I didn’t want to end up doing this myself. This was supposed to be our thing and not just because I asked her to do it with me when we came here before. It had to happen with her because of what all of these butterflies I’m holding mean.
Amelia Evans is my butterfly.
Believing she was ugly on the inside, the same way most people see the caterpillars when they come across them, she just went through the motions of her life, moving from one spot to the next until that day in Thompson’s office when I literally knocked her on her ass. From that day on, she was growing, preparing herself for the change that was coming.
The day she asked me to come here and told me everything about her was the day that she wrapped herself tightly in her cocoon, her secret finally out to the world. With me standing by her, not walking away the way she expected me to, she was safe. It was time for her to change, become something stronger, better, even more beautiful.
It wasn’t without its rough spots, but even after that disaster, she didn’t completely lose herself. She still continued to grow, becoming stronger than before, taking it so far as to confront her father. It might not have been the smartest thing in the world but it was a moment of change for her. A moment of strength.
She came out of it better. Transformed. She’s not that broken ugly caterpillar anymore, but a strong, colorful butterfly. My butterfly. So bringing her here tonight, releasing the very real butterflies back out into the world, freeing them to be who they’re meant to be, it’s time for her to see it too. It’s time for her metamorphosis to be complete.
For both of us to be complete.
It’s time for her to see just how much I love her.
Seeing Dillon break through the trees, dragging her along with him makes me laugh. I didn’t think it was going to be easy getting her here, not with everything she’s been through and what this place means to her, but I’m glad that he did.
I know I should probably let him walk her down here, or let her take the steps to reach me, but I can’t do that. It feels like weeks since I’ve been this close to her, not counting finding her at her father’s house that night a week ago and the nights I spent sketching her in the hospital and I can’t stand it lasting even a second longer.
I need to reach out, bring her to me and connect again. Not connecting to her is unacceptable.
Gathering up every bit of nerve I have, I jump down off the rock and start walking, each step coming faster than the last until I’m standing in front of her surprised face. Looking up long enough to nod at Dillon, no words needing to be said, he smiles and backs away, leaving the both of alone.
Exactly the way I want it.
“You didn’t set them free.” She whispers as her eyes fall from mine and down to what I’m still gripping tightly in my hand.
“I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because it wasn’t me that needed to do it. It was you.”
“What does that mean?”
Holding out my hand, praying she’ll take it, my head almost explodes with joy the minute I feel the softness of her hand wrap itself around mine. The jolt that comes the minute we touch in any way exactly what I’ve been craving for so long now that I’ve lost track.
“Come with me and I’ll explain.”
Tightening the hold I have on her hand, moving my own just enough to be able to link my fingers through hers, I start moving forward, not stopping until we’re standing in front of a small boat, another part of this night that I’m sure she’s not going to be expecting but that needs to happen.
“Take a ride with me?”
“You want us to get on the boat?”
“Yeah.”
Releasing the hold on her hands and stepping aboard, I hold out my hand and watch as she takes it and follows the same movements, bringing her into my body the minute she’s safely on.
“Are you going to explain what you meant now?”
“Yeah, but first come with me.”
Taking her hand again, linking our fingers, but this time letting her move at the same pace as me, not in a rush to get to our destination, we walk along silently until we reach the end of the boat and just the way I’m expecting, it starts pulling away from the dock.
Watching her eyes go wide as she realizes what’s happening, I smile. This is exactly why I wanted to do this. This memory, it’s the one I want her to have every time she comes back here, no matter where we go after tonight.
The way everything looks beautiful here at night, but still nowhere near as beautiful as she is, inside and out.
“Eric…why didn’t you come to the hospital?”
I knew that was going to be her first question. Waking up and finding everyone else there, even people she had hurt, but not me, it must have been hard on her but there was a reason for it. One that I’m going to show and tell her about now, even if she doesn’t believe it.
“I was there, Amelia. I just wasn’t there when you could see me.”
“Why not?”
“I didn’t wanna screw anything up. There’s been enough of that.”
“You wouldn’t have screwed anything up. I wanted you there. I—I missed you.” She stammers before blushing. “You were really there?”
I nod and she smiles, but it’s so weak that it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“I was there, doing this.” I say, pulling the paper from my jeans and unfolding it. Passing it along, I watch as she takes in the drawing before her and just like I hoped, her eyes go misty. She’s affected.
“I love it.” she whispers and my heart freezes. So close to the words I want to hear. The ones I want to say.
“Eric…”
“Do me a favor.” I say the minute my name falls and she turns to me, nodding but her face lit up in a smile, another thing I’ve been dying to see for a week. Another thing about her that I’ve missed. “Never stop saying my name.”
“Never. Not ever.”
Pulling her into my arms, turning out to face the water, watching it move the further out we continue to go, the ripples in the water, the sound as it turns into small waves before moving out, it’s perfect. This is my version of perfection and no amount of time spent trying to recreate it in a sketch will ever do it justice.
Leaning my head down, wanting her to hear me, but not wanting to raise my voice to do it, I give her the explanation she’s been waiting for.
“The day I was out here collecting the caterpillars, I was doing it for you. I wanted to show you another way that I see you. At the time, it had nothing to do with liking you even though I did. It was never going to be me releasing them because it always had to be you.”
“But why?”
“When we open the flap, take them out and release them, you’re not just releasing them back into the world the way they’re meant to be. You’re releasing yourself at the same time. Just like they’ve been reborn, so have you.”
She doesn’t say anything for a while and I start to worry that I’ve somehow said too much or something wrong. It’s only when I feel her head lift from her place on my chest that I see the reason for the silence.
Tears, like shiny crystals in the moonlight forming in the corner of her eyes, but not yet falling. I’ve made her cry, but with the softness in her eyes, the way that even in the dark the blue just seems to shine, I know it’s not in a bad way. She’s happy.
“I’m a butterfly?” she asks and I nod.
“Not just any butterfly either. Mine.”
“Eric…”
“What is it?”
“What does that mean?”
For all of my difficulties understanding, I expect that what I’ve said is pretty clear, but for her, it’s not which means I’ve just gotta try even harder. I’ve got to make her see exactly what I mean and there’s only one other thing I can say that will do it.
“It means that when we release these butterflies, they aren’t the only ones being sent out into the world to be whatever it is they’re meant to
be. They aren’t the only ones growing and changing. I am too, but I don’t want to do it alone. Not anymore.”
“I don’t want to do it alone either. I never did.”
Reaching down, bringing her head up so she can see me, right into my eyes, there’s only one thing left for me to do. Dipping my head to the side, running my fingers across her lips, I lean in and gently press my lips to hers, the familiar softness calming my now racing heart. After lingering for a few seconds, I pull back just far enough so that I can look at her again and let her really see me, know that what I’m about to say next, I mean with everything inside me.
“I love you, Amelia.”
The tears I saw building before, they start slipping down slowly and it’s the most beautiful thing I think I’ve ever seen. It’s what musicians use to make the perfect song, what goes into an artist sketching the most beautiful picture. The emotions that go into writing poetry, turning it into emoetry.
Her tears right now, they’re pure. They’re her and they’re real. This is Amelia at her most beautiful.
“Eric,” she says, my name again a whisper. “I can’t say it back.”
My heart drops the minute the words fall but before I can overthink it, she speaks again, stopping my heart.
“Love isn’t a good enough word for what I feel for you. It started with a phoenix, it became a dove, turning itself completely inside out until it became the perfect flash of lightning in a normally dark and dreary sky. It became everything. You became everything.”
“I want to kiss you so bad right now.” I blurt out.
She shakes her head and I want to react, the action just like her words before, shooting me with this sharp pain that I don’t like feeling and seeing something on my face, maybe even in my eyes, she sighs.
“I want you to kiss me Eric. I don’t ever want you to stop kissing me, but there’s something I need to tell you first.”
“Okay.”
“The night that Tim came into my room,” she pauses, squeezing my hand gently. “I turned my head away from it, blocked it out completely, focusing instead on what was happening outside at the time. I didn’t think it meant anything then but now, knowing you, being with you, I know that it meant something. It meant everything.”
I’m not sure how I feel hearing this. I don’t want anything during that time in her life to remind her of me in any way, but the way her eyes are lighting up, the half-smile that lingers on her face, bringing her dimples out on the surface, it’s hard not to want to be a part of what causes it.
“What does it mean?”
“It was stormy that night. Thunder and lightning, but more than that, rain. It was the rain I focused on, what got me through that night, at least for a little while. I also think it’s the rain that blocked that memory from my mind. Keeping me protected for as long as it did.”
“Okay…” I say, still not understanding where she’s going, but not willing to stop her until she’s got it all out.
“You’re my rain, Eric. You’ve been keeping me safe even before I knew it. It’s another reason why telling you I love you doesn’t seem like enough.”
The way my heart stopped before, it’s nothing at all like it is now. I get it now. What she texted me weeks ago, calling me her rain after I explained to her why she’s my perfect storm, it all makes sense now and if it’s possible, she owns me even more.
God, I really want to kiss her now.
“I love you, Eric. Thank you for being my rain.”
I can’t do this anymore. I know I need to pull away from her, release these butterflies with her, enjoy the rest of the time we’ve got out here together before I’ve to bring her home, but I can’t do any of that until I do this.
Kiss her.
Turning her around in my arms so she’s facing me, reaching out and touching her face, enjoying the way her skin feels underneath mine, I lean in and capture her lips again. This time, when the kiss deepens, her meeting my lips with every move they make, I’m ready for it, accepting her as her lips part, a breathless sigh escaping, one that quickly turns into a moan the minute our tongues connect.
I was wrong before.
A storm isn’t made up of just one or two parts. It’s a bunch of different parts that come together and create the natural enigma that it becomes as it makes its way through the sky. The both of us, we’re individual parts on our own. She’s the thunder and lightning and I’m the rain. It’s only when we come together that it’s right.
We become the perfect storm.
Amelia
It doesn’t matter where I go from here, who I meet, what I do with my life, nothing will ever compare to the way it feels in this moment right now with Eric.
Love is something I never believed I was capable of giving, let alone having it given to me. After all the mistakes I made, the darkness I allowed myself to live in, the very last thing that should be given to me is something as pure and untainted as love.
Yet it was given to me. I did experience it and I’m going to spend every day from here on out experiencing it with the only other person in the world for me that deserves it.
Eric is so much more than a person with a diagnosis to me. He’s the person that taught me what a true friend is, what love looks and feels like. He’s the person that taught me what change, acceptance and understanding really are.
Releasing the butterflies, watching each of them fly up into the sky and off into the night, their wings flapping under the moonlight, I’m reminded again of what Dillon told me before he dropped me off. The real reason he brought me here. What Eric wanted to do for me and needed his help in order to achieve.
A beautiful memory. Shiny and new. A moment in time that when I close my eyes in the future, I can pull up with ease and look back on with a smile because it’s the first time in eighteen years that I felt alive.
It’s the first night in what I hope is a long list of nights where I truly lived, but not just for me; for him too.
For us.
This is our new beginning. A brand new start. A chance to live and do it for the right reasons.
“What are you thinking about?” He whispers as he cradles me even more into his chest placing a string of feather light kisses across the top of my head as the final butterfly is released into the sky above us, flying away to find its fresh start.
“How much I love you and how perfect this is.”
Squeezing me tighter as I close my eyes and enjoy the way it feels, the sky opens up above us and before we can even look up, make a move in order to get away from what’s about to happen, the rain begins to fall, doing again now what it did so long ago. Cleansing us both, removing the past and all the pain that comes with it; replacing it with something else. As the sky opens up with a crack above us, everything is replaced by the light.
Our perfect storm.
As Eric presses his lips to mine, the rain pouring down around us, it hits me.
This new beginning, the chance we’re being given to do things right.
I can’t wait to start.
The End
Authors Note
This story, much like Count On Me before it deals with some pretty heavy real life issues; ones that are faced by millions each and every day. The story in these pages may be fictional in nature, but the issues are not and with that in mind, I feel that something needs to be said in regards to it.
As with Count On Me, the very real struggle known as Autism is dealt with within these pages, but coming from a different angle than the book before it. Eric struggles with Asperger’s Syndrome and just like with every diagnosed case of Autism, no two cases are alike. As the parent of a child with Asperger’s I used my knowledge of my own son in writing Eric and while some of the things he experiences may remind you of your own child or person in your life, it is not meant to encompass all with the disorder.
If you are learning about Autism and its many facets through reading this story and feel that you may know someone suffering or are ju
st interested in learning more, please seek medical advice first and foremost. For more information on Autism, please feel free to visit http://www.autism-society.org/.
Bullying is something that has been around as long as time but has recently been on the rise. If you or anyone you know is being bullied for being you, I want to tell you that you are not alone. Do not suffer in silence. As hard as it can be to speak up about what you’re suffering with, please do it. No one deserves that. If you want to reach out and aren’t sure where to look, please visit http://www.pacer.org/bullying/. There is information and people there that are more than willing to help. Also, talk to your parents, friends and other trusted individuals. Please remember that it’s not you, it’s them. Never give up, never give in. You’ll get through it.
If you or someone you know is suffering with abuse of a sexual nature (as depicted in the story) please do not hesitate to call The National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE. There are trained individuals there 24/7 that are more than willing to help you or those that you know and care about. You do not have to suffer alone and in silence anymore.
Depression, suicidal thoughts and self-harm are no joke. If you or someone you know is contemplating self-harm, the Safe Helpline can help. For help call 877-995-5247. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, call 911 immediately. If there’s no one in your life that you feel comfortable talking to about your suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) at any time. You are not alone and there are people out there that want to help. .
Take Me With You Playlist
Monster by Skillet
Capricorn (A Brand New Name) by 30 Seconds To Mars
Burn by Ellie Goulding
Happy by Socialburn
World So Cold by 12 Stones
Take Me With You Page 28
