Kelly’s Rules
Barbara Miller
Blush sensuality level: This is a sweet romance (kisses only, no sexual content).
Kelly Barr specializes in revitalizing old houses. Too bad she hasn’t been able to do the same thing for her love life. So many men have let her down that she now has a list of dating rules.
Just as she is about to give up completely and get a dog to fill the void, hunk Quinn Farrell walks into her life. He has just bought a crumbling Victorian house and wants her to help him renovate it. As they work together, she starts to hope he might measure up to her rules.
Quinn is attracted to Kelly, but he is nursing his own wounds inflicted by the opposite sex. He’s in the process of a divorce, but his soon-to-be-ex-wife has decided she’s not ready to let him go and she’s willing to fight dirty to keep him.
Together Quinn and Kelly learn that every member of the opposite sex isn’t out to hurt them and that true love doesn’t always play by the rules.
A Blush® contemporary romance from Ellora’s Cave
Kelly’s Rules
Barbara Miller
Chapter One
“Rule 1: When trying to get over a man, do something for yourself, but make sure it’s something good.” — Separating the Men from the Animals by Kelly Barr
Kelly couldn’t bear to look at herself in the mirror. Instead she kept pacing the downstairs hallway in her refurbished Victorian house, picking up the phone and setting it down again. Finally, she summoned the courage to dial. “Sue? I cut my hair.” She blurted it into the phone to get the confession over with.
Her best friend shrieked in her ear. Kelly held the receiver a foot away until Sue’s initial shock wore off and her rant dropped in decibels to something that would not cause the tiny hairs in Kelly’s ear canal to snap off and die. In fact Kelly thought she could hear Sue without the aid of the phone since she lived only a few streets away. Really if Sue cared that much about hair, you’d think she’d consider the important ones inside Kelly’s ear.
“Listen, Sue. I’m tired of conditioning, oiling, rolling, straightening. Mostly I’m tired of men stroking my hair like I was some sort of obedient dog.”
“Well, what’s it look like?” Sue demanded.
She spun to look at Kelly Barr, amateur barber, in the antique hall mirror, the one Sue wanted to buy. Her mop now looked sort of like a faded red ski cap and did great things for her green eyes, which now looked inordinately large.
Rats. She looked even more like a puppy.
“It looks like I hacked it off with a pair of sewing scissors. Actually I was going to use the pinking shears but I think I lent those to you. Could you look—”
“I’ll be right over,” Sue said.
“I’m planning on going out.”
“Well if you didn’t want me to rush over there and rescue your hair, why did you call me?”
“I didn’t want you to be shocked next time you saw me or maybe not even recognize me and ignore me in the mall. On the other hand…” Kelly had to admit Sue was right. If anyone could help her hair, Sue could.
“That bad, huh? I’ll be right over.”
“Sue, wait…” But her friend had disconnected, which didn’t mean she’d be right over. First she would have to make sure her current boyfriend could watch her kids. She’d have to dole out movie money and change her clothes at least twice. Kelly had watched Sue get ready to go out many times while Kelly looked for something to read other than magazines on hair care and skin treatments at the island in her friend’s kitchen. Finally Sue would have to do her own hair and this would take her at least an hour today since it would have to be perfect to set an example for freelance hair croppers like Kelly who took the law into their own hands.
Kelly had met Sue Fry when she refurbished her beauty shop on Market Street now called Sue’s Dos. Kelly had been hoping for a new look after dumping an obsessive-compulsive who counted the sheets of toilet paper she was using. Sue had redesigned Kelly and they became fast friends with a united purpose, to find the right man. Since then they’d been at it for six years. Neither of them had found the right man, but their friendship was solid.
Kelly thought about that while she sneaked up on her Jeep, the Beast. Ordinarily she would jog to the store for ice cream, but it was hot outside. If she jogged there and back she’d need another shower and Sue’s double chocolate ripple and her own cherry vanilla would both suffer.
To her surprise, the Jeep started and the battery seemed good. She usually walked to work when refurbishing one of the old Victorian houses in town. The only reason to start the Jeep was if she needed to pick up supplies. She thought the Beast held that against her by being cranky when she needed it the most. But it secretly knew Kelly could just as easily run to the store today, so it had no problem starting. In fact, it probably needed a short lope after a summer with few excursions. The Beast was male, of course, and a haunting shade of green.
Maybe she’d buy it fresh gas on the way and if it was really good, a can of oil for a treat. Maybe she needed a dog or a cat. What she really wanted was a baby. She was twenty-eight and just had this feeling that her last good egg was about to drop. Kelly had set all these goals in her life—college, job, house, marriage to the right man, and one child, any gender. She had to leave something to chance.
She had redone four houses and had been stalled on finding the right man, which was a bit of an impediment to her last goal, the baby, any sex. By now she was almost ready to settle for any act of sex that would produce said child.
Kelly parked, left the Jeep running with one key in the ignition, then locked it with the other key and rushed into the store. They had her flavor in quarts but Sue’s only in pints or half-gallons. This was more than a pint-sized discussion. Kelly turned on her mental calculator and decided to spring for the half-gallon for Sue. She could take the rest home if it got late.
She jogged to the checkout lines and picked the twelve-item line, which seemed to be moving faster than the four-item line. Probably she should have bought two more items, like milk and bread, but she hadn’t been thinking. Kelly never really shopped for groceries with a plan in mind. It cost a lot of running and waiting in line but saved money in the long run since she really only bought what she needed or was hungry for on a daily basis. Right now the fridge held a bag of apples and some probably sour skim milk.
Maybe a cat or dog would be a bad idea. Would she remember to buy it food? Gads, would she even remember to feed it? Kelly forgot to eat some weekends when she was deep into a project.
On the drive home she reassessed her desire for a baby. It was probably some sort of confronting-your-own-mortality issue. Wasn’t that a weak reason for nine months of discomfort, up to two days of agony, and a lifetime of worry? Still she wanted one.
As Kelly foresaw, Sue arrived only an hour after Kelly got home. In the meantime Kelly had vacuumed the house and done two loads of laundry. She had also eaten half her quart and was seriously eyeing Sue’s half-gallon when she heard the car.
“I had to bring the kids,” Sue said as her boy and girl ran up the front porch steps and spilled in the doorway with their latest toys. As she’d predicted, Sue’s blonde locks looked as though she had just left a salon.
“That’s okay. Hi Nicky. Hi, Daf.”
“Can we play on your computer?” Nicky asked.
“Only the one in the living room,” Kelly said, vividly recalling the virus debacle of several months before. She started the computer for Nicky and got the younger Daphne set up with a cartoon DVD before adjourning to the kitchen. As a precaution she locked her office door so that the lure of a faster hard drive would not suck Nicky into another crime spree.
“Aunt Kelly?” He turned to eye her
.
“What?”
“You hair doesn’t look like crap.”
“Thank you, Nicky. You are really going to charm those girls someday.”
By the time she got to the kitchen it had been transformed into a Mobile Hair Recovery Unit. Sue made Kelly sit on a ladder-back chair as though she were about to be strapped in for electrocution. Sue had always resented Kelly cutting her own hair on a whim and sometimes punished her for it, hence the ice cream bribe.
“Where is it?” Sue demanded.
“The ice cream is in the freezer. But don’t you—”
“No, your hair. Where is it?”
“I threw it away. Why would I want to keep it?”
“I could make a fall out of it. Or…” Sue stepped toward the sink where the garbage can was hidden and Kelly grabbed her arm, risking being punctured by the barber’s shears Sue carried.
“Ew, it’s dead. Let it go. I don’t want it.”
“You have no idea what you’ve done.”
Sue started that annoying snipping a few hairs at a time that all barbers and hairdressers use to make you think you’re getting your money’s worth, but Kelly grabbed a mirror so she could see what Sue was up to.
“So I cut my hair. It was hot today and I just had this impulse to get on with my life.”
“Exactly. You’ve given up on men.”
“I told you I gave up on them two weeks ago after yet another disastrous blind date. They’re all such weasels.”
“So he stiffed you on the dinner tab.” Sue continued her annoying snipping.
The transformation was slow but Kelly’s mop had begun to look like hair again. “He left me at the restaurant without telling me. I had to call a cab. It was so embarrassing because all the waiters felt sorry for me and one of them even tried to hit on me.”
“What’d he look like?”
“The blind date?” Kelly shifted the mirror to Sue’s face. “You mean you set me up with a guy you had never even—”
“No, the waiter.”
“Not bad, but he was too young besides having the edge of thinking I’m desperate. Where did you dig up the blind date?”
“My brother’s friend. He must have gotten cold feet.”
“About dinner? If Frank couldn’t even commit to dinner, how could he think I would want him as the father of my child?”
“And there’s your problem. You and he didn’t want the same things.”
“Apparently not. I wanted a salad. He ordered steak, ate it, then went to the bathroom and never came back.”
“I mean about life. You’re interviewing fathers and he just wanted…” Sue fluttered the hand with the scissors dangerously close to Kelly’s left ear.
“Spell it out.”
“A good time.”
“No he was hoping to score and I must have said something that made him realize he wouldn’t.”
“Such as…”
“Let me think. That I wanted a family. Oh, yes. He translated that to child support and beat a hasty retreat. Tell me the truth. He was a two-time loser already, wasn’t he?”
Sue shrugged. “He was divorced.”
“How many times?” Kelly persisted.
“Once and working on his second.”
“See, he never finishes anything he starts, not even a divorce. Men are all liars.”
“Not all of them. My Joe is fine. We’ve been together six months now.”
Sue still believed in Joe Kirby and Kelly knew better than to disillusion her if she wanted any hair left at all. She’d heard rumors about him running around with other women while Sue was at work. “Did Joe say why he couldn’t watch the kids?”
Sue gave a vicious snip that pulled.
“Ow.” Kelly held up the mirror to make sure Sue hadn’t cut off anything important.
“This is not about Joe.”
“You’re right, it isn’t. What is it about?”
“He had to wash the car.”
“Oh yeah, it’s that focus thing,” Kelly said. “He can only focus on one thing.”
“Don’t you realize what it means when you cut your hair like this?”
Kelly looked at Sue in her hand mirror but got no clue from her solemn expression. “I want to be a nun? What?”
“Well, sort of, yes. Women who are dating, who have hope, keep their hair long in case a guy likes it that way.” Sue gave a head toss that displayed her blonde tresses to advantage. “I see it all the time. Then six months after the wedding, it’s ‘Hack it off, Sue, I can’t stand this mane.’”
“No, sir!”
“It never fails.” Sue nodded so emphatically Kelly was afraid her chin would hit her in the head.
“Probably because the husband says something nasty about hair in the drain right after he whizzes with the seat down. Yeah, I can see why women would get revenge that way.”
“But you skipped the wedding.”
Kelly turned the mirror back to her own face. “I think I may have saved myself a lot of grief. Are you done?”
“Actually I’ve repaired all the damage I can.”
“What do you mean? It looks great. I have a little flip here on each side. I’ve always wanted it like that.” Kelly got up so fast that Sue, who was leaning on the back of the chair, almost pulled it over on herself.
“I didn’t mean your hair. I meant your life.”
“Sue, you need ice cream.” Kelly went to the freezer and handed her the chocolate.
“A half-gallon?” Sue carried it reverently to the antique plank table in the kitchen.
“It’s the only size they had. Besides the kids are here.”
“Okay, gimme a spoon.”
They always ate out of the cartons. It was the only food faux pas they committed. Besides, ice cream is so cold it would kill any germs anyway.
“What do you think about sperm banks?” Kelly was eating what remained of her cherry vanilla slowly but wasn’t sure how long she could stretch it.
“Yuck,” Sue said. “I do not want to talk about this with chocolate in my mouth.”
“But it would be so easy. I could just go get an injection and nine months later I’d have a bouncing baby without all the intervening crap.”
“Don’t you think a child deserves two parents?” Sue stared at her and Kelly had to agree. Sometimes Sue said something so profound you could only nod in wonder.
Kelly licked her spoon and stared back. “I think a child deserves good parents, like you, not like your ex, not like my mother. So the only way to make sure the little psyche is not damaged is to raise it yourself.”
Sue shook her head until she could swallow. “No, not another do-it-yourself kick. That’s how you talk yourself into everything. You can always do it better than anyone else. And you always have to work alone. You’re the most OC person I know.”
Kelly scraped the bottom of her carton to get the very last bit. She was saving the last cherry so she had to eat everything else first. She was not obsessive-compulsive, she thought as she tore down the carton to get in the corners. Well, maybe she was. “Don’t I wish pregnancy was a do-it-yourself project, but I fear there really is no such thing as virgin birth in spite of what my mother told me when I was six.”
Sue’s spoon stabbed the ice cream. “Oh, yuck. Change of subject. Why don’t you just have a baby the ordinary way? Find a nice-looking guy, skip the marriage, get pregnant and dump the jerk.”
“Well duh, that is what I’ve been trying to do, the find a nice guy part. If he was really nice I’d want to keep him.”
Sue glared at her, took another large bite and put her hand to her forehead. Kelly feared her friend was going into brain freeze. They’d had this conversation many times before and always over ice cream. Maybe that was the problem. Next time, pizza.
“You want me to make a cone for the kids?” Kelly asked.
“Chocolate is bad for them.”
“Oh, right.”
Sue grabbed a napkin and wiped off al
l the chocolate along with her lipstick. Her lips were cherry red anyway, probably heading for frostbite. “You’re giving up too soon. You’ve only been looking for what? Six years? Give it another year.”
“I’ll be twenty-nine soon.” Even to Kelly that sounded like whining. Twenty-nine wasn’t over the hill but it was too close to thirty for comfort.
“You told me you were twenty when I moved here.” Sue scrunched her eyes, indicating she had turned on her mental calculator, which usually worked better than Kelly’s. That makes you—”
“I was mistaken. Trust me. I’m twenty-eight and time is running out.”
“Well if you don’t like any of the men I know, get a service.”
“Rent a guy? I hadn’t thought of that.” Kelly paused with the last cherry suspended in front of her. She could afford it. Just hire an escort, pay him and if she didn’t get pregnant try again. She ended up paying for all the dinners anyway. That led her to ponder what she would look for in a daddy candidate.
She didn’t care so much about looks. It was more important that he was nice, had good grooming habits and character. Of course men who sold their bodies might not have the nicest morals and there was always that chance of disease hanging over you. “I wonder if they let you interview him before you hire him.”
“No, you dope.” Sue smacked her on the shoulder causing her cherry to bounce onto the table. “Pay for a dating service. Then you get to swap emails for awhile before you even have to meet him.”
“Hmmm, that could work. I could get Earl to run background checks on them to filter out the drug users and felons. Save myself some time.”
Sue sighed, licked the spoon, gave an unladylike burp and tossed the carton toward the sink. “You just have to remember that you contact them at your own risk. The service can’t be responsible for hooking you up with a serial killer.”
“Sue, you hooked me up with a murderer. I can’t see how it could get any worse.”
“That’s not fair. Lonnie didn’t mean to kill his wife. She got behind his car. Besides he was acquitted.”
Kelly's Rules Page 1
