by Moore, Lila
“You’re leaving again, aren’t you?” I asked.
He didn’t respond, but I could see the truth on his face.
“For how long?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“That’s not good enough.”
His head snapped around to consider me. I’ve always been the quiet one in the family, the one who goes along with what everyone else wants. I had to say goodbye to that girl. I was going to be a mother and whether or not Nate realized it, he was going to be a father.
Becoming a happy family was probably too much to hope for, but we still had a responsibility. I had to tell him I was pregnant.
“Nathan,” I said seriously.
He smiled as if on the verge of laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. I’m just not used to you being so…”
“Bitchy?”
Every time I tried to assert myself, my stepdad told me not to be, ‘bitchy.’ It drove me crazy.
“Confident and strong. I don’t mean any offence. It’s just that you’re normally so shy.”
“Sorry,” I replied, though I wasn’t sure why I was apologizing.
“Don’t say you’re sorry. You’ve got nothing to apologize for. I like this side of your personality. You should stand up for yourself more.”
I hated how much his words inspired confidence in me. I wished I felt this way all the time. Would he be proud of me for standing up to Mia at the hospital? How would Nate react if he knew she tried to force me to have an abortion in exchange for having the charges dropped against him?
I sighed. Why was Nate so defensive of Mia? It made it harder to come clean about everything. I didn’t want to scare him off.
The back door opened and closed. My mother appeared around the side of the house.
“I’m off to my book club. You two better get inside before the storm hits. There’s food in the fridge,” she called.
As if on cue, a bolt of lightning streaked across the sky in the distance. I jumped. Nate didn’t move a muscle. I found it strangely unnerving. At the party he seemed jumpy. Now, he was abnormally calm.
We sat together in silence as my mother drove away.
“Do you want something to eat?” I asked.
We had a lot to talk about, but I’d lost my nerve. Maybe food would settle my stomach.
“Olivia, we don’t have much time. They’ll be coming for me soon.”
I didn’t like the way that sounded, like he was being forced to leave against his will.
“Where will you go?”
“Overseas. We don’t have time to waste on the details.”
This was it. I had to tell him. I took a deep breath. “Nate-”
My words were cut off by his lips firmly pressed against mine. My head felt light; my thoughts became muddy. The longer he kissed me the more I became convinced that our serious talk could wait.
No, it had to be now. I broke free.
“Nate I have to talk to-”
Again his lips found mine, warm, soft and sweet. I lost the will to resist. His hand slid across my stomach and around my waist. He pulled me to him. I placed my leg over his. Nate leaned into me, leaving a trail of kisses down my neck towards my breasts.
“Nate…” I sighed.
The sky turned purple and flashed with lightning. Rain fell at the end of the street. Suddenly, Nate was pulling me up and leading me into the house. He took me into my childhood bedroom. The windows were open and the room smelled of rain.
We tore at each other’s clothes with a sense of urgency. They were taking him away from me. I didn’t know who they were, or why Nathan felt beholden to them. All I knew was that I was losing him.
I ran my hands over his chest feeling his warm skin. I wanted to remember every inch of him.
Nathan grabbed my legs and flipped me onto the bed. I bounced against the mattress. He crawled over the top of me and pulled off my jeans. I lay before him in my underwear. He’d seen me naked before, but I still wasn’t used to it.
Did I look different from the last time we’d been together? I thought my breasts were a bit fuller, but I wasn’t sure. Since finding out I was pregnant, I’d become paranoid. I was convinced I was already showing even though I hadn’t put on any weight.
If Nathan noticed a difference, he gave no indication. He leaned over and kissed my legs. His scruffy beard tickled the insides of my thighs. I giggled and ran my fingers through his hair.
He moved between my legs. I lifted one foot into the air as he pulled off my underwear. Nathan grabbed my legs behind my knees and pulled me across the bed to him. Then he lifted my legs up, resting them on his shoulders. I could see his cock, hard and thick. It made my heart race and my pussy pulse.
Could he feel the heat radiating from between my legs?
The tip of his cock brushed against my pussy. I whimpered like a child. He entered me slowly. My pussy stretched as he filled me. I arched my back and inhaled sharply. Nathan leaned into me and started to drive his cock into me with short quick thrusts.
I clawed at the sheets looking for something to hold onto. Nate’s hand found mine. Our finger twisted together.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
His words were strained as if he could barely speak.
“Don’t stop.”
Nathan started to move faster. He groaned with every thrust. The sound sent a chill up and down my spine. My pussy pulsed around his cock as he drove it deeper.
“Don’t stop,” I said again.
Energy spread and grew from somewhere deep inside me. Waves of pleasure radiated through my breasts and across my skin. Rain mixed with hail fell loudly against the side of the house.
A large bang caused Nate to jerk his head in that direction. Did it sound like gunfire to him? It upset me to see how haunted he was.
He fucked me faster as if he was trying to lose himself inside me. He leaned forward, bending my legs. Nate closed his eyes and with a loud moan came inside me.
I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him to me. He collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily. We laid together for a time, listening to the hail hit the roof.
I ran my fingers over his back and stopped when I came to a scar. It was long and jagged. I peeked over his shoulder. It was shaped like lightning. It cut across his upper back and down his shoulder blade. I couldn’t remember seeing it when we were in the pool together. Of course, I was pretty distracted at the time.
Nate rolled off me. A strange look passed over his face. Immediately, I knew that he did not want to talk about it. But shouldn’t we? It was unhealthy to keep a traumatic event all bottled up. He needed to open up about it. Was I the one he should talk to though? He’d probably be better off speaking with a counselor, or one of the guys he served with.
I wanted to know what happened to him, but I didn’t want to upset him further. I bit my tongue. Nate and I laid side-by-side staring at the ceiling. Rain and hail hit the roof loudly. Tap. Tap. Tap-tap.
I turned my head and listened. The tapping noise sounded different than the rain and hail. It was more rhythmic than chaotic. A low sliding sound as if a window was being opened cut through the sound of the rain.
“What was that?” I whispered.
“What?”
“It sounded like a window being opened.”
Nate rose from the bed and bent over, lifting up the hem of his pants. He pulled a gun out of an ankle holster and switched the safety to off.
“Nathan, what are you doing?” Panic rose inside me. “It’s just a noise. It’s probably nothing.”
I hoped it was nothing. Nathan was starting to scare me. Was he reacting this way because of his PTSD, or was there a real threat? I had no way of knowing.
“Stay here,” he said.
He opened the door slowly and moved out into the hallway. I jumped up and pulled a dress on over my head. It fit tighter across my chest than it used to. My breasts had definitely started to swell. I fro
wned as I straightened it. The secret I carried felt like a ticking time bomb.
Barefoot, I crept up to the door and listened. The house had fallen quiet. The hail stopped; rain still fell gently on the roof. I opened the door a crack and peeked out. Nate wasn’t in the hall.
I closed the door gently, turned and screamed. A man stood outside my window. He was soaking wet; his hair clung to his face, hiding his eyes. When he saw my expression, a smile twisted his face into a gruesome sneer.
He slid his hands beneath the windowpane and pushed it open. I backed up against the door.
“Nate!” I screamed.
At the sound of my voice the man looked up sharply. It was then I recognized him.
“Jackson?”
He lunged for me so quickly that I didn’t have time to react. He grabbed my arm and twisted it around my back then pushed me facedown onto the floor. I screamed and kicked, but it was useless. He dug his knee into the small of my back and pressed down, immobilizing me. Jackson’s hand slid over my mouth; he leaned in close.
“I’m not going down for you,” he whispered. “Do you understand? I won’t take the fall.”
I had no idea what he was talking about. When I didn’t respond, he shook me.
“Do you understand?” he shouted. “It’s not fair and I won’t let it happen again.”
I nodded as if I understood.
“Good.”
He rose off of me, pulling me to my feet. Jackson opened my bedroom door and pushed me out into the hallway. He still had my arm twisted around my back. I saw a gun and a large knife in the waistband of his pants. Fighting back seemed pointless; he was too strong and well-armed.
As we made our way to the living room, I started to panic. A chair was turned over and several of my mother’s books were scattered across the room. Nate was nowhere in sight.
Jackson pushed me out the front door. It had started to rain hard again. A black SUV was parked in front of the house. The backdoor opened and I caught sight of Nate. He was bleeding and wild-eyed. A man sat beside him with a gun. When Nate saw me his expression shifted to barely concealed rage.
“You don’t need her,” he said. “You’ve got me. I won’t fight back.”
I trembled in the rain. I was barefoot and soaked. The memory of Nate’s body on mine still echoed across my skin like a ghost. Things were happening so quickly. I had no idea how to react.
Jackson shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t let her get away with this.”
“That happened a long time ago. Olivia has nothing to do with it.”
It was like they were talking in circles around me. What happened a long time ago and why did Jackson think I was a part of it? For a split second, I thought this was about Mia, but apparently it ran deeper than a love triangle.
“It ends now,” Jackson said.
He pulled out his gun and put it to my head.
“No!” Nate screamed. “Listen to me: it was my fault, not yours or hers. Put down the gun.”
Jackson shook his head. “Sorry, brother.”
The hard metal of the gun’s barrel pressed against my temple. Thoughts raced through my head too quickly to form coherent meaning. I was going to die. Jack was going to kill me and I had no idea what I’d done to provoke it.
The baby, I thought. He or she will die with me.
“Wait!” I screamed. “I’m pregnant.” My voice quavered. “I’m going to have baby.”
Nate’s mouth fell open as if he didn’t know how to form the words to express his feelings.
Jackson started to laugh. It was a deep, rich sound like he’d just heard something hilarious. He put down the gun.
“Well, I guess that means you’re coming with us.”
PART THREE
1
The SUV swerved in traffic, darting between cars. I held onto the armrest and watched as we passed motorists. The men who’d abducted us didn’t seem concerned about being pulled over by the police. Of course, they’d managed to get the assault charges dropped against Nathan. There was no reason to believe they’d be intimidated by the highway patrol.
I looked over at Nate. A man sat between us, holding a gun in his lap. He kept it pointed directly at Nathan. Apparently, I wasn’t a big enough threat to warrant this level of attention. A part of me was relieved, another offended; a third part of me wondered if this could be used to our advantage.
I haven’t been in a fight since kindergarten and these guys were strong, muscular soldiers. I wouldn’t stand a chance in a fair fight, but who said I had to fight fair?
I had no idea what their motivation was, or what they planned on doing with me. I could be in a fight for my life. All’s fair in love and war.
If I saw an opportunity to kick one of them in the balls and flee, I was going to take it. I tried to catch Nathan’s eye, but he was looking out the window. I frowned. This was not how I wanted him to find out I was pregnant. What was going through his head? It was impossible to know. He didn’t seem concerned about our kidnapping, or the fact that Jackson was driving like a madman. Maybe he was in shock? Or maybe his time in the war had desensitized him to shocking events. It was possible that he felt as calm as he looked.
I envied him. I felt like snakes were twisting around in my stomach. I wanted to throw up, or run, or both.
The man sitting beside me had a gun in an ankle holster. Could I take it from him before he could react? And then what? I’ve never shot a gun before. I’m not going to pretend like I’m brave enough to shoot a guy point blank.
I hoped Nate had a plan. He was strong and smart; he worked with these men so he knew what they were capable of. If there was a way out of this, he would find it.
Mia’s voice echoed through my mind. She’d said Nate would never want me because I wasn’t a survivor. She claimed I spent my life waiting for a hero to save me. I hated to think she was right.
I needed my own plan.
There was bad traffic up ahead. Could I jump out and escape? We were on the outskirts of the city. There was nowhere to run. If I tried to run, they might see me as a threat and handcuff me or put a gun on me. I didn’t want to blow the one advantage I had. I decided it was best to wait for a better opportunity.
“Daddy Nate,” Jackson said with a singsong voice. “Mia’s going to have your balls-if she doesn’t have them already.”
Jackson and his two partners laughed. Nate continued to stare out the window.
“What about your baby?” I said to Jackson.
Everyone turned to look at me as if they’d forgotten I existed, or were surprised to learn I could speak.
“Or should I say, Nate’s baby?” I added. “At least, Mia says it’s Nate’s. She doesn’t seem too keen on making you the father of her child.”
Jackson glared at me in the mirror.
I smiled sweetly. “Is that why you told her Nate and I were sleeping together? Did you think you’d win her back?” I laughed condescendingly. “Now, she hates you more than ever.”
“Bullshit. She had Nathan arrested.”
“To punish him-not because she wanted him to go away forever. You on the other hand… she couldn’t care less if you disappeared from her life.”
The SUV jerked hard to the right. A horn honked behind us. We’d narrowly avoided hitting a car. Jackson took an exit and turned back towards the city.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Shut her up,” Jackson said to the man beside me.
He handed his weapon to the man sitting in the front seat who turned it on Nathan. Then the man beside me took a black scarf out of his bag. He folded it over into a gag then wrapped it around my head. I turned away from him.
“Don’t fight me,” he warned coolly.
To hell with that. I twisted away from him, kicking and punching.
“Give me the gun,” the man said to his partner.
“Olivia,” Nate said.
The calm in his voice startled me. I stopped fighting. It was the
first Nate had spoken since our abduction. All eyes were on him.
“Do as he says.”
He looked defeated. The heaviness in his eyes broke my heart. It was like he was giving up.
“Listen to your boyfriend,” Jackson said.
I turned to face the soldier beside me. He wrapped the gag around my head tightly. The scarf was dry and tasted of sweat in my mouth. I was already nauseous from morning sickness. The taste of the gag made me want to vomit.
The man pulled a rope out of his bag and took my hands. I watched as he tied them together.
Great, I thought, there goes my advantage. If only I’d kept my mouth shut and let them go on thinking I was a harmless little girl, I might have stood a chance of escaping. Now, I’d annoyed them with my loud mouth.
I balled my hands into fists and tensed the muscles in my arms as the soldier bound my wrists. Once he’d finished, I let my hands fall slack. I once saw a show on television about magician tricks. The way Houdini was able to escape ropes was by tensing his muscles when being tied up. After being bound, he would completely relax his body. The lack of tension created just enough space to wiggle out of his ropes.
While the soldier was looking away I tested the ropes. They slid slightly down my wrists. If I had enough time, I thought I could free myself. Or so I hoped. The ropes were tight. It would take a lot of effort.
I looked over at Nathan. He was watching me quietly. He shook his head as if trying to warn me off of whatever I was planning. He knew I was going to try and escape and yet, he wanted me to stay submissive.
The man in the front handed the soldier beside me his gun; he stuck it in his side holster. Nate wasn’t bound or gagged and now they weren’t even bothering to point a gun at him. They weren’t threatened by him at all anymore.
It was strange.
Suddenly, I understood why: I was the leverage. As long as they had control over me, they controlled Nate. He wouldn’t do anything that would put my life in danger.
I watched as the skyscrapers grew taller in my window. We were moving closer to the city. The storm still loomed dark over the suburbs. Was it headed our way? What about my mother? What would she think when she came home to find the house in shambles and us missing? She would be beside herself.
