Michael Broad spent much of his childhood gazing out of the window imagining he was somewhere more interesting.
Now he’s a grown-up Michael still spends a lot of time gazing out of the window imagining he’s somewhere more interesting – but now he writes and illustrates books as well.
Some of them are picture books, like Broken Bird and The Little Star Who Wished.
Books by Michael Broad
JAKE CAKE: THE ROBOT DINNER LADY
JAKE CAKE: THE SCHOOL DRAGON
JAKE CAKE: THE VISITING VAMPIRE
JAKE CAKE: THE WEREWOLF TEACHER
Jake Cake
The Visiting Vampire
MICHAEL BROAD
PUFFIN
This book is dedicated to my friend Ness
PUFFIN BOOKS
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA
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(a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.)
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(a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd)
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Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
www.puffinbooks.com
First published 2007
1
Copyright © Michael Broad, 2007
All rights reserved
The moral right of the author has been asserted
Except in the United States of America, this book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN: 978-0-14-192165-5
Here are three Unbelievable stories about the times I met:
A Vampire
Two Demons
And a knight
Visiting Vampire
Sometimes we have visitors at our school who spend the morning with the class to tell us about something interesting, or at least it’s supposed to be interesting. One time we had a farmer who spent the whole morning going on about potatoes – which was really boring.
You might think it would at least be good to get away from teachers for a bit, but the teachers stay in the classroom the whole time. They sit in the corner, keeping an eye on everyone to make sure we don’t give the visitor a hard time.
When the farmer visited I fell asleep in class and started snoring like one of his pigs. Mrs Grump obviously hadn’t forgotten this because after introducing Mr Graves she took a seat beside the whiteboard and spent most of her time watching me.
Mr Graves stood at the front of the class. He was very pale and wore a long black cape and a black top hat. Mrs Grump introduced him as a magician – which probably meant he did card tricks and pulled rabbits out of hats at little kids’ parties.
YAWN!
Mr Graves took off his top hat and started rummaging around inside it.
I was expecting him to pull out a rabbit, or a string of coloured handkerchiefs. So I was as surprised as the rest of the class when he stopped rummaging, whacked the bottom of the hat and out flew a huge cloud of bats!
A couple of girls screamed, Mrs Grump’s mouth fell open and everyone else gasped in amazement as the bats began circling the room, flapping and screeching loudly.
This was definitely better than potatoes!
Mr Graves clapped his hands together twice and the bats gathered over his head in a big black flapping cloud. Then, with a click of his fingers, they all disappeared in a great puff of purple smoke!
The whole class started clapping and cheering; even Mrs Grump was clapping. She didn’t cheer, but she did seem to be smiling which is not like Mrs Grump at all and looked very odd!
‘Vunderful!’ said Mr Graves, with a funny accent. ‘I have your attention!’
Mrs Grump continued to clap after everyone else had stopped, until the magician frowned at her and she quickly put her hands back in her lap. I’ve never seen my form teacher get so excited before, which probably should have tipped me off that something was wrong.
‘For my next feat of magic I vill need a volunteer,’ said Mr Graves.
Everyone immediately put their hands up, even Mrs Grump. I was the only one who didn’t because I was troubled by what I saw in the reflection of the window.
Actually, I was more troubled by what I couldn’t see.
It was grey and cloudy outside so the whole bright classroom was lit up in the reflection of the glass. I saw Mrs Grump, I saw Mrs Grump’s desk and the whiteboard, I saw all the other kids with their hands in the air (including me without my hand in the air), but I couldn’t see Mr Graves at all!
The magician had no reflection!
When I turned back Mr Graves was looming over me, which gave me a massive fright. I’d been so busy looking at the class through the window I hadn’t seen him creep up to my desk.
‘YOU!’ said the magician, pointing a pale bony finger at me. ‘You vill assist me vith my next amazing illusion!’
GULP!
Under the watchful glare of Mrs Grump I reluctantly made my way to the front of the class with Mr Graves. I glanced in the window one more time to make sure I hadn’t imagined the magician’s missing reflection. No, there I was, walking alone with a very worried look on my face.
I quickly made a list in my head:
Pale skin.
A hat full of bats.
A black cape.
A dodgy accent.
No reflection!
A VAMPIRE!
Everything definitely pointed to a vampire, but they can’t come out during the day or else they turn to dust (even if it is dull and cloudy). So Mr Graves had to be something else.
The magician stood at the front of the class and handed me a long silver chain with an old-fashioned watch on the end.
‘Hold this up and sving it from side to side!’ he demanded.
‘Sving it?’ I said, not knowing what he meant.
‘Yes, sving, sving!’ he snapped, waving his hand backwards and forwards.
‘Oh, you mean swing?’ I said.
‘Yes, sving!’ he growled. ‘That’s exactly vhat I said!’
I held the chain up and let the watch swing from side to side, because I couldn’t see what harm it could do. And while Mr Graves told everyone to gaze at the vatch and surrender their vill (I think he meant watch and will), I looked around, trying to find clues to discover who or what he was.
There was a black rucksack under the desk. So while Mr Graves was busy telling the rest of the class to concentrate on the watch, I inched my way forward and booted it.
The rucksack fell over and a plastic bottle rolled out and landed at my feet.
As I read the label my eyes widened.
It was a b
ottle of suntan lotion.
Factor 60!
Complete sun block!
I dropped the chain, took a deep breath and yelled at the top of my voice:
‘THE MAGICIAN ISN’T REALLY A MAGICIAN, HE’S A VAMPIRE AND HE HASN’T TURNED TO DUST BECAUSE HE’S WEARING LOADS OF SUNTAN LOTION!’
Now, usually when I shout out something like that (which happens quite a lot), the other kids start screaming, or they laugh because they think it’s funny, or I get told off for making up stories. Sometimes the other kids scream and laugh, and I get told off all at the same time.
But this time nothing happened!
I looked around and saw my classmates staring at me with wide vacant eyes. Then I turned to Mrs
Grump, who I was sure would have something to say about my outburst, but she was staring at me with wide vacant eyes too.
I waved at Mrs Grump to get her attention but she didn’t even blink!
‘MWAH HA HA HA!’ boomed the vampire, throwing his arms up and flapping his cape dramatically (vampires are well known for flapping their capes around dramatically. I think they think it’s scary, but it just looks silly).
‘What have you done to my classmates?’ I said, backing away slowly.
‘They’re under my spell,’ hissed the vampire.
‘What do you want with them?’ I asked, trying to buy some time so I could work out how to get away.
‘I vill make them my slaves, of course!’ said Mr Graves. ‘My castle in Transylvania is very large and doesn’t look after itself, you know!’
‘So you are a vampire!’ I said, because vampires usually live in Transylvania.
Mr Graves nodded.
‘But what about Mrs Grump?’ I said. ‘She’s too old to be a slave.’
‘Hmmm,’ said the vampire, eyeing Mrs Grump up and down with a frown. ‘I think your teacher will be my new manservant,’ he said. ‘My last one had an unfortunate accident and I’ve been looking for a replacement.’
‘But she’s not even a man,’ I said, not really knowing what a manservant was but guessing they’d probably have to be a man to get the job.
The vampire considered this, took a marker pen from the desk and wandered over to Mrs Grump. He leaned down and drew a big black curly moustache on my teacher’s top lip.
‘There, that’s better,’ he said, stepping back to admire his handiwork.
Mrs Grump looked really funny with a curly black moustache drawn on her face, but I didn’t have time to enjoy it because something else was worrying me.
Mrs Grump was going to be a manservant with a marker-pen moustache.
The other kids in my class were going to be slaves.
Which left only one person.
‘What about me?’ I said, edging back until I bumped into Mrs Grump’s desk.
The vampire scratched his chin thoughtfully and then smiled, baring his big ugly fangs for the first time.
‘I vill drink your BLOOD!’ he boomed. ‘MWAH HA HA HA!’
The vampire’s red eyes suddenly widened and so did his mouth. Then he flicked his cape up in the air and swooped down on me like a big black eagle swooping on a rabbit!
I couldn’t get away because he was too quick and I was trapped against the desk, so I reached around and grabbed the first thing I could lay my hands on.
Mrs Grump’s register!
I shut my eyes tight and swung the book as hard as I could!
WHACK!
I’d definitely hit something because when I peered out through one eye I saw two things at once. The first was the vampire with his mouth open, looking very surprised and very gummy. The second was a pair of fangy false teeth flying through the air like a missile, and landing on the
floor with a clatter.
The vampire was stunned for a moment so I dropped the book, ducked past him and, because a vampire without fangs can’t bite you, I quickly grabbed the teeth before he could shove them back in again.
Then I scarpered out of the classroom as fast as my legs would carry me.
As I bolted down the corridor I heard running footsteps and a cape flapping behind me. I glanced back just in time to see the vampire leap into the air! Suddenly there was a loud bang and a cloud of purple smoke, and out from the smoke flew a very large angry bat.
‘ARRRRRGGGGH!’ I screamed, but then came up with an idea.
I skidded to a halt at the end of the corridor and held my breath as the bat flapped and screeched towards me.
But just as it swooped down, I shot into the boys’ toilets and slammed the door shut behind me.
THUD!
The thud was immediately
followed by the squeaking sound of a bat sliding down the other side of the door.
I ran to the nearest cubicle, threw the teeth down the toilet bowl and flushed the chain. As the teeth gurgled away I looked at my hand and noticed the slimy vampire drool dangling from my fingers.
YUCK!
After washing my hands I opened the door slowly and looked down.
There was a dazed gummy bat gazing up at me from the floor, and because a dazed gummy bat isn’t very scary, I picked it up by one of its wings and dragged it back to the classroom.
Mrs Grump was still sitting in the corner of the room wearing a marker-pen moustache and gazing into space (which was a bit of an improvement because she wasn’t moaning or glaring at me). The other kids in the class were all still gazing silently at the whiteboard (which would have pleased Mrs Grump if she hadn’t been sitting in the corner of the room wearing a marker-pen moustache and gazing into space).
Everyone was obviously still under the vampire’s spell, and because the vampire bat was still under the spell of the toilet door, I heaved him on to the desk, took a seat and waited.
Eventually there was a halfhearted bang and a thin cloud of purple smoke, and as the smoke drifted away Mr Graves the vampire was sitting on the desk looking like he’d been dragged through a hedge backwards.
‘MWAH HA HA HA!’ I said,
because I couldn’t help myself.
The vampire looked very angry. He jumped off the desk and stood over me, flapping his cape dramatically. But without his teeth he didn’t look scary any more; in fact, he looked a bit silly.
‘Vhere are my…’ he demanded, but I interrupted him.
‘I flushed them down the toilet,’ I said.
The vampire gave a defeated sigh, and then looked around the room.
‘Vell, I still have your class and your teacher!’ he laughed, picking up his rucksack and putting the top hat back on his head. ‘I vill have them carve me a bigger, sharper set of teeth and then I vill come back for you!’
The vampire raised his hand and clicked his fingers together.
Suddenly the whole classroom stood up at the same time, including Mrs Grump, and stared at Mr Graves expectantly, waiting for his instructions.
The vampire sneered at me (which isn’t easy to do without teeth), turned towards the door and clicked his fingers again. Mrs Grump and the whole class followed him, staggering from behind their desks like zombies.
GULP!
I’m always in trouble at school for losing homework or library books, so I knew I’d be in DEEP trouble if I lost my whole class and my teacher. Even I wouldn’t believe that a vampire had taken them to his castle in Transylvania, so I had to stop them myself.
I had an idea.
As the whole class was about to leave the classroom I raised my hand and clicked my fingers together.
Suddenly all the zombies stopped and turned to face me, which was a bit creepy, so I quickly clicked my fingers again and everyone went back to their seats!
The vampire spun around angrily and snapped his fingers.
Everyone immediately stood up again.
I snapped my fingers and everyone immediately sat down again.
The vampire snapped his fingers and everyone stood up again.
I snapped my…
Well, you get the idea. This actu
ally went on for quite a while and all the time Mr Graves was getting angrier and angrier. Eventually he lurched towards me, and although he still didn’t have any teeth the vampire suddenly looked very scary again!
I jumped out of my seat to get away and trod on something small and hard that immediately smashed under my feet. The vampire froze and looked a
bit worried, and when I looked around I could see why.
The whole class, including Mrs Grump, had woken from the spell.
Glancing down I saw the silver watch I’d dropped earlier. Breaking it had obviously broken the spell because everyone, including my teacher, was looking very confused.
‘What on earth is going on here?’ yelled Mrs Grump.
Jake Cake: The Visiting Vampire Page 1
