She swallowed to push the tears away. "I didn't go into this short-term relationship with you with the hope that the ending would be different. But the longer we were together, the more I found myself wanting it to go on," she replied honestly.
"For how long?" he choked.
"I don't know. For however long we could be together where breaking up is a matter of if, not when."
"I admit I can't stand the thought of you dating other people when I go back to Melbourne. But a serious, long-term relationship is not something I've ever envisaged for myself," Rob replied, his voice low.
"Why not?"
"It scares me. For me, it means losing my freedom," he replied candidly.
She gasped as lancing pain attacked her heart. "So what does that mean for us?" she asked in a small voice.
"That's what I don't know, Jess. I've never felt like this before. I don't know what to think. But here's the reality: the reality is in less than two months, we'll be living in two different states again. I don't see myself being happy in a long-distance relationship. I'm not someone who could handle only seeing my girlfriend for one or two weekends a month. I don't think you'd be happy with that arrangement either." Rob sighed deeply before continuing. "Look at Faye and Steve. They broke up because there was no point being together when they'll be apart most of the time anyway."
Tears started to fall from her eyes. She couldn't hold them back anymore because he was right. "So this is it then."
Rob inhaled sharply, pain and fear etched in his face at her declaration. "We still have seven weeks," he said hoarsely.
She looked at Rob with tear-stained eyes and shook her head. "I can't, Rob. It'll be too hard."
"We managed before," he pleaded.
"That was different. I didn't have hopes and expectations then. But now that I do and we've brought them out in the open, I can't simply bottle them back. I'll just end up crying every time I see you or watch you leave."
"Give me the seven weeks, Jess, please," Rob begged. "Seven weeks to think, to sort out everything that's going on inside my head. Just give me time to figure it all out. I can't let you go yet. I just can't."
She searched Rob's face. She could see his anguish, his plea and his uncertainties. It broke her heart to break up with him now. But how much more would it hurt if they continued to see each other for another seven weeks and he still decided his freedom was more important than being together? Or if they couldn't find a way to maintain a long-distance relationship? She knew without doubt she would fall deeper and deeper for him if given that time. If she was hurting like hell now, how much more pain would she be in if he was going to leave her anyway?
But could she walk away if there was a chance of a future with him? There was none of that in the beginning. Now there was a possibility if he was going to think about it. It was remote, but it was there nonetheless. Could she risk her whole heart for a little ray of hope?
"Okay," she said to Rob's obvious relief. "But if you need to think about things, don't you need some space and time to do that?"
Rob gazed at her with wary eyes. "I suppose so."
"So maybe we need to see each other less often than we used to," she suggested. The idea didn't appeal to her but if Rob needed space and time, she'd give them to him.
Rob smirked. "Isn't it ironic? We decided not to break up so we could have time apart to think."
She smiled. "Well, it means we're not free to see other people while we're thinking."
An insight flashed in her mind, replacing her smile with a frown. It was terribly unpalatable but she felt she had to bring it up. "Rob, maybe we should break up for a while." She felt her heart being squeezed tight as she said it.
"What?"
"You said you're scared of losing your freedom. Maybe you should have a week or two when you're free to think and do what you really want. You know, be a single guy. That would help you reach a conclusion about whether you want a committed relationship with me or not, wouldn't it?"
Rob stared at her as if she had lost her mind. "You want us to break up for a couple of weeks and you expect me to act like I was single during that time?"
She bit her lip. This would be hard to say, but she realised she needed this, too. She needed to be just as sure as Rob on what he wanted for his life. "If you realised you wanted to be with other women during that time, then there's your answer and we wouldn't need seven weeks to figure out if we have a future or not."
"That's crazy. You want me to go out there and pick up other women?" he asked incredulously.
"No. I don't want you to date other women if you don't feel like doing it. What I mean is I want you to feel free to do what you want without being hampered by the fact you already have a girlfriend. How else are you going to figure out if you want a committed relationship for the long-term if you're stuck in one while you're trying to sort out what's in your head?"
Rob took in what she said. "Right. I get what you mean. It makes sense."
She blinked away her tears. Of course, it made sense. But just because it did didn't mean it was easy to accept even if it was her idea.
Rob reached out and caressed her cheek. "But, Jess, we don't have to be on a break just so I could think. Like you said earlier, let's just not see each other as often as we used to for a couple of weeks."
"No, I really think it has to be a break, Rob. If we are going to be together past our original four-month agreement, I need to be sure you want to be with me more than your freedom just as much as you need to know that for yourself."
"Okay," Rob gave in. "So, in a week or two, we'll get back together?"
"Let's make it two. But if either of us wants to be with someone else during that time, let's have the courtesy to break up permanently first. There would be no point having another conversation then apart from saying goodbye."
She didn't think she'd so much as want to look at another man. But she wanted Rob to know this went both ways.
Rob scowled. "One week's enough. Friday next week we see each other again."
~~~~~~~
Rob snatched his phone and grunted when he saw who the caller was. It was Andrea again. In the last few days she'd been calling him a lot. She arrived in Sydney last week for a short break and wanted to catch up with him. Most of the time he ignored her. The couple of times he picked up the phone, it was only to be polite and let her know he was busy. Fortunately, she hadn't called when he was with Jessa.
Ever since last Friday night, he jumped every time his phone rang, hoping Jessa was calling him. He shook his head, exasperated at himself. It was Tuesday. Just three more days until he saw her again. Surely he could wait until then?
For the umpteenth time, he questioned why on earth he even agreed to this one week break with her. All it was giving him was frustration. It was affecting his concentration at work and he was snappy at everything and everyone - from the cashier at the supermarket to Rose, his PA. At least he insisted on it being only a week and not two. When it became apparent to him that Jessa would be single too during their break, there was no way he was going to stretch the time.
Not being with her for the last weekend, after spending every single weekend with her for the last ten weeks, was torture. He almost called her on Sunday morning after waking up and not finding her next to him. The only reason he was able to stop himself from doing so was remembering why Jessa wanted him to have this break. He needed to be sure if he was up for a serious, committed, long-term relationship. He cared a lot about Jessa, wanted her more than any woman he'd ever met. But was that enough to give up his freedom?
Maybe he should go out to a bar and test himself. Maybe he should flirt with other women and see how he felt about it. He grimaced. Just thinking about it made him cringe. He had no desire to do that whatsoever.
His phone rang again.
Damn, this woman sure is persistent.
A thought occurred to him. Maybe he should have drinks with Andrea. Maybe seeing her could help him clarify precisely why he
was so averse to long-term commitment.
~~~~~~~
Rob was fifteen minutes late when got to the Bondi cafe where he arranged to meet Andrea. He was surprised to see her already seated at their table. Being half an hour late for meetings was the norm for her.
"Rob!" Andrea cried in obvious pleasure as she stood up to greet him with a peck on the cheek.
"Hi, Andrea. Where are your Bondi lifeguards?" he asked dryly.
"Oh, this time's just for you, Rob. Where's your Sydney girlfriend?"
"She's at work."
"Well, darling, I'm glad you took time off from your busy schedule to have coffee with me during working hours," she purred. "I'm really pleased."
He gave her a tight smile. "Have you ordered?"
"Not yet. I was waiting for you."
"I'm only having coffee."
"Good, 'cause I want to order their Belgian waffle with ice cream. You know I can't have all those calories so you can share it with me," she said innocently.
He shook his head and indicated to a server they were ready to order.
Rob half-listened to Andrea's chatter about her business and social life. He made 'I'm listening' noises every once in a while to keep her talking. He was more than happy to let her prattle until she finished her waffle. He didn't feel like talking at all. In fact, he felt uncomfortable. No, that wasn't quite accurate. He felt guilty. Not that he was doing anything wrong. It was just that it didn't feel right to him that he was here having coffee with an ex-girlfriend who kept on giving him flirtatious and suggestive looks. He realised Andrea hadn't given up on him yet and he regretted his decision to meet with her.
Once she finished her damned waffle he was going. But with her constant yapping, it looked like it would take her ages to finish it off. Was it rude to leave when your companion was still eating? He sighed. For all that Andrea was, she was still a friend so he would have to suffer a few more minutes of sitting there with her.
His thoughts turned to Jessa. He wondered what she was doing. In an hour, she would be heading home from work. His heart compressed. It was Tuesday. If he didn't agree to this stupid break she would be going home to him.
"Rob, have some waffle." Hearing his name brought him out of his musing.
"No, thanks. Finish it off." Stop the chitchat and finish it off quickly.
"Hmm. It's too much for me," Andrea whined in a flirty manner.
"Then leave it."
"But that would be a shame. It's very good." Andrea fluttered her eyelids at him as she licked her spoon lasciviously.
"I have to go back to work, Andrea," he said curtly.
Andrea pouted in displeasure and gave up being seductive. "Fine, I'll finish it off."
He watched as Andrea cut off a tiny portion of the waffle and slowly put it in her mouth. At the rate she was going, they'd be there forever. He grabbed his unused cutlery and started helping her. He just wanted to leave.
~~~~~~~
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Rob muttered through gritted teeth. This would have to be the fourth time Andrea had tried to call that afternoon. What the hell could she want now? He'd already had coffee with her yesterday. He glared at his phone until it stopped ringing.
It rang again five minutes later. He picked it up to switch it off when he saw it was Will this time, not Andrea.
"Hey, Will."
"Hey, Rob. What in the fucking hell is your ex up to?" Will sounded just as annoyed as he was with Andrea.
"What do you mean?"
"She just called me to say we are having drinks with her at six today. And by 'we' she meant you, me, Clarise, herself and Jessa."
"What the fuck?" he exclaimed in disbelief.
"My thoughts exactly. I know she still wants you, Rob, and I don't trust her."
"If she expects me to turn up and also ask Jess to come then she's sadly mistaken."
Will gave a humourless chuckle. "You obviously underestimate her. No, she doesn't expect you to invite Jess on her behalf. She's already invited both Jess and Clarise herself."
"What?!" He was stunned.
"Yup. After she called to tell me about the surprise little party she organised, I called Clarise. She said she and Jess got separate calls from Andrea. Apparently, Jess spoke to Andrea this morning and she only decided after lunch to accept her invitation. It looks like Andrea invited Clarise and me after Jess had said yes."
A cold shiver ran through him. Andrea was up to something - and it wasn't good.
"Anyway," Will continued, "Andrea told me she'd been trying to reach you but couldn't and told me to let you know about this in case she doesn't get to speak to you. You better be there, Rob."
"Of course, I'll be there. There's no way Jessa's having drinks with that woman without me."
"How's your week going?" Will asked him in a more quiet tone. He had called Will on Sunday night when he was feeling lost and lonely.
"Like hell," he admitted. "I miss her, Will. I know it's only been five days but knowing we're on a break makes it feel much longer than that. I don't even want to wait 'til Friday to get back together with her although I'm still confused about the whole serious, long-term commitment stuff. I know I want to be with her. There's no question about that. But this long-term commitment thing still scares the shit out of me."
"What exactly are you scared of, Rob?"
"That I'll lose my freedom."
"Freedom to do what?"
He thought for a moment. That was a good question. Something he didn't have a ready answer for. He'd always carried the belief that being in a relationship meant loss of freedom to do what he wanted to do with his life - whatever that meant. He knew it wasn't about losing his freedom to choose whatever business or career to be in, if he ever chose to change. Jessa was very supportive of his dreams and he knew she would always be.
"Umm …"
"Freedom to have sex with other chicks?" Will prompted.
He considered the question. In the past, that would have been a big issue for him. But he didn't need more than ten seconds to know that his view of that had changed. "No. I only want Jessa."
"So you're still having problems getting off with other women," Will teased.
He chuckled. He wasn't rankled by that anymore. "Yes, and I don't really give a damn if I do as long as I have Jess. If she doesn't want me anymore, then I have a huge problem."
"Okay, so if it's not that, then what are you scared of losing? Freedom to party anytime you want?"
He snorted. "No. It was only Andrea who pushed me to party. I don't look for that anymore."
"Are you scared you'd be forced to live somewhere you don't want? You've chosen to live in Melbourne and she's here in Sydney."
He was silent for long seconds. That was a major sticking point. Would he lose his freedom to choose where to live if he was with Jessa?
Where do I want to live?
His answer came loud and clear.
Wherever Jessa was.
He felt like a burden had been lifted off his shoulder. It was silly, really, thinking where they lived was a problem.
Living in Melbourne was not a necessity. Being in Sydney for more than two months while his Melbourne team ran the office efficiently without him proved he could be anywhere and still have a successful operation.
"No," he answered Will with a big grin on his face. "I just want to be where Jessa is. There's no good reason why I can't move back here. It would take some serious planning but it can be done."
"Alright!" Will shouted happily. "So what are you afraid of then, Rob?"
"I'm only afraid of losing her."
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jessa carefully re-applied her make-up, fussing over it more than she usually did. It was a shame she had an important client meeting that morning so she was wearing her smart pant suit that made her look ultra-professional. It would have been better if she was wearing a dress - something more feminine. But how was she to know she'd be invited by Rob's ex-girlfriend to have drin
ks with her that evening?
When Elena from reception put the call through to her, she almost fell off her chair when the caller introduced herself as 'Andrea, Rob's ex-girlfriend'. Oh, she was friendly on the phone. She said she was in Sydney and just wanted to meet new people, and that she also planned to invite Clarise. She also didn't fail to mention how she enjoyed having coffee and sharing waffles with Rob at Bondi yesterday and how great it would be to meet his other Sydney friends.
She almost didn't accept Andrea's invitation. She was so hurt after that call. It didn't take Rob long to enjoy his single status - with his ex-girlfriend at that.
But something else happened that day. Victor was so incensed about the whole thing that he spoke rather loudly in her office and told her she should go out and find herself a new date pronto, just as James Bradley, who had a meeting with her today, walked in her office.
James didn't miss the opportunity. After their meeting, he asked her out. She was honest with him and said she just broke up with someone. He said he would be 'honoured' to be her shoulder to cry on. What could she say to that? It was so sweet. She was so hurt and angry at Rob so she said yes. Then she let Andrea know she was seeing her for drinks. She didn't know why she changed her mind about not wanting to meet Andrea. She guessed it was because she wanted the opportunity to scratch her eyes out. And she really wanted to know if there was anything going on between Rob and his ex.
"Ready, Jess?" Clarise asked as she walked into her office.
"As ready as I'll ever be. Don't forget to restrain me when I start becoming violent."
"I'm sure the boys will jump in and make sure you don't get into any trouble."
"The boys?" she asked.
"Yes. Will and Rob," Clarise answered, confused.
"Rob's going to be there?" she whispered in dismay.
"Yes. Didn't you know?"
"No. I thought it was just going to be you and me and her. She didn't mention that Rob and Will were coming, too."
Clarise's look turned suspicious. "I knew that woman was up to something. She sounded cagey. Do you still want to go?"
Heart Robber (Lifestyle by Design Book 2) Page 13
