by Wendy Wax
“I am not the ‘good enough’ police,” Maddie said as she had so many times before. “But can anyone rephrase that?”
“Working on it.” Nikki got up, walked into the hallway, and came back with Sofia, whom she set back down on her hands and knees. “Why don’t we drink to . . . having new evidence that will help bring Bertie to justice.”
“Wow, that was good,” Avery said.
“Definitely good.” Bitsy refilled her glass. “And it can’t happen soon enough.”
Nikki stood and took a mock bow. “Why, thank you. I am honored to accept the first ever One Good Thing quick-thinking award. And while I’m at it, Joe coming home on Friday is my one good thing. I’m so ready for him to get back.”
They clinked and drank. Maddie felt the warmth of their friendship wrap around her.
“And.” Nikki eyed the girls, and lowered her voice. “I’m also ready for a little less Luvie.”
The twins stopped what they were doing to crow, “Luffeee!” Gemma opened her arms as if reaching for a hug and fell on her bottom. A sharp cry of what sounded like indignation split the air.
“Sorry, but the woman is too perfect. And she’s always there,” Nikki said.
“I would have given anything for that kind of help when Kyra and Andrew were little,” Maddie said.
“Yeah, well, there’s help and then there’s feeling completely superfluous,” Nikki said. “But enough about me.” She turned to Avery. “How’s the project over on Vina del Mar coming?”
“Good. It’s good.” Avery sat up straighter. “I like figuring out how to make the most of every inch of space. Customizing and making it personal is really satisfying.” She munched a Cheez Doodle. “In fact, building tiny is definitely my one good thing.” She raised her glass and they clinked and drank. “Plus the timeline is shorter. So there’s more immediate gratification for everyone involved.”
“Do I sense a ‘but’?” Bitsy asked.
“No,” Avery said. “No ‘buts.’”
“Are you sure?” Nikki asked. “Because I could have sworn I heard a ‘but’ in there, too.”
“Nope.” Avery sipped her wine, slathered fish spread on a cracker, added a drop of Tabasco. “I thought we were going to work on Maddie’s wardrobe.”
“Said the person who cares less about clothes than anyone else in this room. Including Sofia and Gemma,” Nikki observed drily.
Avery continued to eat. “I just thought that was what was supposed to be happening.”
“So there’s no problem?” Bitsy asked.
Avery shook her head no, but her face said yes.
An expectant silence fell. Maddie went to retrieve more napkins. Nikki lifted Gemma, who’d been using her mother’s thigh as a balancing board, into her lap.
Bitsy busied herself opening the second bottle of wine.
“Fine! Okay! So there’s a problem.” Avery threw her hands up. “There’s a problem with me!”
They waited.
“Fine,” she said again. “The problem is that when I’m on a job, the first person I want to call or tell or show it to is . . .” She stopped.
“Chase?” Maddie asked softly.
“Yes. Chase.” Irritation infused each word. “I mean nothing personal, but you guys aren’t exactly dying to discuss whether it’s worth it to spend the extra money on a composting toilet.”
“True. I don’t give a shit about a composting toilet,” Nikki quipped.
There was laughter.
Maddie reached for a cracker and began to coat it with fish spread. “So you just miss talking shop with Chase.”
“Right,” Avery said, not quite meeting her eye.
Maddie covered more crackers with fish spread then offered them around. It was actually a relief to watch someone else struggle over a relationship. So much easier than trying to untangle her own.
“And I miss getting his opinion on the custom built-ins at Martha Wyatt’s. I know he’d really appreciate the storage I’m building into the stairs that lead up to the loft.” Avery stopped talking abruptly.
“I understand what you’re saying,” Nikki added. “So what you’re really missing are the professional aspects of the relationship you shared.”
Maddie kept her head down and her smile to herself.
“Well, there are other things I miss about him.” Avery’s tone softened, but only for a moment. “But I don’t really see why he thought he needed more. I mean, what could he possibly be sharing with that Riley Hancock? I bet you that girl doesn’t even know which end of the hammer is the business end. And I guarantee she couldn’t drive in a nail if her life depended on it.”
There was a snort that no one owned up to.
“I hope to hell you aren’t laughing at me. Because this is not funny.”
“No one’s laughing,” Maddie said, though it seemed Nikki was. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting what makes us the most comfortable. But sometimes we have to listen to what the other person wants. And sometimes if it isn’t a complete negation of who we are or what we want, we do it. It’s called compromise.”
The word “compromise” reverberated in Maddie’s brain, making her flush with shame. How much compromising had she done? She’d barely considered Will’s feelings. She’d just bailed and expected him to be understanding without thinking about how her actions might affect him or his songwriting.
“So you think I should commit to Chase after he pushed me away the way he did when Jason was having problems? He shut me out completely!” Her voice rang with hurt and indignation.
“But he apologized and said he wanted you back and that he wanted to prove to you that you could trust him. But you didn’t really give him a chance,” Nikki pointed out.
“That’s because he moved too fast. He thought just because we were spending time together again and that we’re good in bed meant we would automatically go back where we used to be. And now he’s dating that Riley. Even if he weren’t, I’m just not ready. I’m . . . I’m scared.”
Avery’s fear was palpable, the admission nothing short of stunning. Maddie’s hands clasped around her wineglass. Was it fear that had sent her fleeing from Mermaid Point? Fear of being insignificant? Fear that Will would finally notice how lacking in drive and ambition she was? Fear that once she was on tour with him and her whole world revolved around his schedule, his needs, that she’d truly cease to exist? She had given herself wholly to her family and claimed that she wanted something more for herself, but still had no idea what. If not Will, then what was it she wanted?
“We’re all afraid, Avery,” Maddie said, reaching for her friend’s hand. “No matter how much we try to push our fears aside or pretend they don’t exist.” She swallowed, thinking just how much she’d been trying to outrun. “Somehow we have to find a way to do what we want and be with whomever we choose in spite of that fear.” Her hand shook slightly as she raised her glass. “To pushing through the fear.”
They finished their wine, the silence spooling out around them, the twins’ babbles and movements the only sounds.
Nikki stood. “All right. I say it’s time for fashion!” She and Bitsy headed for the bedroom.
Avery ate a Cheez Doodle and poured them both another glass of wine. “Thanks, Maddie,” she said quietly. “I still don’t know what the hell I’m going to do, but I feel a little better. It helps to know I’m not the only one trying to figure it out.”
When Bitsy and Nikki returned and spread the clothing out on the sofa, Maddie turned her attention in an effort to be polite. But as coordinating pieces were laid together, she began to realize just how perfect they were and what a great addition they might make.
First up was a pair of nude lace-up block-heeled shoes and an Alice and Olivia lace-accented blouse to go with a pair of boyfriend jeans they’d pulled from her suitcase.
“Nice, right?” Nikki said. “You’re welcome to keep the shoes—my feet went up half a size while I was pregnant and they don’t seem to be going back. Just have to be sure to roll up the jeans to keep them looking current. And I think this nude bucket bag will go with everything.”
Next, Bitsy laid out a pair of skinny black jeans with leather on the front panel. “These are Helmut Lang. They’re a classic and they have the added benefit of actually being comfortable—lots of stretch but great sucking-in properties.” The top she set above it was a blousy silk floral by Joie. The heels were pointy and black.
“You can also pair these pants or your rolled-up boyfriend jeans with this black V-neck tee and heels. Then you just finish it off with this Alexander McQueen signature scarf. I figured the skull motif would be very rock ’n’ roll.” The next was a black-and-white T-shirt dress. “I thought this Stella McCartney might be an easy thing to throw on. It’s got a great abstract pattern, plus the three-quarter sleeve and a split-layer hem. You can wear it with the nude or black shoes.”
The rest of their offerings were equally well chosen. A multi-angled and patterned boatneck top, and a short, sleeveless shell and knee-length sweater in a brilliant blue. Bitsy arranged long pendant necklaces in gold and silver and big hoops and smaller sharp-edged earrings near the clothes. “And I’ve added these two cold-shoulder tunics for travel because they’re comfortable and they’ll go with everything. And because, let’s face it, our shoulders are often the last body parts to go.”
Maddie studied the outfits. Everything was age appropriate, yet current. They would make a statement without shouting. She turned to her friends, who’d gone to such trouble to make sure she wouldn’t fade into the woodwork. “These are absolutely perfect! Are you sure you’re okay loaning them out?”
“Absolutely,” Nikki said.
“God, yes,” Bitsy added. “At least our clothes will be traveling and having a good time.”
“I hope I’ll remember what goes with what,” Maddie said, eyeing the pieces arranged on the couch.
“You won’t have to,” Bitsy said, pulling out her phone. “I’m going to take pictures of the outfits and all the pieces that can go together. My stylist always used to do that. It’s awesome having a reference at your fingertips.” She smiled as she began to shoot photos.
At a nudge from Nikki, Avery retrieved a simple white box from behind the sofa and handed it to Maddie. “This is from all tree of us.” She swayed slightly and corrected, “That’s the three of us.”
“It’s for you and Will,” Nikki said as Maddie opened the box and carefully pulled apart the tissue paper.
A satin peignoir with a simple lace bodice and trim, in the same brilliant blue as the sweater set, lay folded inside. “Oh, my gosh.” Maddie ran a hand over the silky satin. “It’s so beautiful. Thank you.”
“We thought Will might find this a little more tempting than your plaid Christmas pajamas,” Nikki teased.
“Or the ones with the puppy dogs,” Avery added.
Maddie joined in the laughter even as her eyes blurred with tears. “As much as I didn’t think I needed the tweaking, I’m so glad you put these outfits together. I guess I was more nervous than I realized about what it’s going to be like on the road with Will and the band.”
The clothes were put away in her bedroom. The twins fell asleep on the carpet as Maddie, Nikki, Bitsy, and Avery finished the wine and snacks. She hugged them close as they said good night, then stood in the doorway watching them walk to their cottages in the moonlight. As she closed the door she thought of all the advice she’d dispensed since she’d arrived, about handling fear and making and keeping commitments. And most of all what she’d said to Troy about showing rather than telling. It seemed the time had come to follow her own advice.
Twenty
“You don’t have to walk me home. I just live over there.” Avery pointed toward her cottage.
“Actually, you live that way.” Bitsy took hold of Avery’s shoulders and turned her in the opposite direction.
“You sure?” Avery squinted but it all looked like a dark, damp blur.
“Positive. Come on, I’ll walk you to the door. Otherwise I’m afraid we’re going to find you lying underneath a palm tree in the morning. The good news is you’re not going to be hurting anyone but yourself. But still, friends don’t let friends walk home drunk.”
“How’d you get to be such a good drinker?” Avery had to search for the words through the mental fog that seemed to have descended.
“I don’t know. Just born that way, I guess. Too bad you can’t make a living from the ability to consume large quantities of alcohol without losing your faculties.”
“I always thought I felt alcohol so easy cuz I’m so . . . small.”
“No, I think this may be one of the few areas where size really doesn’t matter.” Bitsy laughed. “Bertie was close to six two and after one drink he’d be on his ass. Alcohol was a big part of our social scene, so he finally learned to just carry a drink around with him all night. I actually used to think that was kind of endearing.”
“Chase used to be enduring. Or did you say engineering?” She blinked. “Are we there yet? Cuz I’m pretty sure I need to pee.”
Bitsy’s arm linked through hers and they started walking faster.
“I hate that men can just pee anywhere and we have to find a bathroom. It’s so unfair.”
“Yeah, I think about that all the time,” Bitsy said. “When I’m not busy thinking about how to make a living or how to find Bertie. Or whether there’s even any money left to be found.”
“Do ya miss him?” Avery stopped and swayed, making Bitsy stop with her. A cottage materialized, no longer a part of the hedge. She was pretty sure it was hers.
“When I’m not furious with him? Yes. Sometimes I wake up during the night and reach for him. It’s so beautiful because I’ve forgotten every awful thing that happened. And I want him.” Bitsy expelled a breath of air. “Now I can’t even tell myself that the exotic dancer was the first indiscretion. He was just a lying cheater. And I was too stupid to see it.”
“I miss Chase. I want him.”
“You could actually do something about that, you know.” Bitsy brought them to a stop in front of a small porch that looked a lot like hers. “But I’d wait until you’re sober. Do you have a key?”
Avery patted her pockets. “No.” She patted them again. “Oh, wait.” She squatted down and reached under the welcome mat.
“Seriously?” Bitsy took the key and inserted it in the lock for her.
“It worked, didn’ it?”
“Yes. But that is the first place a criminal would look.”
Avery swayed.
“Okay. I suggest two aspirin and a large glass of water before you go to sleep.”
“S’ good idea. Thanks for the ride.” Avery pushed the door open and stepped inside.
“I’m not moving until I hear the door lock behind you.”
Avery slammed the door.
“Don’t forget to . . .”
“Okay!” Avery fumbled the lock closed. Her one-bedroom, one-bath “castle” was small, just the way she liked it. She’d like it even more if it would stop spinning. She made it to the bathroom and then to the bedroom, where she plopped down on the bed and struggled out of her clothes. Something clattered to the floor and she bent over to feel for it, which sent the room whirling more wildly. Her fingers closed around her cell phone and she held on to it as she fell back on the bed. The sheets were cool on her naked skin and she closed her eyes, luxuriating in the sensation. The spinning slowed. She sighed with the pleasure of being home and in her own bed. Alone. And naked. Her thoughts drifted, soft as a cloud. Chase. Kneeling over her. His lips skimming down her body, across her navel, his hair tickling her breasts.
Her hand moved toward her body, followed the imagi
nary path of Chase’s fingers and mouth, languid with memory. Her fingers wrapped around something small and hard wedged against her thigh. She lifted it and her cell phone came to life, lighting the darkness. She stared at the screen and before she’d known she was going to do it, she’d hit speed dial. She lay listening to the ringtone.
“Avery?” Chase’s voice brought a smile to her lips along with a heady tug of desire.
“Hmmm?” The word felt like a purr leaving her mouth.
“Are you all right?” His voice and the concern in it slid over her like the warm caress she’d been imagining, making her back arch in a totally feline way. “Do you need something?”
“Yes.” Her thoughts were thick with memory. Her skin felt so hot it might have been on fire. “Yes,” she said. “I’m pretty sure I do.” But as she drifted off with the phone clutched to her chest, she wasn’t sure whether she’d said the words aloud.
She awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside. Sunlight slanted in through the blinds. Her phone sat on the nightstand. There was a man lying next to her and he was as naked as she was. She knew this because she was pressed up against rock-hard flesh and locked in a muscled forearm. A familiar hand rested on her breast. As if it belonged to him.
She scrambled out from underneath the arm, pulling the rumpled sheet up over her as she sat up against the headboard. Blue eyes opened and took her in. A pair of much-too-familiar lips lifted into a smile.
“Good morning.” Chase sat up, not bothering with a sheet. He scratched his chest lazily with one hand. His cheeks were covered in dark stubble. His dark hair stood up every which way.
“What are you doing here?”
“You called and I came.”
She shook her head and pain sliced through it. She stilled and poked more gingerly through the pulsing, throbbing mass of cotton wool that was her brain, searching for a memory of the night before. Fragments emerged. She bit back a groan.
“Ah, I see it’s coming back to you.” Chase grinned cheerfully, scratched his chest again. “You probably need coffee.” Definitely naked, he got out of bed and padded—no, make that swaggered, into the kitchen. When he returned she’d splashed water on her face, brushed her teeth, and pulled on her robe. But she hadn’t been able to find the . . .
