“Because they won’t believe you if you can’t trust me,” I said as I spun away from her so she wouldn’t see the hurt in my eyes or the way my fingers curled into fists.
When she asked me to promise I wasn’t going to hurt him, I had to bite my tongue. Could she not see that everything I’d done so far had been for the safety of the babies?
“I had the chance to do that while we were alone at your house.”
Without waiting for my promise, she took another glance down at the baby and then handed him to me. The moment was slow, and the apprehension clear in her gaze.
To thank her for her show of faith, and also to try to right the train that had come off the tracks, I asked what she planned to call him. After all, Ava had been named seconds after her birth and hours later, I’d heard nothing uttered as a name for our son.
“We hadn’t picked one,” she said. “We both assumed I would have a girl. Only a girl.”
I tucked that information away with the rest of the stuff I’d been learning about her and our apparent past. We discussed her choices for names and she proclaimed David and Luke were among her favorites. David for her father, and Luke for “some kid” she once knew. I didn’t push the issue of how she’d known him, or why she wanted to give her son his name. It seemed better that way.
“Well, what about David Luke . . .” I trailed off as I realized I was missing something. “I’m sorry, I don’t know your last name.”
She bit her lip and stared at a point on the bed as she muttered, “Jacobs. We’re married.”
I should have known that; I’d seen the photos, but I hadn’t thought through the rest.
Once she’d finished the sentence, her gaze lifted to fix on my hand. I recalled the ring I’d been wearing when Dad found me. The one that was similar to the plain gold band that circled her finger.
I apologized that I hadn’t realized it was a symbol of anything important. “I left it at Dad’s house.”
“Maybe you could send it back to me when all of this is over.” Her voice wavered as she made the request before adding how important it had been to her.
After she explained again how much we’d meant to each other, I felt I needed to say more. “I’m sorry for attacking you.” I couldn’t find any volume, which probably wasn’t a bad thing because our son was fast asleep in my hold. “It must have been impossible to understand. I was told you were responsible for my memories and my . . . vision.”
She gave a dark laugh. “Depending on how you look at it, I guess I am.”
“What do you mean?” Worried about what she might reveal, and how it might make me feel, I crossed the room to place David beside Ava in the crib.
“How can I explain everything about us in a few minutes?”
She started a story of a boy and a girl who met in high school. The longer she talked, the more I saw every challenge that had been laid out in front of the pair. It didn’t explain everything, but it covered enough that I could understand the depth of her despair.
“Huh.” My palm found the back of my neck as I considered the story of love, loss, and betrayals. “We’ve really been through a lot, haven’t we?”
A half chuckle, half sob issued from her full lips.
“Why didn’t we just give up?”
It was clear the question was the wrong one as soon as I asked it. Her furrowed brow and downturned lips were too much for me to bear as she told me it was never an option because she thought I was worth fighting for.
“Am I still?” It was free before I’d thought through the consequences—and the damage it could cause me if the answer was in the negative.
To cover up my slip, I rehashed the question to relate to her plan. If she was going to try to convince everyone that I was him again, she had to not pause or stop when asked for trust or hope.
“It’s hard. You look like the man I love, you sound like him, and in every physical way, you are him. Everything about you should make it easy for me to be around you, but it’s just so hard because you’re not him. Not anymore.”
Her response cut me to the quick. It was an echo of the things I’d seen in her eyes and proof that I was right in my assessment that there were two distinct men as far as she was concerned. Him and me. Her husband and a stranger. As I told her I understood, I meant every word. I also knew that in order to keep myself together to survive her plan, I had to do everything in my power to forget the hold she had over me.
As if I could.
When she asked whether I could pretend I cared, I wanted to scream at her that I could. That even though I didn’t understand it, that I didn’t know her, I ached to hold her in my arms. Instead, I remained aloof to start to implement my own plan. I wouldn’t let myself get hurt when she was ready to let go of the one who reminded her of her husband.
“We’re going to have to learn to be close again if we’re going to convince everyone you’ve got your memory back,” she said as we came to our agreement.
I gave her the best grin I could, one that would hopefully reassure her that I was willing to play the game. “I agree, Lynnie.”
Her entire being crumbled before me.
“It’s Evie.” Her voice was broken, shredded by a sob.
“What?”
“My name . . . you always called me Evie. Aiden is the only one who calls me Lynnie.”
Once again, I had reminded her of the ways I wasn’t her husband. Would I ever not hurt her? As we talked about the reason she was Evie to everyone but Aiden, she made it clear again that I was the one who’d known her the best.
Still, if being Evie to me made her comfortable, I was more than willing to call her that.
Trying to find some way to force the intimacy we needed to demonstrate without letting myself fall into her web, I said, “Tell me something about you that only I would know.”
“I still wake most nights to dreams of smoke and fire. You’re the only one who can help me back to sleep when the nightmares come.” The words were plain and matter of fact, but that didn’t stop the darkness that surrounded her from rushing out.
She’d suffered so much, and yet I’d left her alone—or he had. I’d put myself in a position where I was vulnerable and the worst happened. She narrowed her eyes and picked at imaginary lint on the comforter. There would be no further conversation between us, that much was clear.
We both retreated to our figurative corners. For my part, I sat and considered whether she knew what she was doing with her plan to convince everyone she still loved me despite the shadow in her eyes when she looked at me.
I wondered whether I knew what I was doing when I’d agreed to play along.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
AFTER HOURS OF stifling silence, the babies started to wail. One woke seconds before the other, but they were both screaming within seconds. I threw myself across the room at the crib, not even stopping to wonder whether maybe I shouldn’t have.
Evie was right there beside me. She gave a shy smile that hinted at questions about why I’d rushed to the babies. Instead of letting either of us linger on the awkwardness or the topics we’d talked about—or worse, the ones we hadn’t—I offered to mind David and get him to stop crying while she fed Ava.
When she agreed, I grabbed a fresh diaper and changed David on the sofa. I had no idea what I was doing, but I managed to get the old diaper off and the new one on without too much drama. Then I sat tickling his stomach while he stared up at me with mostly unfocused eyes.
“I’ll never let anyone hurt you,” I promised him in a whisper quiet enough that there was no way Evie would hear it. “I’ll never let anyone play games with you or use you as a tool in their sick games. No matter what happens with your mom and me, I promise I’ll always be there for you and your sister.”
I turned around to check on Evie and Ava, and found Evie staring at me. I spun away just as quickly. It wouldn’t do to look into her eyes and fall further under her spell.
“She’s finished,” Evie
murmured after a moment. “If you want to swap. I’m, uh, I’m covered now.”
I lifted David into my arms and carried him the short distance to the bed where Evie had been feeding Ava. We did a swap, and after we had, I discovered something about Ava. Her body temperature was significantly hotter than David. It struck me as a question I should ask, but Evie had held both of the twins and hadn’t seemed concerned by the difference, so maybe I didn’t need to be either.
Putting the worry out of my mind, I changed Ava’s diaper and offered her the same promise I’d given David. Whatever happened, I would keep that promise.
I’d just picked Ava up in my arms to rock her back to sleep when there was a knock at the door. When I opened it, Aiden and Mackenzie both met my gaze. While Mackenzie looked happy to see Ava in my hold, Aiden was downright murderous.
“We’re here to see Lynnie,” Aiden said.
“Evie”—I stressed her name as a layer of the foundation to prove the lies we were going to tell—“is just finishing feeding David. She’ll be free in a moment.”
I didn’t wait for them to acknowledge what I’d said before I shut the door on them and spun around to Evie. She had David cradled in one arm, and she was still half exposed. The sight of her in such a maternal pose stirred the sediment of my emotions back into my body so it all swirled in a murky, confusing mess.
After I’d told her who was at the door, we had a quick discussion to confirm we were implementing the plan. If she wanted to back out, I wouldn’t judge her.
“Just be quiet and let me answer the questions,” she instructed.
“That doesn’t sound like me.” I might’ve been willing to sit back and observe for the better part of the day, but that wouldn’t continue forever. Questions and arguments were already burning my tongue.
To my surprise, Evie laughed heartily. “It’s not really, but I’m sure they’ll understand you being like that given everything that has happened.”
After we invited the two fae into the room, they cut straight to the chase. It was time for Evie to meet with the púca, whatever that was. Between Aiden and Evie, they made some fast decisions without consulting Mackenzie or me. The most surprising was that I would be accompanying them. I wasn’t sure whether it was because she didn’t trust me with the twins or because she genuinely thought I might be of some value in meeting the creature they were about to see. Either way, it was agreed long before I could refuse.
I helped Mackenzie put both the twins back into the crib so she could look them over while we were gone. When it came time to leave the room, Evie slipped her hand into mine and walked beside me like we belonged side by side.
It was only a short walk through the court to the place where the púca was apparently being held. After a short conversation where Aiden and Evie clarified the rules, we were ready to go face whatever this creature was.
“Shall we see what he knows then?” Evie asked.
With my palm on the back of my neck, I cleared my throat. “Let’s.”
The first thing I noticed was that the room beyond the door wasn’t a cell or a prison. It looked just like a normal room, filled with comfortable-looking, if plain, furniture.
On the bed a small cat was curled in the covers. Surrounding the cat was a swirl of golden light that was so familiar. My heart pounded as I considered what it might mean.
“Can we please talk?” Evie asked the cat.
An instant later, the black cat had shifted to form Kieran. Reflexively, I squeezed Evie’s hand as surprise took hold.
He looked down at the place where Evie and I were holding hands and smiled. “I hoped you’d get your fella back,” he said to Evie.
I had a thousand questions burning my tongue, but none that I could ask in the presence of Aiden. Not without risking giving away the deception Evie and I were trying to perpetuate.
Kieran told us how he’d helped Dad to lure me and Ethan to Alaska before explaining that he’d done it for the safety of his wife. I tuned out the words and focused on the questions I had instead. Why had he been there? How did he know the guards had been injured unless he was watching the house?
“So you traded my husband for your wife?” Evie’s voice cut into my introspection. The rage she displayed as she said the simple statement smashed into my heart. Once more, she was proving that to her there was a before and an after. A Clay she loved, and me . . . the not-Clay she was stuck with.
When they asked his name, he paused as if they should already know it. Did he think I would’ve already told them all who he was? His presence was a massive threat to the lie Evie wanted everyone to believe. One false word from him, and the doubt could rest heavy on us.
After he’d admitted he had in fact sold us out for his wife, Evie said something that surprised me—although it probably shouldn’t have. “I think, of everyone here, that I’m probably best placed to appreciate where you’re coming from, but only because I would do anything for my husband. Anything. Do you understand that?”
My fingers curled tighter around hers at the words. She would do anything for him. It was another reminder that I wasn’t him. She was trying to save my ass sure, but only out of loyalty to who I used to be. She’d made it clear with her statements that she’d be happy as soon as I could leave their lives for good. One less complication for her to have to deal with. Still, her words could easily be construed as a warning for him to keep quiet on the fact that I didn’t remember what I should—even though Evie had no way of knowing I’d met him.
During the rest of the conversation, I heard his side of events. I didn’t want to admit how closely they aligned with what I knew to be the truth based on what I’d observed myself.
When Evie was satisfied with the information she’d received, she turned to Aiden. “Do to him whatever you have to, but bear in mind that he likely saved the lives of your guards and your cousin, and he tried to warn me about Clay’s return before the attack. The real threat in all of this is Troy.”
“I really am sorry, Miss,” Kieran called after her.
“I know, but it doesn’t change what you did.” Evie’s voice was cold and I understood the reason why. He’d stolen her husband from her and left her to deal with me instead.
Once we were in the hallway again, Evie stopped and took a moment to steady herself. My natural instinct was to comfort her. I was about to stop myself when I realized I was supposed to do that now—Aiden and everyone else would expect me to. With the permission granted by that thought, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and drew her closer to me. The instant she was in my arms, she stood straighter. Then she drew in a breath and moved away before I could actually offer her any comfort.
We headed back to our room and there was a girl in front of our door. She was blonde and looked like Mackenzie—and the girl from Dad’s photos. I figured it was my sister, but what I didn’t understand was why she had wings. How could she have wings if we were in the dark about her heritage? It wasn’t exactly something that could be hidden.
Before I could say anything, her arms were wrapped around me and she was enthusing about hearing that I was back. I was struck mute as I considered her ease with me after everything that had happened. My confusion was no doubt printed all over my face.
Evie made an excuse for my out-of-place reaction and invited Louise in. When I gave her an appreciative smile, she lit up. For the first time, but for just a fraction of a second, she seemed genuinely pleased. I wanted to make her that happy again, but I couldn’t. We’d only just stepped into the room when the look on Mackenzie’s face struck hard.
“What is it?” Evie asked.
Mackenzie went on to say that David was doing well.
“But Ava’s not?” My concerns flowed from my tongue.
Mackenzie explained about how Ava’s aura was fading and went on to indicate that might mean she wouldn’t survive for long in the court. Instantly, the talk turned to taking my daughter home, where things would apparently be easier on her sm
all body. I had to agree with the decision. When Evie demanded I return with her, it made me happy until I realized it was just because she didn’t want me to slip up and spill the fact that my memories hadn’t returned.
When she risked everything by sticking up for me again, I wanted to stop her. She was going to push everyone away, and then shove me out the door last. What would she do then? Would she have any lifelines left?
As much as I didn’t want to, I had to push my concern to the side. It wasn’t up to me to take care of her. That was his job, and he’d screwed it up.
Once Mackenzie and Louise had barreled Aiden into an agreement that I could leave with Evie and the twins, and Mackenzie and Aiden had gone, Louise turned to Evie and me. “Okay, what gives?”
“What?” Evie’s confusion was as complete as mine.
“Why are you lying to them?”
“How did you know we were lying?” I asked.
At the same time, Evie had pled ignorance again, but I figured it was too late for that.
Louise made it clear how close we had once been by revealing that she knew my tells. She’d known that I was lying and guessed at the reason for it.
When Evie admitted the truth and told her it was so that I could avoid punishment, Louise’s eyes narrowed. “I can understand why you would want this, Evie. I appreciate what it’s like to lose everything.” I couldn’t help wonder what that might mean, but didn’t get long to consider it before she turned her ice-cold glare onto me. “But what’s in it for you?”
“Penance.” If I could give Evie some peace of mind after the way I’d attacked, didn’t I owe it to her? I wondered whether that answer revealed a little too much though, so I shrugged and gave a different one. “Freedom.”
Her glare intensified and I figured lesser men had probably crumbled beneath the weight of it. I wasn’t intimidated by her though. What could she do to me that was worse than the nightmare I already faced? Still, there was an answer I could give her, and Evie needed to hear it too.
Living with Embers: (Son of Rain #4) Page 18
