“Hey, there he is,” someone shouted from behind him. “I told you we should have checked here first.” Chase recognized the familiar voice, and whirled around. A smile formed on his lips. His friends had found him.
“We’re ready to go,” one of them said. “You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”
“Nope. Absolutely wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Chase answered cheerfully. He tossed some money on the counter. Without touching the beer, he walked away from the bar, and followed his friends into the bright sunshine outside.
*****
Sarah stared unseeing out the window. The cold December wind howled ferociously, and the cabin’s eaves groaned in protest. The glass panes creaked. Behind her, the fire in the hearth crackled and popped loudly. She didn’t have to turn to know her mother had added more logs. Sarah wrapped her shawl more tightly around her shoulders. One hand darted instinctively to her stomach. The cold seeping in through the cracks in the window sill matched the iciness in her heart.
“I hope your father gets back soon.” Sarah’s mother moved to stand beside her, peering anxiously out the window. “It looks like we’re going to get more snow. With just the three of us this year, he really didn’t need to go out to shoot a turkey for Christmas dinner.”
Sarah caught the wistfulness in her mother’s voice. This would be the first year the entire family wasn’t together for Christmas. A trapper had told her parents at rendezvous that he had met her brothers in St. Louis. They had mentioned they might spend the year in the city, or at Fort Raymond, and return the following spring after the snow melt.
Sarah sighed. She tried to swallow away the bitter taste in her mouth. Nothing was the same anymore. The summer had certainly changed her. She was no longer the naïve girl she had been. Her delight in the world and her surroundings had disappeared along with the man she thought herself in love with. No amount of coaxing from either of her parents had lifted her somber mood over the months. On some level, she still blamed her father for Chase’s leaving. He’d known about Chase’s plans, and he’d even helped him.
Sarah turned away from the window. The emptiness in her heart would not go away by blaming others. She knew that. Chase had made his choice. How often had he said he needed to find his way home? She still believed he loved her, just not enough to stay with her. I hope you found your happiness, Chase. She held on to that thought. Her mother had been right. She wouldn’t want him to stay with her if he truly didn’t want to be here. These thoughts did nothing to lessen her feelings of loss.
Sarah rubbed at her abdomen. She’d already altered her britches several times to accommodate her expanding waist. At least her loose fitting shirts, and the way she wore her belt, could still disguise the truth. Without any clothing, the fact that she carried Chase’s child was already evident. She’d kept the pregnancy hidden from her parents all this time. Shame and humiliation held her back from telling them. What would they think of her? Her mother knew she had been intimate with Chase. Did she ever wonder if that union had created a child? Her father would be furious. Sarah didn’t want to think about what he would do to her.
She sighed. A few more weeks at most, and everyone who saw her would know. What would she tell people? She would never find a husband in her condition. And who would want her for a wife now? She had lain with a man without the benefit of marriage. Now she would pay the price of her actions for the rest of her life. Not that she had any desires to marry. She would never love another man the way she had -still did - love Chase. That he didn’t feel the same about her hurt deeply.
Sarah smiled softly. Despite all the shame she would have to endure, she would love this child as much, and more, as she had loved its father. Chase had given her a part of himself, and no one could take that away from her. If she had to live as an outcast for the rest of her life, she would manage somehow.
It had taken Sarah several months after Chase disappeared to realize the truth of her condition. Her monthly flow had stopped, and when the nausea took over each morning, she couldn’t deny it any longer. She’d kept her sickness hidden from her parents, although it wasn’t easy at times. Thankfully, it had only lasted a few weeks.
“What can I do to help prepare dinner, mama?” Sarah asked. She headed for the workbench, picking through the heap of root vegetables on the counter.
“There’s not much to do right now. The pies are ready to go into the fire, but we’ll wait. If your father brings home a bird, it’ll be a while before it’s cooked. You can help with the plucking. You know how much I hate that.”
Sarah smiled at her mother. “Sure, mama,” she said quietly. She added more wood to the fire to stave off the cold. Rummaging through some tins on the shelves above the workbench, she found the tin with dried nettles. Reaching for a cup, she dumped a handful in, and added hot water from the kettle hanging over the fire. Perhaps some hot tea would chase away the coldness inside her.
“Unless you’re not up for plucking a bird in your condition,” her mother said from behind her. Sarah spun around. Her mother looked at her, her eyes filled with concern.
“I think you’ve been burdened long enough, Sarah,” she said softly, and placed her hand on Sarah’s stomach. With a gasp, Sarah jumped back. Wide-eyed, she stared at her mother.
“How…how long have you known?” she asked, her voice cracking.
Her mother smiled. “For months. I’ve suspected probably before you became aware yourself. I thought you’d have come to me by now. You won’t be able to hide it much longer.”
Sarah hung her head. “Does papa know?”
“I don’t think so. Men don’t pay attention to these kinds of things, until it becomes obvious.” She paused. “Another month, and it will be. Right now, your clothes are still disguising your growing belly.”
“What will I do?” Sarah blurted, the tears flowing freely. Her mother knew. There was no judgment, only understanding. Sarah rushed to her mother, and fell into the older woman’s arms. Relief swept over her that she didn’t carry this secret bottled up inside any longer. She should have come forth with the truth right away. Her mother soothed her with quiet words and shushing sounds, just as she’d done when Sarah was a little girl.
The cabin door burst open suddenly, sending cold air rushing in.
“Daniel, you’re back!” her mother exclaimed. Sarah stepped away from her and hastily swiped at the tears on her face. Her mother hurried to close the door. Her father held a huge turkey in his hands by its legs. He handed the bird to her mother, who shot Sarah a meaningful look.
“We’ll talk later,” her mother said with a reassuring smile, and Sarah rushed over and took the turkey from her.
Her father shook out of his heavy buffalo robe and gloves, rubbing his hands together. “A turkey’s not all I brought,” he said, a wide grin on his face. His eyes darted between his wife and Sarah.
The door opened again. “Merry Christmas, mama!” Three men spoke in unison. Sarah’s mother gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. The room suddenly became smaller after they all filed in.
“Oh my goodness, you’re home!” She spread her arms, reaching up to hug Sarah’s brothers one at a time, tears in her eyes. “How did you get here in this weather? All the way from Fort Raymond?”
The men all beamed. “We wouldn’t miss Christmas here at home, now would we, mama,” Samuel said, giving his mother a warm hug. “The passes weren’t that bad. It only took eight days.”
Zach and Matthew, her twin brothers, approached Sarah. Matthew lifted her up and spun her around. “Hey little girl. You’ve grown again since spring,” he beamed. “Looks like you’ve packed on some pounds, too.”
“Hi, Matt,” Sarah smiled, and hastily stepped away from him.
“We’re gonna have an even harder time fending off the men, Matt. She’s starting to look real fine.” Zach grinned, giving her a bear hug of his own. He set her away from him and gave her an approving once-over. Except for their mother’s blonde hair, Sa
rah’s brother’s features and smiles were so much like their father’s.
Samuel, her older brother by two years, walked up to her, a wide boyish grin on his face. His tousled blonde hair hung in strands over his eyes, no matter how often he shook his head to fling them out of his face.
“So, sissy, what have you been up to?” He punched her lightly on the arm. Sarah swatted his hand away, and shot him an angry glare. “I thought I’d come home and be an uncle by now. Kwyioo sure talked about you a lot this past spring. We all told him he was crazy.” He turned to grin at his brothers.
“Yeah, we keep saying she needs someone who’s gonna put her over his knee and keep her in her place every day. I don’t think she’s met that man yet,” Matt chimed in.
“Enough teasing, boys.” Her mother stood with her hands on her hips. “A lot has happened while you were gone. This is not the kind of talk your sister needs to hear right now.” She glared at her sons, and no one dared argue with her. Samuel scratched his head, and tried to look demure. Matthew shuffled his feet. Zach coughed.
Sarah’s eyes filled with tears, and she gritted her teeth. Dammit, why did she have to cry in front of them? She’d never hear the end of it. Samuel’s smile faded.
Everyone stared at her. If only the floorboards could open up and swallow her.
“Well,” her mother clapped her hands together, breaking the tension. “I think we do need to get this turkey prepped. Sarah, can you give me a hand?”
Glad to get away from her brothers, Sarah headed for the workbench to start the tedious task of de-feathering the bird.
“Actually, Sarah, I need your help with something else.” Sarah turned to stare at her father. “Samuel, go pluck the turkey for your mother,” he added. Samuel shot Sarah a disgruntled look. Sarah turned away from him. Any other time, she would have gloated that her brother was asked to take over a chore he didn’t relish doing. There was no satisfaction this time.
“There’s a stray dog in the old cabin. I thought you could take a look and see if you recognize him. You know all the dogs that belong to the villagers. Perhaps you can help this one find his way home.”
“Sure, papa,” Sarah stammered. What an odd request. He obviously wanted to talk to her brothers alone. He handed her his buffalo robe, which was still warm from his body heat. She slipped it on, and wrapped it around herself. It was much too big for her, but it would keep her warm in the freezing cold.
“I hope you don’t mind, mama,” she heard Zach’s voice in the background as she opened the door. A cold blast of air hit her in the face. “….. a friend along. Nice fella we met in Fort Raymond…..”
Sarah pulled the door shut, drowning out her family’s chatter, and wrapped the coat more tightly around herself. She pulled the fur up over her face and braced herself for the cold gust of wind that burned every exposed piece of skin. Keeping her head tucked low, she pushed through the deep snow, stepping in the tracks that her brothers and father had left. She trudged on. The company of a stray dog was preferable to her at the moment than facing her family.
Chapter 34
By the time Sarah reached the little cabin, her nose and cheeks were numb, despite having them buried in the heavy coat. She quickly opened the door, and slipped inside. If the dog darted out, she’d never catch him.
Her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkened interior of the cabin. It was freezing cold in here, too. Her breath looked like steam when she exhaled. A shuffling noise behind her that could not have been made by a dog made her turn. She gasped, and her hand reflexively went to her belt. A tall figure stood in the shadows, wrapped in layers of furs. Only his eyes were visible. Green eyes. Eyes that had haunted her every day for the past five months. Her hand flew to her mouth. Tears rolled halfway down her face and stung her cheeks and froze in place.
“Hello, Sarah.” The man said softly, pulling the fur covering away from his face.
“Chase,” she whispered. Her hands flew to her stomach.
“How are you, angel?” He took a tentative step towards her, and she backed away. Her mind raced. How was he here? He didn’t have the time travel device. Her father had said he disposed of it in the hell mouth.
He looked different. His heavy winter clothes were fashioned from buffalo hide and fur. On the ground by his feet lay a hornbow and flintlock. His hair was much longer than she remembered, almost to his shoulders. The most noticeable change was in his face. The boy in him was gone. In his place, before her, stood a man who projected confidence.
He held out his hand. Sarah backed up some more, bumping into a wooden trunk. She shook her head. All these months, all the heartache….
“Let me explain, Sarah. Please, I…..”
“How are you here?” she interrupted, steeling her voice. Her heart and mind raced out of control. All the feelings of loss, anger, and pain jumbled together.
“I came by the usual mode of transportation, angel. On horseback”
Her eyes narrowed. “You didn’t go home to the future?” Renewed jabs of pain ripped through her heart. He had remained here, but left her? After everything they’d shared. After she….. Her baby…their child. What would he say when he found out? All the feelings of humiliation and shame she’d endured over the last five months, of being a fallen woman with a child and no husband.
Chase shook his head. “There was never anything for me to go back to. Heck, I’m just another statistic in the future. Just another lost hiker in Yellowstone whose body is never recovered.” He paused, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Elk Runner told me that from the start, that I was already home. It took me a long time to realize he was right.”
Sarah’s entire body trembled. Whether from the cold, or the shock of seeing Chase standing in front of her, she didn’t know. He took another slow step towards her. Her hand shot out, and she shook her head. “Don’t come any closer,” she said, her teeth chattering, despite all her efforts to set her jaw. He stopped, but his eyes remained on her, intense and full of longing.
He sighed, and turned away. “You’re freezing cold. Let me get a fire going, okay.” Without waiting for an answer, he knelt by the hearth. Rooting with his hand inside the layers of fur he wore, he produced a flint, and gathered some kindling from the wood box. Sarah watched the efficiency in which he worked. In no time, a glowing fire roared to life. Memories flooded her mind of the first time she had taught him how to build a fire.
“Come over here, Sarah. I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be, but you don’t need to stand in the cold.” He held his own hands to the flames momentarily to warm them, then rose to his feet and faced her again.
“Here, I’ll move.” He backed away. “Come stand by the fire.”
Sarah eyed him warily, but did as he asked. She was freezing cold, and the fire promised warmth. She had to think of her baby. Neither of them spoke for a while. His intense perusal made her uncomfortable. He wouldn’t take his eyes off her. Sarah lowered her head. Maybe she couldn’t keep him from staring at her, but she didn’t have to look back at him.
“You’re as beautiful as I remember,” he said quietly. “In fact, you’re more radiant than ever. There’s something different about you.”
Her head shot up, and she glared at him. Did he suspect something?
“Why?” she demanded, her voice raised. “Why did you leave, Chase?” She bit her trembling lower lip.
He inhaled deeply. “Because I needed to prove something to myself. I was living between worlds, Sarah. I didn’t fit in here, and I knew I didn’t want to go back to where I came from, back to my old life. The thought of leaving you…never seeing you again….. I wasn’t the kind of man who could take care of you. You deserved someone better. I needed to be better.”
“You left me, Chase. You left, after….after I gave myself to you.” The tears flowed freely now. She wheeled around and turned her back to him.
He sucked in a big gulp of air. “I’m sorry, angel. It had to be this way.” She stiffened.
He stood right behind her. She felt the heat coming off his body, and his breath in her ear.
“Why? Why did you have me believe you returned to the future?” She turned to stare up at him.
“If I had said to you that I needed to go out on my own, tell me now you wouldn’t have tried to talk me out of it, or would have wanted to come with me.” He gazed intently into her eyes. “This is something I had to do by myself. And if I didn’t survive, if something happened to me, well…. I wanted to spare you the pain of potentially losing me twice. If you thought I was gone for good, you could be angry with me, and go on with your life, in case I didn’t make it back to you.” He stepped away from her.
Sarah blinked away her tears, and sniffed. She wanted to run from the cabin, but she couldn’t. Something held her back. She needed to know more. It still seemed so unreal that he was here. Part of her wanted to throw herself into his arms. The other part wanted to stay angry for all the hurt he’d caused. She had to tell him he would be a father. She wouldn’t have to face raising a child without a husband after all. But could she use this baby as an excuse to bind him to her? Did she want to force a marriage on him?
“When did you decide to do all this? Where did you go?”
“It had been on my mind for a while,” he looked at her, then sat down by the hearth, his elbows resting on his knees. “Elk Runner was always talking crazy to me, saying I needed to go on a vision quest, to realize right here was where I belonged. I didn’t pay any attention to him at first.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I was torn between what I feel for you, and needing to get back to my own time. Your father was so patient with me, trying to teach me survival skills. You have no idea how inadequate I felt, next to him.”
Yellowstone Redemption Page 27
