by Emily Bishop
I believe him. I do. It’s just marriage is such a big thing. Why does he even want to marry me? What is he getting out of this?
“Sabrina.”
I look into his eyes, not seeing any trace of fear and reluctance in them. “I don’t understand why you want to marry me. What do you have to gain?”
“A friend. A woman I can go to parties with and not have all the other women come after me. A nanny for David.”
Right. He doesn’t love me. But then I don’t love him, either. I don’t think I do. This isn’t a marriage for love, just for convenience and protection. For now, it’s my best bet for survival.
Then say yes.
I take a deep breath. “All right. I will.”
“You will?” Randall looks surprised and relieved at the same time.
I nod even though I still can’t believe I just said yes. “But on one condition.”
“What?”
“You have to be the one to tell David.”
Husband and Wife – Sort Of
Randall
“I have something to tell you, David.” I take a deep breath as I sit on his bed.
“What?” David hugs his pillow.
I pause. I should be glad this is the only condition that Sabrina set. Even so, this is probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.
Until now, I still can’t believe I proposed to marry her. Didn’t I say I wasn’t going to rush? Didn’t I say marriage was far from my mind? Still, I couldn’t just let her leave, especially not after hearing her story. As I started thinking about what I could offer her as her protection, all I could think of was myself, my name. That’s why I said I would marry her.
What is even more baffling is that she said yes. When I asked her to marry me, I was hoping she would, yet I still could not believe it when she agreed.
Of course, it doesn’t mean anything. She’s just trying to survive, and I don’t want her to slip through my fingers. That’s all. Still, a marriage is a marriage.
“What is it?” David asks, impatient now.
“It’s about Sabrina.”
“I thought we already talked about her.”
“Yes, but I’m going to tell you something more about her. Sabrina and I are–”
“Is she your girlfriend now?” David asks to my surprise.
He’s eight. When did he learn about girlfriends?
“I thought she didn’t like you.”
I crease my eyebrows at him. “What made you think that?”
“She didn’t ask questions about you like the other nannies.”
I nod. I didn’t even know the previous nannies asked him about me.
“And she didn’t talk about you. The nannies before couldn’t stop talking about you.”
I didn’t know that, either. I only noticed when they tried to flirt with me, though I didn’t pay much attention.
“So, is Sabrina your girlfriend? Do you like her?” David asks.
“Do you like her?” I ask him.
“She still has to beat me at–”
“A video game,” I finish the sentence for him. “I know. But let’s just say she didn’t. Would you still like her?”
David shrugs. “Why are you asking?”
“Because I…” Another deep breath. “I’m going to marry Sabrina.”
His eyes grow wide. “No way.”
“Yes, I am.”
“You’re not joking?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not.”
He hugs his pillow tighter, burying half his face in it.
“David?”
Suddenly, he throws his pillow at me. “You tricked me. You said she was going to be my nanny, and now you’re going to marry her?”
“She’ll still take care of you.”
He gets off his bed. “I don’t want her to. I don’t want her anymore.”
I sigh. I knew he wasn’t going to accept it easily.
“David…”
“You can marry her all you want. You can have her. I don’t like her anymore.”
So he did like her. Wait. Is he jealous?
“So you don’t want me to marry her?” I ask.
“Who cares what I want?” He goes into his fortress. “Just marry her. I don’t care. But I won’t be there.”
“Yes, you will,” I tell him as I stand up. “The wedding’s next week, and you’ll be there whether you like it or not.”
***
The wedding takes place in the garden gazebo, a judge presiding, Tess and Gil witnessing along with Carol and my VP, Peter. Lucy is the bridesmaid Sabrina chose, and David reluctantly bears the rings in his white tux. I, too, am wearing a white tux with a royal blue bow tie while Sabrina is wearing a simple, high-waisted, white chiffon dress, a sparkling, royal blue sash wrapped around her waist.
Simple, but stunning.
She’s no longer wearing her contacts, her bluish-gray eyes as beautiful and mesmerizing, if not more so, than her black ones. Her hair is still copper, though, since she said she’s become used to it and for the first time, it’s flowing free from a crown of blue and white flowers, the tips curled and bouncing lightly off her shoulders as she walks. With each step, the folds of her dress drape around her legs, the hem rustling atop the grass. When she looks at me, her lips, coated with her new Estee Lauder lipstick, curve up into a smile. I can’t help but smile as well, my heart drumming.
I know this may not be a real wedding in a sense – yes, there’s a judge but it’s only as real as those on TV reality shows. Even so, I can’t help but feel like a lucky, proud groom.
Damn, she’s one hot bride.
Gil seems to think so, too, as he shakes my hand and puts his arm around me after the wedding.
“Look at that,” he says as he looks at her. “Who would have guessed she was your son’s nanny?”
I grin.
“Hell, if all nannies are that hot, I should sign up for one, too.”
“You need a kid first before you can get a nanny,” I tell him. “Remember that.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“And stop staring at my wife.”
My wife. I can’t believe I get to say that again, and I must admit it feels good.
“What did I say, huh?” He nudges me. “Didn’t I say you were going to end up here?”
“Yeah, you did. But remember, it’s not like that.”
I’ve told Gil the truth, of course.
“Whatever. If I were you, I’d start rethinking that.” He winks.
Just then, Sabrina approaches us. “Hey.”
I hold her arm. “Sabrina, let me introduce you to Gilbert Callaghan, my best man. Gil, this is Mrs. Sabrina Brewster.”
“Now, that has got a nice ring to it,” Gil says, taking Sabrina’s hand. “Though not as nice as that ring on your finger.” He kisses her hand. “Pleasure to finally meet you.”
“The pleasure is mine,” Sabrina says. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
Gil grins. “I’m sure it feels nice to finally have a face to go with those amazing qualities, which is exactly how I feel about you.”
“Charming,” Sabrina says. “But I think I’ve rather developed a dislike for men with honey-coated tongues. Since you and Randall are friends and I guess that makes us friends, why don’t we just cut the bullshit and stop flattering each other?”
I laugh.
“The rose has thorns,” Gil says.
And yet, she’s never shown those to me. Is it because I was her boss or is it because of another reason?
“It looks like you and Gil will get along,” I tell Sabrina as Gil goes off to talk to someone else.
She nods then looks around. “Where’s David?”
I sigh. “He’s gone inside with Lucy. He said he wasn’t feeling well.”
“Really?” Sabrina looks concerned. “Then I should…”
I pull her arm. “He’s just acting up because he still doesn’t want us to get married. I told him he had to
be at the wedding, but since it’s over I guess he left.”
Sabrina frowns. “I really wish he was happy for us. Have you told him the truth?”
I shake my head. “No. He doesn’t really want to talk to me.”
“Or me,” Sabrina says sadly. “Do you think maybe we should have?”
“I doubt it would have made a difference.”
“Yeah.”
“He’ll be fine,” I assure her. “He’ll come around. Now, don’t frown. It’s our wedding day.”
She gives a weak smile.
“Congratulations to the bride and groom,” Carol says as she approaches. “I know this isn’t a real wedding and all…”
Sabrina told her the truth, too.
“But I’m still happy. I think this is a good thing.”
“Have you noticed anything suspicious lately?” I ask her.
“None since the hacking.”
“Hacking?”
“Oh. Sabrina didn’t tell you. My computer was hacked.”
“No, she didn’t mention it,” I say, glancing over at Gil.
Was it one of Vince’s men who hacked her computer, or was it one of Gil’s men?
“But don’t you two worry about it. I just know that Vince isn’t going to come close now.”
“I won’t be too sure,” Sabrina says.
“Oh, stop being such a pessimist,” Carol scolds her. “Oh, look at you, from nanny to wife.”
“I’m still David’s nanny,” Sabrina reminds.
“Yes, technically, you still are but now you’re a wife, too.”
“A pretend wife.”
“Oh, shush.” Carol holds a finger to her lips. “Let’s just call it what it is – wife, husband, wedding. Now, you come with me, and I’ll tell you a thing or two about being a wife, hmm?”
As Sabrina and Carol leave, Tess comes to offer me her hand. “I guess congratulations are in order.”
I shrug but shake her hand. “Have you made the arrangements for the announcement in the papers?”
“Yes, I have. Any minute now, I’ll send them the wedding picture I took earlier.” She shows me the picture. “And they’ll publish the announcement of the wedding at least twenty-four hours after.”
“Good.”
I want Vince to know that Sabrina James is no longer available.
“By the way, nice dress,” I tell her, looking at the royal blue fabric.
“Thank you. Didn’t I tell you royal blue was a good color?”
She was the one who suggested it.
“Yes, and you happened to have a dress the exact color.”
She chuckles.
“Oh, and the lipstick looks perfect on Sabrina.”
“Yeah. I think you already told me that a dozen times. Why don’t you stop staring at it and wipe it off her?”
“I’ve kissed her,” I remind her.
“You call that a kiss, Randall Brewster?” she teases me before walking off.
I exhale then gaze in Sabrina’s direction, watching her as she continues to talk to Carol. I do want to kiss her, really kiss her. Hell, I want to do more, much more.
Suddenly, I can’t wait for tonight.
***
Unfortunately, I have to wait, I realize as I see Sabrina coming out of the bathroom in her pajamas, her face pale and her body tense, her hands shaking slightly.
“Are you all right?” I ask her.
She nods. “Just scared.”
She lies down on the bed.
I frown. I want her more than anything, but right now, she’s not ready. I can tell. The fact that she’s agreed to marry me means that she’s open to the idea of having sex with me. In previous situations, I’ve felt that she wants to. But not completely.
She’s not ready.
I understand. She was traumatized by what Vince did to her.
Damn that Vince. I swear I’m going to break him to pieces if I ever get within an inch of him.
I could wrap my arms around her. I could seduce her. If I do, I know she’ll give in. But no. I’d rather wait until she wants me and comes to me on her own.
I will wait.
“You must be tired,” I tell her, sitting up against the pillows and turning on the TV. “Why don’t you get some sleep?”
“You sure?” she asks, slightly worried.
I nod.
“Good night.” She turns on her side, her back against me.
“Good night.”
I tear my gaze away from the back of her neck, sighing, then get out of the bed. If I’m not going to be having sex with her tonight, I might as well sleep in one of the other dozen rooms, though something tells me that even if I do, it’s going to be a long, hard night.
Runaway
Sabrina
It’s a beautiful morning, I think as I lean against the wall and peek through the thick curtains.
The sun is rising slowly, its first beams making the surface of the fountain below glisten. The breeze is blowing through the leaves in the garden. The sky is turning blue, almost as blue as the sash I wore yesterday at my wedding.
My wedding.
I still can’t believe I’m married. It’s unreal.
Well, it isn’t real, but I also mean that it’s unbelievable to know that I’m someone’s wife, to have a ring on my finger and a man on my bed.
Not just any man. My husband.
I let the curtain slip from my fingers and lean on the wall, watching him sleeping soundly, snoring softly. Maybe he stayed up late?
I don’t know. I fell asleep shortly after I hit the bed.
I was surprised, actually. I thought that he would wrap his arms around me and start kissing me. I thought that since it was our wedding night, he would insist that we have sex, or at least seduce me into being in the mood for it. God knows he has the right to do that now and if he had, I would have resisted maybe a little but I wouldn’t have pushed him away. He did none of that, though.
Is it because he doesn’t want me? He did say we were friends. Maybe he wants us to remain friends.
No. I can tell he wants me. I remember how he looked at me when I was walking toward the gazebo during the wedding. I remember how he looked at me when I came out of the bathroom earlier. I glanced at his crotch and saw the bulge there.
Why then? I can only think of one reason – he’s holding back for my sake.
Maybe he thinks of me as someone frail now that he knows my past. Maybe he feels sorry for me. Or maybe he just thinks I’m not ready, which, frankly, is true.
I’m not ready to give myself to another man who doesn’t love me.
I know he’s not like Vince, not in the slightest. Still, I’m afraid. What if I end up getting hurt? What if I end up falling in love with him but he never loves me back? What if I after give myself to him, he doesn’t want me anymore?
He doesn’t love me. He only married me because he felt some misplaced duty to protect me – maybe he was a knight in a previous life, after all – and because he wants me to keep taking care of David.
David.
For the past week, he hasn’t spoken to me. He hasn’t even looked at me. Needless to say, we haven’t played that video game. I’d like to, but it’s almost like the challenge never existed, and he’s acting like we’re complete strangers again.
Back to square one.
I feel bad. I feel like I betrayed David. I gave him the impression that I was here for him, not for his father. Maybe in his eyes, I’m even worse than those other nannies. At least they didn’t try to get close to David or act nice to him. Their intentions were clear from the start. I, on the other hand, offered to be his friend, tried to be his friend, and then ended up becoming something else.
And to think that one of the reasons I stayed was because I didn’t want to hurt him, because I wanted to continue to watch over him, support him, encourage him, make him happy.
How ironic.
He must hate me now. Even Zombie seems wary of me. Maybe he’s confused, too, b
ecause I told him I was leaving but I didn’t.
Maybe I should have left.
I shake my head. No. Leaving was not the solution. He would have been hurt if I left. He might have ended up hating me just the same. At least now, even if he hates me, I still have a chance to change that. I still have a chance to return our relationship to the way it was.
No. I don’t just have a chance. I have a responsibility. After all, I’m technically his mother now.
I’m not giving up on him.
With a fresh sense of determination, I quietly leave the room, closing the door slowly behind me.
It’s time to have another talk with David. And this time, I’m not going to leave his side until I make him understand me.
***
“David?” I knock on the door to his bedroom for the third time.
No answer.
In the past, I would just leave, thinking that he needed some time alone to think things over and accept them. This time, though, I’ve decided to talk to him so I push the door open.
“David, I’m coming in.”
Still no answer.
Strange. His room seems quiet. Is he still asleep? Usually, at this time, he’s watching TV or banging the drums.
Zombie isn’t here, either. Maybe he’s outside?
I go to David’s bed, seeing the lump under the blanket. So he’s still asleep. Maybe he stayed up, too.
At least, that’s what I think before taking a closer look at that lump, which looks like something I’ve seen before.
It looks like that lump I left on the bed in Vince’s house, one that’s meant to deceive.
Sure enough, as I pull the blanket off, I see only pillows and stuffed toys underneath and at the sight, I get a bad feeling in my gut.
“David!”
***
“What do you mean David isn’t here?” A sleepy Randall asks as I follow him to his office.
I didn’t want to wake him, but I had to.
“I mean we can’t find him,” I explain. “I’ve asked Lucy and Mrs. Wilson and the others to look for him everywhere and we can’t find him.”
“Did you look in the pantry?”
“Yes.”
