by Parker, Ali
I wanted to wake up and know Leila and I were solid, and Olin was okay with it. Stability was something I had taken for granted for too long. It wasn’t until after Carlie had been killed that I realized the stable home I thought I had was all a house of cards. All it took was one bad decision to bring it all crashing to the ground.
I just wanted a normal life again. I was tired of the roller coaster. I wanted off the ride. Someone please revoke my adult card. I didn’t want it anymore.
Chapter 43
Leila
It was earlier than usual that I was out of the house, but I had a coffee date. I had texted Kami last night, asking her if she could meet me. I needed advice from a neutral party. I felt like I was sinking fast and I needed her to throw me a lifeline. I was on the fence and needed her to push me one way or the other.
I felt discombobulated. Like nothing was right. Everything was all jumbled. I wasn’t in the same predicament as Christopher, but we were both facing challenges. Challenges that stemmed from us being together. I knew the quick and easy solution, but I didn’t like it. I wanted Kami to tell me what to do. I didn’t want to make the decision.
I ordered my coffee and a strawberry and cream cheese Danish before taking a seat next to the window. I sipped my coffee, staring out at nothing. I saw Kami pass by and a second later a cool breeze flooded the shop. She sat down across from me a minute later with an iced coffee and her own Danish.
“You look a little rough,” she commented. “Did you sleep?”
“Not really.”
“What’s going on? You sounded pretty stressed out.”
“I have a meeting with the dean in an hour.”
“About?” she questioned.
“He caught me and Christopher in my office yesterday.”
Her brows shot up. “Doing what? Damn woman. I thought you were this buttoned-up girl, and here you are getting your freak on in all the worst spots.”
I rolled my eyes. “We weren’t having sex. We were talking. He’s going through some stuff and he hugged me. That was the exact moment the dean showed up.”
She shrugged a shoulder. “And?”
“And now I’m in trouble.”
“For hugging a guy? Shit, I’d be fired a hundred times over if hugging was a crime.”
“But I’m a professor. He is a student.”
She sighed. “People hug each other, Leila. I know you weren’t brought up with lots of hugging, but it is a very normal thing. It doesn’t mean you’re sleeping with that person or that you even want to sleep with that person. It’s a hug. It’s a way to comfort someone. It’s a way to say hello or goodbye. It’s acceptable. If your dean can’t see that, he needs to go live in a monastery. Wait, scratch that, because I think monks hug a lot too.”
It was pretty much what Christopher had said. I had to accept I didn’t have much experience with hugging. I hadn’t been hugged a lot and I certainly hadn’t given out many hugs. I had learned early on people were not always good.
“I’m really freaking out,” I told her.
“Your dean doesn’t know anything. He saw a hug. Leave it at that.”
“He’s going to ask me if there is more,” I said.
“Let him ask. He can ask, but that doesn’t mean you give him an answer. It is none of his business. There is nothing shady going on. You’re teaching your students and kicking ass and Christopher isn’t in any of your classes. Just leave it be and my God, hide that guilty look on your face. If you go in there looking like you torched his house, he’s going to make a lot of assumptions about what he saw. We have got to work on your poker face.”
I blew out a breath. “I’m sorry I’m being such a pain in the ass about this. I was cool with the seeing him thing until we got caught. And not just by the dean.”
“Someone else caught you?”
“His son.”
“He didn’t want his son to know the two of you were seeing each other?” she questioned, a skeptical look on her face.
“It’s complicated. He wanted to talk with his son and kind of ease him into the idea. His son came home early. I walked in and the kid very angrily walked out.”
She waved a hand. “That’s a kid being a kid. I’m sure he’ll get over it. Just don’t go in there trying to be the perfect mommy.”
“I would never do that!”
“Then you have nothing to worry about,” she said. She sipped her coffee looking thoughtful. When she put the cup down and looked at me, I knew she had something big to say. “Leila, are you sure you really like this guy?”
I opened my mouth to say yes and then quickly closed it. “Why do you ask that?” I asked curiously.
She shrugged. “It just seems like you are trying really hard to find reasons not to date him. To me, it doesn’t seem like you are really that into him. It would be okay if you weren’t. No one is saying you have to be with this guy. There are literally thousands more out there. I would say at least half of that thousand wouldn’t have baggage. Maybe that’s what you’re looking for, something easy.”
I shook my head. “No.”
“No, what?”
“No, I’m not looking for easy. I like him. I like him a lot. I don’t think there is another guy out there that is quite like him. He’s special.”
She grinned. “I know. I was just making you think for a minute. Now you know and you can go see the dean and fight for your man, so to speak. In this case, you don’t tell the dean shit about your man. You do you and tell the dean to mind his own business. Seriously. Enough is enough. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Damn, you are really good,” I said with a smile.
“I know.”
“I should get going.”
She nodded. “Call and let me know what happens.”
“I will. Thanks again.”
I tossed the remaining bit of Danish into the trash and headed over to campus. I felt confident. I held my chin high as I made my way to the dean’s office. I was ten minutes early. I took a seat and waited for him to call me in.
“Leila,” I heard my name.
“Good morning,” I greeted him confidently.
“Come on in.”
I tamped down on the butterflies in my belly. I wasn’t going to let him see how terrified I was. I schooled my features, keeping a smile on my face as I sat down, daintily crossing my legs and waiting for him to speak.
“Thank you for coming in today,” he started. “I was hoping we could have a conversation about what I saw yesterday.”
“What did you see yesterday?” I asked innocently.
He cleared his throat. “The embrace in your office.”
“Embrace?” I asked, wrinkling my nose. “The hug I gave a man who was struggling with something very private and very big? I always have an open door with my students. They know they can talk to me about things going on in their personal lives as well as questions about a class. Aren’t we supposed to be there for our students? Didn’t you recently hold a meeting and encourage us to be mentors and sources of support for our students?”
He nodded. “I suppose I did, but I don’t know what I saw.”
“I just told you.”
“What if it had been someone else that had witnessed the encounter?”
I shrugged, totally playing it cool. “I don’t know. I know what it was and if someone has a concern, I would expect them to come to me.”
I thought I saw a bit of surprise in his eyes. I had always kowtowed to him. Kami’s little pep talk encouraged me. Christopher had encouraged me. Two people I trusted and cared about were telling me the same thing. They couldn’t be wrong.
“All right. Thank you for being honest. I can’t have another scandal.”
“There is no scandal brewing,” I assured him.
“The board has been breathing down my neck after the last incident. He’s making a real mess of things for me.”
“Dean, I have to ask, is the rule you are so adamantly enforcing a part of o
ur contracts, or is this a personal issue for you?”
He leaned back. “It’s both. I take it very seriously. There is a reason students and professors need to have a professional relationship. When one person in a relationship is in a position of power, it opens the door to a lot of liability. It isn’t just a professor that is risking his or her job. The school is also jeopardized. I take my position as dean seriously and I want to make sure there is never any question about the ethics of our professors.”
“Okay. I understand.”
He put a hand on his desk. I could see him mulling over his words. He had something more to say. I reminded myself I was cool. I wasn’t guilty. I had to keep reminding myself of that or I was going to die of a guilty conscience.
“I suppose I’m old school,” he breathed. “I know the professors are getting younger and the students are getting older. People who spend any amount of time together are going to start to develop certain attractions. I’m not so old that I can’t see that. I just hope people think before they react. Giving in to lust and temptation is dangerous. It generally never ends well.”
I smiled. “You’re talking to a professor with a specialty in Greek mythology. I know all about lust and temptation and the dangers it brings.”
He chuckled. “I suppose you would. Fantasy spills over into reality whether we like it or not.”
“Is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about?” I asked, wondering what had brought him to my door yesterday in the first place.
“I was just checking in, like I do every semester,” he said with a smile.
“Everything is going great. I’ve got full classes.”
He grinned, his eyes sparkling. “I know. I wanted to congratulate you. You’ve done a lot with that class in a short amount of time. I’ve actually had a request from a professor at another school to come and sit through a couple of your classes. Apparently, you’re somewhat famous in the realm of Greek mythology.”
“Really?” I exclaimed.
“Really. Thank you for doing the university proud. You’re an example of what all our professors should be like. You care about your teaching and I am pleased to have you on staff.”
I nodded, the guilt making it difficult for me to talk. “Thank you.”
“I’ll let you get going. I know you have a class soon. Thank you for coming by and clearing things up for me. I hate to be suspicious, but I will definitely be looking at everyone a little closer. I can’t afford to look the other way. All of us will be living under this cloud of suspicion for a while. I haven’t told many people, but Myles made a claim that he wasn’t the only professor dallying with students. He made it seem like it’s the culture here.”
“Oh. Oh my. I’m sorry. I understand why you’re so concerned. I don’t know of any other situations.”
He sighed. “I hope there aren’t any other situations, but I’m not so naïve.”
“Good luck and I will keep my ear to the ground,” I told him, really having no intention of ratting anyone out.
“Thank you, Professor Bell,” he said getting to his feet in the universal signal that said I was excused. “I knew I could count on you. Keep up the good work.”
I offered him a bright smile. “Thank you.”
I walked out of the office. My legs were shaking like crazy. I hoped he couldn’t see just how terrified I was. I was nervous as hell. I made my way outside and let out the breath I had been holding since I’d walked into his office. Hell, I felt like I had been holding my breath since he caught me hugging Christopher yesterday.
It was all okay. He didn’t know anything.
I called Christopher, suspecting he would be driving into school right now. “Hi,” I greeted unable to hide my excitement.
“Hi,” he said, his tone a little reserved. “How’d it go?”
“Good. Can we get together later?”
He hesitated before agreeing to meet me for dinner.
Chapter 44
Christopher
I had decided to go home before meeting Leila for dinner. I wanted to check in with Olin and test the waters. I had almost told Leila I couldn’t meet her for dinner but figured I had better have a conversation with her.
I heard the door open and close and sent up a silent prayer that he was in a better mood. He came into the kitchen and dropped his backpack on the counter before tossing his keys on top of it. His body language was telling me he was still pissed.
“How was school?” I asked.
“Fine.”
“Did you get a chance to talk to Jen?”
He scoffed. “Why would I talk to her?”
“Because you like her and want to find out where she’s at,” I answered.
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t care where she’s at. She can keep seeing the other guy. I don’t care.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yes.”
I took a breath. “I have a dinner tonight. I’ll be home by nine.”
“Bringing your newest lady home?” he sneered.
“No. We’re having dinner.”
He shook his head. “Sure. Whatever. Should I run out and buy another box of condoms?”
“That won’t be necessary,” I told him through gritted teeth.
“Is it the same woman or a new one?” he asked.
The fact he was asking questions was a good sign, in my opinion. It made me think he cared just a little. He would never admit he was interested in my life, but I liked to believe he did care. “It’s the same one, Leila,” I said, reminding him of her name.
“She looks nothing like Mom,” he muttered.
I nodded in agreement. “No, she doesn’t.”
“Wasn’t mom your type?”
“She was my type,” I quickly answered. “She was my everything. I didn’t know what I was looking for until I found her. She was what I had always wanted.”
“And now you’re trying out a blonde?” he smirked.
I held up a finger. “Don’t be distasteful. She’s a very kind woman who doesn’t deserve your nastiness or your sarcasm. You don’t know her and have no business judging her. I find her to be a beautiful, intelligent woman, and I do enjoy spending time with her.”
His face was a mixture of turbulent emotions. “Time. That is not what you were doing with her.”
“Olin, stop trying to make this a bad thing. It isn’t a bad thing. Are you asking me to never have contact with another woman?”
He scowled. “No, I mean, I don’t know. I just don’t know why it has to be her.”
I shook my head. “Why not her? What is your hang-up with her?”
“She’s too young,” he protested.
“She’s thirty-three,” I said softly.
“Younger than Mom,” he retorted.
“Yes, she is. Again, I’m not trying to replace your mom. I’m not trying to find someone like her. She was one of a kind and I know I will never find another woman like her. I wouldn’t waste my time looking for that. I would always be comparing the two and that wouldn’t be fair to the woman, your mother, or myself. I would be setting myself up for a lifetime of disappointment and ultimately loneliness. You said it yourself, you’re not going to be around forever. Do you want me to be alone in this house? Spending my weeks fishing by the lake and my nights sitting around watching TV by myself?”
He shrugged. “Get a dog.”
I wasn’t going to win. There was no point in trying to get him to give me his blessing to have a simple dinner with Leila. He would never give it. I walked out of the kitchen and headed upstairs to get ready for my date. I wasn’t sure what I would say to her. Part of me hoped she would end things with me. It would take the decision out of my hands.
An hour later, I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant where I was supposed to be meeting Leila. I probably should have picked her up like a proper date, but she’d offered to meet me, and I jumped at the chance. It would save an awkward departure at the end of the night.<
br />
I walked in, scanning the area until I saw Leila’s blonde hair. I walked towards her. When she looked up, her green eyes pulled me in. I didn’t think I could walk away from her. Those eyes were too captivating. She was wearing a pretty blue dress that complimented her light coloring. “You look beautiful,” I told her, leaning down to kiss her cheek before I took my seat.
“Thank you,” she said. “You smell good and look absolutely dashing.”
I smiled. “Thank you. Olin got me the cologne for Christmas. It’s a little daring for my taste, but I guess maybe it’s working for me.”
She nodded, her eyes dancing with amusement. “Oh, it’s working for you all right.”
It felt good to be complimented. It’d been a long time since a woman had told me I smelled good or looked good. It was the little things like that I missed about being married. I didn’t get kissed good morning or the little subtle touches that said that person was thinking about you or found you attractive.
“I appreciate the compliment,” I told her.
“I ordered soda for both of us,” she said. “I didn’t figure you’d want to drink with both of us driving home.”
“Thank you. You’re right. How was the meeting?”
Her eyes shone. “It was good. I went in there cool, calm, and collected. I was confident and stood my ground. I felt like I was facing a tiger, something I had been terrified of for too long. God, it felt good!”
“Good for you,” I told her. “I knew you had it in you. You have this meek, quiet persona, but deep inside, you’re a lioness.”
Her shoulders went back. “I did feel like a lion. A roaring lion. A respectful, quiet lion, but roaring nonetheless.”
“Did he ask about me?” I asked, knowing I was likely the topic of conversation.
“He did,” she answered, but didn’t seem bothered by it.
“And did you tell him about us?”
She grimaced. “Not exactly. He doesn’t need to know. I don’t feel like what we are doing is wrong. I am entitled to a personal life. Not everything I do has to be public knowledge. He’s not my father, even if I get the feeling he thinks he is. I’m an adult and I can make my own decisions.”
