by Berry, C. J.
The voice didn't sound drunk, instead it sounded soft, smooth and clear. I probably don't even need to recount the numerous thoughts that went through my head. The thoughts of fear, anger, embarrassment and the increasing desire to get the hell out of there. My one and only driving desire at that point was to run, to run as far as I possibly could.
I was in panic mode and my feet did the deciding for me. I headed towards the bathroom, pulling out my cell phone as I entered desperately texting Angela to help me get out of there, asking why she didn't tell me that Aiden was going to be there. I even considered sending a text just simply getting mad at her and even considered that she had been a part of this whole setup. But then I thought back to our conversation and put it aside, she just didn't seem the type to be so conniving and bitchy.
Someone else had invited him.
But who?
I locked myself inside a stall, nearly dizzy from the thoughts spinning around in my head, desperately trying to come up with a plan to escape with some class without permanently ruining my chances of harmony at work.
Then the music stopped.
I waited, hoping that the microphone would be picked up by some other drunk desperately wanting to relive the 80s.
Instead, sitting alone in the bathroom, locked in a stall, I heard Aiden’s voice echo through the building.
"Sarah, I know you're here. I miss you."
I buried my head in my hands. Now, the entire office new that something was up. My attempts at avoiding the label "that crazy girl" had now flown out the window. I felt like throwing up, and I no longer had the strength to fight back the tears. I simply let them stream down my face.
When I thought the night couldn't get any worse, Aiden continued.
"Many of you don't know me, as a matter of fact maybe less than a handful of you know me. My name is Aiden and I'm looking for a girl named Sarah Kinsley. I know she works here, but I'm crazy about her. If you see her, please let me know. I'll be here for a few minutes, I'm sorry to have crashed your party like this."
I heard a girl who had been washing her hands let out an “aww”. I wanted to reach over the stall, grab her by the hair and shake her all the while screaming "you don't know who he is, don't fall into his trap!"
While I was fantasizing about "educating" the girl who seemed to swoon over the voice of the man she knew nothing about, Angela texted back.
Oh God. Sarah, I am so sorry. Where are you?
I told Angela that I was in the bathroom and that I wasn't coming out. She texted back that she would come get me and that I could make a covert escape while she distracted Aiden. I really didn't have any choice and so I texted back an “OK”.
Seconds later Angela was knocking on my stall door. I wiped away my tears with my hands, she help me to wash my face of the mascara that was now running down my cheeks, and together we walked out the door, arm in arm.
I was looking down at my shoes, when we exited the bathroom, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone, when I suddenly felt Angela stop.
I dared not look up, for fear of what, or who, I might see.
Chapter 12
I knew, that if I looked up I would see the eyes of all 180 employees of Abraams and Snider staring at me, judging me, whispering to one another about "that crazy girl". I kept my eyes on the floor, refusing to look up, as Angela tugged on my arm and whispered something I didn't understand in my ear. It wasn't until he spoke that I realized just how bad the situation had become.
I should have kept my eyes on the ground.
"Sarah?"
Oh God. My nightmare is coming true.
"Who was that guy?" He said.
"We don't have time for this right now Brandon, I'm sorry," Angela said pulling me forward, her arm outstretched trying to push Brandon to the side.
"I think I deserve to know who that man was that's looking for you." Brandon's voice was stern and I could feel him walking behind us as we moved past him, but I said nothing.
"Seriously Brandon, can we talk about this some other time?"
"No," I suddenly felt Brandon's hand grab my other arm and spin me around. I spun with such force that my other arm broke free from Angela’s grasp, and she let out a squeal.
So much for not making a scene.
A crowd was beginning to gather. Why hadn't someone started singing karaoke again?
I felt my face flush, eyes piercing me, judging me, wondering what was so special about me for their boss to be making a big deal out of.
"Don't you think I deserve to know who that guy was?"
Brandon still had his arm on my shoulder and was beginning to squeeze.
I can’t explain it, but with all those eyes staring at me, and the pressure of Brandon's hand on my shoulder, and Angela looking on, and with Aiden hiding somewhere in the wings waiting to do God knows what — I suddenly became very claustrophobic.
"I have no idea what you're talking about Brandon," I said staring him directly in the face.
"What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about? What about last —"
"Like I said," pulling my hand away and raising my voice so that everyone could hear, "I have no idea what you're talking about, maybe you could talk to HR tomorrow and see what they have to say about it."
The threat of a sexual harassment lawsuit left Brandon speechless.
I saw out of the corner of my eye one of my fellow copywriters with her mouth agape.
I heard whispers.
I didn't care.
I simply turned on my heel, pushed Angela's arm away as she tried to grab me, and walked out the front doors into the cold night alone.
Chapter 13
It was probably around 10:30 p.m. when I finally made it home. Instead of taking the streetcar over the river, I walked. By the time I had reached my house, my feet were throbbing. When I walked through the front door the first thing I did was fling my shoes across the room and rest my feet on the cool, smooth surface of my hardwood floors. I let out an audible sigh of relief and then headed for the fridge.
I grabbed one of the few remaining gallons of chocolate ice cream left in my freezer, scooped up my laptop and headed for the couch. I didn't even have the energy to change my clothes. I figured I'd just fall asleep in what I was wearing, chocolate ice cream smeared all over my face, my Netflix playlist on infinite-loop until everything that I had felt that night, everything that I had become here in Portland would just vanish away.
I never did get that infinite Netflix playlist started.
There was a knock at the door. My heart jumped.
This time, he didn't wait to speak.
“Sarah, please come talk to me. I was looking for you at the office party.”
This was the straw that broke the camels back.
I couldn't take it any longer.
I screamed.
I screamed so loudly that my voice cracked halfway through, but I kept on screaming. I screamed to get him to go away. I screamed to alert the neighbors. I screamed to get the embarrassment of the office party off my chest. I screamed for what my ex had done, and I screamed for what my Portland dream had become.
“Christ, Sarah! I am not here to hurt you. I just want to talk about what's going on.”
“I swear to God Aiden, I'm going to call the cops right now.”
I ran over to where I had left my cell phone on the kitchen counter.
He yelled through the door, “Now please, Sarah, I don't even know what's going on.”
“You know exactly what's going on, you bastard.”
“What? I honestly don't know what's going on. You never return my calls or texts. All I know is we had a great weekend and then you just disappeared off the face of the earth. I realize that we aren’t a thing, but Christ, I just want to know what happened.”
“You know exactly what happened.”
“Honestly, I really don't know what's going on here. Please, whatever it is that I did, please let me make it up to you.”
&n
bsp; “You can make it up to your precious little Lizzy you son of a bitch. Leave me out of it.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Your precious little burlesque bitch. Why don’t you go bang on her door you pervert.”
“Whoa, hold on a second. I don't think you know what you're saying.”
This offended me so deeply. I ran to my door and started banging on it, cursing his name, saying incomprehensible things until I ran out of steam. My arms gave out and my voice was soar.
“Jesus Sarah, I — I still don't know what you're talking about.”
“Let me explain it to you loud and clear so you can get it through your thick head. Fuck you, fuck Lizzy, and fuck Peyton, and fuck all of your stupid little games. You think this is some kind of joke? You think we are still in high school or something you arogant prick? This isn’t a fucking game — this is my life. You're all just a bunch of sick bastards.”
I was so angry I could barely keep myself under control. I wanted to fight him, to physically punch him in the face.
No reply came from the other side of the door. I thought it might be over.
“Wait, are you saying that you think Lizzy and I, the Lizzy from work, are sleeping together?”
“I know you guys are sleeping together. I saw your text. You sent it to the wrong phone Einstein.”
I heard a long sigh come from the other side of the door.
“It all makes sense now,” he said.
I had nothing left to say and I certainly didn’t want to hear anything else from him. It was time to get this man out of my life for good.
I dialed nine, then one, then one and was just about to hit the call button when I heard him leaning against the door.
I heard his body slip slowly down until it stopped at the bottom of my door-well.
I could barely hear what he said next.
“It’s now what you think,” his voice was almost empty.
I was out of energy for yelling, so I replied in a soft voice as well.
“How could it not be what I think?”
“Lizzy is not my girlfriend, not the Lizzy you are talking about. I don’t even know her. I barely know Peyton, she just thinks we are friends because I treat her with some common decency when she comes into my restaurant.”
I heard him let out another sigh, and thought I heard him grimace.
“Lizzy is my daughter. The text you got, was for her. I was on my way to pick her up from science camp.”
He sighed again.
This time, it was me to slip down against the door.
I had no idea.
Everything that had been Truth to me these past two weeks just pulled a 360 and I felt the rug being pulled from under my feet. I slid down the door, dropped myself onto the ground and started to weep.
What had I been doing?
“She really likes science,” Adan said through the door, “I think you'd really like her. It’s actually kinda funny now, because when I went to pick her up she had asked where I was and I told her that I texted her, but she said that I hadn't. She was so mad at me that day. I had to make her favorite pie before she would even talk to me again. It all makes sense now.”
I was as confused as ever. He wasn't part of some cruel joke to humiliate me, for that I was grateful, but he also hadn't told me that he had a daughter. I don't know what I expected, is not like we were dating or getting married or something, but it seemed like his daughter would have come up in conversation at least once.
To be totally honest, I wasn't even sure that I believed him. I barely knew him.
He could have just been a really good con-man.
I needed to find out, for my own sanity, what the truth was.
I stood up, turned to face the door and asked,
“Do you want to come in and talk?”
The reply was quiet, gentle, and spoken in a low tone.
“Yes — yes, please I do.”
I slowly put my hand on the lock and knob of my front door and twisted the two together.
I pulled open my door and saw that he had been crying.
Chapter 14
I pulled the screaming teapot off my stove and set it to the side. I cracked open two packages of herbal tea and poured the hot water over the teabags. A sweet aroma was released into the air, and I felt the herbal crawl up my nostrils, signal to my brain that everything was going to be OK, and my shoulders relax as they received the same signal.
I closed my eyes, gathered as much courage as I possibly could and brought the cups into the living room of my house. I handed Aiden a cup and sat across from him on my couch.
It was a sad sight. The two of us sitting there, looking like we had just been informed that our loved ones had died. Here was the man who had my life a living hell for those past two weeks looking like a wounded animal. His head hung down, his arms were folded across his legs, and his shoulders rolled inward like a wave about to break.
“I'm ready to listen,” I said.
He let out a deep sigh.
“I don't know what to say.”
“You could start with the fact that you never told me you had a daughter.”
“You have to understand, Sarah, I haven't always been who I am today. I've made some very serious mistakes in my life. He looked up at me and said, but there is one that I don't regret.”
“What mistake is that?” I asked.
“My daughter.”
It was sentimental thought, but it did nothing to answer my original question.
“Tell me about her.”
It was almost like a fresh breath of life had suddenly filled his body. He sat up straight, set his tea down, and repositioned himself to face me. A smile had overtaken his face.
“She's the best,” he said, “she loves science, she's really good at soccer, and I like to think we are best friends. I know that someday when she's older she's gonna turn away and do that teenage girl thing, but she's just a little girl now, and so we can still have fun. It's been really hard because I'm working so much at the restaurant, but I try and do fun things with her when I can. When I can't, which seems to be more and more often now, I know how much she really likes doing science stuff so I send her off to science camps or on field trips to OMSI and stuff like that. When you and I met, that's where she was — science camp. Oh, you should've seen what she brought home. It was like a complete chemistry set, and she had these little bio-tubes or something like that. It was really cool. She is just such a smart girl, you know?”
He looked away, the smile still on his face.
“Why didn't you tell me about her?”
He let out a sigh.
“I’ve told a lot of women about my daughter, and that's usually the last conversation we have. You have to understand Sarah, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. And when I say most important, I mean most important. I've learned to keep her protected, like I said, I've made some mistakes in the past, and sometimes she has had to bear the brunt of those mistakes. I can’t make those same decisions anymore. I won’t make those same decisions anymore.”
I didn't know what to say, if it was true, then I would have to be a pretty terrible person to judge him for wanting to keep her safe, but it just wasn't good enough for me to know that he had a daughter.
“What about her mother?”
His face darkened.
“She is a mistake that I regret,” he said, “her and I together were the biggest losers you've ever seen. We literally just ruined each other's lives with alcohol. After my Lizzy was born, I wanted to change, I wanted to be a better man, you know?”
He looked at me pleading for some understanding.
He continued, “Lizzy's mother wouldn't give up alcohol. I tried to get her to come with me to treatment, I tried to find ways that would convince her that it was the best thing for whole family, I even wanted to marry her, but she just threw it all away. Gave it all up because she wouldn’t stop drinking. To be honest, I have no idea where she
is now, and I'm just grateful that the courts let me take care of my own daughter.”
I soaked it all in.
I tried to find holes.
I couldn’t see any.
I didn’t want to rush to any conclusions so I changed the subject to let my mind process what he had just said.
We spent the rest of the evening catching up, talking about life, and our past lives. At one point we started laughing uncontrollably about something I can’t remember, but it felt nice. It was like a terribly awkward and memorable first date.
I knew that he was trying hard to make up for whatever emotional gap had been created by the misunderstanding, but I couldn't help but feel a slight distance in everything I said. I still wasn't convinced.
Call me hardhearted, call me an idiot, but I had just been through too much to be so easy.
One night of sitting on my couch wasn’t going to convince me to forget.
I told him that I had to go to work the next day, he told me he had to be back in his restaurant in just a few hours to start his work, so I led him to the door.
Before I opened it he turned to me, put his hand on my elbow and asked,
“Will I ever get to see you again?”
“I'm not sure. I'm just not sure.”
With that, I opened the door and watched Aiden walk out into the darkness.
Chapter 15
The next day at work seemed almost pointless.
I just had too much on my mind to even think about getting anything productive done. I spent a lot of time wandering around the office, getting a drink every 15 minutes, draining my bladder every 30 minutes, and checking Facebook all those times in between. Aiden had dropped a bombshell on me the night before and I still hadn't had time to process it.
I had to hand it to him, he had displayed an impressive persistence in trying to get in contact with me. If his story was true, it was something to be admired and to feel flattered over. If it wasn't true, I should probably start telling people, including the police, to keep on the lookout for the handsome stalker creeping around my house all the time.
