin of an airplane.”
“And Felix?” Olivia asked.
“Felix is intelligent and kind and we like the same books and movies. He never forgets an anniversary and he knows exactly which flowers I like.” Hadley paused. “There’s only one thing I regretted.”
“What?” Olivia asked.
She waited for Hadley to reply and felt a prickle on her neck.
