by C. A. Harms
Was she moving? What the hell did he mean “how far”? Just the idea of her leaving made me panic.
“March,” he whispered. “Carl, Josh’s dad, his birthday is March 11, so who knows, right?”
What the fuck? This conversation was so back and forth, I couldn’t keep up. What the hell did my father’s birthday have to do with Gabby moving?
“I’d love a copy.” His voice held that raspy tone that tends to appear when someone is doing all they can to hold back tears. “Thanks for telling me. It means a lot that you thought I should know too. After all, I’m gonna be an uncle.”
Chills covered my entire body, and I swear my legs wobbled with the blow of his words. The room felt as if it had tilted, and my vision grew hazed. Grey kept talking, but I could only focus on the words I had just heard. My breathing picked up as I rushed for him just as he said good-bye and ended the call.
Mike grabbed me from behind, but it didn’t stop me from gripping Greyson’s shirt and slamming his body against the wall behind us. “Call her back.” My nostrils flared as I got up in his face.
“I can’t, man, you know this.”
“Pick up your fucking phone and call her.”
“Her number’s blocked. It didn’t register. And you know that talking to her could compromise everything,” Grey said slowly, trying to make his words register through my anger.
“Grey.” I knew his name came out as a plea, but I didn’t fucking care how weak I appeared. Too many emotions were hitting me in the biggest fucking rush I had ever felt in my life. “Is she pregnant?” I already knew the answer, but I wanted him to confirm it, and when he did my knees gave out and I crumbled to the floor at his feet. I let my head fall to my hands, and for the first time for as long as I could remember, I sobbed. I was happy and angry all at once.
I don’t know how long I sat there on the floor bawling into my hands, but when Greyson’s hand rested on my shoulder, I lifted my head. He too appeared as if he had shed a few tears.
“She’s due March 22,” he said, and I took in a shuddering breath. “She wants to call your sister. She said your family deserves to know she’s carrying a part of them.”
I closed my eyes tight once more and took in another deep breath.
“You’re gonna be a father, man, which is why we have to catch this bastard who is fucking with our lives. We gotta get you home to your girl,” Grey stated with certainty, “and to your child.”
My child.
Chapter 6
Gabriella
To say I was nervous was an understatement.
I sat in the driveway of what I now knew was Libby and her husband William’s home. Two days ago when I finally called her, she insisted I come over for dinner. She had also invited Josh’s father Carl, and the idea that they were all waiting inside with no knowledge of the bomb I was about to drop on them made me feel a little nauseous. On the drive to the suburb of Scarsdale, New York, I had practiced several ways of telling them, and each one only made me more nervous.
I jumped in surprise at the light tapping sound on the window beside me. There just on the other side was Libby, and her smile made me feel as if someone had gripped my stomach in their fist. Her smile matched Josh’s, and it made me miss him even more than I already did. I hadn’t thought that was even possible until that very moment.
I reached for the door handle and opened it, and she placed her hand on the top and pulled it farther open. The moment I stepped out, she wrapped her arms around me and held me close. “I’m so happy you came,” she said in a hoarse whisper, and tears welled up in my eyes. I batted them away as I returned her hug.
“We are all so happy you called,” she added as she took my hand and led me toward her beautiful house. I scanned the surrounding area, noticing the swing sets in the yards and the homes surrounded by colorful flowers. I sat there in the driveway, thinking how amazing it must be to live in such a neighborhood, to raise a family outside the city.
The second we entered the house, Jonah’s loud squeals of laughter filled my ears, and I closed my eyes for just a moment as I smiled. The sweet sound of his happiness was contagious.
A very tall man with blond hair and a thick build walked through the entryway, carrying Jonah upside down over his shoulder. He offered a loving smile to Libby before focusing on me. “You must be Gabby,” he said as he held his hand out in greeting. “I’m Will.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” I told him as I placed my hand in his.
Jonah began wiggling in his dad’s arms, attempting to break free. When Will lowered him to the floor and tickled his side, Jonah offered his best “don’t mess with me” growl before looking over at me.
His reaction immediately gave me a flashback to the first time we met. He stared at me blankly, and his smile grew even wider. “Did you bring Uncle Josh?”
His question knocked the wind from my lungs, and I looked up at Libby with a pleading stare. I had no idea what to say.
“Now, buddy, we’ve explained to you about Uncle Josh.” Carl knelt before his grandson and took his hands. “He’s in Heaven now, watching over all of us, with Grams and Uncle Brett by his side.”
The reality of just how much this family had lost made my chest constrict. Just how much loss can one family endure before they break?
Jonah looked back at his grandpa with sadness before turning away and moving off toward the living room Carl had just emerged from.
“Sorry about that,” Libby offered with a forced smile. “He still has a hard time with the fact his uncle’s not returning.”
I just nodded as if to tell her I understood too well. My throat felt so raw, I was afraid to talk.
Carl stepped forward and took me in his arms, much like he had the first time we met. I accepted his embrace because frankly, ever since the day we lost Josh, I haven’t felt whole or safe. Carl was tall like Josh and had a similar build. He wasn’t quite as broad and full as his son, but when he hugged me, I still felt tiny in his arms.
“He loved you,” he whispered into my hair, and I held my breath, hoping to hold back the tears filling my eyes. “Just because we lost him doesn’t mean we don’t still accept you as part of our family now.”
That was all it took. The staying-strong pep talk I had given myself was shot like a bottle rocket right out the damn window the moment the words left his father’s lips.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, and sobs racked me. “I wish more than anything that he was here by my side. I truly hate that the news I have to tell all of you isn’t something he was here to tell you himself.”
Carl released his hold on me and held me out at arm’s length. “News?”
I looked around, taking in the questioning expressions written on their faces. “I’m pregnant.”
I was immediately engulfed in Carl’s arms once more as Libby stepped forward to join us. “We still have a part of him here, with us,” she whispered, her voice shaky with tears, and I nodded into the crease of Carl’s neck.
I hadn’t planned on telling them like this, standing in the doorway, but having Josh’s father hold me as he told me his son loved me made it impossible for me to hold back. And the joy in their eyes as I showed them the sonogram picture just confirmed their happiness. It felt like I was giving them all back just a small piece of the man we had all lost. The smallest amount of light reappeared in his father’s sullen eyes and joy in his sister’s voice then as they told me about Josh when he was young and wondered if his child would be anything like him. I think it all gave us back a part of ourselves. I wasn’t the only one who felt empty from his absence.
I vowed then that his family would never miss out on anything when it came to the life of Josh’s child. They would forever be a huge part of my child’s life, and I wanted them to shower him or her with every bit of information they could offer about Josh.
***
I lay in bed, lightly rubbing circles over my flat stomach. Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine my han
d was his, as if he was right next to me. I tried to picture joy in his eyes as he looked down toward my belly.
It was barely 9:00 p.m., but I was drained from my night with Josh’s family. Brook was at her night class when I arrived home, so I took a shower and crawled into bed. I had a number of calls to return and unread emails to respond to, but I felt I deserved tonight off to allow myself to just dream.
Chapter 7
Josh
It was three days from the time I received the news about becoming a father, three more days of my life gone. I had a child I wanted to celebrate, a woman I wanted to love, and I was still stuck in the hell of solitude.
I did make a deal with Greyson that no matter what, I would from this point on be able to hear his conversations with Gabby and my family. If I was being forced to keep up this façade of being dead, he would at least allow me that.
Some might think this would only torture my already hurting soul further, but it was my way of being involved even though they had no idea I was there.
People wonder what it would be like if they were gone. How would people act? What would people say about you? Would they forget you or make sure you lived on in their memories?
I was living out that scenario. Some days were worse than others, like today for example. I was sitting on the couch, a fucking bucket of emotions as I listened to my sister explain to Greyson about the dinner they had with Gabby.
“You should have seen it, Grey,” Libby said, sounding overjoyed. “Dad beamed when he heard about Josh’s child. I know it’s crazy, but it feels like he’s still here with us, like we have a tiny piece of him still.”
My vision clouded as I looked up at locked eyes with Greyson.
“I know what you mean, Lib,” he said as he offered me a smile. “I can just imagine the look on Josh’s face knowing that he was going to be a father. That proud smile he got when he knew he did something great.”
I closed my eyes as my best friend and sister carried on about my life. A life I would give anything to get back to.
***
“Any news?” I asked as I relaxed against the couch cushions.
“We haven’t been able to make contact with the kid,” Frank replied with a loud, exhausted sigh. “We showed up at the address he had given us only to find the place empty. It looked like they may have left in a rush.”
“Do you think they left willingly? Or does it look like it was a forceful eviction?” My head pounded as I closed my eyes tightly.
“We didn’t see any signs of a struggle,” Frank answered.
“They get spooked?”
“Possibly,” Frank said.
I felt defeated. Like that chance of getting my life back was just ripped from me once again. I considered telling Frank what Grey, Mike, and I had found, but I decided against it. We had agreed to keep it quiet until we had more to go on.
“I’m not giving up, Josh,” Frank told me with a little more authority than he’d spoken with earlier. “I will get you your life back.”
There was one problem, though. I just couldn’t force myself to believe this would one day be over. I had been disappointed one too many times over the last six weeks. I was tired of hitting the fucking proverbial brick wall.
“Just hold it together, Josh,” he added in one last attempt to reassure me. He knew I was barely hanging on.
“She’s pregnant.” I hadn’t intended to disclose that to anyone but Grey and Mike, but I had to give Frank an idea of just how hard this was all getting. “She called Grey a few days ago. Knowing she’s carrying my child is killing me, Frank. I want to be there. I can’t miss out on that. There has to be a way to get me to her. Fuck, move me to her place and I’ll stay hidden there.”
“We can’t do that. I got to keep you boys hidden. But we’re getting closer here, Josh. We’re moving in on Leo’s men. The DEA is inside his facilities, and either Roman or Leo are bound to turn up soon. They won’t let that kind of money slip through their fingers.”
I knew Frank had taken over the case in my absence, but this shit felt like it wasn’t moving at all. I had tried to make contact with Trevor, but Frank had him buried in videos just as he did us.
Frank was old school, and as much as I respected him, I felt like maybe he wasn’t the best man to lead this case. But how the hell do you tell your boss he may want to consider accepting that he no longer had the street skills to conquer this case? Instead I chose to dive back in, scanning every video for signs of our rat. I just needed one video, one slipup that gave us something to go on.
***
“We’re missing something,” I said angrily as I fisted my shaggy hair. My facial hair wasn’t the only thing I’d let grow wild. I just didn’t see the purpose of giving a shit about my appearance anymore, not when Grey and Mike were the only assholes I got to see.
“Josh, we have gone over these videos so many times, I see them in my fucking sleep. We have analyzed every minute of every one. There is nothing to see besides that one mistake. He’s careful, man. You’ve seen it. He knows where we have our shit, and he avoids those areas.” Greyson leaned back in the chair next to me, looking as defeated as I felt.
“He’s playing us, Josh,” he said as he looked over at me. “He’s playing us all, sending us on a fucking goose chase while he runs this shit right under our noses. We’ve been used to take focus away from what everyone should be focusing on. It’s been his game all along.”
“So what do we do?” Mike asked the question I think we were all thinking.
None of us spoke for a while. We each just stared at the screens we had been looking at for days, weeks even. I couldn’t let go of the idea that the clue we needed was hidden in all this damn data.
“We keep looking, we keep analyzing, and we make sure Trevor continues to supply us with footage as he gets it.” I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the desk. “I refuse to allow this fuck to steal any more of my life. I don’t know about you two, but I’m ready to fuck his world up the way he has mine.”
They both agreed as we dove back in to examining and cross-examining. We stayed up throughout the night, refusing to let another clue slip past us. It was time this bastard paid for the lives he’d taken. Time to make him suffer for all the wrongs he’d done. One of our own had us running in circles for months while he sat back and played us all like pawns in a chess game.
It was time to reverse the roles and play his game, but play it better.
Chapter 8
Gabriella
“The view is breathtaking. And the master bedroom, I think, is exactly what you’ve been looking for. The appliances are immaculate.” I walked around the penthouse, offering the description of everything that matched R.J.’s specifications, even though I knew it would only result in yet another wasted day. He spent more time watching me than he did looking at the property.
I hated the way he looked at me.
“Let me ask you something, Gabriella.” The way he said my name disgusted me and made my stomach hurt. “If you could come home to a place like this every day, would you?”
“It’s a little much for my taste. I’m more of a simple-living girl,” I said with a forced smile.
“Once you get a taste of the finer things in life, I think you may change your mind.” He licked his lower lip, and I turned away as my stomach churned even more.
I chose not to respond, hoping that ignoring his innuendo would make him move on, but I had no such luck.
“Why don’t you have dinner with me?” he whispered, and my body tensed. He had stepped up behind me, and I could sense his closeness. “No expectations, just two people enjoying a nice meal. My treat.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said without turning around to face him.
His fingers skimmed over my shoulder as he pushed my hair away from my face. “And why’s that? Because I honestly believe it’s the best idea I’ve had in a very long time.”
“Listen, Roman,” I said as I tur
ned.
“R.J.,” he insisted.
I swallowed past the lump that had formed in my throat. “Though I appreciate the offer, dating a client is something I could never do.”
“Then you’re fired,” he said with a smirk.
“I’m not ready to date. The man I lost will always hold my heart whether he is here or not.” I hoped R.J. could understand and just let this go. “I have no intentions of dating anytime soon. There are just too many things going on in my life, too many unsettled emotions.”
He stared at me for a little too long, and my heart rate picked up in anxiety. Then with a nod, he stepped back and gave me a smile. “The man you have lost was a lucky one.”
“Thank you,” I said. Please, God, just let this be over. I felt like the room was closing in on me. I hated the way he continued to scan my body with his gaze.
I jumped when my phone rang, and R.J. chuckled. “Excuse me,” I said in a rush as I reached inside my purse for it. A quick swipe of my finger and I lifted it to my ear. “Hello.”
“Gabby?” It was Audrey.
“Yeah, hey, hi.” I closed my eyes tight and took in a deep breath. “Hi,” I said once again, trying to calm my nerves.
“Are you okay?” I could sense the concern in her voice. “You sound funny.”
“I’m good, Audrey, I’m just showing a property to a client.” I looked back over my shoulder to find that R.J. was still watching me closely. “What are you up to?” I suddenly no longer wanted this conversation to end. I felt the need to keep her talking, keep her as a lifeline.
“Well, tonight I was hoping you and Brook were free. I was gonna come camp out.” Audrey had sold her flat in Boston and moved back in with my parents. I wasn’t sure what her reasons were, I just knew she also had no intentions of going back to that city.
