“Yes, it is, buddy. Kinda weird?”
He nodded, looking from me to her and back again.
I kissed his forehead and then stood…more tears as my arms circled my twin sister. My heart felt like it would explode from the pain—good and bad.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I cried, and she cried too.
I had so many questions. I was pissed off and I needed answers. But I also didn’t want Beck to see me lose my shit right there.
“Let’s get inside,” Rock said behind us, pointing at the hotel and watching the street.
When Ian died, I had felt lost and scared…alone to fight a battle with a baby. But after awhile, I knew we’d recover. I knew we’d be ok. That feeling…that loss after Ian was only a hint of the intolerable ache I was experiencing now. What a cruel hand fate had dealt me again.
Once Beck slept, Rock and Ari waited in the living area of the suite.
Scratching my fingers through my hair, I plopped down in a chair. “What happened? How did this happen? How’d you find me? Why now?”
The questions spewed out as my voice trembled. I’d become so much stronger since the last time I’d seen either of them, but suddenly I’d felt like my life had rewound four years and I was back at the start having not passed GO!
Rock turned the computer that sat on the desk so I could see.
“Jackson Winslow was the lead counsel in the case against Senator McKinley.”
My breath hitched somewhere in my throat when I saw the picture of Jackson in a suit and tie. He looked like some model in a magazine. The man was absolutely gorgeous.
“What case against Senator McKinley?”
Ari raised her manicured brows. “She was charged with killing Ian.”
And Bam! Just like that, I collapsed on the bed. “What?” I screeched. “Killed Ian? Her son? My Ian?”
Ari shushed me and peeked in at Beck.
Rock stood, clicking on something else on the computer. I wanted to vomit.
“The infamous senator hired someone to kill you that night. She knew you’d be driving because of Ian’s drinking. The man spilled it, maybe six months later—claimed she assured him there would be no baby in the car. He admitted to hitting you. He admitted to killing Ian. He admitted to being paid by the senator.”
Slowly, my shaking hand found it’s way to my open mouth. “Oh my God.” I glanced at the computer. That bitch sat at a table in a courtroom. The headline read: Senator convicted of solicitation to commit murder of son.
I reached out to touch the computer as if it might detonate with my touch. I didn’t want to read any more, but my eyes refused to look away from the screen. Jackson Winslow served as the lead prosecutor. Jackson…knew her? As I continued to scroll—there I was…Ian and Beck. Our one and only family picture together. My heart plummeted to my stomach that suddenly retched into the trashcan.
Jackson knew who I was from the beginning. He’d known all along. My stomach knotted up again and I heaved, but nothing came out. He’d lied. He’d fucking lied.
This was three years ago.
“Why didn’t you try and find me?” I asked, my voice lost.
Ari stepped forward. “Because the senator’s husband was making statements about you being unfit. He said that you knew you’d lose the baby in court and that’s why you ran off.”
Rock turned the computer. “You’re known as the Columbian beauty with a porn star sister.” He shot a glance at Ari.
“I’ve not done that shit for two years, Rockford!”
I stared in awe at her. “You’re out of it?”
She nodded. “Done for good.”
Immediately, I wrapped my arms around her. Not because she wouldn’t be naked and having sex in film for the rest of our lives…but her quitting lifted a planet of shame off my shoulders—though my scars remained.
“Tell me about Jackson. Please,” I whispered, pushing her back so I could look at her.
I heard Rock’s fingers tap the keys of the computer behind me. Everything was on the Internet. EVERYTHING. Secrets were no longer secrets.
“What do you know about him?” Rock asked.
I shook my head. “Not much. I knew he was an attorney. When he came to me, he had a huge gash in his side. His father stabbed him, or at least that’s what he said.” I felt awful betraying Jackson. He’d confided in me. Trusted me. “I knew he was an attorney, but he never mentioned the senator or that he knew who I was,” I whispered the last part.
My teeth ground so tightly my jaw ached.
“His father is Edward Winslow. In the past ten years, he’s become a financier.” Rock snapped his fingers trying to think of a different word. “A stockbroker…advisor to the wealthy. He has a trial coming up where more than likely he will be sentenced to life. His son, Jackson Winslow, is supposed to testify for the prosecution. Jackson is the one who turned him in.”
I released the longest of breaths. Jackson hadn’t told me everything. He turned his own father in? But why was he out there at my cabin? What did he want from me?
“So, why was he dangerous to me?” I finally asked. “Why did I have to get away from him?” Saying the words crushed me.
Once again Rock spun the computer and tapped away.
“Honestly, Mela. We aren’t sure what his agenda is with you.”
“You need to prepare yourself though,” Ari whispered.
The emptiness in my stomach growled…not of hunger but of the unknown. Whatever he was about to show me—regardless of what it was—I prayed that it would somehow lead me back to Jackson…not farther away.
Rock rotated the computer to face me. A tingling sensation spread throughout my body as my eyes scanned the screen. My lips slowly parted as my jaw fell lax.
“Rock…” I whispered. “Wha…who? Why?”
Picture after picture of the last 36 hours of my life. Photos of Jackson and me on the front porch of the cabin. Photos of us swinging Beck in the air. Layne and Beck leaving the cabin…yesterday! Beck! We had been exposed. How did this happen?
I swallowed whatever made its way up my esophagus, fighting off the urge to vomit again.
The McKinley family knew where Beck was now! Hysterical, my eyes darted up to Rock and Ari who kept theirs on me as I shot off the bed. At the same time, I couldn’t stop looking at the train wreck of my life in front of me. As I continued to scroll, pictures of Jackson rolled up from the week he was away from me. Him in a fancy car laughing, as he and some other guy seemed to be switching seats. Then he and a woman…a blonde. A plastic blonde. A beautiful blonde. His hand rested on her back. Who was she?
It was as if I was reading a gossip magazine. There were pictures of all sorts of celebrities on this site.
“What is this?”
“It’s a shithole paparazzi site. The paparazzi follow Jackson.”
“Why?”
“Look at him. He’s gorgeous,” Ari said.
Rock tipped his head back and forth, rolling his eyes. “The best I can tell? He’s an attorney that worked on the 9-11 case almost straight out of law school. Mostly because of his father’s contacts. Then he was appointed by the president of the United States to his current position at a extraordinarily young age.”
I back stepped until my legs hit the chair, forcing me to sit. The smoky stinch in this room repulsed me.
“Daddy made millions. Maybe even billions. Looks to me like Jacky boy decided to cut loose with the dough for that past couple of years—I’m assuming not realizing that the funds were illegally obtained. Daddy Warbucks is gonna go to the federal pen for pocketing money that wasn’t his. Your guy, he stopped him from taking more money. Not only is your guy easy on the eyes…” He shot Ari a look. “But he’s seen as a hero to many. It wasn’t long after he turned his father in that he disappeared for a couple of weeks. It was all over the news…then came the pictures.”
Then came the pictures… I sat stunned, trying to shake away the fear that crept into my bones. Back at t
he cabin, there were 16 different memory cards full of pictures of Beck’s life. I’d only developed a couple when I was able to stand and wait for one to print. But, for four years, I refused to chance developing pictures of him simply because I didn’t want the risk. Now, we were plastered all over the internet.
Losing our home and Jackson, how would I do it? This time, I didn’t know how I’d survive. Ian was taken from us by death…this would be by choice. As much strength as I had developed over the past four years, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to endure another heartache. My heart was torn in half—anger and hurt navigated the hurt pulling me in different directions.
I hadn’t had computer or phone access over the past four years. After Ari and Rock went to bed, I sat up late into the night Googling things about Jackson. The ex-senator was in a Kansas penitentiary for killing her son…our Ian. He had a gravesite in the family cemetery, and I wondered if we would ever get the chance to visit. Beck deserved that one day.
Jackson had been on dates with a string of beautiful women. I wasn’t sure why I tortured myself by scrolling through the images of him. Most of the time, I felt inadequate enough…this didn’t help. But I tried hard to remember the way he looked at me when he was inside me. In most of those pics with other women, his eyes were vacant…lost… the irony of that wasn’t lost on me. He’d told me that I found him in more ways than one. I held onto that. But man did I struggle with the lies.
His father was a handsome man, yet it was hard for me to see past the fact that he had stabbed his son. Stabbed Jackson for doing the right thing. My heart ached for him. Is this how heartbreak was supposed to feel? Not mourning—like what I’d endured once before. But true heartbreak. The feeling of wanting to throw Rock’s computer crashing into the fucking wall. The feeling of the flu all over again but not feeling bad like that…just my whole body aching and fatigued and empty. When I peeked in on Beck, a fleeting smile touched my lips but never came close to touching my heart.
I wasn’t sure when sleep overtook me, but when Rock woke me up the sun filtered through the curtains of the hotel room. The smell of coffee lingered in the air. He was fully dressed in his leathers.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting up instantly. “Where’s Beck?”
“He’s with Ari down at the pool. She’s loving this time with him.” A slight smile pulled at his lip. “I’m hopeful this will change her mind about kids.”
“What? She doesn’t want them?”
He shook his head as he sat by my feet. “No. Doesn’t want a child to grow up knowing what she’s done.”
As sad as it made me, I understood all to well what she was feeling and honestly appreciated Ari’s stance.
“Why are you dressed in your gear?”
After puffing out a long breath, he stared at me. “There are more pictures, Mela.”
Quickly, I grabbed the computer from the nightstand and went straight to the site Rock had shown me. Holy Christ.
Columbian Beauty flees from Prosecutor that convicted Senator of Murder
Following the ridiculous headline was shot after shot of Jackson and I hand in hand, Beck on the city park slide, on the motorcycle, Jackson running, me looking over at him as I saddled up with Rock… then the worst of them… Jackson on his knees. The painful, angry grimace on his face. Then—Layne…Layne standing next to Jackson. Layne’s hand on Jackson’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him? This blasted a pain straight through my heart that made my shoulders slump. My friends.
Rock cleared his throat.
“We have to get out of here, Me. They have pictures of us and it won’t take them long to spot the bikes. They’re vultures. Piranha.”
“I didn’t flee from him,” I whispered, disputing the headlines. “He needs to know that.”
“I get it,” he said. “But right now we gotta move.”
“Why?” I sat up a little straighter. “I promised him I wouldn’t run.” My mind couldn’t keep up with my thoughts. “What if you’re wrong? Why can’t I just talk to him?”
“I’m not saying you can’t. But the senator’s team spoke out this morning stating that the family is still seeking custody, and at the very least, visitation. He lied to you, Mela. He lied about knowing who you were. We don’t know his intentions.”
My head fell back against the headboard in frustration and exasperation. “Beck doesn’t even know them.” Why? Why did Jackson lie? Why didn’t he just tell me who he was if he wasn’t hiding something? And…who was the girl?
Rock got to his feet and walked over to the window; his boots clunked as he moved across the floor. He glanced outside the window, just barely moving the curtains.
“Mela. I have Two working on what he can with regards to the McKinley’s. He’s not sure of grandparent visitation rights in the state of Colorado. He doesn’t think they have a chance with custody. But who the hell knows what they will pull since they said you were on drugs last time.”
Finally up and out of bed, I went to the bathroom to clean up.
“You need to eat,” Rock said loudly.
There was no way I would contact Jackson until Rock said it was ok to do so, but damn I needed Jackson Winslow more than I ever wanted to admit.
“I’m not hungry, Rock.” I wasn’t hungry. Thirsty. Anything. Numb. That was the best description. Numb.
We only rode for a short time on the bikes as Beck followed in a car behind us, keeping him less visible to any snakes taking pictures. We pulled into the parking lot of storage units outside of Denver. Some guy Rock knew owned the place. Rock motioned for everyone to kill their engines and walk them into a unit. He didn’t want me to stand outside so I followed him in and waited as they retrieved their stuff from the saddlebags.
Outside, two cars waited for us besides the one Beck was riding in with Ari. Following their lead, we all got in and were off again. There was no point in asking too many questions; I knew that everything Rock was doing was for our own good. That’s why Ari was with Beck and I was riding with him.
“Do we know that we aren’t being followed? Or that there won’t be pictures?” I asked.
Rock untied the doo-rag around his neck. “We will as soon as we get on the website tomorrow. Otherwise those fuckers just take pictures and hide like the little rats they are.”
“Do you know where Jackson is, Rock?”
“Yes. He’s at your cabin.”
A surge of emotion swelled in my body—like an active volcano rumbling before eruption. I fought the breakdown that I desperately needed…that my body needed, but my broken heart won. I wept in the back of that sedan. A new scar engraved itself on my fragile heart—not a visible scar that anyone would ever see, but a scar that cut deep and only Jackson could heal.
Chapter 21
JACKSON
Thanatophobia
As I paced the damn cabin for the twentieth time…I felt like a fucking crack head. I’d paced this place all night long. Sleep evaded me. I needed a shot of Mela directly into my veins. I suddenly didn’t know how I existed before her. I needed her. I needed Beck. I needed fucking rehab is what I needed. The woman and boy I’d personally vowed to protect were taken right out from under my nose. My love…my feelings… had become an obsession. I’d made up my mind. I was staying here until they came back. Period.
This was the first place we found each other and the last place we were together. She’d come back here. I knew she would.
I looked out the window at the beautiful world—the mixture of greens and browns, the rays of sunshine breaking through the trees and some un-melted snow piles scattered around. Surrounded by beauty yet filled with twisted desperation.
I needed to pull it together. Utilize my damn brain and think about what was happening. Who the hell were the men on the motorcycles? They knew her and Beck. She’d mentioned nothing about motorcycles. Layne was as confused as I was and had no leads. What a big help he was…
As I tidied up the kitchen, my mind replayed every
conversation we’d had. The only thing that came to mind—her sister. But Mela had said that her sister didn’t know where she was and Mela didn’t know where her sister was. They’d intentionally kept their distance. How would she possibly of found her?
Out of the damn blue it hit me. My mouth fell open. The fucking paparazzi. My blood simmered as I began shutting things down. I needed access to a computer or my phone. I needed to get her… a satellite connection out here since cell or WiFi weren’t an option. In the meantime, I quickly locked the cabin up and began to shag my ass up the mountain until I could get to my car. About halfway down the mountain, I spotted some familiar paparazzi. If they were here…if they knew about us…fuck! Then she knew. Mela knew everything now. The only thing I could do at this point was use them to my benefit and I had the perfect idea.
Chapter 22
MELA
It’s overwhelming how much I miss you.
After another night of no sleep, of operating in survival mode—I made up my mind to go to Rock and ask if he would somehow sneak me back. I knew given the situation it seemed asinine, but I had to try. I couldn’t…wouldn’t go another day without seeing Jackson. I needed answers. I thought about him saying Ian’s name. Beck hadn’t told Jackson a damn thing. He knew Ian’s name because he was the prosecutor in his murder.
Staring out of the hotel window, looking out across the Denver skyline, I wondered which building he worked in. I wondered where he lived. The places he went to eat. What his house looked like? Did his parents live in Denver too?
Through tired eyes, I watched the people on the sidewalks scurry past, probably on their way to work. The cars on the city streets whizzed by. Everyone caught up in their own little world…just like I was. I’d not been in the city for so long—my existence here felt so much less important than it did at home. Beck depended on me for everything. It had been just the two of us for so long—now, there was family helping. People who loved us. But even though I was surrounded by an entire city and loved ones, my heart felt vacant…broken…scarred.
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