by Hiromi Goto
The reason why he’d entered Half World. He had come here to discover his ties to the past—so that he could sever them. So that he could go back home, to Popo.
So he wouldn’t have to be a monster….
What had he done?
Cracker, out there, alone, reeking of Life, in such danger. He’d promised her they would see each other through, together.
No! She wasn’t alone. She still carried White Cat! And he needed him. He needed them both. To stay human. To find the way home.
A harsh sound escaped Gee’s lips. He grabbed at Lilla’s looping length around his throat with both hands and pulled frantically. “Get off!” he cried. “You’re not my friend!”
Lilla desperately clung tighter. In her fear she began exuding a thick gooey slime, and Gee’s fingers kept slipping.
“Let go!” he cried, trying to reach the rough edges of bone where she’d been torn away.
Knock. Knock.
Gee froze.
Elation ballooned inside him, as sweet as lilac. She’d come back!
“Cracker!” Gee laughed, a part-sob. He ran to the front door and eagerly turned the handle. “I was so stupid! I’m so s—”
Cold air sank into the foyer, heavy as guilt.
“Darling,” Ilanna breathed. “What a merry chase you’ve led. I didn’t have time to eat, and now I’m so very hungry.” Her dewy eyes lowering, she stared at the rings of black curved around Gee’s neck. She gasped. “Lilla!” she shrieked. “Is that you?”
Gee backed into his suite, his head sluggish with fear. He’d been caught.
Karu, taut and muscled, strode inside after Ilanna, his bright raptor eyes sweeping around the room. He ground his sharp, curved beak, a sound that sent shivers down Gee’s spine.
“Where is she?” Karu rasped. “The girl?”
“Yes, darling,” Ilanna cooed. “Where is that delicious thing?”
Rilla stretched toward Lilla’s coils, but Lilla whipped around, snapping. Rilla jerked backward and began to hiss.
Ilanna torqued her body at the waist, the force of the momentum batting Rilla’s head against the wall. “Of course she’s still mad at you, idiot!” she snarled. Ever mercurial, sweetness dripped from her words as she switched to Lilla. “Don’t be mad at Mummy, Lilla. It wasn’t Mummy’s idea to leave you as toll!”
She turned her intensity toward Gee. “Well? Where is she, our little treat? We can start by feasting upon her. So fresh from Life, just think how strong she’ll make us!”
Unwillingly, saliva pooled in the back of Gee’s mouth. Ohhh, yes. To eat. To tear, to gulp and swallow—
Stop it! he told himself. What are you thinking? Gee cleared his throat, lowering his chin so that his hair covered his eyes. Jesus! What was wrong with him?
Something fluttered in his esophagus. It trembled and quivered, distracting and urgent. He had to focus. He had to trick Ilanna and Karu. And get away. Find Cracker, before she was torn apart. So they could find what they came for. So they could go home. He had to hurry!
“She fell,” Gee said slowly. “Off the stairs. A man was committing suicide and he didn’t see us. He knocked Cracker down, the cat with her,” he added.
Lilla was very still around his neck. Would the eel betray him?
Her innermost coil, hidden by an outer layer, began squeezing, stopping Gee’s breath. He remained expressionless, but pressure began building behind his eyes, inside his eardrums. Lilla gradually loosed her grip.
It was a warning.
Gee raised his hand to stroke her side. Yes, he emoted. I understand. I’ll keep you with me.
Ilanna’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Karu!” she barked. “Go down to the ground level and search for her body.”
Karu ruffled his feathers, slightly put out, but turned to obey.
“And eat something while you’re out there!” Ilanna demanded. “You haven’t eaten for too long. Do you hear? You’ll be pulled back to the start of your Half World cycle, idiot bird! Don’t come back until you’ve eaten! And don’t think I won’t be able to tell.”
“I know when I need to eat. I eat enough to keep me from returning. I don’t eat to gorge like you!” He stalked out, the door slamming behind him.
“What do you mean,” Gee asked carefully, his tone even, cool, “about eating and the Half World cycles?”
Ilanna swayed toward him, the sea-salt wet perpetually streaming down her dress, the moist squish, squish as her bare feet soaked the thick carpet. Her dark seal eyes glinted as she moved closer. The reek of the icy seas filled Gee’s senses.
“Haven’t you eaten since you’ve returned, my darling Glueskin?”
Gee shuddered to hear her say the awful name.
Rilla began slowly twirling up his arm, snaking toward Lilla. Ilanna pressed her wet torso against Gee’s body.
Gee, shocked, did not move away. She was so very cold…. As cold, as muscular as an eel.
“See how clever I was, getting rid of Karu,” Ilanna whispered. “Aren’t you pleased?”
Gee shuddered. She was so frightening. So exciting. No one had ever been attracted to him before. He liked how it felt….
This is not good for me, the boy who’d been raised by Popo thought frantically. This is not the time, nor the place!
Your popo is dead. You can do what you like in Half World! the nastiness inside him hissed.
Gee caught his hand rising, reaching to touch Ilanna’s wet kelpy hair. He forced his hand to fall. Focus. On what you need to do. He cleared his throat. “Tell me, first. About how eating works in Half World.”
Ilanna sighed impatiently and pressed her forehead in the dip beneath his collarbones. “You’ve forgotten too much,” she whispered. “You were the one who first woke from your Half World trance. When everyone else was still stuck in their stupor of suffering, you tore free from yours. You discovered that eating other sufferers extended your Half Life—the energy from their disrupted Half Life becoming yours even as they were flung back to the start of their stupid cycle, and you to do as you please. And during your years of eating and growing, you saw me and you fell in love.” Her giggle sounded like a trickle of water as she nuzzled her face against his thin chest. “You set me free from my suffering. And that’s why I’ll love you forever. No matter what you do. No matter where you go. I’ll always find you.”
Was she nibbling through the cloth of his T-shirt? The hairs on the back of his neck tingled.
“You are the most powerful of Half World. You have the capacity to alter patterns.” Her voice was filled with admiration and longing.
To be desired now…. Gee’s head swirled wildly with his thoughts, his strange feelings. Popo would not approve. That was certain. But maybe just one kiss—
He had what? Eaten other Half Worlders? Had he eaten people?
He pushed Ilanna from him as he gagged, dry-retching, nausea splashing sour in the back of his throat.
Ilanna leapt away, causing Rilla to flip-flop off Gee’s arm. Revulsion twisted Ilanna’s eloquent face as she stared at his weakness.
And even as the nausea began to fade, a tide of hunger roared, twisting Gee’s gut with a need so great he couldn’t stop himself from groaning. He wrapped his skinny arms around his middle, bending at the waist to ease the ache in his muscles.
A long white bead of saliva dropped from his lips. It landed on the thick grey carpet. Without soaking into the strands, it began to harden.
“Fool!” Ilanna spat. “You’ve not eaten either! What is wrong with you! You, the visionary who broke the cycle of perpetual suffering! We have pleasures, now, in Half World. We thrive. And we are immortal! Do you understand? If we eat and eat and eat, we can continue with our Half Lives, never to revert to cyclical suffering. We are free!”
To feel such hunger, Gee thought numbly. To sate it. He dragged the back of his hand across his trembling lips and stood up. At what cost?
God, was it true? That book. On Popo’s table. The one that the cat h
ad forced him to read. It said that the monster had eaten and eaten when none was meant to…. But he’d thought it was symbolic.
He could not be that monster. He wasn’t!
Ilanna strode to the window and stared out at the dark city. Rilla lashed from side to side as if channelling her mistress’s emotions.
“You must eat,” Ilanna said decidedly. “Now. It’s the surest way to deal with the peculiar aversion you seem to have developed during your time in the weaker Realm of Flesh. You will gorge, and when you’ve built up strength I’ll take you to your parents so that your transformation back into your true form will be complete. We can undo the harm that disgusting Melanie has wrought upon Half World. And we can, once more, begin to erode the bindings that keep the Three Realms apart. Let Half World flood the boundaries to the other Realms. Let all turn into Half World!”
Ilanna turned to a small panel set into the wall and had Rilla press one of its square buttons. Several seconds passed before a static-filled bleating began sounding in regular intervals.
An intercom, Gee realized. So old-fashioned. He almost giggled.
“Yes, sir. How may I be of service?” The tinny voice was brimming with enthusiasm.
“We need fresh canapés. A dozen of your best. With a bottle of blood wine,” Ilanna snapped. “And be quick about it.”
“Very good, madam,” the tinny voice said.
Ilanna slowly spun around.
She was so graceful, Gee couldn’t help thinking. The sensuality of kelp flowing under water. She swayed back and forth as she approached him once again. Her eyes gleamed, wet, full of desire and power. She pressed against him and her icy chill sank into his flesh, a cold that throbbed between pain and desire.
Gee’s teeth began to chatter.
Ilanna giggled. Rilla began to thread through his hair, even as Lilla hissed warningly from Gee’s neck. Ilanna slid one foot up the back of Gee’s calf.
Something sharp stabbed through his jeans, abrading his skin. Gee glanced down. Ilanna’s toenails were covered with barnacles. Was that a small oyster? He shuddered with revulsion. Longing.
Soft cold kisses. Along his jawbone, approaching his neck.
Lilla, disgusted, slid down his back and dropped to the floor. She propelled herself awkwardly, like a snake, to nestle peevishly around a piano leg.
His neck bare, Ilanna began biting, stinging his sensitive skin.
Oh god, Gee thought. Her eel tongue. But his disgust wasn’t strong enough for him to push her away. Goosebumps rippled across his skin. Gee, uncertain, lips slightly parted.
She kissed him, cold, long, tasting of the winter sea.
Was this what it was like to kiss a mermaid? Gee wondered. Salty, so intensely cold, and full of drowning….
Let me drown like this forever, he thought. Give me more. Give me all of it. Never let it stop.
Chapter Fifteen
He didn’t realize she’d stopped kissing him until he opened his eyes.
Her eyes were gleaming and a little sneer twisted the corner of her lips.
Gee pulled away. His muscles were stiff and his joints wouldn’t bend. He tottered, on the verge of falling straight backward. He swung out his arms for balance, but they were almost locked motionless.
Ilanna broke into trickling laughter. “Ohhhh, my Glueskin,” she sighed fondly. “This always happens with you! I guess I’ll have to take a hot bath so I won’t be so cold.”
Gee stared at his smooth palms. He opened and closed his fingers. The joints were sluggish and stiff with cold. He could scarcely close his fingers into fists. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing that won’t wear off, darling.” Ilanna rolled her eyes. “Your glueskin doesn’t fare well with cold temperature, stupid. Don’t you remember!” she snarled in a sudden fit of rage. Her distorted face softened and she shook her head compassionately. “Poor baby. Can’t remember anything. Don’t worry. Ilanna will take care of you.”
“But this didn’t happen to me in the Realm of Flesh. I was like everyone else…,” Gee whispered.
No, you weren’t. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t be pathetic!
Ilanna shrugged. “Half World isn’t like the feeble Realm of Flesh. The sooner you understand that with your body, the better.” She strolled toward the hallway. “I’m taking a hot bath so my cold doesn’t make you, well, frigid.” She tittered. “I’ll show you what we can do with our bodies in Half World.” She opened her eyes wide, looking as helpless as a baby seal. “Then we’ll feast on crunchy little Half Lives to build up our strength, hmmmmm? Don’t eat the room service boy, darling. Save him for later.” She disappeared down the hallway.
Gee’s heart thudded painfully. Ilanna’s cold wetness had seeped through his clothing. His knees ached. He shuddered. Once she started filling the bathtub he could flee.
“By the way,” Ilanna said.
Gee twitched.
She leaned against the frame of the hall entrance. “I’ll leave Rilla here to keep you company. She doesn’t like hot water. And maybe she and Lilla can make up.” She made a moue with her lips toward Lilla.
Lilla turned her head away.
Ilanna clicked her tongue. She glared at Rilla. “Well, you know the drill!”
Rilla turned toward the beautifully carved hallway frame. She opened her jaws wide and clamped down on the wood, her sharp teeth sinking in.
Ilanna gritted her teeth. She yanked herself away from her eel, screaming as more than half a metre of Rilla’s tail end was wrenched from her shoulder socket with a wet squelching sound. She staggered against the opposite wall, panting, eyes squeezed shut.
Gee hadn’t had enough time to look away. He stared, aghast, at the incredible pain she suffered. What horror had she gone through that she’d ended up with eels instead of arms?
Ilanna caught Gee’s look. “Don’t pity me!” she snarled. Her rage melted and she smiled with such selkie sweetness that he almost smiled in return.
“I don’t want your pity. I want you to be who you were before: Mr. Glueskin, hero of Half World. Powerful. Cruel. Monstrous. And you will,” she smiled. “It’s what you were born to be.”
Rilla, her teeth embedded in the wood, could not release herself. She bit down harder, thrashing wildly from side to side until the wood began to squeak and grind. With a great crunch she bit right through and fell to the thick carpet.
She was close to two metres long. And her bite…. Rilla could bite right through Gee’s arms, his legs. She turned toward him, her jaws open in a great eel grin. Slivers of shredded wood were caught between her glinting teeth.
“You have a nice visit and wait for room service while I warm up.” Ilanna’s voice faded as she disappeared down the hallway once more. The roar of water filling the tub.
Gee eyed Rilla. Could he outrun the eel to the door? He glanced at the walls for a clock. He had no idea how much time had passed since Cracker left. Time seemed odd, stretching and contracting. It felt as if he’d arrived in Half World a week ago. But surely he’d been at home, above Popo’s store, only yesterday?
He had to catch up to Cracker. Fast. Before she was lost. Before he lost himself. Because the longer he stayed with Ilanna, the longer he stayed in Half World…. Gee stared at his stiff hands, opening and closing his fingers. He was changing. His body, his thoughts. The edges of his rage. His longings…. Cracker was right. He had to hurry. If he ever wanted to return home. Before—
Damn that White Cat! He needed him now! All he had was half an eel, with no way of knowing if he could trust it.
Lilla, as if sensing his thoughts, began raising her head, her small glinting eye utterly unreadable.
The ache in Gee’s joints began to subside as his body returned to room temperature. He stared at the backs of his hands and forearms. Did he have bones? Did he ever have bones? The pinkie that had reformed after he’d bitten off the toll—it looked no different from the original. Even if Rilla bit off an arm or a leg, maybe he’d be able to shape hims
elf another. Because he had to get away, now, before Ilanna and Karu came back. Surely he could outrun an eel on land. He glanced dubiously at Rilla.
The eel slowly raised her head upright, twelve inches above the floor, like a cobra. She snaked toward him, weaving from side to side, hissing softly.
Lilla hissed her own warning and began gliding out from the shelter of the piano.
A bell chimed. Both eels turned toward the entranceway.
Room service, Gee realized. He fought an urge to giggle. It wasn’t funny. None of it was funny.
The bell chimed again. Gee moved toward the door, and Rilla followed.
“Room service!” a cheerful voice announced.
Gee slid his hands through his dark hair before letting the strands slide back to obscure his face. He opened the door.
It wasn’t the young attendant from before. It was a chimpanzee, wearing the hotel uniform and holding aloft a plastic-wrapped tray of writhing canapés, a bottle of wine.
Gee wished a cap was part of its uniform … so that he wouldn’t have to see the hole in the ape’s head, the exposed glistening brain, the mess of wires that were embedded in the vulnerable folds, the colour of soft tofu.
“Room service!” the chimpanzee repeated, the right half of his face grimacing while the left side smiled.
Gee stepped back so that he could bring in the tray.
The ape lurched from side to side on his bent legs, somehow managing to keep the tray from falling. He placed it on a side table and bowed extravagantly.
“Thank you,” Gee said, his voice scarcely audible.
“Thank you, sir,” the attendant enthused.
A tip. He should give him a tip. Gee patted his pockets, heard a faint jangle. He slipped his hand into his pocket, but it was only his house keys. He’d spent all his cash on the taxi back home from the hospital. It felt like months ago….
Gee blinked. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t seem to have any change.”
