by Mary Hooper
I didn’t say anything.
‘She won’t talk about it and her mother thought you might know why.’
‘It’s nothing to do with me,’ I said.
‘Well, obviously not – if you haven’t seen her.’
I opened my mouth and shut it again. I couldn’t begin to tell Mum what had happened. She’d never understand. Not only that, she just wouldn’t be interested.
‘So who have you been with?’
I shrugged. ‘A boy.’
‘What boy?’
‘Just a boy at school.’ I started to walk up the stairs. ‘Anyway, since when have you ever bothered about who I go round with?’
‘As a matter of fact I take quite an interest in your friends,’ she said. ‘I don’t like you hanging around the streets with just anyone.’
‘Going shopping isn’t hanging around the streets,’ I said.
‘And while we’re on the subject of your friends, a boy came round for you last Sunday, while you were at Astra’s. Name of Ben.’
I stopped at the top of the stairs. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ And why hadn’t he told me?
‘Because I didn’t like the look of him, that’s why. I didn’t want to encourage things.’
‘What d’you mean? What are you talking about?’
‘He’s not the sort of boy I want you to be friends with. He’s not from the same class as us,’ she said.
‘Oh, you snob!’ I exploded. ‘It might just interest you to know that his dad is an actor, they’re stinking rich and they own the biggest house in the area!’
She sniffed. ‘If you believe that, you’ll believe anything.’
I went into my room and slammed the door.
‘And that skirt’s much too short,’ she shouted after me.
I flung myself down on my bed. I didn’t want her to spoil everything. I wanted to think about things: about Astra, about Ben, about the kiss.
After a moment I rolled on to my back and stared up at the ceiling, wondering what was going to happen between me and Astra? How would it be at school? Where were we going to sit in class? Should I make some sort of an effort to talk to her and straighten things out?
I got up and stared at the huge black and white poster over my desk which showed me and Astra with our arms around each other, killing ourselves laughing about something. It was our favourite photograph – Astra had had it blown up to poster size for my last year’s Christmas present. It was mounted on white card and underneath Astra had captioned it: FRIENDS FOR EVER.
One by one, I took out the drawing pins which held it up. Then I rolled up the poster and put it under my bed. I didn’t want any reminders of that friendship at the moment. I wasn’t quite sure what was going to happen, but things had changed. My life was going to be different from now on, now that Ben was here. Maybe Astra would be in it. And maybe she wouldn’t.
Chapter Thirteen
Sunday, 30th October
ASTRA
I couldn’t be bothered to read the horoscopes in this morning’s paper. I couldn’t be bothered to do much, really. I just slopped about a bit and only came out of my room when Mum called up in a jolly voice to say that she hadn’t seen me for days and was I still living there?
I went downstairs. She’d been cooking chocolate brownies and she gave me one warm from the oven.
‘Chelsea loves these,’ she said. ‘She’ll be round later for her weekly fix, I suppose.’
‘No, she won’t, actually,’ I said.
Mum set down the baking tray and took off her oven gloves. ‘So you two have had a row.’
‘No, we haven’t.’
‘What’s happened, then?’
I shook my head. I thought of Chelsea – and then I thought of Ben and I felt my eyes prickle with tears. I liked him so much and I’d really thought he liked me. I couldn’t bear it if he didn’t.
‘What is it?’ Mum sat herself down at the kitchen table. ‘Come on, Astra. You and I usually talk our problems through, don’t we?’
I nodded wordlessly.
‘Well, then – tell me. That’s what I’m here for. Nothing is so bad that you can’t share it with your mum, you know.’
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ I muttered.
‘Has Chelsea got another friend – is that it? Has she gone off with someone else?”
I nodded again. ‘Gone off with someone else.’
‘But why? I mean, did you have a row, or …’
‘She’s gone off with a boy,’ I said flatly.
‘Aah,’ Mum said. ‘I see.’
‘No, you don’t.’ I took a deep breath. ‘She and I both fancied the same boy – this new boy at school called Ben – but he liked me best and he asked me out but when I went to meet him yesterday she was there with him and she was laughing at me!’
‘Oh, darling!’ Mum said. She reached across the table to take my hand.
I pulled it away. ‘Don’t!’ I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me, I knew it would make me start crying again.
Mum shook her head. ‘I can’t think why she’d do such a thing to you. I mean, I know she’s not exactly got a happy family life – her parents never seem to have much time for her – but I never thought she’d ever do the dirty on you.’
‘There you go, then,’ I said bitterly.
‘But if this boy asked you out, why would she …’
‘Mum!’ I said. ‘I don’t want to talk about it, all right? I just don’t want to talk about it!’
And I ran out of the kitchen and up to my room. I thought that yesterday had probably been the most miserable day I’d ever had in my life, but today didn’t look like turning out much better.
I couldn’t think what things were going to be like anymore. What would it be like at school without Chelsea? What would happen when we had to work on our projects together, when we weren’t speaking? Suppose she got a new best friend? Suppose she told everyone about yesterday, about how I’d turned up and just burst into tears? Suppose she was with Ben every moment from now on, hanging round his neck? How was I going to cope?
And how was he going to act towards me now? Had he ever really liked me at all? I looked over to my Gemini parchment – what about us being compatible signs and the same astro-numbers and all that – didn’t that count for anything?
I hugged my arms around myself and rocked on the bed, knowing that I’d never know what it felt like to be hugged by him. The worst thing was, though, she would …
The phone call came about four o’clock. I heard Mum answer it, and then she called up, ‘Astra, call for you!’
My stomach turned over and over so that I felt sick. Ben or Chelsea? I didn’t know who I wanted it to be. Either of them, really. Just as long as I had a chance with one. A boyfriend or a best friend …
Mum held her hand over the receiver. ‘It’s a boy,’ she mouthed at me. ‘Now, be sensible. Don’t let …’
I took the phone off her. ‘Please!’ I said, making shooing movements with my hand. I turned my back on her and after a moment she went into the sitting room, closing the door quietly behind her.
‘Hello?’ I said uncertainly.
‘Astra.’ He said my name and I felt my knees go weak.
‘Yes?’
‘It’s me. Ben.’
‘I know.’ I could see him there, see him standing with the phone to his ear, smiling slightly, green cat’s eyes slanted.
‘I’ve got something to tell you.’
‘Yes?’ I would try to be very cool and very controlled. I would listen to what he had to tell me without saying a word. I wouldn’t let him see how hurt I was.
He didn’t explain or apologise, though.
‘I’m going away,’ he said straight off.
‘What?’ Did he mean with Chelsea? Was that the secret they’d had? ‘What d’you mean – going away?’ I stammered.
‘Look, I can explain everything. I need to talk to you.’
‘Are you going away with Chelsea?’
I asked fearfully.
He smiled, I could hear it in his voice. ‘No,’ he said.
A wave of relief washed across me. ‘Who with, then? Who are you going with?’
‘Depends,’ he said.
‘Will … will you be gone for long?’
‘For ever, probably.’
‘Oh.’ I sat on the bottom of the stairs and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to lose him, didn’t want him to go. Even if he didn’t want me, I still wanted him around. He couldn’t just disappear from my life!
‘I don’t want you to go,’ I said bleakly. I didn’t care about yesterday, or about him and Chelsea. All I could think was that I wanted him to be there.
‘I know you’re hurt because of what happened yesterday.’
I was silent.
‘I want to tell you why it happened. I want to take away the hurt.’
I still didn’t say anything. There was a lump in my throat as big as a peach.
‘If I was there now, Astra, I’d put my arms around you and explain everything. I’d kiss you and make you forget.’
I felt myself go hot all over. The receiver grew sweaty in my hand.
‘I wish you weren’t going,’ I whispered. ‘Do you have to?’
‘You could always come with me,’ he said.
‘What?’ I didn’t think I’d heard right.
‘You’ve always seemed a bit of a free spirit. How d’you fancy travelling?’
‘What d’you mean – run away?’
‘Yeah. Just come with me.’
‘I couldn’t!’
‘So you don’t care if you never see me again?’
‘I do! I do, but …’ I was horribly confused. ‘What about yesterday. I thought you and Chelsea were …’
‘As I said, I need to see you to explain. Chelsea was – well, you know what she’s like – a bit pushy.’
‘Do you mean she just turned up?’ I said. ‘She found out you were meeting me and just …’
‘Yeah – short skirt, tight T-shirt and all. Talk about being obvious. Look, if we talk, I’ll explain everything. There’s a lot you don’t know. Things have been very difficult for me lately.’ He gave a short laugh, ‘I know it sounds crazy but you’ll understand. My gran warned me that things were going to be difficult because of the position that Saturn’s in at the moment.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘So is that the reason you’re going away?’
‘That and the fact that my tarot has shown up lots of negative influences.’
I didn’t know what to say.
‘So d’you want to meet?’ he asked.
‘Now?’ I asked.
‘Not now. I can’t get out right now.’
‘Tomorrow? At Sarah’s party?’
‘I won’t be at the party. I’ll be gone by then.’
‘But you can’t just go!’ I said, and added jealously, ‘Are you sure Chelsea’s not going with you?’
He laughed. ‘I’ve just asked you to come with me, haven’t I?’
‘Yes, but …’
‘And you’ve turned me down.’
‘Do you mean you’re going to ask both of us and see who takes you up on it?’ I asked slowly.
He didn’t answer that. ‘Look, d’you want see me or not?’
‘Of course I do,’ I said in a small voice.
‘I’ll meet you in town tomorrow, then. You know that little park by the bus station? I’ll see you there at eleven.’
‘Will you be on your own?’ I asked quickly. ‘I mean, it will be just me there, won’t it? I don’t want what happened yesterday to …’
‘Got to go – money’s running out,’ he interrupted. ‘And Astra – if you want to come with me, bring some money and your sleeping bag.’
The line went dead.
I stared at the receiver. He’d said he couldn’t get out, but he was in a coin box. He’d said something about Saturn which was just a load of waffle. He’d said lots of things, but how did I know which were true and which weren’t?
I went upstairs and lay down on my bed. I closed my eyes and saw the two of us, Ben and I, running away together. I saw us walking down a long, long dusty foreign road with our arms around each other. I saw us striding up a mountain in India, sitting on the edge of a lake. Free spirits.
Then I thought of Mum. I thought of home.
I opened my eyes. Of course I couldn’t, wouldn’t go with him – but if I didn’t, then maybe Chelsea would. What if they ran away together and I never saw either of them again? How could I bear that?
What should I do…?
Chapter Fourteen
Sunday, 30th October
CHELSEA
I got up late and then watched a rerun of the Soaps I’d recorded, but didn’t enjoy them as much as I usually did. About midday I heard mum come upstairs, so I turned off the TV and wandered into her bedroom.
She was packing bits and pieces into her sports bag. ‘You’ll be off to Astra’s in a minute, won’t you?’ she said.
‘No. I’m not going there today,’ I said. ‘Are you going to the gym? I could come with you if you like.’
She looked at me and frowned. ‘Why aren’t you going?’
I sighed. ‘Because I’m not,’ I said.
She raised an eyebrow.
‘We’ve had a bit of a thing, if you must know. A bit of a falling out.’
‘Oh?’ She checked her hair. ‘So what was that all about, then?’
‘A boy,’ I said.
‘I didn’t think Astra was interested in boys.’
‘She wasn’t.’ But she is now, I thought.
‘Oh well,’ she shrugged. ‘These things happen with people you think are your friends. I’ve always thought you were too much in each other’s pockets, anyway. I daresay you’ll find other friends easily enough.’
‘I suppose so,’ I said.
‘Besides,’ she went on, throwing her make-up bag into the sports holdall, ‘you two would split up sooner or later anyway. You’ve only got another year at that school and then you can go somewhere more interesting.’
I knew what she meant by that. ‘Somewhere where you’ll meet a better sort of person,’ she said. She picked up her holdall. ‘See you later, then.’
‘Hang on,’ I said, ‘I thought I’d come with you. I could have a swim or something.’
She looked at her watch. ‘I’ve got a massage booked. You’d only be bored, waiting around. You can come with me one evening next week.’
And before I could say anything, she was down the stairs and into the car.
I was now seriously fed up. Dad was playing golf until late afternoon, so I went back into my own room and played a couple of CDs at top volume. Then I picked up the play I was supposed to be memorising, read a couple of pages of it and, bored to tears, shoved it to the bottom of my school bag.
I looked out of the window and sighed. Things used to be so easy. Why was everything going weird?
And why did I feel so hacked off, anyway? I was getting along great with Ben. He’d asked me out, he’d kissed me, he really seemed to fancy me – so that part of my life was all right.
No, it was the Astra bit that was wrong. But didn’t everyone say that’s what always happened – best friends were only best friends until a boy came along? That things always changed once a boy came on the scene?
The phone rang and I went into Mum and Dad’s bedroom to answer it. It was Ben.
‘Hi!’ I said, really pleased to hear from him. ‘D’you want to meet up?’
‘Can’t,’ he said. ‘There’s big hassle going on here.’
‘What?’ I said. ‘You mean at home – with your dad?’
There was a muffled noise, as if he had his hand over the mouthpiece and was speaking to someone else.
‘Look,’ he suddenly said bluntly, ‘d’you fancy coming away with me?’
‘What?’ Had he really said that?!
‘You and me. We could go to London. I’ve got some mates there; we could stay
at their pads. I could get work in a club – I’ve got loads of contacts.’
‘But … well … I don’t know. What about everything here?’
‘What’s here? This is small town. It stinks! We want bright lights, don’t we? You and I are made for something better than this.’
‘Well, I …’ My heart began thudding with elation and fear. It was the wildest, craziest thing I’d ever heard of. But also the most exciting.
‘Let’s do something exciting!’ Ben said, as if he was somehow picking up on what I was thinking. ‘Come on. Let’s go!’
‘What about my mum and dad?’ I said. ‘They’ll go mad.’
‘Yeah, but if you’re not here you won’t know about it, will you? Anyway, I thought you said they didn’t have much time for you.”
‘Yes, I know …’ I thought about it: about life with Ben, living in London, going to clubs, staying with his mates, living life to the full and not worrying about a thing. ‘I know it sounds pretty good, but …’
‘It’d be fantastic! Us together. That’s what you want, isn’t it?’
‘But we’ve hardly … I mean, shouldn’t we at least meet and talk about it first?’
‘There’s no time for that. Seize the moment – isn’t that what they say? Look, I’m going away tomorrow morning. Definite. Either you come with me or you don’t.’
‘I can’t decide that quickly!’ I said in a panic.
‘Take it or leave it, Chelsea. Look, meet me tomorrow in that park near the bus garage at eleven. You can come with me – or you can kiss me goodbye.’
The line went dead.
I went back into my room and looked around. All my stuff! How could I leave my clothes and my CDs and all my possessions? How could I leave at all?
Life with Ben. I shivered excitedly. What would it be like? I had visions of smoky clubs, pop stars, restaurants and glam places …
Mum came back from her massage, then Dad came in from golf and we had something to eat, and all the time I was thinking that maybe this could be the last time I’d sit here with them, eating a meal and hardly speaking. Soon I could be leading another, different, wild and exciting life …
A bit after that, up in my room, I started to think about Astra, about how she’d feel if Ben and I ran off together. For years she’d been my truly best friend, the least I could do would be to tell her I was going. If I was.
